Monday, July 31, 2017

Week 37 - 20 days to go

Its week 37 today, and i am feeling ok-ish.

Had a weird episode of retching then vomitting this morning all because i accidentally swallowed some toothpaste while gurgling. The retching went on at least 7 times and by the 6th i could feel my abs working it.

Its strange how i appear to accept it all as a package of the baby journey, yet there are sleepless night such as yesterday where thoughts of childbirth scares the shit outta my head. I hate to admit but perhaps deep down i am scared of the actual child birth process, yet the psychical me compare these against all the other ops i have been through so it really isn't anything much worst. I guess the core difference this time is that i am conscious throughout the experience, while the other ops in the past years had always been a full anesthetic. I cant wait to get it over & done with, seeing Sonia & actually "carrying" her instead of.... "carrying"her? #ifyouknowwhatimean

My stomach is so tight now it is a good feeling to hold it most time, so i dont blame Rodman whenever he does hold or carry my belly in public. It must be tough for him having gone this far, and only recently i had to pull him out of bed at almost 5am in the morning because i experience the Mother-of-cramps in pregnancy. I must say he had it easy most time during the last 9 months too, minus the times we squabble a little here & there when he nags on about how i was putting Sonia at risk when i bend, move a little too fast. i dont really like moving like a snail & i never did, although i understand it pays to slow things down a little sometimes i cant help it. And yes, his nagging is a pain to go through.

The cramp i had that faithful night is really a wake up call of just how blessed i have been through the entire pregnancy. Its a crappy feeling that doesnt go away, Rodman woke up shocked as i silently scream in pain at the arch of my heels just freezing in a weird position, and after he massage the cramp away, i fondly fell asleep only to wake up in less than a split seconds because the cramp has return almost instantaneously!    After perhaps 3 times of the same cramp coming & going, Rodman says he knows exactly which point the cramps return because my feet went from a soft skin texture to a #mannequinchallenged one hahahahhahhahhaa... and while he had the hardwork of massaging my smelly feet, i had the HARDER job of falling asleep & waking up shock like 7 times within few minutes.   The consoling thing is the cramp only came like 36 weeks into the pregnancy, so God has been very very nice to me.    

I have since worn socks to sleep EVERY night, not that i can wear them on myself.  I secretly mock Rodman that having dated for 9 years and avoided carrying my handbag, wearing my bridal shoes or any of those silly stuff every girl yearn to experience one day, he now has to wear my socks for me every night. And if i may add to his misery, i had to wear HIS high cut soccer, non-appealing & nothing close to Japanese puffy socks.   It must truly be a hilarious sight if you can imagine waking up to your wife numerous (if i may count its around 4 times) pee trips in the night & watching her backview of oversize tee, bball shorts & almost knee high socks.    Nothing fits me better than his clothes now, and sleeping IS my priority over looking good, if i had to struggling fitting into my dresses by day, i sure as hell wouldn't consider doing that at night.

i am currently counting down less than a week before i break from work to start prepping for Sonia's arrival, and already i am dreading having to stay at home all day under the blazing heat of the house. A part of me decide i was better off turning the air-conditioning on all day, while another part of me wanted to be the wise & sensible mother to start saving on electricity bills. This struggle is real & also the main reason why i hesitate for so long before agreeing to leave work for home (at least in the office i get the luxury of air-cond all day every day... and also the endless made-up humor of my colleagues...).

Dad spoke to me last week, demanding i moved home so at least my mum & maid can help watch over me in case my delivery is due. He also assured me that it was ok to keep the air-con on as long as i felt comfortable, which makes me so guilty for having all this unnecessary demands. Of course if you ask me i prefer to stay at my own place now because of easy access to all things mine, but i know better the risk of falling prey to loneliness & also weird emotional & negative thoughts. I haven't really discuss this with Rodman as of yet, but he know by the 2nd month after Sonia is delivered i will move home so Mummy & Kakak can help take care of me when he return to work. We are keeping our fingers crossed that Sonia can come out earlier than her EDD 20August2017, perhaps 11 August2017 so we have 1 less anniversary to remember (11 August is when we first date back in the year 2008).    Well, 船到桥头自然直, come what may next week for i am too pre-occupied to think of all this now.

Monday, July 24, 2017

Still week 36... or 37 if you like to see it that way

i just wanna documents that the weird feeling of pressure tugging below is increasing, and if i may interpret it correctly the baby is forcing its head in position.  I am also suppose to be on a lookout for the amniotic fluid leaking which is a sign of water bag bursting. So far i would have had 2 episodes of suspect leaking amniotic fluid, but because the signs to lookout for (suppose to be clearer than urine!? not suppose to smell like urine?) i cant really tell. 

The dry cough have been sustained for a while now, my colleagues are just impressed more than annoyed with the persistence (29 days counting from the day i first had my sore throat & went on an MC). My GM was away most time overseas, and even she cannot fanthom how she will return to work & i still sound like a seal. 

What's even more annoying is that i caught a flu bug the night before, accumulated by having a sick sister to stay over last week plus receiving my husband back from the Army, still down with cough & flu. Rodman says its the combintion of 2 flu virus that causes mine. And somehow, its a blessing in disguise as i found myself deeply asleep due to the flu med i've taken. Plus the flu created lotsa of mucus which clearly is a remedy for the throat that causes the dry cough. However, i should not jinx it by talking more, i do hope i fall asleep as well as i did the night before tonight. And by that i mean skipping my usual 3.45am pee +insomnia attack. *fingers crossed*

Today i've roughly decided on the full month celebration for Sonia, spoke to GM about my pending break from work (counting down 2 weeks).  It's high time to focus on nursing myself to bring Sonia safely out, but i fear the overthinking me might end up worrying about other unnecessary things. That' what i dislike about myself actually, hence i prefer to stay at work cos i dont overthink. 

i know i am not the only person who would say this, but i don't usually admit defeat to fear either... but pregnancy is a scary process, and if possible i will like to think less, and act more. i pray i wont let all the free time get into me & my hopelessly creative mind. 

Then in addition to all this, i am slightly stressed out by Rodman determine mind to celebrate his daughter full month plus open house warming at our new nest, just 30 days into my recovery. The thought of fake smiling & pretending to enjoy & immerse in the season is just too much for me at this point. I wont recover from my post-natal figure, i would have just figured how to treat that little human right, and i am still on the road to recovery & already i need to do all the other "social" stuff of entertaining our family & friends.. 've tried asking Rodman to push the party to the foyer downstairs but he says it defeat the purpose of house warming without getting into the house, moreover i cannot celebrate the baby's full month PAST her full month... sigh pie.. it sucks to be me at this point really. 

Friday, July 21, 2017

Back from reservist; Staycation at my place

So its finally friday!!~ Which meant Rodman returns from his reservist & we are back to relying on each other till i pop. 

This week has been tiring, but it would have been worst if not for the help of my family & close friends. First up, we were all worried i might pop during this period & Rodman wont be able to help me out. 

Special grateful to Ed&Shayne for hanging around our neighborhood instead of heading back to their parents' place for the week, as a back up if i needed an extra helping hands. 

And there were my niece, my Mum & my sis who offered to pop by my place to keep me accompany (and help me used up my expiring annual leave no less). 

I had a great dinner with Bestie & Jean & my sis last night. It's weird that just yesterday we all felt like my sis was just a toddler & today she sat across the table from us all & chatted just like we were all good old friends. At the end of the dinner Jean & Bestie request that Kristi joined us for future outings but i had to pull the plug here. hahaha... only because i needed to upkeep my "reputation" as an elder sis & i dont want to refrain from speaking my mind for fear that she cannot see me like she should in future. 

But i know ultimately that Kristi has been around my girlfriends far too long since i know almost all of them for at least a century?   As we made our way back to my place last night she could name off all the ladies i hang out often with & she knew them like they were friends on her facebook as well... 

Anyhow, i think this week stay at my place help my sis learnt a little harsh reality of being away from parents. My mum has been toying with the idea of dropping our maid once her contract is up but i can already fear the hardship that is to come. Both my younger siblings are not used to helping around the house in terms of household chores & my mum isnt going to turn younger with the years piling, then there is the addition of new family member plus my baby & niece that she has to take care of as a stay-at-home-grandma. I have feedback against dropping our maid cos i see how valuable those additional help from her have been for our family. 

Nevertheless, i can see where my mum is coming from, being able to save on the expenses & having more from my Dad that is the only one working among them both. I have yet to discuss the matter of passing mum some money to thank her for babysitting Sonia but at the moment i've decided to hold it back till i was sure we can afford it. Keepng our fingers crossed that it will all end up well......

Bumpfie with selfie at week 36, technically start of week 37 but will stick to the book instead. 

So yesterday, i recall some of the difficulties i've faced going through the pregnancy & decided at some point i shall document them down so i dont forget this information i figure on my own. 

Here's a video of Sonia squirming in my belly, so active this baby

How does baby movement feels like?
OK this differ with every woman, but for mine i started really acknowledging those movement as baby kicks when i hit third trimester. 

I must have googled >20 times & asked like 4 mums exactly how it felt like but was still clueless. Google mums didnt do justice to the description & could NEVER EVER figured what it meant when there were butterflies in your stomach. 

" i've never swallow butterfly before so who can tell huh?"

Today, if you asked me, a baby movement felt like the exact motion of farting/burping. You know at that point where your stomach jerk when you burp?   YEAH that is baby kick, minus the discomfort in your throat or your tummy (painless really), THAT IS BABY MOVEMENT.

How to conquer hunger during pregnancy?
This, to me, is the easier to answer. At the start of the pregnancy, you need to already realize that you DO NOT NEED TO EAT FOR 2. .

Fact, a new born baby tummy is the size of a walnut. Tell again how eating a walnut portion of food means twice of everything?

Inevitably, not being to eat during pregnancy is deeply saddening. I only felt real hunger by 2nd trimester so that was the time i allow myself to indulge in food. i dare not say it was the same for all the mummies but i dont feel like i needed to wake up to munch when i am asleep, but during pregnancy sleep is so so so so so much easier than before (no i am including the insommia by 3rd trimester in this discussion here) so i am not letting them slip passed.   I was the light sleeper before i got pregnant, so those 7 months of fantastic sleep is rewarding & other than those pee trips most midnight i just wanna hurry peed & return back to the comfort of my bed... so hunger what hunger? Sleep is king!

If you really felt like your appetite is bigger than pregnancy, accept it but remind yourself what the 老人家 mention about those food. So with each mouth tell yourself "too much of this, baby drop hair" "Too much of that i will surely puke".... Like i am sorry but i kept alot of disgusting thoughts in my mind as i ate each mouthful, though i am not upset about it because the weighing scale plus the size of the baby agrees muahahhhaa. 

i am currently 10Kg heavier than pre-pregnancy, and Sonia weights maybe 2.5Kg today, the water retention in the body is questionable, but i am praying Baby will soon pile on the weight before full term. 

How to track everything?
This is damn easy to answer....

Baby growth - use & download OVIA pregnancy app on iphone /andriods
Contractions - use & download Contractions app on iphone/andriods, it is a green icon with a cartoon baby head sketch in the middle

Tuesday, July 18, 2017

35 days till P-O-P

The changes by now have been manageable, saved for the dry cough that still hasnt gone away. 

i know for sure Sonia is having a hard time keeping up with her sleeping pattern, and i only have myself to blame.  The Gynae mention Sonia is sitting on my Tummy hence the breathing is limited & causing the cough every min. Somehow i am glad Rodman is away on reservist this week because at least he has this well-deserving sleep without being interrupted by my coughing through the night. 

I can tell if i dont have Sonia right now, i might gain some abs from the incessant coughing haha. My appetite is also significantly hindered, but its for the better because otherwise i am not sure my body can cope with anymore weight gain. At last check 3 days ago, i am currently 63kg, started out at 53.7Kg so that is a whopping 10Kg gain since!  i guess the only comforting thing to note is i am now less than 35 days away from popping so the gain is but momentarily??

The feeling of gagging is harder to manage these days, it reminded me of 1st trimester quite a bit, except i can manage them better, sometimes alternating between swallowing big gulp of saliva or just coughing the feeling away. I also tend to feel unwell within short interval of time, drifting between dizziness & out of breath. Thankfully they only happen after i am done with a fuller than usual meal, so i try very hard to keep my meals small & just sufficient. 

Just the other night after saving a slice of cheesecake for dessert, i struggle to finish them & by nightfall i had puke out almost every single bit of it. Of course naturally it scares Rodman quite a bit & lesson learnt since. We now keep our last meal of the day early & in smaller portion. I am guessing Sonia now has little space to move about & i am suffering from her discomfort, but the good news is i have sliightly less "weight gain" to shed off once this pregnancy is finished. 

Saw this chart off pinterest some time back  & decided to save them, i am curious how long i can withstand breastfeeding so this might come in handy. After attending the seminar over the weekend, i learnt that i should prioritize breastfeeding over everything else. In addition, the cost saving of breastmilk over proper food plays a huge part too. There are certain arguement in the market about BLW & i am sitting on the fence what sort of feeding techniques will work for Sonia. Ultimately i need to understand that Sonia will be mostly taken care of by my Mum so whichever works for her po-po will works for us too i guess?
Spoke to a few mom to garner some information prior to the start of my breastfeeding journey. i came to decided on Bepanthen because it serves as both a nipple cream as well as diaper rash cream. 

I also secure a good deal off carousell, for a 100gm tube of Bepanthen at only SGD$16. Mummies recommend to start applying the cream as nipple cream to prep your boobies for baby suckling. Then again , other LC (lactation consutant) advise to leave the boobies untouch & surprise it immediately after birth so as to quickly trigger the colestrum. Again too many opinions gathered so right now i am just leaving it till i can decide how else to move on... 

Finally met up with Paperstop one evening & man it felt great to feel like a woman again . Unfortunately we were both down with dry cough so it was pretty comical seeing how the restaurant patrons were clearly worried when they hear us coughing every few min. 

Since we were both out of appetite dinner was just warm porridge over siew yoke & bean sprouts. I love how we both skip much of the siew yoke & jump right at the bean sprout because here is someone who knew how hard it is trying to finish each bite of dinner if the food is fried. I have never felt healthier in my diet than i am now. Pregnancy is clearly magical hahaha. 

We also chatted over the usual stuff, her quest for Mr Right & updates on her career. Clearly i am at a stage in life now that there's nothing much to share about me except for the baby, so glad she had the patience to hear me out too. I sure hope to have new things to share about my lives once my family is complete. 

It also seems the interaction among my family is growin positively with the addition of our third generation. In our family groupchat i can feel free to throw questions their way & everyone including my mum & dad will offer their opinion on things. 

On this day, after sourcing & hunting for a cardigan for Sonia much to the dismay of Rodman (who clearly had me to blame that all our babies onesies consist only of short sleeves ones). I've decided to ask for help from Kayann. Maybe if luck was on my side my brother might saved some new born cardigan that he could pass it down to Sonia?

Then my brother said something that mades be embarrassed to be a almost-mum. He asked why i was fussing over cardigan when newborns are swaddle 80% of the time?   Then it all make sense - NO WONDER WE COULDN'T FIND A PROPER CARDIGAN FOR SONIA!!!~

Of course Rodman didnt accept that reason as well as i did, he wanted to stock up on more long sleeves but i was worried the weather in Singapore might be too hot for babies. In that snap above, my brother took a snap of all the clothes he can pass to Sonia & just as he was snapping it Kayann threw herself on the bed to join in the picture... Such a adorable niece!!!!!!

this was the day i got a little emotional. It was the night before Rodman had to be in-camp for a week so i was left to fend for myself. 

He make extra effort to request that Kristi stayed over the week to ensure nothing goes wrong. And in addition to that, our friendly-neighbour-buddies Shayne & Edmond also decided to stay at their new hunt for the entire week just in case i needed their help last minute. 

He would have gone out with Edmond earlier to stock up on the groceries earlier so i wont go hungry when i am lazy. Then come nightfall i realize we haven't had a proper picture taken together in a long while so here's one. Not long after that i started weeping like something had happen, of course Rodman was shocked!

Right now as i am typing this, i still can't explain what got into me to be that emotional but i blame it ENTIRELY on hormonal change hhahahahahaha. It was weird cos all through our relationship we were used to be being apart & due to work reasons we took turn being overseas for business at a lengthy period each time. We also didnt celebrate his birthday for years to come because it was always the time of the year where i have my company review. So it didnt make sense how i was teary knowing he will be away at camp (just a stone throw from my office compound) for the week & that i'll still see him comes friday.     So red-faced & slightly bewildered at myself so i shall marked this day down as the night i cried buckets because i fear surprise might befall me & that Sonia hopes to celebrate her birthday for the next 7 years during the time her Dada is away protecting the nation. 

Friday, July 14, 2017

Epilogue of new mum week 35

Sonia is coming soon...real soon. 

I have been sick for 19days now, not exactly really sick (having spoken to our gynae). 
Turns out the reason of my incessant coughing was due to the fact that Sonia was sitting on my tummy, so.. 
cough lah, cough all you want, as long as Sonia grows well.. 

Doc says she is 2.3Kg today, 2.279Kg to be exact, and Rodman took inspiration from that. So after our doc appointment yesterday, he took the gamble &  place a small bet on 2279.  Now we anticipate Sonia to bring us our first pot of gold.. hahaa.. silly moves like this amuse me alot. 

Our gynae was explaining the upcoming procedure to me.. i wasnt sure if EDD 20august2017 meant i was going to slowly make my way to KKH, then wait for the doctors to induce me so Sonia can arrived. 

The gynae says she hopes that my contraction starts by week 38/39, which will works out to start from Singapore National days onwards. If Sonia chooses to stay forth till 20august2017 LATEST, we will discuss plans to move forward such as an induce date. So from here forth i was to cut down on my appt from once every 2 months to 2 weeks, then to every week ( i am 5 weeks away from 20august as of today).  The good news is next week Rodman is on reservist so there is a slim chance Sonia will choose to appear. Thereafter we'll all pray hard that she choose her birthdate wisely & show me obviuos signs & gave me ample time to make my way to the hospital. 

Here's a creepy front facing scan of Sonia, hahaha... no 3D image cos KKH refuse to scan it for us... 

Left pic - Sonia with her eye socket, presumably open her eyes
Right pic - less visible scan of her eye socket, so it looks like she has her eye closed. 

i try not to the let the scan images gets into me, it kinda look creepy but take it its an skeleton scan. u can see her nostril bones, eye sockets & mouth hence its a complete normal scan. Wonderful how our brain works aint it..  and my colleagues were exclaiming in astonishment at the technology these days.. as compared to those times when their now 21 year old daughter had her first scan.. They truly felt that the scan these days were much clearer. 

In another attempt to prove my point, here's a scan of when my Mum has me inside her tummy, at week 35
sorry i am not sure i can explain exactly what we are seeing here. Its quite exciting to know i am now the mummy of Sonia from the little blop here i used to be..

I was just calculating & getting all the administrative matters sort out. From the short discussion with our HR earlier, i learnt that i will need to break from work earlier than i would preferred to. Largely due to the Annual leave that will soon expires, and the maternity leave i hope to tap on.. "Our corporation works differently, we dont have to abide the MOM recommendation " was what she said. 

Ya, one line sentence & now all is screwed. Judging from this sort of response, i estimate i have less than 2 weeks left at work before i bid my colleagues adios until the end of my maternity privileges. Just whatsapp my partner at work & let him know of the news. Its gonna be rushing through our handovers so he can manage my accounts while i take my well deserved break. i am nervous at the thought of not working for such a long stretch of time. 


anyway, maternity leave is a privilege so i shouldnt be all negative about it.. so is the expiring annual leave, let's make the best out of whatever we are given. I will spend as much time as possible being a good new mummy to Sonia soon.. i hope. 

In other news, Sonia jiejie cousin is so sweet & addictive i just look forward to heading home to my mum every wednesday to spend sometime with her. 
Gu-zhang Rodman also melt at her presence & each time we left my mum's we spent the rest of the evening talking about how cute she is & how we hope Sonia will be as fun as Kayann will be. 

At one point pregnant hormones would have gotten into me &  i would be emotional & depressed, worying tat Sonia will not bring us as much joy as Kayann does. Rodman rest assured me i will love my own flesh & blood judging from how much he knows me. i sure hope that is true. 

Mentally, i feel like i am ready to see Sonia soon. Just yesterday Rodman asked if i will be mentally ready for my next pregnancy once we have Sonia. I was rather taken aback. I did share that the pregnancy has been rather smooth sailing & manageable thus far, and i felt very grateful for the good luck i have over utilised. Its not that i am dont look forward to the next baby at this point, but i haven't experience the REAL joy of seeing Sonia to judge. Besides, after being sick for 19 days straight after being well through the entire pregnancy, i get this inkling feeling that my mind has taken for granted what the body has been enduring. To be frank, if given a choice, i told Rodman i want to forget the negatives & pain from carrying Sonia, before i get pregnant again. Afterall, he is one weird fellow that is surprisingly quite "changed" after acknowledging his status as a Daddy.. =P

i recall us being out with our usual hangout weeks ago, and someone was saying how its scary that our clique will soon expand with the introduction of Sonia. At this point i agreed that we are all really excited at the new guest, then Rodman answer nonchalently that we are going to enjoy it. Its like he already knew it will influence his clique to quickly jump on the bandwagon & produce a mini version of themselves right after seeing ours. 

On our way home that night, i told Rodman how we used to pride ourselves as the model couple for our clique, so does this means when Sonia comes along we can pride ourselves as the model family now?  Rodman says even if we doesnt, at least we help influence his friends towards the right tracks. He also share how different he felt ever since he place his palms on my tummy & Sonia responded with a small thump.

Coincidentally, its like each time Rodman hinted Sonia for some response, he gets it on cue. He was really proud of this fact, he told his pal that the feeling was amazing. Sometimes he think back & came to the realization that he helped "made this fellow" & then there was a immerse sense of joy & pride. I dont ever think i share this kind of connection with Sonia, so i am convince Rodman has already mark his ownership over our daughter, and it felt kinda sweet. 

The saying goes that daughter are the ex-lover of their father. 前世情人, and it goes without saying that my daughter & her dad already acknowledged this to be true. Sonia's room is now ready awaiting her arrival, and her Dad spare no expense to making sure the room is comfortable. 

Here's the newly furnished room with help from Ed & Ray who took time off weekend to help paint the furniture pastel pink (no thanks to Daddy's limited knowledge of baby girl colors) & build the babycot. 

I have requested a few times for Rodman to sleep in the room so someone "room warming" before the confinement lady & Sonia arrived. He seems to reject it a little, as though it was well reserved for his Babygirl to do the warming herself. I have since shatter his dream as i invite my family over for staycation next week when he is on reservist. hahaha.. 

To sum it up, i used to spend the start of each year penning new resolution & trying hard to keep to it. My last few resolution were deliberately made doable only because i wanted to achieve it. This year flew by like a bullet train, i came to learn about Sonia arrival on november last year & since then, life whirlwind & i am now weeks away from seeing her. 

No, to a certain extent i still do not see myself as the overly attached mum that floods her instagram with baby pics, and i secretly wonder if i will adore my niece more than i can adore my daughter. The sort of attachment i was told i would soon felt also didnt came to me much. I guess its all down to the person who is undergoing the process. 

Each & everyday i swive Rodman a little more towards being the kind of parents i think fits our style. I didnt want to be the attentive blissful & twinning parents-baby trendy family i see others to be. Instead, i told Rodman i just wanna be cool about this whole growing up thing, to leave her in the safe hands of my mum & to continue growing our family financially, our marriage to be kept within us both, and that the baby is our investment. I know it gets hard to be away from our baby, especially me after 16 long weeks together, but i already knew how i wanted to do it soon enough, to stop feeling like my world revolve around her & to focus instead of working for a better future for her well-being. i dont want to be the 24/7 mum, tiger mum, BLW mum, breastfeeding FTW mum. I dont want to be all the mum i am reading up on. I need to be a working adult, a useful employee, a caring & loving wife to my husband, and i need to stay focus.