Wednesday, December 23, 2015

Goodbye to twenty-fifteen

How amazing that we are this close to bidding goodbye, 2015
this year you have been amazing, more so thanks to 2014.

2014 taught me to appreciate life & to take my thoughts to another perspective
then came you, and you didnt fail to cheer me on
Thank you for telling me the earth continue spinning when i was imagining all sorts of illness
thank you for proving to me that life does not revolve around myself alone,
thank you for cherishing my family & urging me to take initiative to keep my parents protected

2015 you gave me a huge responsibility, you allow our wedding to take place, and gave us hiccups
Nevertheless, every hiccups is well appreciated, because now we can randomly talk about it & laugh it off like it was good memories.
2015 you made my Dad nervous to gave away his first daughter, you gave him hypertension due to nervous when walking his daughter down the aisle,
you made all the siblings gather together to execute my wedding & perfecting it
you also made my siblings sit down & chat about responsibilities & giving back to our parents
2015 you gave me the chance to own a car thus begin an upward slope to recovery especially convincing myself i wasnt sick in the head,
you took my privileges away & gave me bills to pay every months, and now you challenge me to save a 5 digit savings by 2016, on top of the bills i am still paying
you gave me independance & allow me to contribute to our family,
i never knew i can be an adult the way i am now, thank 'you 2015

This year, you grant me with a pink of health & the even the doc have no qualms when i suggested skipping my next schedule appointment,
the accumulate years of visiting the gynae, ultrasound scan & waiting in the hospital is not a thing o a past, because you told me 2016 i am going to do better & that road to healthiness is a climbing slope i will have to continue to take.

You took me away from the family i face every night for the past 27 years, and threw me in a foreign place but i wasn't lonely. You see, you have trained me for this day & even thou the environment i am in now is not my usual hangout, it was filled with people i was familiar & comfortable with, even thou they can never be the same as the folks i spent 27 years with.
You told me it takes 2 hands to clap, and the man i went to bed every night was the hand i am to clap with, you told me there were 365 days to make things right, and even the worst day will be over as long as i woke up with new motivations.

2015 you gave me a huge leap in my career shift, and even if i am still in the same industry things have now changed. I am happy at this point with my achievement & am glad i took up the opportunities. you also warn me 2016 was going to be real tough & if i can survive it then perhaps 2017 will be a bed of roses. 2015 you have been nothing but amazing, so i am crossing my finger that 2016 will take you as a role model & excel better.

2015 i watch you from the land of different sea, i had the chance to experience you while it snow, then i also conquer the highest mountain with low altitude, you set me with many challenges but never once alone. I feel i might not overcome them without my friends but you blessed me with them so i kept going & kept going.

i am still counting down the days till we bid goodbye, but 2015 you are always on my mind, just like 2014, 2013 and all the years that have passed, you gave me memories that is etched somewhere in my mind, that will someday open like a drawer being drawn & some memories start flowing & one will take place after another. Then the familiar recognition of your presence will forever live in my heart.

"Thank you 2015, you were amazing"

Monday, December 21, 2015

Wedding, weekend & thoughts

Last wedding for the year 2015 is finally completed, this being one of the wedding i most look forward to, because both the bride & groom are amazingly talented people with a quirky & unique taste when it comes to styling. 

i especially love the standee by the entrance of the wedding hall, marking all the big dates they've encounter something amazing, till the day they say the vow, it was also an eventful & busy day because both bbbb & i were the bridal team for the big day, that means taking a full day off & waking up before the sun comes out & only returning home after midnight. 

Nevertheless, i enjoyed myself, especially looking at bbbb - who had me promised not to step up/in during the execution of the entire day. He however, step up & outdid himself assisting the Groom & Bride to make their big day so amazing & complete. He was -after all- trying to gain my acknowledgement that he was efficient & i didnt get away with a lie this time, i really think i am very impressed just watching him flaring his "leadership" quality, reminding me again why i was so attracted to him in the first place. 

bbb & i emceeing & pulling a false one on the bride & groom. 

So, i have been following up with the good vibes due to year end, i travelled out for business last week & during one schedule meeting was destine to face a black face customer whom hasnt been nice to all my other colleague. Maybe its the good vibes, because i trusted from the start i was going to just smile through the meeting no matter how tough. We ended up going to the wrong plant (not Singapore afterall & we dont speak their language) & by the time we met the customer, we were 30min late (in their words, we were THE WHOLE MORNING late, but his mislooking of email content is by no fault any of ours)

Surprisingly, the meeting went exceptionally well, thou i STILL have not met the said customer in person, he must have ran out of patience with us because he sent an assistance to speak to us instead. Nevertheless, we hit it off pretty well & he was willing to consider our product & that means we are one step closer to closing another business. I am very excited on this matter & hope it becomes an achievement. 
Here's us, looking all dainty & girly in our bridesmaid dresses, the bride is so gorgeous!~

bbbb & i took the weekend (after waking up really late  & missing breakfast due to the intense wedding friday) to pack our room, then head home to pack my hood. Somehow, with the mentality tat we are soon moving into the new house together, we manage to give up a lot more stuff. i threw away lesser clothes this time thou, a lot more treasured jewelleries that meant so much last time. Now, they are just plastic-y fake pearls & sterling silver that is worth less a dime. I didnt feel much heartache parting ways thou, seeing the wardrobe & room neat with minimal stuff excites me. Now, we are just hoping to get our roof ready for moving in. The talk is all about house, babies & career, Gosh, where have all the gossip times shared with my girlfriends went? We use to talk at least about drinking, shopping & travelling, now i view them all as secondary, to spending the bucks on building a livable house for bbbb & me

Wednesday, December 16, 2015

Life, family, depression

We are down to about 9 days till christmas & i am feeling good.

i dunno how this year, the joyful feeling is amplifying bigger than the other years, OR i could have felt this happy every year but every year feels happier than the previous.

So i had a chance to pop by Sharon's to visit Kordia, who was down with a cold & cough. There we were, 3 adults queueing outside the baby clinic waiting for registration at 7pm.
i notice there were 3 other toddlers/babies in the queue & though they didnt appear to be unwell, it was the gloomy look on their parents' face that indicated they were.
Then there is Kordia, so weak & unlike her usual playful self, i could tell both her Daddy & Mummy were worried sick, trying to hold her right till she found a comfortable spot to get some rest. Even throughout the short chat we had while waiting for the doctor to arrive, it was obvious most time Kive & Sharon were looking at Kordia for any sign that she was suffering.
At one point, Kordia breathe slightly faster than the other time, even i panicked & started wondering afar. Thankfully, amidst all this Sharon manage it with a pinch of salt.
"listen to her closely, is she wheezing?"
"change the position she sleeps"
"put the cardigan under her head as a pillow"

Power Mummy, i begin to despise my incompetency to think of all this possibilities.

Anyway, at the end of it all, the doctor advise it was all well, she was prescribe some usual medication & send home to rest. Then Kordia, having woke up from her short nap, was back to her usual happy self & even offering me some alphabets magnet as we chant through the kiddy "1,2,3....A,B,C" song. It was all good & i left for some time-alone with my bestie to catch up.

Despite the initial excitement & plans for KTV & all, by the time we were done with the checkup we were too hungry & could only look forward to dinner. So it was set at XinWang nearby,

I marked down most of my conversation with Sharon because they are in-depth & usually keep me thinking days after . Just like our conversation yesterday was about family, both in-law & own. We spoke about the difficulties of dis-associating ourselves from our family after earning a new family getting married. I spoke about how i will want to achieve the best of both world (ie, if given a choice to choose which parents to stay with us if we ever have to, i cannot decide which choice will seem like a fairer option)

Apart from all that we also spoke about how reality is finally sinking in & truth is our parents are getting older & health issues are slowly knocking on our doors. We adjusted our conversation to how involve we have been after dedicating our lives to the new family we are building, finally we discuss on how i should finally step up & start prepping myself for expansion.

All this thoughts did come across my mind especially family expansion, i had long assumed i was ready for anything to slowly happen like nature has planned, but recently i learnt maybe i wasnt that ready afterall, One particular night, i was toying with the idea of what might change if Rodman & i decide to try for a baby soon. Then one thoughts lead to another & before i can stop it i have lost a considerable amount of sleep panicking,

You always thought you will be ready for something because everyone else have gone through that phase & you are just waiting for your turn, then something strikes & you begin to feel out-of-place because unlike them all, you are not willing to accept the change that accompanies these phases.

i recall a tear jerking conversation with a close friend not too long ago, i learnt that depression & symptoms of associated illnesses are unpreventable & definitely not within control. I tried debating to the said friend that all too many of us think we are extraordinary & if we can only try to accept that we are VERY NORMAL human that can control our thoughts then maybe we will not be the handful of special case that fell into depression. but boy, was i wrong!  i know i might have touch or open a taboo part of this conversation because said friend almost had an "attack" there & then trying to explain why i was so wrong on my thinking.    Since that incident i learnt that i was being selfish because i assume everyone had the will power to control their thinking.  Now that i think back, after coming out from the darkness period following the yishun terror trauma, i had also encounter myself, how impossible it is to do what your mind tells you to do.

It is very possible that someone who is very involved in their emotions at a current period will not be able to detach themselves because it is not within their ability.The period can last for as long as forever & it is proven so many times that there is not yet a solution for this, some depressed people manage to live each passing with what is left of their willpower & a tiny glimpse of hope that tomorrow things might change. Those who lost that last bit of hope seek the last option of ending the problem, thou we cannot fathom why every bit of willpower is lost, we cannot blame them because like we already know, it is not in their ability to do so.

  You wouldn't ask an old person for youth because you know they can't, likewise why will you ask a depressed person for happiness if they cannot? 

my thoughts are all over the place but that sums up all the stuff i have been thinking lately, i bet by next week the subject will change, so here's marking them down for some Deja Vu in future when i got summon for this topic again.

Wednesday, December 02, 2015

Starting all over again

I am disliking the old blogskin but have gotten too rusty to editing a new one so this will have to do for now.

i have return from the wedding Honeymoon & alot has took place over the long holiday, mostly stuff that make me appreciate all that i have now, but long story short- i am writing all over again because
1. Blogspot hasn't died, or vanish as with old time blogs like Multiply..etc
2. It has play a large part of my teenage life & i want to bring it over as i grow older
3. I feel less alone when i share, even if no one is watching

There, there, there were new options in the market but mostly were off limits, there is [Dayre] that i follow closely, tumblr that is a collection of all the interesting people that i am not. and bottomline is, i have used blog from as far back as i can remember, surely something inside what i have written will one day mean much more to me.

Anyway, here are some stuff off tumblr that clearly define me from maybe you, credits: 2kindsofpeople

i would rather be a 24hrs chrono watch person because i am the sort that makes stupid mistake like arrange for a meetup indicating for 8am when i really meant 8pm, which brings me to add that i sometimes speak stupid like " let's meet at 2030 this evening" ...
Definitely eat WITH the seeds, whats the big deal about eating melon seeds anyway? i am clearly a daredevil that is fully prepared for seeds-pooping nightmare as you can tell... and no i am not about to plant a melon tree in my stomach, TYVM
i took a second look at this image & consider if i belong specifically to either side The correct choice will be the blue side, because Timmy (name of my car) is a tiny 660cc engine car that is so tiny by the time i am parked, even if i am slanted (clearly i meant slant within my parking frame), i am not very bothered to adjust them, you should see how little space Timmy took in a parking lot, i have hear enough comment about my car 'wasting" parking lot because quite frankly Timmy can jolly well fit into a motorbike slot if i choose to...

i know, i am jealous of the owner too :)
up to this point, despite my "effort", i am not born with a green finger

i am adament someday this will change and i can be like my successful friends who cook using herbs they pluck off their garden, but till that day come.... i better stop harming more plants

oh, and rest in peace, my dragonfruit plant which was dump due to its withered state early november 2015.
i laugh quite loudly at this one, i am the BLUE for sure, i sold a 7year old laptop away, with the label still proudly bearing Intel Core I, not ashame...

shakes head, i am really not ashame man
time to distinguish you from me...  YELLOW for me

i don't get how car owner can stand the sight of an weird bulge while you drive, even if it brings you sweet scent, i paste dashboard fragrance to avoid this sort, often it is Hello Kitty's
Clarinda reading this would be so good, we were just talkin about this weeks back, paperback for me hands down, kindle is good but the feeling is too surreal it makes me uneasy