Thursday, October 23, 2014

It's like each time you get too contented with life you find things to be emotional about, & that feeling sucks.

You see, i am very contented with the friends i keep dear, & the life i am leading now. While preparing for the wedding i often told myself friends would understand. I guess they do understand now, except i am the only one not understanding how they handling this busy phase for me. When i see updates on how friends are hanging out in a bunch without me i feel awful. I shouldnt feel awful you know? It like they are doing so because they understand i needed the time to prepare for the wedding..

except i am not.. When bbb ask me to get something done i just put it aside. I need a breather from wedding prep, it's like i started preparing way too early & by now i dont see how much time i can save by doing anything immediately. shrug..

Truth is, everyone's going to hurt you, you just need to find that someone you feel is worth getting affected by. There are so many times i told myself the handful of friends i hold dear are the ones i will stay rooted to. It is times like this that i felt i am wasting too much of my time, when i could be rooting for some others that hadnt made me feel this miserable.

Some time ago, i saw on my faceboook feeds that  Apel was near my workplace. So i drop by to give her a tight hug & apologize for missing to celebrate Charlize 1st month. I feel apologetic, i really do, there was so much on my sleeves that i couldnt make the time to be there to celebrate the joyous occasion. Apel didnt mind thou, she wanted a pic of us together & on the caption she wrote how excited she was that we finally caught up. This is the kind of thing that gets my eye all teary you know. That the distance between us didnt make it any difficult for us to stay so knitted, after all this time, she was the one to make me feel like our willpower to stay connected is strong. And for that reason, i am thankful there are people like Apel in my life. A small gesture on instagram can bring me that much effect, some people are just born winner, Apel surely won a place in my heart.

Then there is the other people that i invested far too many time trying to stay connected and like every novel would have taught you, they took it for granted & all too soon i feel like i was trying too hard.   I was chatting with my cuzzie the fun bunch over dinner one day.. after sharing some event i have witness over the past months, i concluded it was hard to be a life partner. I can really relate this to friendship you know, like every friendship there is the one party that play the role of the forgiving guy, while the other party play the role of the demanding girl.   Unless you felt like the friendship was worth the time, otherwise  you feel bullied for playing the forgiving guy.   Some friendship are liken to making life decision, once you've decided to label that party to be your bestest friend, you do all you can to forgive her every mistake, big or small... then you start to fool around with other "friend" becuase all you are seeking is someone who is there for you when you need it..   this theory is too messed up & dark, i know i know..   all good things are worth the patient, maybe some wasnt worth my patience that all.

Counting my blessing, counting my blessing, i am guilty for not doing it.. today i should spare the time to concentrate on the people on my whatsapp that is is showing the same level of concern on me.. then maybe my thoughts would change. maybe things are not that ugly after all..


Thursday, September 18, 2014

Better me

I imagine myself stuck in the middle of a see saw,
with every advance steps to either  side i will fall harder on the ground
this is the feeling i am developing with the progress of the wedding preparation

dont get me wrong, i am utterly satisfied & happy with the wedding coming to place
i love the preparation & i love that my fiance has granted me access to any form of DIY i intend to do
what's worth noting is how he sat down at the dining table with me one afternoon,
getting all handicrafty & using the hot-glue gun to his best knowledge
all in an attempt to prove to me that i am not alone on this,
our relationship has certainly grown over the wedding preparation
and the heartwarming evidence of this preparation is how both our parents can sit down over dim sum lunch & joke, discuss & dream about how the wedding will turn up,
my life cant get any better actually

now that i am getting in the pink of health & stable on the preparation,
i start to shift my fussiness over the trivial things
dont mind me, i am never a sucker for cosmetic, well at least not till year 2014
this year alone i have bought over sgd$400 worth of cosmetic & paying extra attention
to the bridge of my nose, the under lip, double eye lids & whats not
i am feeling more like a woman, i guess that is a good thing,
maybe bbb felt so too, he has nv been more supportive & pleasant with his praises,
i am living on cloud nine!

Then there's all the new thing i learnt about pampering myself
i bought lingeries, replacing most of the common brands i'll declare price worthy to
those that are value worthy, i now spend $60 on a single piece of bra, & as with the credit card that increases with each swipe, so is the the piercing pain inside my heart (and my bank balance)
but then there's the flattery body that i am loving more, i chant this string of "prayers" in my mind

" it's for the better, it's for a better me, it's for the better, it's for a better me"

Then there is all the high end brands of make up Sharon had to guide me to purchase, Laura mercier, make up forever. All i needed was a highlighting powder to make my nose bridge higher, but i ended up buying $80 worth of illuminating powder, and concealer smaller than my fountain pen but cost 200% more expensive.. while queuing to pay for this merchandise, i look at the shopping cart & thought to myself

" it's for the better, it's for a better me, it's for the better, it's for a better me"

Then that day when we had our 1st photoshoot, then the 2nd photoshoot then comes the 3rd photoshoot,
by the 3rd shoot i was ready to smile on cue,
then as soon as the flashes goes away i automatically squashed my lips in an attempt to prevent the smile-cramps.. damn i am & will never be a model.
But it was not just pain & sweat with photoshoot.. there is also bbbbb's look
when he saw me walk out in my wedding gown, and he gasp in shock,
and how he spent the rest of the night after we've parted ways,
describing that very moment he saw my selection of gown, very impressed i had picked out a dress he will agree to...
our love is indeed strange.. there is me trying to act all mysteriuos on most days,
then getting all satisfied when i saw that smirk on his face, knowing fully well i've outdone myself again

Now i'm all zest & ready to get this last bit of preparation done..
bbb & i are already talk about the trip after the wedding to unwind ourselves
i;ve had my dark times too, turning blind eye to questions about the preparation,
ranting about how it is taking a toll on me,
but frankly, all the fun elements outwin the hardship, '
there is no hardship in marriage because the bottomline of it all ,
is that it is about the 2 of us, turning into 1


Monday, September 08, 2014

i am super GekSim!!!~ Rodman kena business trip at Aussie & i could have joined him since he had been approved extended stay.

but i am at Bangkok with sharon during this time.. ARGH!!


Thursday, August 21, 2014

65daigou crazy

I didn't  even meant to be heading in blogspot today but i did, all in the name of C-L-A-R-I-N-D-A

you are powerful lah and i bet Rodman will be jealous, i pamper you too well 

Today i will blog a little about the recent most purchase on taobao. the platform to place order is; this is a underrated website that deserve much more compliment. One thing for sure, they are absolutely efficient & service oriented. i have been using this platform for all my taobao shopping so far & man, they never failed. 

So i had my biggest purchase placed thus far, not exactly the most expensive but it was bulky alright. In it are mostly stuff meant for the big RodKris day, the items we've gotten are miscellaneous stuff meant for decor. here are the list.. note that i have not make the trip down to collect the parcel in person, but i bet i wont be disappointed. 

Mummy's online haul
My Mum is seriously catching up on the online shopping heat  faster than anyone i know of. After learning how she could click & send items to the shopping cart (much to my dismay, because i didnt really use the direct taobao web to make my purchase, so after she send her items to the shopping cart, it's my responsibility to remove them & replace the items into my 65daigou shopping cart instead... ), she hadnt stop clicking. This is her second shopping experience with 65daigou & i am saying with confidence she'll probably order more of the exact items  if she can. Mummy has very exact taste when it comes to phone accessories/ fashion sense. Basically anything that "blings" or comes with lace is to her liking... here are her haul this round

Cost of cover SGD$3.96 + shipping $0.20

yeah, absoutely no surprise, she would have bling up her new Samsung S5, having talk about it for weeks. 

and if this is not enough, remember some people have phone that requires a wardrobe change ever so often

Cost of cover is sgd$10.20 + shipping cost $0.70
My mum's phone is cooler than yours, and mine, and many of us... we have ALL under-estimated the combined power of a raging adult who needs all the "bling" in the world hahah.... 

AND... you tot that was all Mum bought? No way k... along all the other clothing for her precious phone.. there should be one cover that ensure she can don them on & carry them while she walks/shop right?

Cost of cover+handbag sgd$10.20 + Shipping cost $0.80

The next thing to carrying a handbag is to buy a mini handbag for your precious phone ah.. 

My mum, my mum.. sometimes i think of her and me very differently.. haha..ITs no surprise Kristi takes after her pretty well.. and i.. not so much.. i think i might have pick up my Dad's simplicity much more... 

Apart from these she also bought 2 nude bra, which i find it censored & redundant to post the picture here. Her purpose of buying TWO sets of nude Bra was so it could match her new dress on RodKris big day , along with the dress that was made to measure to bling & blind everyone... please look forward to that haha.. 

  1. Cost of nude bra sgd$6.02 + shipping $1.10
  2. Cost of nude bra 2 sgd$6.02 + shipping $0.45
Wedding related purchase
So we've got the preparation pretty much settled, gotten some DIY done last week & the result is so pretty!!~ Not gonna show them here so we can assemble them on the actual day, i am looking forward to seeing everyone's reaction when we put the phototable together. 

First up, is the table runner

Cost of table runner sgd$12.70 + shipping $9.05

i;ve placed order for 4 metres of the runner as it was cheap at the beginning, when it was time for shipment i realise the weight of the cloth is unexpectedly heavy, thus resulting in the high cost. Didnt really expect to be paying this amount for the table runner as we've already gotten the ones provided by our wedding planner.. Either case, the fact that the cloth are heavy probably means it's made of good material? I dunno.. but its a huge decision to completely replace the existing phototable concept with a Nautical Strip cloth dont you think? I am keeping my fingers crossed that they will look alright.. 

Then again, once the wedding is over, i hope to make full use of this table runner, sewing them into sofa cushion. pretty sure they will compliment any leather sofa or villa theme style house. It wouldnt go to waste.... or will it? haha

I've ordered some photoframes & intend to place them neatly on the phototable, thus getting rid of displaying just some wedding album like how we see others doing.. 

Cost of 3 photoframes, about 7inch height each, total to sgd$14.50 + shipping cost $15.20
All of them look really pretty but i only manage to pick 3, and thank God i did becasue the cost of shipping was unusually high, though i should have know better since they are made of porcelain clay & relatively heavier in weight... Then again, frames are reusable & perhaps one fine day i can ship them to Clar when its her time to get hitch.. the frames will look really good on wedding decor & definitely suit Clar's Germany house with all that english decor & landscape lah.. overall good purchase i dare say.. 

Next, nearer to wedding dates we will likely start the trend of pasting almost everything in sight with the 喜 sticker, and lucky us manage to find a vendor who was selling them at an amazing price 

Cost of sticker was sgd$2.05 + shipping cost $0.15 for 140 stickers
omg.. dont play play k.. ONE HUNDRED & FORTY STICKERS for only less than $2.50.. Imma use to paste EVERYTHING lah.. if unused i will pass it onto the next wedding couple.. super saver good deal.. call me the deal man!!~

And like that's not enough, we previously shipped in a special red packet for the gate crash & this time we manage to shop for a pretty red packet for the big day.. 

Cost of ALOT pieces of ang pow packet for sgd$4.06 + shipping cosy $1.35
i honestly am thinking twice if i should be revealing all of this on my blog. but then again, only those who are still closely in contact with me bothers to head back here for some updates.. so there you have, absolutely happy to find another amazing deal to secure so many pretty red packets at a low cost.. i think i am in awe at myself.. i should seriously consider helping people plan their wedding at a low cost for a minimal fee man.. this shopping deal is MY thing lah haha.. 

and then you will be shock at my next purchase, man i have no idea what i am doing sometime..

Behold, the mother of all tulle

cost of skirt sgd$9.35 + shipping cost $1.35
yeah right, this is for wedding.. what WAS I THINKING? hahaha

but i was thinking straight i promise you.. i had the silliest idea to make this works, and mind you this is for the bride - yours Truly.. 

That's it, Kristal is wearing a tulle, for all the donkey years you thought you knew me, you dunno me better.. Are you lost friends? Are you thinking straight & wondering if Kristal is no longer the Kristal you thought she was? I dunno man, i am seeing another side of me.. strangely eerily creepy side of me jumping out haha.. 

Some other small details most wil missed out

Cost of signage sgd$10.00 + shipping cost$4.70

This is no exactly the cheapest thing i can find online, but comparing the cost to those i found at wedding designated store, it is quite a steal.. 

Lastly, as with all wedding comes the huge bed every couple buy for their wedding as a form of blessing to last till the hair turns white.. 

cost of bedsheet sgd$53.05 + cost of shipping $11.90
i know how you are thinking this is on the pricier side, but mind you the material is one of the softest in the market i've felt.. and i know better because i saw the same item , again selling at one of those wedding designated store & it would cost me a whopping $120 off the rack!)  Nevertheless i had the change to touch the material & i was SOLD!!!   Isnt it the sleekiest most cool & un-traditional wedding bedsheet you can find around? bbb & i got them in the shades of Navy & grey btw.. definetely not your usual red & red & red wedding sheets.. i love this purchase, definitely worthwhile!!~

And with that note, we sum up another one of those wedding related purchase we;ve made.. the bulk of this shipment comes from the wedding stuff, currently amounting to like almost 10kg of the overall weight already.. Then there is the other smaller personal purchase that will attract you more.. wait till u see what i bought (heeheehee).. 

Rodman's purchase
Boring Rodman & his tech savy interest resulted in this super cute mouse that we are both hoping will be useful 

cost of mouse sgd$5.55 + shipping cost $1.10

i have absolutely nothing to talk about this. .yawn.. NEXT!

Cost of towel sgd$6.35 + shipping $1.35
hehehe,, i meant it, rodman's purcahse.. for his girlfriend.. who refuses to bath unles there is a cute towel.. hahaha

KRistal's purchase

cost of towel sgd$7.85 + cost of shipping $1.30
Save your comment friends, i am hopeless. and not regreting a single bit.. i am drying myself in Hello Kitty, like it or not.. haha

Cost of dress sgd$15.60 + shipping cost $1.30
Ok i regretted buying this.. and its just like one of those piles of other things i regretted buying.. the cost plus the shipping.. i am regretful.. i took less than 2 min before carting out from 65daigou to squeeze this in.. and i honestly regretted it.. too overpriced & now that i am seeing it.. why did i click that "add to cart" button?    :*****(

Paperstop special
this girl damn liao-liu... she saw this dress i;ve gotten & likes it alot.. at first i tot i can head back to the same seller & purchased them cheap. Unfortunately she has ran out of the stock & in the end Paperstop INSIST i purcahse it from another seller.. slightly more ex.. but i know to this girl she will definitely think it is super worth it

Cost of dress sgd$15.60 + shipping cost $2.30

that is all that i manage to secure for this shipment, 65daigou is an addiction.. and once you finish this post i can literally [FEEL] you have tons of question to ask me & to order them urself, especially the really good steal.. Ladies.. shoot them question.. whatsapp me ah


Wednesday, August 20, 2014

Back in the days .. 1992/1993

Long time since i post, & gonna post this for Clar's reading pleasure. Since i haven't pen anything worthy for a while, i shall begin with a throwback post. 

When i was very very little, but had a smaller cousin in hand to take care of, we use to do stayover at my Grandma's place alot. Its a weekly affair & one i grew so use to, that i stop bring clothes over. Sometimes i do, when i anticipate hanging out with my grandma heading to areas that's slightly more "atas". Mostly we just spend the morning heading to the market (for some strange reason she loves hanging out at the coffeeshop there). 

At every trip to gran's, i make it a habit to dig through the cupboard of [clothes] in her room. These were clothes with no identity & were kept in the cupboard for all of her 10+ grandchildren to wear. Some clothes are too big to wear but i enjoy wearing them because they make me look older. Some are sexier in my  young mind & that was where i was aiming when i was so little.. haha .. needless to say most time my outfit gets rejected by Gran then i head back into the room spending another 20min assembling another one she wouldnt say no to.. 

If we are lucky, Gran has a habit of leaving cash in every drawer she come across, & finder's keeper so we had extra pocket money to head to school come Monday. Sometimes my cousins & i pool our "effort" together to dig through all of the drawers & combine our treasure hunt. Then with what's the little coins we can add up, we head downstairs to the Mamashop, also an old friend of Grandma, where we spend an hour or so, deciding on a sweet we can all share. I remember how i use to volunteer myself if Grandma runs out of ketchup or oyster sauce while cooking, in fact we ALL volunteer ourselves to run these errands because we get to keep the loose change when she hands us the money. 

Most of my childhood days was spend with the cousins because our Grandma used to make it mandatory that every family gather at her place for dinner every weekend. Our childhood was also filled with money because we were always comparing with each other on these subjects. Somedays we do awfully embarrassing things to "earn" money. Once, we dig through Gran's kitchen for treats (she buys them alot cos she enjoy treating us) & we gather our pocket money tgr to buy a plastic bag of sweets for the Mama shop downstiars (back then $0.20 can get us like 5 Hacks sweets, so it was a huge deal). Then we will wrap every sweet with a packet of biscuits we found at the kitchen, tied them we ribbon we steal from Gran's sewing machine, then place them all in a basket. The girls will don in their best attire with hair done nicely & the guys will climb ontop of Gran's fine cabinet & hang around the window facing the corridor that leads to every other neighbour's house. Then the girls will set off to walk along the corridor, carrying the baskets of treats & selling them for $1 each. The boys will be in charge of shouting & screaming for attention. 

we were a cray-cray fun bunch of cousins, & very attention seeking if you ask me.. haha... the neighbours were good friends with Grandma because she was known for babysitting children in her block as well as the other blocks around Jurong West St 42. Needless to say, we usually garner a good sales & finish "selling" everything off the basket, at $1 each. At the end of the evening we will split the money among ourselves, eat a fulfilling dinner whip out by Grandma, and head home satisfied. 

Since there were 2 days on weekend, i will choose to sleepover at Grandma's for the additional day, then by morning at around 7 am she will wake me up & force me to wash up. After i am done, she will carry me & drop me in the old-school market basket (the kind made of metal & roller wheels)& off we head to the market (Jurong Centrel)... i remember so well how popular Grandma was because she had people saying "good morning" to her every couple of blocks away. She was quiet old woman, but when she speaks she was full of energy. We will hit the first wet market when she settled all the meat & fish to buy for the week before heading for the vegetables. I guess that was how i grew fond of cooking; by a young age i knew how to pick vege that looks green enough for dinner. 

I wont say i am all saint because the main purpose of my market trips with grandma was to earn myself a packet of the finest soya milk. Back in the days soya milk was a luxury especially since we werent allow to cold drinks when we were young. My lil bro was often down with asthma attack & in fear our family drop drinking cold/sugary drinks completely. i especially love the soya milk mix with grass jelly & can lug on to a packet, sipping a small bit every time up till the ice melted & then i'll drink off even the melted ice. For $0.70 to keep a small girl happy & shuts off her constant rattling & chattering, i bet my Grandma will find it pretty worthwhile haha.. 

Then after marketing we will head to grab lunch without fail, it was always chwee kuey; fried oyster or kway chap when it comes to lunch because Gran's was bann from eating them by the family. And you probably knew i was easily bribe & sold by the packet of soya milk to careless about divulging in her little secret. Looking back, maybe i knew deep down how all the cholesterol was doing her no good, but the look on her face tells me she clearly enjoy this small "crime". In addition to the typical sinful lunch is her cup of Kopi-o kosong. I never like them a single bit, black & tasteless; i dont get how Grandma always like them. I wasnt too fussy with lunch because i pick on the food i was given - ahha.. contradicting much? In fact i will agree when Grandma order Kwaychap each time, but i will simply finish my bowl of Kway coupled with fishcake/maybe egg & that's it. The rest of the "intestinal"indulgence was solely for Gran; i can never take them, not till this very day. 

By the time we finish lunch it should be 1 plus in the afternoon, usually we will head over to the clinic because Grandma was sick & needed her medication. On good days when we can skip the clinic, she will bring me to the dryer part of the wet-market. those were the days in the year 1992 / 1993.. where push cart stores are set up & lotsa of cart sold beads; just loose beads in a packet. Perhaps 50 beads in a single packet, selling for $0.50. I get to choose like 5 different beads i like & i am not the only one who had interest for beads. My weakness for beads came from Grandma, who spend equally long time pick on bigger beads where she would make all her grandchildren beaded necklace & bracelets.   Satisfied with our purchase, we will head back to her place where she cooks & prepare dinner/take a nap, while i spend the rest of the afternoon beading necklace/bracelet, then removing them from the fishing line & redoing them again in diff pattern. It will go on forever till today, where the necklace are still kept in my jewellery box, reminding me of the fondest days spend with grandma. 

ok enough for today, that is a long throw back indeed


Friday, May 16, 2014

to clar

Dear Clar, 
i have to name you in this post as i am positive you will still read my strings of irrelevant updates after so long. 

There is nothing major in my life, or it could also be that i am pretty contented with the way things are moving to be making a big hooha about it all.  (i know this sounded really boring, i am in fact face with the major wedding that will be coming in about 8 months, but i guess its a good thing i am not-yet affected by it all)

i've come across 2 couples lately that was on the verge of ending their relationship, unlike my prediction the one that was suppose to part ways decided to give it another shot, while the one that look so good together have parted ways for good. Irony isnt it? how things always look too good to be true until reality sinks in & you realize how it had been far to perfect to work out. 

One couple have been dating religiously for a good 6 years, no up & down in their relationship, been on a couple of vacations over the period, always taking loads of happy pic, hand in hand, some lovey captions & alot of "likes" on facebook & instagram. This couple appear like they are well headed for the aisle, the guy left for NS & the girl stay around, they went through it all together & a good 2 years later, he was ready to face the society. 

Sounds like a perfect plot to me, a good movie scene depicting a healthy relationship. There was no climax (not that i know of). The guy was ready to hit the working scene, meanwhile still trying his best to enjoy the new found freedom after army. The girl, was finishing her last lapse of school, juggling with a contractual job & revision. Whilst they could have the precious weekend together, she had commitment that was a little more important than their dates. 

Then it all sum up to her calling it quit one fine day, stating reason that she needed her life back. I guess i can empathize this really well Clar, i would have sounded the alarm earlier into the relationship. There really isnt nothing imperfect about their relationship, but had i been in the same situation i would have pull the plug earlier. But, no, i am not her & i cannot think in her shoe. Needless to say the guy was devastated, he really was, he still in devastated. Afterall, marriage in the the pipeline & really who would have saw it coming. No, there wasnt somebody else in the picture, but why do i feel so affiliated to her decision? i will never know. 

Then there is another couple that didn't eject the lovey aura too well, not much commendable big events in their life but they were comfortable in their lives & it had been the same for the past 3 years. Then the girl decided she didnt want to live life the same for the next 3 years. Again, i feel for her Clar, i cant deal with status quo for 3 years too. Like her, i needed spring & autumn to pop by once in a while. 

She must have been much stronger than i was, to tolerate it through for 3 years. Well, she did make a right move though, not once had she call it quit in their relationship, she had to put any normality in their relationship on hold in a bid to achieve one that is well-endowed with hopes & security. 

Atlas, it all came into place, with her gaining the most out of it all, her boyfriend did improve for the better and so did her mentality. They are back together after a 3 weeks whirlwind, and she is determine not to chu-pattern again for the next few years if things did improve between them both. 

Rodman & i periodically discuss case study of failed relationship & assess what we can learn from them all. We are not good role model ourselves, but i am glad we have dated a good 6 years before deciding to bring things to a new level. While we agree we cannot completely avoid issues that might jeopardize our relationship later in our lives, we've agreed that marriage is a permanent contract we're about to sign. I believe that if we could see marriage like our parents sees them, (with a serious consequence for making the wrong decision), we can make it work together. 

Did i share that my mum recently did the "what-happens-after-marriage-talk" to me? In it she share how life will suck after marriage, how many of your dreams & hopes wil be shattered, she also share how i will come home to find my husband sitting on the couch, the kids with their dirty diapers & screaming in tears, how i still have the laundry to finished, how my husband will not fetch me after my chillax session with them girlfriends. She added that i will feel guilty to spend that extra 2 hours after work out with my pals instead of heading for home, how i will come home to see my hubby then regreting having left him to settle his own dinner. She warn that i will reach this point where i felt he no longer appeal to me, and that life will continue to dull as we walk further, but ALL of this will NOT matter if i could careless for myself & to look at the brighter picture.     She describe her contentment coming home to see Dad watching the TV while folding the clothes, or Dad's company eating his snacks while mum invited her gf over for mahjong. She smile when she spoke about how he would not go shopping with her, but does not mind her doing her own shopping without him. She enjoys heading home an hour earlier than the timing she promise him to come home, all that because she decided to put her focus on them, not on her. 

i guess i did learn something from that talk, that my Dad is somewhat a replica of my boyfriend. They say you always find someone who behaves like your dad if you want a relationship to last, i am pretty sure i did just that. I know how life ahead will be because Mum & Dad are exactly the kind of partners i hope Rodman & i will be. Gonna hang on tight!!~

yawn, i am sleepy at work, chaos


Wednesday, April 09, 2014

wedding thoughts @ 09apr2014

Clarinda is soooooooo funny
She skype me yesterday & spoke words as thou she had her crystal ball
where on earth did i reveal all the details i dont remember i did
I suspect she was living in my mind 
I told her i miss her so much, and if she was around she would get even more hands on on my wedding then i would have done so.
Then we drifted to no-sense talk (like we did all the time)
and talk about franchising a bakery, 
but first my dearest, make a name for yourself in Germany
i cant wait to tell my friends "the famous German bread shop, was open by a friend of mine.. a dear dear old friend"

Clar also share the thoughts i had about the upcoming wedding
i am overworrying that the delicacy bbbb & i paid for
will taken as cheapskate food in the eyes of our guest. 
You see, each & every name placed on the guestlist are people 
that matters to us both, 
as much as we wish to put in much of our Rodkris elements,
we were equally worried how the others might not enjoy themselves. 
This wedding does not come cheap, 
i swear i am not talking for the sake of hoping for some charitable ang pow, 
in fact at this stage we are factoring all the odds of 
receiving zero favors from the others, 
afterall, what right do we have to challenge their ability to send us their congrats. 

I;ve been talking about how i am going to westernize this wedding, 
like those fancy Platinum & bridezilla show i'm highly addicted to.
Then i was told by this ang mo friend of mine
that in westernize wedding, you dont expect favors in monetary terms, 
infact, items such as plates & pots are popular choices, 
this items will be specially handpick by your guest with the intention to congratulate your new married like as a family. 
I really like the significance behind this, but also consider the undesirable, "what if i am going for a futuristic home theme, and all the gift receive scream old-china" hahahha
what kind of thoughts am i harboring, i fear to think further.. 

Looks like at this stage, the most important part of our bigday is almost done - the wedding reception reservation
We'll be meeting our event's organizer to sign on the contract & place the deposit for the bigday. 
With that done, it's time to slowly get hands on DIY the wedding theme, 
& dolling up the pretty bridesmaids/best men for the gate crash
i wish i had the luxury to include all my close friends as bridesmaid
but bbb had to warn me to cut down on them because their dresses does not come cheap, 
and because i feel alot of them are much prettier than i am 
i might feel very belittle
dont get me wrong, my final 8 bridesmaid( yes EIGHT what i am i thinking) are still the prettier among the lot, 
think air-stewardess, school belle, tall & lanky, long hair & fair skin
i have already shed tears ONCE (just ONCE so far) when my self-esteem get the better out of me, 
i remember being in the car & worrying how i will look the least attractive when i stand together with my bridesmaid
then bbbb had to remind me again & again i was over-worrying.. 

what was i thinking really, i am going mad
i am suppose to look my best only for the man i had my eye on
bbb says he wasnt going to faze alittle even with the selection of bridesmaid i had, he only had eyes on me.. 
sounds comforting right?  (* Clar, i hate you but i love you & thank God you are out of this team so at least i can bitch to someone)
then the non-selfish part of me look forward to seeing them all dressed up & looking like dolls (seriously i have split personality)....

All in all, just 8 more months to the big day, i need to save my #botakissue (2 scalp treatment & $210 burnt so far), lose some weight (as though the weekly run hasnt kill me yet).. 
and put on pretty make up (hair & make up, someone save me on this)

i CANNOT wait to spend time whisking away with besties in the hot bangkok street for my so-call hens night. 
I've tot through this & if there is only one person i want to spend time with, 
doing the pregnant planning & working on how to seduce my husband
then Besties is the best person i want to speak to.

This blog is getting dry, it should be rename as "planning for the big day.. haix" 


Tuesday, April 08, 2014

pre-wedding jitters

For years, i have never been prouder of being a believer of luck.
Just today, yet another accident has prodded me to really look into what exactly has been creating this aura around my family & i. 

Then i was dumbfounded, some sort of intuition you might call it
Thankfully i persisted to shift this particular item back to where it was, 
and like bbb claim there was a gust of wind & all of a sudden the sunshine shone down on me like the bad weather has subside.. 
Argh, its hard to convince myself what happen today wasnt my imagination
and again, i am thankful for bbb & his belief that i wasnt making things up when i suspect something was amiss

The preparation for our big day is drawing closer by the min, 
the process has seen more laughter than argument, 
i am so glad i had not regret a single min the man i chose to spend my lifetime with
Back to the silly memories where Sharon besties said it nonchalently, 

" i like how he smile, how he say silly jokes, i like how he sleep, i like how he takes care of his bike, how he eat, i like how he talks, how he moves, i dunno lah.. i love everything about him"

Magical aint it? The simple words put through by besties about her now husband (she said those words a long way back, before he even got his driving license) has brought my understanding of a lifetime commitment to a whole new level. 
I can safely say it will a smile, 
that i understood what she had meant, the thoughts & feelings she carried, as she say those stuff about him.
because i feel the same way too Besties, about bbbbb
and for that matter, i know better than anyone i had found a lifepartner, my soulmate, & a bolster to hug to bed :)

What's even more comforting is how we both share the same values & take on our upcoming wedding. 
Simply put, as long as we enjoy our party (that we paid for)
really, all else does not matter
yes, apart from those stuff we agree unanimously to do 
to show respect from our parents 
otherwise, this whole party's gonna be a blast, 
because we choose to make it that way

i use to see myself walking down the aisle dress like Cinderella, 
with my updo hair all neatly tied up & in those dreams
i'll be tall enough to skip the heels & still look like maxi was made for people like me -.-"
Reality, however, was an ass, so height really does matters
nope, the hunt for a wedding gown hasnt given me much jitters
apart from bbbb's constant nagging for me to go try some dresses on

it's gonna be so fun becauase he wont get to see what i will put on
till the actual day, and like all the other important people to me, 
i hope to fill their eyes with tears when they say the boyish girl they all know, look all grown up & demure enuff to say "I DO" before the JP... 
*digressing again.. shit i am good at this.. 

snapping out of my dream again, here's to 7 more months of planning, bridezilla-ish behaviors & lotsa of pretty dresses
i cant wait to start feeling nervous :)


Thursday, April 03, 2014

Gratitude - giving thanks

They say it is easier to forget than to hate, i have to agree with this one.. 

Today i fathom over how someone can dislike me for no reason, or perhaps a reason not serious enough for anyone to realize. 
It's not like i am over-thinking or anything, but other's have commented the same
and we all think- that she must be pretty deliberate to intentionally cause me discomfort

i do not support the idea of causing her the same amount of misery
because quite frankly, i cannot be bothered
or it could be the kind of attention spam she's seeking
the thrill of having me get back at her that started this cycle
but i am lazy, too lazy to the extend that her presence does not affect me, 
of course with exception to when she makes the environment around me uncomfortable to live in
then that is when i share this uncertainty with my friends
who give me the same advise to ignore her, which i pretty much do most other time. 

i am thankful for the opportunities thrown to me so far, 
as much as possible i try to grab every single chance others has given me to shine
however, i am not the sort to volunteerily offer my help 
in order to impress others, perhaps that is to my disadvantage. 
Nevertheless, God is very very kind to me because unlike many others, 
i have the chance to amend my mistake or perform better given a second chance

Last night over dinner i talk to bbb about my 2 failures in life
Kristal is a perfectionist, an extremist that finds it hard to muster the courage to admit to failure. 
Citing the example of my driving test, 
just how many learnt that i had flunk it the first time in early January 2014? 
It was an experience so bad that the only person i decided to share first-hand (apart from bbbb who always stays on top of the priority list)... is Clar, who lives miles away in Germany 
i cannot accept my failure, especially since i knew fully well how much i could have pass this - without nervousness-

It was my instructor & tester who both told me the same thing, 
that i had allow nerve to get the better of me, 
hence making a careless mistake that cause me my license
What came after that experience is the loss of sleep & 
loads of tears that stream down non-stop, 
as if exchanging for a second chance to rewind time 
the next couple of months my instructor was no longer zealous
to work on my case, 
he commented times & again i could have pass
Then i finally did it in March on my re-take, 
& score an astonishingly 8 points on the driving test

i am a perfectionist, even when God offer me a 2nd chance, 
it had to work, or else.. 

The same thing for my 2nd failure in life, 
the fact that i once flunk accounts, 
the same subject i took 3 times over secondary, poly & then Uni
the same unexplainable feelings i have from failing'
there was nothing other than nervous that could have drag down my result

i am a perfectionist, i need to complete something i have started,
or i shall live with regrets. 

Planning for a new live with Rodman is taking its toll on me.
some days all i have in my mind was to figure an excellent plan 
that does not cause a deep hole in our pocket, 
then i realize i must have been too enthusiastic about this planning,
it is another 8 months till the actual day, what am i worrying about
yet there's one thing i know for sure, i want to be super hands-on in the execution
i want to be the planner others hire for their big day, 
i want to work for my client - ironically MYSELF. 

i am a perfectionist, nothing must go wrong... 
Apart from all of this, i am thankful that each day passes with my realization of how great everyone around me is treating me. 
i am beginning to appreciate all the time i get to spend with my parents, 
its not that i might lose them soon, 
but i might never get the chance to appreciate this feeling of being pampered, 
without feeling obligated to spare a thought for my other half
like we all know, its 2 lives living 1 by then 
i am not selfish, and i am thankful he has expanded his own social circle to include me as a part of it
and just like him, i wish to incorporate him as part of my everyday, from the moment we swear by the vows :)

i am thankful besties & i have inculcate a friendship that is beyond words
i am thankful each time i click on my photo gallery in my phone i see streams of pictures of her sweetheart, who is now formally known as my GodDaughter, 
she is so precious & so blessed with the love of a loving parents, more so with the additional love from bbb & i.. 
i feel like i have to protect her from any harm, that all too soon one day she will learn to decide things on her own
and we will all lose that privilege we have now
to carry her around as & when we want to

i am thankful for the job i hold & the pay that is transferred into my bank account, i am blessed with the ability to return the favor & loan i have made from the kind people who had offer their financial help during my dark times. 
i want them to feel happy receiving this money i made with my on hands, 
and i am thankful the job i hold gives me the chance to do so, 
apart from the black sheep that tries to make my life miserable, 
i am thankful the rest of my colleagues are an awesome bunch of genuine friends i have make. 
I am especially glad we can take time off work to spend chilling over drinks & talking about anything, ghost encounter, how to overcome our fear.. etc.. 
Its not like everyday you can gathering an awesome combi of great people to stick around you, so i will treasure this moment. 

i am also super thankful for bbbb's company & the chance they have given him, 
i have seen him grow from someone who lack the experience to someone who is confident enough to promise something will work
he use to have much lower self-esteem but this has since change, 
i hear him talking about how his hardwork had pay off & it makes me super super proud that he is the sort of guy that works hard in order to see result, 
it reminds me so much of my own Dad, who had to hold 2 jobs to see us through school when we were much younger. 
i always reminded myself how i am making a correct decision to choose this guy
because in him, i see the very man i saw in my dad, someone whom
i respect with so much pride, because of the countless achievement they have unlock 
that is beyond my limit to achieve given the opportunity, 
i shall try to do my best to make this relationship last, 
like it did for my own parents, then only will i gain respect for myself. 

i am filled with much gratitude, life compromises so much for me to be thankful for. 
With each beginning comes new realization, i know i can only stay this happy & positive had i count my blessings, and i am glad i did :)


Friday, March 21, 2014

i re-watched this cute video (only 20seconds long) at least 20 times already.. there is no behind-story for this but i feel sooooo related to this twinnies, especially with the current situation i am in. Some of this situation include :-

with reference to [beep] my forehead
  • tying the knot procedures
  • trying to mimick the Korean dewy makeupless-makeup face
  • trying not to skip episode while watching "My Love from another Star"
With reference to "you [Beep] all my stuff, what am i suppose to [Beep] now?

  • Manicure, bridal fashion & hotel designs
  • the upcoming test!!!~
Yes, shit just got real. Not much relevation on how true the things above is about to take place.. i wish i can be solid-firm about it & just blog them all out.. but nope, i want to remain lip-tight heehee.. 

and omg, the twins are sooooo cute i wish i had twins in future that is equally adorable & pretty... like pretty face is a plus point liao- not it comes in two (wth... double the bonus .. really!!~)


Friday, March 07, 2014

I think i really shouldnt eat beef, the mental guilt it has ridden on me plus all the negativity i attracted thereafter is just not worth it. 
I've been attempting get the refund $ from the Vendor since February but to no avail, 
the guilt from owing all my colleagues this money is haunting me
i lost sleep last night, and this whole morning i've replaying the  scene in my mind till i forget i hadn't plug in my earphone the whole of my traing journey to work
this is equivalent to an hour &n a half of silence on the surface
but images flashback in the mind, i am defeated

It's like i have 4 major setback in a single day, 
after eating beef when i am not suppose to, 
i even commented to bbb during our dinner that i hope i am not gettting into trouble for this beef treat, 
i started avoiding beef after being told by the fortune teller 
Then i continue to avoid beef because prior to my operation
i invited a deity to watch over me & to look upon her like a GodMother, but followship of this religion surround her means we have to give beef a miss. 

they say not knowing is a blessing, the fact that i knew i was downing beef when i took those turkish meatball had been living in guilt for a good few minutes, and now i am just associating all that had happened last night to this!

i wish i could cleanse myself off this guilt, and i am crossing my finger i can get through today with ease. Please let me get the refund back for my colleagues, or i cannot move on from this mistake of trusting a vendor that we previuosly worked pretty well with. 


Thursday, March 06, 2014

Staying at bbbb

So last night after doing our site visit i stayed over at bbbb cos it was running late & we had to pick up his sister from the airport. Their flight arrived at sightly past 9.47pm & by the time we saw them at the arrival gate, it was close to 11pm.

Sigh, it seems no matter how efficient an airport claims to be, for security issues the gantry to leaving the airport takes at least an hour. bbb & i were hyper by dinner time & giggling over our usual jokes but as we left the airport heading for his place we had gotten so quiet we can hear his car engine running.

So after dropping his sister/sister-in-law at the carpark to move their luggage back home, we took a slightly longer walk back home having parked the car at level 4A. While in the lift i hug him really tight & he smiled & asked why i behaved like we wont see each other for another week, what's more we have the whole night to cuddle to bed till dawn. 

I told bbbb after a long day out & since it's way past our usual bedtime, i can foresee none of us giving a shit about each other & just snoring our night away. By the time we were done freshening up for bedtime, it was slight past midnight. 

As usual, we had our silly jokes before bedtime, me mimicking the way he sleep & him teasing how i was doing it wrongly. A short while after this i heard his heavy breathing (a sign that he had fallen asleep) & chuckle to myself how accurate i had been predicting how we wouldnt give a shit about each other once we sleep tonight. Then i couldnt what happen after that cos i too, fell asleep almost immediately. 

This morning we woke up & got ready for work, the usual rushing & prepping work but we were out of his place earlier than usual. While sipping coffee(him)/teh (me), bbbb commented "so you were right what you mention last night, i forgot you were sleeping beside me & we were both so deep in our sleep till dawn"

It was true, sometimes we appreciate the little weekend staycation we grant ourselves & then suffer a whole 5 days of weekday missing each other. When that happen we allow ourselves to sleep later, chatting then positioning our cuddles till we fall asleep & wake up still holding our hands together. Given how rare we spend time together during weekday, it's no wonder we didnt make that effort to [calligraph] our sleep on night like these. Still, it's heartwarming that we can openly comment on how different we behave without planning / out of our usual routine. 

i realize not too long from now i will have a lifetime of sharing my bed with this man here, but before we get that kind compromise we need to achieve, let's appreciate the little entity/luxury of having the bed to ourselves. Having said that i cannot wait till i reach home after work today to spend some quality me-time to myself (while rushing through another episode of "Love from anther star" because everyone commented how good the drama was)

Speaking of which, i highly recommend this drama that most asia countries are talking about. [Love from another star] is unlike your usual korea drama, not mother-in-law drama or dragging sobbing scenes, in fact i laugh & lighten up after each episode cos the leads are pretty comical. You can see the streaming of this drama at your convenience in a wifi-network by connecting to Thank me later (no download needed, no download time if you are using wifi and ABOSOLUTELY perfect resolution (desktop, tablet & iphone tested). I am currently onto episode 4, cant wait to see how this twisted love story will turn out :)


Monday, February 24, 2014

Blessed me & my futile attempt to eat lesser & healthier, 
its back to cereal morning, the $5.45 Low fat milk i struggle to finish every month,
i was at the supermarket this morning, and in a bid to save more $$, had dug among the "fuller" looking carton of milk, 
up till the last bottle & atlas! 
one Meiji Low Fat milk that expires 3 days AFTER the rest. 

Call me a house wife seriously, 
i learn this FIFO trade after working for a while. 
It seems i am probably not the only one doing the same thing, 
i mean, afterall, there is only ONE bottle of milk left on the shelf with a later expiry date, 
this is a die-hard antics of all the other housewives i bet. 

Its lunch time at work now & i manage to savour my favorite Marigold Aloe Vera jelly for some bonus in addition to the Austalia green grapes. My mind is flooding with images of meat, even beef!!! (i do not eat beef, i dont know how i salivate at the thought of steak... mmmm.mmm)

Endure, endure, endure, tell yourself how the westerners are probably eating the same for lunch - they probably REALLY did, because bbbb & i had to scramble through all the supermarket looking for some warm hot lunch while travelling in Europe & be warn, the only hot food you expect to find are warm cup of hot chocoate/coffee. Even the sandwich are cold, but it looks like the local enjoy them way better than we would have imagine, 

Back to the "green" lunch i have in front of me. I should probably work around colours starting tomorrow. All green grapes/Green Aloe Vera jelly are doing me no good. God i miss how we could feast last weekend, and NOW i regret complaining to Clar about how the food at Bedok 85 has drop in standard. Gimme a plate of Hokkien Mee anytime!

Speaking of which, Clar has return from Germany for a short stay in SG, but it wont be long as she returns to finish her internship this tuesday then prepare to start life as a REAL working adult. bbbb & i are super happy that she has finally found a reason to stay put in Germany. Me in particular becuse that means i can start saving for a lone flight up to Europe to meet my favorite girl even if bbbb cannot make it :) Think Primark, primark, primark... my mind went to heaven & return!!~

bbbbb's mood has been pretty lifted all weekend, & i must say i sure played a huge part :) We got up to grab a bite & running errand in the wee morning but that's pretty ok, because i remember lying in bed the rest of the day, re-watching movies we found on Mio, then taking short nap. It was till evening that we finally stop slacking & went out to meet Clar for some quick catching up. 

Then Sunday was well spent too because we went back to my place & chatted with my parents. I dont know why but i like seeing how bbbb communicate with my parents, they've know each other for a good 5 years now & there are plenty of times that we mingle like a family. But my parents also like to drop in some awkward moments now & then & make it extra guilty for Rodman. Like that afternoon, where Dad couldn't stop whining that i havent gotten my fiance a drink from the fridge or how Mum wanted Rodman to try the Bubor Chacha she made all morning, despite us telling them we've eaten before heading back. Rodman eventually got lured into temptation & drank/ eat bubor chacha heeheee..  i love them altogether :)

I guess good weekend comes with a price too, by evening when we were hanging out with his friends i got a little affected that the weekend was coming to an end. It's like i'll never stop acknowledging the fact that we have a lifetime to spend together, but each time he send me home to welcome my weekday, i get whiny & sad like we wont see each other again. I feel like a little girl alot, really immature of me. 

Then again, perhaps its just because i cannot fathom how well the weekend went. so perhaps all i really need is to look forward to the weekend again (its only monday :***(

Oh no, got to go, my mind just flash images of roasted chicken, stop the torment please!