Thursday, August 23, 2012

Backdated since April2012: Friends i have a relationship with = friendship

Someday we'll all grow up

"i miss that feeling of excitement, checking out new places and living in my own world, not giving a single damn if all the others sees us as country pumpkin, too excited to be at the louvre museum"

i have been in and out of misery (no, not really) with friendship issues over the years. Sadly, some of these friendship concluded as strangers.... We blame nobody for that happening, maybe one of us didnt tr hard enough. Friendship during these times are like a relationship badly drained, either party can no longer see eye-to-eye to the other party, no one bother to try harder enough, soon they parted ways.

Some friendship have gone through the torment to come out even stronger. These are the friends who appreciates the happy times and only wish to see the same in the future. These friends are like my alter ego, except they sort out my thinking or cut off my negatives thoughts.

Many years ago, i had a classmates whom i placed as a strong competitor, she was everything i wasnt and i wanted to be her, if not better. We competed in sports (i lost since i was really huge), CCA, school results, performance level, leadership and while all that happened, we remained as very close friends. i was angry at her achievement, i hated her, but i wanted the friendship. She sees me as a important person and my opinion matters, i feel important around her, and without her completing my sentence, it was harder to take control in the challenges we faced in school.

After we graduated, we gradually stop contacting, i didnt think much of her and neither do i put in much effort to contact her. She didnt have a point of contact and her number changes frequently. She sometimes contact me and we'll hang out for a while, then i'll see no more of her.

Lately she contacted me again, except i wasnt keen on putting effort for the friendship anymore. We scheduled meetup but as the dates drew near and none of us contacted to confirm, we let the chance to catchup slipped away, and again.   UPDATED**Sometime ago, she drop me a text wanting to catch up, i agreed. Its no big deal to give it another shot i thought, if it works it SHOULD works. If it doesnt, then maybe its the end of our "romance". i can get it over it, think of the other priorities in life.

i use to belong to a group (maybe because spice girls were the thing, so best friends usually comes in group) we form logo, names, initials and symbols to represent the friendship. We sing along music we like, dress similarly, carry the same wallet and write letters to each other. This was the friendship i invested my entire youth to. i didnt care for the fame that being known was part of the group could bring, i acknowledge myself as being the eldest thus taking care of the friends i wanna cherish forever. We had different characteristics and definitely lead different lives. We were flip sides of a coin, it was weird we can come together for so long.

Then among us group there were the closer bunch, when one was happy with the others in the group, they share all the secrets among them, this was closely detailed on the letters they wrote. We appear like a group, but it was more of a deeper friendship instill among every pair of girls inside.

 Then we grow up, heard the same stories about our lives that was predictable, some of us havent change alot, some of us tried so hard to make sure the group stay together, the others were followers, turning up on dates, update the same version of their lives.. leaves and await the next "meetup alert". By this time i was meeting new friends from other walks of lives, i admit i was hanging loosely on the group friendship for a while, but i had my fair share of organising meetups. Deeply, i wasnt sure if this was real friendship if we meetup on schedule to post updates then disappear on each other lives.

At these stage i was prepared to leave. UPDATED** the smaller pair in the friendship remained solid, i text my "pair" as often as i could and she text me as and when she could to show some loving... the group has dispatch =(

when i was first enrol to JC i met a very very nice girl who befriended me despite the fact that i was didnt came from a girl-school. She was nice, very happy most of the time, had equal girls problem as me and we kick off really fantastically as friends. I admire her for she was really eloquent and had a pretty set of eyes. She did not despise me for being poor (i change out of my uniform after school and rush to work in Far East plaza) and even treated me to lunch at Macs (we will share ice cream cone and fries and laze around Causeway point).

She was probably the best thing i ever came across as she was so perfect, it was my fault for letting the friendship slipped away. In July 2005 i could no longer handle JC lifes, i was over and done with A-math and Accounts (i scored A2/B3 for both) but had to re-take then in JC as there wasnt a better combi recommended. I wasnt coping well with all the more impact JC life could mean to me, i could no longer work for money and i was scared i might not make it to year 2. I officially left JC after 6months, passing her all my uniforms so she could have an extra set. We promise to stay in contact.

But we didnt, she was really angry at me for leaving and "disappearing". One time she even msn me to tell me what a selfish person i was. Believe me, i was! i apologize and ask to make it work, she didnt buy it. Why would she? i didnt do it in the end, i let it slipped.

Then by my third year in Poly i met her again, she had been enrol in to take up nursing course, many things happened while we lost contact, she was hospitalized for awhile and her grades deteriorates. She became a nurse, a really caring one. I had no doubt it was a job meant for her, she's always been the most caring person i have came across. UPDATE** our friendship still didnt work out, i had her on my facebook list, we didnt talk. She dropped me a msg sometime back before my op, that was the last and only contact we had =


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