Friday, November 28, 2008
Its like a new beginning, but even better.
Imagine i hadnt had any bad feelings all this 3 months with him, and then right after our 3rd month anniversary, Sweets and i had a little "discussion" (i prefer it to be called discussion) and despite having a perfect 3 months together, we are able to identify some tiny details that can add to making this relationship even more perfect.
Such as Sweet had promise me to take up the stronger role in the relationship and to demand certain things to be done when it is neccessarily. Also, he had understand how affected i could get when i read his blog and promise to make it less lenient.
Although i know that part of him wont go off so soon, somehow i suspect he will very likely to blog about the bad times and always skipping the goood times. He told me it serve as a reminder for him not to commit the same mistake to upset me again, but knowing that i will get very affected by the words he use to describe how it all begins (with my temper, follow by my tantrum). I've decided to give it another shot and if he still cant get rid of that instinct in him. Then maybe i will ignore that link for good. At least when we are still together. I dun wan each quarrel to contain details of how i tink he has misjudge me..
Also, if things continue to sulk, i will delete this blog.
But it aint gonna happen, for i can see how much effort he has put in today.
For a start, Sweet convince me to meetup right after my school for a short time together before i begin work. I have had intention to stay in Canele to study (but it was all worth it!!)
We had lunch-ner at one of my favourite eat-out. The open air dining area outside marina square food court. We are on Budget this month cos i've used up so much of Sweet's money, feeling kinda guilty, next month hopefully those debts could go off pretty soon.
We then shop around Marina Square for a while, Sweets try his luck on those toy-catching machine and we din manage to catch any. I had set my eye on the cute bear inside the Machine but i know chances are we wouldn;t have the skill to catch it. Other people catch it though, lucky girl (but i am luckier though i dun get it la)
Sweets is my best companion on shopping, for he never seems to lost his patient despite my continuous bugging about his opinion on things i probably wont buy. This is my first year using hard earn money to buy new year clothes so naturally i was feeling pretty excited about it. Sweets has got innovative ideas for me to keep my outfit low budget and still interesting. But my Silly Sweet is convinced he will get expensive stuff himself (judging from the beetle bug, pedro, Everbest shoes he is always eyeing at)
Anyway after a short session shopping together i was due to report for work, so in a rush we manage to reach my workplace on time, Sweets went home and i begin work.
After work he was super nice to offer to gimme a ride home. Sweet's mum and Dad were the sweetest people on earth, they not only allow him to travel to city just to send me home, they even help him pack supper for me..
i am blessed and rather spoiled. Hope such blessing last.
zzz.. promise Sweets to meet him in dreamland RodKris Ave.... Cheeros
Wednesday, November 26, 2008
Reading each page of entry from those blog tears through my heart. i've to agree i get really affected by his words, yet undenially, its unavoidable and true.
When Sweet mention the re-enactment of the how i scream at him through the phone, i slap myself repeatedly on my mind. To be reminded of some unexpected stuff i've done allows me to see myself clearer and clearer each day.
Somehow, i am beginning to be convince there are times i am not myself, perhaps i have split personality.
Does it hurts? yes it does.
i am reminded each time i log in to those entry, the truth to that awful side of me. I know his action may be a warning for me to face up to my true self, but it still hurts to read through those line and then slap myself for doing something so hurtig to him.
Sweet is a emotional guy, he gets really hurt by me, i dun wan any part of him to change, but after all that we've been through, i am prepare to stay stronger than who i already am. For if my emotion are poured on him, i dunno how he can express it elsewhere other than to keep it within himself or write it out.
I hope he continues to pour his heart out on blog, but i fear each time i log in nuttin good comes out of it.
Seems like every single entry contain that bit of sadness.. i am making my love one miserable, who can be a better failure than me..
Maybe, just maybe, i shouldn't never have say it out.
Friday, November 21, 2008
Bobo wrote on his msn that he was sick, so out of concern as a fren i send him a well-wish. It was senseless cos his question were totally unrelated.
"what do you mean by "not available"?" (which is my display nick)
"well, cos i am no longer available..."
And he cont fretting abt how i wasnt so addictive in the past, anyway its nice to know he is doing well with his new catch.
I finally brought my ass into poking other people's business. Just read Denise Blog today, it was obvious i was no longer a part of this friendship anymore, there were lesser and lesser details of me on her blog.
Strangely, it just din matter. I was almost a 100% sure there were more things to be concern about. And if a friendship wasnt going to last, it was probably not solely my fault but ours. Anyway, unusually, my heart was swop away by Sweet, people that matter are the precious few.. It makes me realise day by day how we grow to realise those who really matter the most.
Was stuck on Sweet for the past few months, we were super sticky and not growing sick of it. He was my arm of support, my root to stand firm. I am glad life still has its meaning knowing he is always around for me.
it must have been the new environment, i am always in a strange temper and very often getting all too sensitive on silly stuff. Knowing it hurts him inside, i couldn't understand why i wont stop doing them.
I hope things change for the better now, at least it did (with Sweets thats why).. but the prayer to make life better seems to be in no avil.
yawn.. night sweets... gotta miss u till tmr.. Prawning with the Goh's
Monday, November 10, 2008
My horoscope hit me on the dot today!!~
The Sunday Times predicted this, or somewhat like this" you are going to laugh at your joke, but your joke dun tink its funny, it will probably give u one tight slap"
it wasw damn accurate!!` i felt thhe knock on top of my head, indicating my stupid level had reached a certain level.
If i am not me, i will pity myself. But since i am me i should not.
What happens when tears run dry? You stop crying.
i realise at this stage now i have walk thru the longest journey in my life so far, with setbacks after setbacks, so much so i am guiltless, emotionless and basically feel like an empty shell.
How does it feels to get too hurt? The last time i remember that feeling, it was when She left me. Since then, it just din hurt that much anymore.
Anyway God sent me another Guardian Angel, but the thought of driving him away makes me fear, yet unwilling to do anything. i trust at this point now since anything could happen, i will let nature takes its course.
Thank God for his arrival, life couldnt get any tougher at this point now. Try being homeless, moneyless, nearly jobless, down with debts after debts and more predictable debts!!
I trust my Guardian Angel will sprinkle hope on me when i need help, but for that to come i dunno how he will ever predict the next trauma, i also begin to doubt what happens when its too late? shall i make it extra obvious next time something is going to happen>? i seriously dunno.
$$ is the only thing i hate now, swear if i could change one thing in the world, i rather we all live on the same currency, whats with the economic crisis, the credit crunch? if only we were all back to exchanging stuff with stuff.
while losing hope at my current job, i've decided yet another new strategy, life is aways filled with Hopes cos we create them, this time i am giving myself another shot.
drained and frustrated with life.. gonna let time pause for a while, i need a breather
Monday, November 03, 2008
i know, dun remind me, i am super duper poor too!!~ am in debts hate the feelings.
i am calculating, i need 2 more payment of canele pay if i earn an average of 400 bucks per month in canele.
$2200, so i am so far away, if Sweets haven reminded me to check my account i will never realise this reality- that i am super far away from reaching my sch fees...
why does money comes so little yet i work so many hours? Then why does money go so fast when i use so little?
Reality check!!~ i am super duper broke (yes i reminded myself that thrice today)
gotta lock up those credit card behind bars, its pilling on more n more now.
Quit those silly lowly paid jobs, i need serious income now, cant struggle with this kind of life, Even if it means giving tuition to 20 kids i wan money, faster.,,,
Ok, being poor aside, i totally enjoy my company today. Sweets is like the sweetest thing alive. but every outing with him must be plan ahead, cos some special outings means income lesser.
Baby, we might have to reconsider the coming tanning session cos i am behind debts now.
i kept reminding myself i mustnt rely on Sweets too much cos one fine day he will leave me behind and study for 3 years, by then i will struggle with this thing alone. I dun wanna use his money, i wan stable income.
I plan a long time for todays outing, really glad he enjoyed it. Thought i f**king hate the feeling of keeping within budget.
Why is money everythinbg?
Sweets drop by last night and we spend the entire nights together, it feels good to sit beside him in the car, eyes entirely on him driving, hear him mumbling to those familiar melody, sometimes adjusting the air con so i wont fall sick.
We had our all-time favourite Subway dinner. The night was spend worthwhile =)
Sweets left at 4am and i met him again later at 11, we spend sometime at his place surfing the net and helping him out with Mum's household chores, after that we head down to Vivocity and shop a little.
Sweets look super cute in the attire i chose him, and look cooler in those berms he tried at Club Marc, we ended up buying 2 berms and making him happy.
After that, in order to cheer me up and not dampen the spirit that we are both broke, we had nice pasta and Doria at Pasta Mania. Then it was movie at Gold Class GV.
anyway in short i shall not emphasize on the whole trip. When i manage to get pictures from Sweets, i shall post them all up.
The next 3 days i gave myself a break from work cos i wanna spend time with Sweets. income lesser again but i know Sweets will take care of it. Super useless me.
i cant wait to spend the next fews day, every quality time with him...
Let the Poor-luck stay away from me please/
Friday, October 31, 2008
my dearest most precious darling is finally comin back...
all those vomit blood times of missing him, just cant take another seconds.
yay yay yay
*dance and hop around the floor*
i am going to treat everyone i know with candy, like its the happiest day on earth!! Though it actually marks Halloween
my silly monster is back for Halloween!!~
Friday, October 24, 2008
Wednesday, October 22, 2008
Tuesday, October 21, 2008
Sunday, October 19, 2008
As it seems like a decade and this current address and webbie was dedicated to the very special love one.
Had great fun today, i love Sweets family. Never felt so valued and so appreciated. The sincerity can be verified from those honest stares, those heartwarming glance, those thoughful invitation to eat, the feeling of being loved. Just like those truly appreciated love i received from Sweets.
We made our way down to Orchard Hotel today to get Sweet's uni registration done. Silly Sweet was as thoughtful as usual to hail a cab instead on saving on the transport fees in order not to get me drench in the rain. While at Orchard Hotel, i try to make myself useful by suggesting question Sweets could consult from the assistants there. I could tell he was a always-on-the-go person, honest and down-to-earth. The question he has shows how he was prepared for his future, and this in turns gives me the security i never thought i could feel.
Sweet was always putting me before himself. I had been immersing myself into this world that was slightly more wonderful than a fairy land. The setback now had only been those time when he accidentely blurt out his real feelings. Though according to him he is enjoying himself "sacrificing" himself and "sufferring" for me. Deep down inside anyone will realise such "enjoyment" are temporarily. In no time as a relationship tks another step, things will take a wrong turn and he might in turn regret all these sacrification he takes or all those sufferring he has been undergoing. I dun belive in one gaining while another suffering. i was us to enjoy and suffer together Sweets.
For you i change this blog address which has never change since i first started blogging back in 2003. i wan us as a whole new relationship, i wan it just btw u and me. I;ve learnt things do not need others' acknowledgement. In you i see that light that had never shone on me.
All in all, i am more than glad he chose me. The journey ahead is gonna be tough, i wanna undergo this transformation now that prepares me to commit in this relationship cos i swear to God he is the first guy i finally wanted and decided i wanna spend my life with.
Such a irony i dated the Man for 2 whole years, and 5 years ago we tried dating for 3 months, and all this time i had never ever let my mind wonder off to our future. Dad had preach into me how to keep a relationship strong, how i shud give in when the Man's dad doubted my intention in the relationship. I had always question myself when i hear Cuz talking abt her future with Squidhead.
i can feel it now, how your mind wander into the bright future when u are assured of your spouse. It such a wonderfully light feeling to let ur mind go astray, imagining those future 2 person can share. Sometimes i will reminise abt those awkward moments we had, those clumsy things we do, and some "secrets" we share.
unlike any other times, this time i wanna hold his hand, stronger, and work double hard to keep him around me.
Wednesday, September 17, 2008
Like those good old days, The cousins met up, this time with our new member, aka Cuz's clone, Ray's web cam mate and my meanie-pok -- PAULINE.
we had a mini celebration for Cu'z upcoming birthday and it was settled at Gardens.
The initial plan of singing@ Gardens was put off cos it was taken up. The more initial plan of drinking at clark quay was put off cos they were being a wimp.
We still had fun, no thanks to those food Pau had previously stuffed me in. If i hadnt recall properly we had biscuits, calamari, strawberry s/w, ham tuna egg s/w, abit of ice, popiah, porridge.....
While waiting for his majesty (Ray) and her highness (viv) arrival, i pleasantly drag Pau into coffeebean for some belgiam chocolate craving. And thank God i hadnt fell into her plot to share that piece of BlackForest Cake.
We then proceeded to ice3 where we met Jean and her pals there. There was a guy i dunno, who claim to Jean he knew me. And could accurately tell i was fatter, in the past. Not that i give much care about it. The waffles and potato wedges totally adds up to the pounds that night.
To end things, we walk a little to Liquid Kitchen and drank a little.
P.s Sweets, i drank, and its really a little.
We talk, chat, joke, laugh, and spit nonsence, also played a little prank on each other. It was a well waited session and already we are complaining not getting anymore of it. So the next one shall come soon, or so i hope.
Sweets and i are damn sticky.
i cant believe the sweetest thing to me now is nowhere near pink (though he complimented on a pink tee once), the sweetest thing doesnt even worn a skirt, but he is someone so honest about this words it melts me completely.
Some call this glib tongue, which i had initially assume it to be too. But for him to have the courage to talk like this is more than enough. And trust me, tough man dont spout nonsence. So i have every reason to believe he genuinely meant every single word he says.
Sweets, no one read this blog now, only u... haha.. so dun be too modest..
Friday, September 12, 2008
Its hard to put it to words all the times i spent with him, being pampered and all.
That very fine day Sweets brought me to East Coast, there is this stretch of road that he loves the food there, and i am beginning to love it too. He parked the car by the road side and we will always walk some distance to the "food-place"
On this day Sweets wanted to eat dinner so we settle dinner at this Mince pork noodle place. This interesting thing is they serve very nice fish-skin. To tink i will actually eat that!! i am a hater for fish skin but i must admit their fish skins are interestly nice. Sweets says he first ate fish skins in hongkong and was mesmerized by it. So here i am trying to feel a little Hong Kong in singapore.
The other pic in the above collage was put in to filled up the pages. Sweets had surprise me one day at work, initially lying that he was heading home and then suddenly popping up at my workplace. He brought along all the stuff he felt could keep me company.
- So i had my bubble tea (i always order HONEY ANYTHING, so sweets decided Honey Green tea was the best for me!!).
- There were 2 different kind of chocolate cos Sweets had forgotten if i ever mention raisin chocolate was good or if hazelnut was better. The truth is, anything from Sweets was good!!
- The water bottle was also a surprise gift from Sweets, he drag me into a sports-house one day and ask me to pick one bottle, turns out we both like the same one and he bought it instantly.
- Finally, Sweets surprise me with a PSP, i never tot i was gonna be one who got obsess with PSP, but with shodoku and crazy taxi uploaded, i just cant get my hands off them.
There was another day Sweets, as well as his Lao-Wang-Zhang came to shop in Raffles City as well as pick me up from work. I aranged to meet DKS by night to travel to Jian Ji's chalet, so Sweets was damn nice to actually spend 2 hrs with me before i met up with the gals.
Being one stupid girl who hadnt visit Ding Tai Fung before, the guys were superbly nice enough to accompanied me to dinner there. They ordered all they tot was nice and i was impressed. I guess i love Ding Tai Fung cos of their soup-dumpling. i also love the drink i ordered- Longan red date tea.
The guys are very hilarious, my entire dinner was spend laughing and having difficulty digesting. Wang is not a meaty person so he was disgusted by the siew mai, crystal dumpling and soup dumpling we order- all PORK!!!
Zhang ended up eating most of the food, thanks!!!
Sweets, being the usual health cautious guy, shared my food with me. Thanks Sweets, i enjoyed the short dinner with you.
Oh did i mention he was such a sweets too, offerring to send Denise and Sharon home after we finish celebrating Jian Ji's birthday at East Coast. Pictures taken then to be uploaded soon.
Sweets and i arranged to have an off day together. I woke up earlier than normal and took a bus to his house. Forgetful me actually mistook the timing and reach an hour earlier. Thank God Sweets was shopping with his mum at the nearby NTUC so i joined them in their morning grocerries shoppping.
Sweets's mum is the sweetest and most adorable mum i've ever seen. She was always chirpy, popular among the neighbour and very totful. She dotes on Sweets alot and i can tell Sweets is always there for his Mum. Seein the 2 of them together is like watching 2 best fren shopping together. Sweets' mum cook very nice dinner too!!!
After the groceries shopping with them Sweets and i carried the stuff home first while his Mum went to mingle with her friends around the neighbourhood. We settle down a little before proceeding to eat dim sum at outram. Sweets was there previously with his campmates and he found the food there delicious. So he brought me there to try it out too. I had to agree the dim sum was good and traditional. There were serve pushing cart around carrying different dim sum, so we had to call out to them if we want their dim sum.
You can tell from the pic we ordered quite a bit of stuff. Sweets, being the healthy eater, was cautious of the proportion so i am glad to say we did not overeat.
We then proceeded to shop around Vivo city but ended buying little stuff. I got a little "gift" for Sweets, hope you like it stinky slpyhead!!
The day soon ended with a fabulous movie "deathrace" by Vivo City and then dinner at Sweets'.
My last entries is a cut short version of 2 dinner with Sweets, one was a very delicous baked rice of tomato-based, cream-based and curry based all in one in a cafe in East Coast. They serve very very nice fried-tofu too!!
The other one happened yesterday, when Sweets went all the way to pick me up from sch den proceeded to bring me to another stretch of road by Bukit Timah which serve good food too. Despite tempting to try Japanese food that day, i could tell Sweets was more interested in the Chix rice, so we ended up eating Chix rice instead. It was damn good, but a little expensive.
Thanks Sweets, u made my days so fufil, so pampered, so fattening!!
See u on sunday to prepare for our marathon. !!!!! till then, miss you
sorry i screw it up completely. I know u dun blame me for it, but thats what makes it worst.
i am a spoilt and temperamental girl and in this relationship i have all but receive. You took note of all the smallest details in each conversation and bother to tk action whenever it occurs.
i did a recollection and all i remember of your dislike are tasteless food and ??????????????
Gosh, just who am i to deserve all this? i cant remember the slightest thing about u that matters.
i refuse to even help u out with ur decision of whether or not to sign on in the army.
1 month of happiness was solely enjoyed by me, i dare to admit i hadn't done a single thing to make myself feel worthy of you.
If only i could, i wish i was the man in the relationship, i wish i had the chance to stay stronger than you, i wish i was the shoulder you could cry on. Yet right now, i am the latter.
i just want a little of your hardship.
Happy anniversary Sweets, i know i definitely enjoy it more than you do. missing you loads.
Tuesday, September 09, 2008
i dun need to explain what is happening now, i love my life now, and he loves me..
i know it sounds really sick to be hearin that from someone like me. But to say this out loud confidently and without doubts, i sure do need the guts.
Everyone knows him as UK, and UK dotes on me dearly.
I like the way he ruffle through my hair,
hold my hand so tight,
surprise me be picking me up from work,
Saying "Roger" each time he absorb some new information about me,
reminding me that i love chocolate Kueh Tutu,
apologising that he cannot carry my bag for me,
claiming and admitting that he is a true MCP,
ask permission and wants to know if i would want him to change his MCP self
bother to check up the dictionary on words i use,
constantly assuring he has found the right one,
admits he once decides on giving up on me
it will go on and on, and we are barely a month together! i told him hw i fear those honeymoon period will go off as fast as it came, but his answer was a straight "you ought to know me better"
Its nice anticipating everyday to come by, looking forward to his sweets nothings.
i did not annouce this r/s elsewehre, its hard since they haven got over the bobo-saga. But that dun matters anymore cos i live life my way. Whoever finds out will only end up being another well-wisher, and i wont need them cos my r/s depends on UK and me. Those who really matters (such as Cuz, Pau, maybe DS, Ray) will only wish me all the best.
never felt this strong minded, i guess cos UK is a hard-headed himself. He boost my morale really high, encouraging me to believe in myself.
................as long as you are happy.....
i know if UK and i did not end up together eventually, i wouldn't regret being with him cos this time, i work really hard for this r/s to work. So at the very least i've tried. However, from the way i see it, its aint gonna happen for a long time.... right silly?
Glad to say Bobo and i had constanltly keep in contact, like a big brother, he has warn me to inform him the moment UK makes me unhappy. Though that wont happen, i am glad to have a big brother like him to show me concern. An more mature lady is interested in him now,i told him to give it a shot but he has decided to concentrate on his career for now.
i call this happy ending... night
..........stinky slpyhead, keep ur promise and i will keep mine k? no matter what happens, we create our path and light awaits us. You promise.. hehe
Sunday, August 17, 2008
what's panick + shivers+ happinese+ warmth
i have been bloggin lesser, but my days have been filling up fasters.
Clarinda's coming back from ShangHai this friday 9.30, i need to take leave from work and be at airport.
i love the airport, i love to watch plane depart.
i dun wanna blog any much now when i dun have the excitement to.. tata.
Feeling like keeping some privacy again =)
Tuesday, August 12, 2008
Ever the nervous feeling deep down below, ever the excitement, i shud say one never get tired of feeling nervous, of skipping a heartbeat, of silence embaressment.
How has National Day been spent for you all?
Denise joined us soon after so i helped out at Eric's beforehand, preparing the Australia-style-breakfast he claim he had so enjoyed back during his Australia stay. We talk over the poolside, with Martin describing how he had celebrated his national day back in Norway, sad and embarress to say, he was actually the only one among us to correctly spend Singapore National day partying and celebrating. Nevertheless, the whole tanning by the poolside had turn out pretty well.
I rushed home before 4 cos Bobo had wanted me to accompanied him to the temple to pray for the start of 7th month, since such things are never rejected by my parents, i knew i had to get it done there and then. i met Bobo at bugis within an hour and got our prayers done.
Sharon as well as Caifu had arrange to hang out with me for a KTV night for national day (weird huh?!) So i invited Bobo along and we all sang till about 9 plus. Denise then rejoin us by night, reunionin the entire DKS in a supper-cum-dinner at Newtons.
National Day was spend like this, meeting Sharon and Denise was the best things that can happen, i am so glad we are planning yet another meeting this wednesday, cant wait to see u gals.
Saturday, August 09, 2008
Note to all:- those uglier and fake Hello Kitty DOES NOT belong to me, i repeat, DOES NOT BELONG to me.. Kristi collects those "version"