Friday, July 14, 2017

Epilogue of new mum week 35

Sonia is coming soon...real soon. 

I have been sick for 19days now, not exactly really sick (having spoken to our gynae). 
Turns out the reason of my incessant coughing was due to the fact that Sonia was sitting on my tummy, so.. 
cough lah, cough all you want, as long as Sonia grows well.. 

Doc says she is 2.3Kg today, 2.279Kg to be exact, and Rodman took inspiration from that. So after our doc appointment yesterday, he took the gamble &  place a small bet on 2279.  Now we anticipate Sonia to bring us our first pot of gold.. hahaa.. silly moves like this amuse me alot. 

Our gynae was explaining the upcoming procedure to me.. i wasnt sure if EDD 20august2017 meant i was going to slowly make my way to KKH, then wait for the doctors to induce me so Sonia can arrived. 

The gynae says she hopes that my contraction starts by week 38/39, which will works out to start from Singapore National days onwards. If Sonia chooses to stay forth till 20august2017 LATEST, we will discuss plans to move forward such as an induce date. So from here forth i was to cut down on my appt from once every 2 months to 2 weeks, then to every week ( i am 5 weeks away from 20august as of today).  The good news is next week Rodman is on reservist so there is a slim chance Sonia will choose to appear. Thereafter we'll all pray hard that she choose her birthdate wisely & show me obviuos signs & gave me ample time to make my way to the hospital. 

Here's a creepy front facing scan of Sonia, hahaha... no 3D image cos KKH refuse to scan it for us... 

Left pic - Sonia with her eye socket, presumably open her eyes
Right pic - less visible scan of her eye socket, so it looks like she has her eye closed. 

i try not to the let the scan images gets into me, it kinda look creepy but take it its an skeleton scan. u can see her nostril bones, eye sockets & mouth hence its a complete normal scan. Wonderful how our brain works aint it..  and my colleagues were exclaiming in astonishment at the technology these days.. as compared to those times when their now 21 year old daughter had her first scan.. They truly felt that the scan these days were much clearer. 

In another attempt to prove my point, here's a scan of when my Mum has me inside her tummy, at week 35
sorry i am not sure i can explain exactly what we are seeing here. Its quite exciting to know i am now the mummy of Sonia from the little blop here i used to be..

I was just calculating & getting all the administrative matters sort out. From the short discussion with our HR earlier, i learnt that i will need to break from work earlier than i would preferred to. Largely due to the Annual leave that will soon expires, and the maternity leave i hope to tap on.. "Our corporation works differently, we dont have to abide the MOM recommendation " was what she said. 

Ya, one line sentence & now all is screwed. Judging from this sort of response, i estimate i have less than 2 weeks left at work before i bid my colleagues adios until the end of my maternity privileges. Just whatsapp my partner at work & let him know of the news. Its gonna be rushing through our handovers so he can manage my accounts while i take my well deserved break. i am nervous at the thought of not working for such a long stretch of time. 


anyway, maternity leave is a privilege so i shouldnt be all negative about it.. so is the expiring annual leave, let's make the best out of whatever we are given. I will spend as much time as possible being a good new mummy to Sonia soon.. i hope. 

In other news, Sonia jiejie cousin is so sweet & addictive i just look forward to heading home to my mum every wednesday to spend sometime with her. 
Gu-zhang Rodman also melt at her presence & each time we left my mum's we spent the rest of the evening talking about how cute she is & how we hope Sonia will be as fun as Kayann will be. 

At one point pregnant hormones would have gotten into me &  i would be emotional & depressed, worying tat Sonia will not bring us as much joy as Kayann does. Rodman rest assured me i will love my own flesh & blood judging from how much he knows me. i sure hope that is true. 

Mentally, i feel like i am ready to see Sonia soon. Just yesterday Rodman asked if i will be mentally ready for my next pregnancy once we have Sonia. I was rather taken aback. I did share that the pregnancy has been rather smooth sailing & manageable thus far, and i felt very grateful for the good luck i have over utilised. Its not that i am dont look forward to the next baby at this point, but i haven't experience the REAL joy of seeing Sonia to judge. Besides, after being sick for 19 days straight after being well through the entire pregnancy, i get this inkling feeling that my mind has taken for granted what the body has been enduring. To be frank, if given a choice, i told Rodman i want to forget the negatives & pain from carrying Sonia, before i get pregnant again. Afterall, he is one weird fellow that is surprisingly quite "changed" after acknowledging his status as a Daddy.. =P

i recall us being out with our usual hangout weeks ago, and someone was saying how its scary that our clique will soon expand with the introduction of Sonia. At this point i agreed that we are all really excited at the new guest, then Rodman answer nonchalently that we are going to enjoy it. Its like he already knew it will influence his clique to quickly jump on the bandwagon & produce a mini version of themselves right after seeing ours. 

On our way home that night, i told Rodman how we used to pride ourselves as the model couple for our clique, so does this means when Sonia comes along we can pride ourselves as the model family now?  Rodman says even if we doesnt, at least we help influence his friends towards the right tracks. He also share how different he felt ever since he place his palms on my tummy & Sonia responded with a small thump.

Coincidentally, its like each time Rodman hinted Sonia for some response, he gets it on cue. He was really proud of this fact, he told his pal that the feeling was amazing. Sometimes he think back & came to the realization that he helped "made this fellow" & then there was a immerse sense of joy & pride. I dont ever think i share this kind of connection with Sonia, so i am convince Rodman has already mark his ownership over our daughter, and it felt kinda sweet. 

The saying goes that daughter are the ex-lover of their father. 前世情人, and it goes without saying that my daughter & her dad already acknowledged this to be true. Sonia's room is now ready awaiting her arrival, and her Dad spare no expense to making sure the room is comfortable. 

Here's the newly furnished room with help from Ed & Ray who took time off weekend to help paint the furniture pastel pink (no thanks to Daddy's limited knowledge of baby girl colors) & build the babycot. 

I have requested a few times for Rodman to sleep in the room so someone "room warming" before the confinement lady & Sonia arrived. He seems to reject it a little, as though it was well reserved for his Babygirl to do the warming herself. I have since shatter his dream as i invite my family over for staycation next week when he is on reservist. hahaha.. 

To sum it up, i used to spend the start of each year penning new resolution & trying hard to keep to it. My last few resolution were deliberately made doable only because i wanted to achieve it. This year flew by like a bullet train, i came to learn about Sonia arrival on november last year & since then, life whirlwind & i am now weeks away from seeing her. 

No, to a certain extent i still do not see myself as the overly attached mum that floods her instagram with baby pics, and i secretly wonder if i will adore my niece more than i can adore my daughter. The sort of attachment i was told i would soon felt also didnt came to me much. I guess its all down to the person who is undergoing the process. 

Each & everyday i swive Rodman a little more towards being the kind of parents i think fits our style. I didnt want to be the attentive blissful & twinning parents-baby trendy family i see others to be. Instead, i told Rodman i just wanna be cool about this whole growing up thing, to leave her in the safe hands of my mum & to continue growing our family financially, our marriage to be kept within us both, and that the baby is our investment. I know it gets hard to be away from our baby, especially me after 16 long weeks together, but i already knew how i wanted to do it soon enough, to stop feeling like my world revolve around her & to focus instead of working for a better future for her well-being. i dont want to be the 24/7 mum, tiger mum, BLW mum, breastfeeding FTW mum. I dont want to be all the mum i am reading up on. I need to be a working adult, a useful employee, a caring & loving wife to my husband, and i need to stay focus. 

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