Thursday, October 23, 2014

It's like each time you get too contented with life you find things to be emotional about, & that feeling sucks.

You see, i am very contented with the friends i keep dear, & the life i am leading now. While preparing for the wedding i often told myself friends would understand. I guess they do understand now, except i am the only one not understanding how they handling this busy phase for me. When i see updates on how friends are hanging out in a bunch without me i feel awful. I shouldnt feel awful you know? It like they are doing so because they understand i needed the time to prepare for the wedding..

except i am not.. When bbb ask me to get something done i just put it aside. I need a breather from wedding prep, it's like i started preparing way too early & by now i dont see how much time i can save by doing anything immediately. shrug..

Truth is, everyone's going to hurt you, you just need to find that someone you feel is worth getting affected by. There are so many times i told myself the handful of friends i hold dear are the ones i will stay rooted to. It is times like this that i felt i am wasting too much of my time, when i could be rooting for some others that hadnt made me feel this miserable.

Some time ago, i saw on my faceboook feeds that  Apel was near my workplace. So i drop by to give her a tight hug & apologize for missing to celebrate Charlize 1st month. I feel apologetic, i really do, there was so much on my sleeves that i couldnt make the time to be there to celebrate the joyous occasion. Apel didnt mind thou, she wanted a pic of us together & on the caption she wrote how excited she was that we finally caught up. This is the kind of thing that gets my eye all teary you know. That the distance between us didnt make it any difficult for us to stay so knitted, after all this time, she was the one to make me feel like our willpower to stay connected is strong. And for that reason, i am thankful there are people like Apel in my life. A small gesture on instagram can bring me that much effect, some people are just born winner, Apel surely won a place in my heart.

Then there is the other people that i invested far too many time trying to stay connected and like every novel would have taught you, they took it for granted & all too soon i feel like i was trying too hard.   I was chatting with my cuzzie the fun bunch over dinner one day.. after sharing some event i have witness over the past months, i concluded it was hard to be a life partner. I can really relate this to friendship you know, like every friendship there is the one party that play the role of the forgiving guy, while the other party play the role of the demanding girl.   Unless you felt like the friendship was worth the time, otherwise  you feel bullied for playing the forgiving guy.   Some friendship are liken to making life decision, once you've decided to label that party to be your bestest friend, you do all you can to forgive her every mistake, big or small... then you start to fool around with other "friend" becuase all you are seeking is someone who is there for you when you need it..   this theory is too messed up & dark, i know i know..   all good things are worth the patient, maybe some wasnt worth my patience that all.

Counting my blessing, counting my blessing, i am guilty for not doing it.. today i should spare the time to concentrate on the people on my whatsapp that is is showing the same level of concern on me.. then maybe my thoughts would change. maybe things are not that ugly after all..