Friday, November 28, 2008

Baby and i are beginning our second part of the honey moon, i dunno how to explain this feeling but its feels different from yesterday, the week before?

Its like a new beginning, but even better.

Imagine i hadnt had any bad feelings all this 3 months with him, and then right after our 3rd month anniversary, Sweets and i had a little "discussion" (i prefer it to be called discussion) and despite having a perfect 3 months together, we are able to identify some tiny details that can add to making this relationship even more perfect.

Such as Sweet had promise me to take up the stronger role in the relationship and to demand certain things to be done when it is neccessarily. Also, he had understand how affected i could get when i read his blog and promise to make it less lenient.

Although i know that part of him wont go off so soon, somehow i suspect he will very likely to blog about the bad times and always skipping the goood times. He told me it serve as a reminder for him not to commit the same mistake to upset me again, but knowing that i will get very affected by the words he use to describe how it all begins (with my temper, follow by my tantrum). I've decided to give it another shot and if he still cant get rid of that instinct in him. Then maybe i will ignore that link for good. At least when we are still together. I dun wan each quarrel to contain details of how i tink he has misjudge me..

Also, if things continue to sulk, i will delete this blog.

But it aint gonna happen, for i can see how much effort he has put in today.

For a start, Sweet convince me to meetup right after my school for a short time together before i begin work. I have had intention to stay in Canele to study (but it was all worth it!!)

We had lunch-ner at one of my favourite eat-out. The open air dining area outside marina square food court. We are on Budget this month cos i've used up so much of Sweet's money, feeling kinda guilty, next month hopefully those debts could go off pretty soon.

We then shop around Marina Square for a while, Sweets try his luck on those toy-catching machine and we din manage to catch any. I had set my eye on the cute bear inside the Machine but i know chances are we wouldn;t have the skill to catch it. Other people catch it though, lucky girl (but i am luckier though i dun get it la)

Sweets is my best companion on shopping, for he never seems to lost his patient despite my continuous bugging about his opinion on things i probably wont buy. This is my first year using hard earn money to buy new year clothes so naturally i was feeling pretty excited about it. Sweets has got innovative ideas for me to keep my outfit low budget and still interesting. But my Silly Sweet is convinced he will get expensive stuff himself (judging from the beetle bug, pedro, Everbest shoes he is always eyeing at)

Anyway after a short session shopping together i was due to report for work, so in a rush we manage to reach my workplace on time, Sweets went home and i begin work.

After work he was super nice to offer to gimme a ride home. Sweet's mum and Dad were the sweetest people on earth, they not only allow him to travel to city just to send me home, they even help him pack supper for me..

i am blessed and rather spoiled. Hope such blessing last.

zzz.. promise Sweets to meet him in dreamland RodKris Ave.... Cheeros

Wednesday, November 26, 2008

Baby, baby, Sweets....

Reading each page of entry from those blog tears through my heart. i've to agree i get really affected by his words, yet undenially, its unavoidable and true.

When Sweet mention the re-enactment of the how i scream at him through the phone, i slap myself repeatedly on my mind. To be reminded of some unexpected stuff i've done allows me to see myself clearer and clearer each day.

Somehow, i am beginning to be convince there are times i am not myself, perhaps i have split personality.

Does it hurts? yes it does.

i am reminded each time i log in to those entry, the truth to that awful side of me. I know his action may be a warning for me to face up to my true self, but it still hurts to read through those line and then slap myself for doing something so hurtig to him.

Sweet is a emotional guy, he gets really hurt by me, i dun wan any part of him to change, but after all that we've been through, i am prepare to stay stronger than who i already am. For if my emotion are poured on him, i dunno how he can express it elsewhere other than to keep it within himself or write it out.

I hope he continues to pour his heart out on blog, but i fear each time i log in nuttin good comes out of it.

Seems like every single entry contain that bit of sadness.. i am making my love one miserable, who can be a better failure than me..

Maybe, just maybe, i shouldn't never have say it out.


Friday, November 21, 2008

Bobo wrote on his msn that he was sick, so out of concern as a fren i send him a well-wish. It was senseless cos his question were totally unrelated.

"what do you mean by "not available"?" (which is my display nick)
"well, cos i am no longer available..."

And he cont fretting abt how i wasnt so addictive in the past, anyway its nice to know he is doing well with his new catch.

I finally brought my ass into poking other people's business. Just read Denise Blog today, it was obvious i was no longer a part of this friendship anymore, there were lesser and lesser details of me on her blog.

Strangely, it just din matter. I was almost a 100% sure there were more things to be concern about. And if a friendship wasnt going to last, it was probably not solely my fault but ours. Anyway, unusually, my heart was swop away by Sweet, people that matter are the precious few.. It makes me realise day by day how we grow to realise those who really matter the most.

Was stuck on Sweet for the past few months, we were super sticky and not growing sick of it. He was my arm of support, my root to stand firm. I am glad life still has its meaning knowing he is always around for me.

it must have been the new environment, i am always in a strange temper and very often getting all too sensitive on silly stuff. Knowing it hurts him inside, i couldn't understand why i wont stop doing them.

I hope things change for the better now, at least it did (with Sweets thats why).. but the prayer to make life better seems to be in no avil.

yawn.. night sweets... gotta miss u till tmr.. Prawning with the Goh's

Monday, November 10, 2008

Day 1 in Da house
My horoscope hit me on the dot today!!~

The Sunday Times predicted this, or somewhat like this" you are going to laugh at your joke, but your joke dun tink its funny, it will probably give u one tight slap"

it wasw damn accurate!!` i felt thhe knock on top of my head, indicating my stupid level had reached a certain level.

If i am not me, i will pity myself. But since i am me i should not.
What happens when tears run dry? You stop crying.

i realise at this stage now i have walk thru the longest journey in my life so far, with setbacks after setbacks, so much so i am guiltless, emotionless and basically feel like an empty shell.

How does it feels to get too hurt? The last time i remember that feeling, it was when She left me. Since then, it just din hurt that much anymore.

Anyway God sent me another Guardian Angel, but the thought of driving him away makes me fear, yet unwilling to do anything. i trust at this point now since anything could happen, i will let nature takes its course.

Thank God for his arrival, life couldnt get any tougher at this point now. Try being homeless, moneyless, nearly jobless, down with debts after debts and more predictable debts!!

I trust my Guardian Angel will sprinkle hope on me when i need help, but for that to come i dunno how he will ever predict the next trauma, i also begin to doubt what happens when its too late? shall i make it extra obvious next time something is going to happen>? i seriously dunno.

$$ is the only thing i hate now, swear if i could change one thing in the world, i rather we all live on the same currency, whats with the economic crisis, the credit crunch? if only we were all back to exchanging stuff with stuff.

while losing hope at my current job, i've decided yet another new strategy, life is aways filled with Hopes cos we create them, this time i am giving myself another shot.

drained and frustrated with life.. gonna let time pause for a while, i need a breather

Monday, November 03, 2008

Super Duper fun day with Sweets!!~

i know, dun remind me, i am super duper poor too!!~ am in debts hate the feelings.

i am calculating, i need 2 more payment of canele pay if i earn an average of 400 bucks per month in canele.

$2200, so i am so far away, if Sweets haven reminded me to check my account i will never realise this reality- that i am super far away from reaching my sch fees...

why does money comes so little yet i work so many hours? Then why does money go so fast when i use so little?

Reality check!!~ i am super duper broke (yes i reminded myself that thrice today)

gotta lock up those credit card behind bars, its pilling on more n more now.

Quit those silly lowly paid jobs, i need serious income now, cant struggle with this kind of life, Even if it means giving tuition to 20 kids i wan money, faster.,,,

Ok, being poor aside, i totally enjoy my company today. Sweets is like the sweetest thing alive. but every outing with him must be plan ahead, cos some special outings means income lesser.

Baby, we might have to reconsider the coming tanning session cos i am behind debts now.

i kept reminding myself i mustnt rely on Sweets too much cos one fine day he will leave me behind and study for 3 years, by then i will struggle with this thing alone. I dun wanna use his money, i wan stable income.

I plan a long time for todays outing, really glad he enjoyed it. Thought i f**king hate the feeling of keeping within budget.

Why is money everythinbg?

Sweets drop by last night and we spend the entire nights together, it feels good to sit beside him in the car, eyes entirely on him driving, hear him mumbling to those familiar melody, sometimes adjusting the air con so i wont fall sick.

We had our all-time favourite Subway dinner. The night was spend worthwhile =)
Sweets left at 4am and i met him again later at 11, we spend sometime at his place surfing the net and helping him out with Mum's household chores, after that we head down to Vivocity and shop a little.

Sweets look super cute in the attire i chose him, and look cooler in those berms he tried at Club Marc, we ended up buying 2 berms and making him happy.

After that, in order to cheer me up and not dampen the spirit that we are both broke, we had nice pasta and Doria at Pasta Mania. Then it was movie at Gold Class GV.

anyway in short i shall not emphasize on the whole trip. When i manage to get pictures from Sweets, i shall post them all up.

The next 3 days i gave myself a break from work cos i wanna spend time with Sweets. income lesser again but i know Sweets will take care of it. Super useless me.

i cant wait to spend the next fews day, every quality time with him...

Let the Poor-luck stay away from me please/