Friday, May 16, 2014

to clar

Dear Clar, 
i have to name you in this post as i am positive you will still read my strings of irrelevant updates after so long. 

There is nothing major in my life, or it could also be that i am pretty contented with the way things are moving to be making a big hooha about it all.  (i know this sounded really boring, i am in fact face with the major wedding that will be coming in about 8 months, but i guess its a good thing i am not-yet affected by it all)

i've come across 2 couples lately that was on the verge of ending their relationship, unlike my prediction the one that was suppose to part ways decided to give it another shot, while the one that look so good together have parted ways for good. Irony isnt it? how things always look too good to be true until reality sinks in & you realize how it had been far to perfect to work out. 

One couple have been dating religiously for a good 6 years, no up & down in their relationship, been on a couple of vacations over the period, always taking loads of happy pic, hand in hand, some lovey captions & alot of "likes" on facebook & instagram. This couple appear like they are well headed for the aisle, the guy left for NS & the girl stay around, they went through it all together & a good 2 years later, he was ready to face the society. 

Sounds like a perfect plot to me, a good movie scene depicting a healthy relationship. There was no climax (not that i know of). The guy was ready to hit the working scene, meanwhile still trying his best to enjoy the new found freedom after army. The girl, was finishing her last lapse of school, juggling with a contractual job & revision. Whilst they could have the precious weekend together, she had commitment that was a little more important than their dates. 

Then it all sum up to her calling it quit one fine day, stating reason that she needed her life back. I guess i can empathize this really well Clar, i would have sounded the alarm earlier into the relationship. There really isnt nothing imperfect about their relationship, but had i been in the same situation i would have pull the plug earlier. But, no, i am not her & i cannot think in her shoe. Needless to say the guy was devastated, he really was, he still in devastated. Afterall, marriage in the the pipeline & really who would have saw it coming. No, there wasnt somebody else in the picture, but why do i feel so affiliated to her decision? i will never know. 

Then there is another couple that didn't eject the lovey aura too well, not much commendable big events in their life but they were comfortable in their lives & it had been the same for the past 3 years. Then the girl decided she didnt want to live life the same for the next 3 years. Again, i feel for her Clar, i cant deal with status quo for 3 years too. Like her, i needed spring & autumn to pop by once in a while. 

She must have been much stronger than i was, to tolerate it through for 3 years. Well, she did make a right move though, not once had she call it quit in their relationship, she had to put any normality in their relationship on hold in a bid to achieve one that is well-endowed with hopes & security. 

Atlas, it all came into place, with her gaining the most out of it all, her boyfriend did improve for the better and so did her mentality. They are back together after a 3 weeks whirlwind, and she is determine not to chu-pattern again for the next few years if things did improve between them both. 

Rodman & i periodically discuss case study of failed relationship & assess what we can learn from them all. We are not good role model ourselves, but i am glad we have dated a good 6 years before deciding to bring things to a new level. While we agree we cannot completely avoid issues that might jeopardize our relationship later in our lives, we've agreed that marriage is a permanent contract we're about to sign. I believe that if we could see marriage like our parents sees them, (with a serious consequence for making the wrong decision), we can make it work together. 

Did i share that my mum recently did the "what-happens-after-marriage-talk" to me? In it she share how life will suck after marriage, how many of your dreams & hopes wil be shattered, she also share how i will come home to find my husband sitting on the couch, the kids with their dirty diapers & screaming in tears, how i still have the laundry to finished, how my husband will not fetch me after my chillax session with them girlfriends. She added that i will feel guilty to spend that extra 2 hours after work out with my pals instead of heading for home, how i will come home to see my hubby then regreting having left him to settle his own dinner. She warn that i will reach this point where i felt he no longer appeal to me, and that life will continue to dull as we walk further, but ALL of this will NOT matter if i could careless for myself & to look at the brighter picture.     She describe her contentment coming home to see Dad watching the TV while folding the clothes, or Dad's company eating his snacks while mum invited her gf over for mahjong. She smile when she spoke about how he would not go shopping with her, but does not mind her doing her own shopping without him. She enjoys heading home an hour earlier than the timing she promise him to come home, all that because she decided to put her focus on them, not on her. 

i guess i did learn something from that talk, that my Dad is somewhat a replica of my boyfriend. They say you always find someone who behaves like your dad if you want a relationship to last, i am pretty sure i did just that. I know how life ahead will be because Mum & Dad are exactly the kind of partners i hope Rodman & i will be. Gonna hang on tight!!~

yawn, i am sleepy at work, chaos