Wednesday, January 07, 2004

hehe, i had damn bad memory......... when i am all alone all thing i tot i wouldn't want to remember just pop back, unexpectedly.
gee, cry today, silly me, the client is so tough to get by, despite the first criticism, i wasn determine to prove my ability. in the end i still get scolding, under any circumstances i should have blame her, but thank to my wonderful temper, my temper goes away as fast as i wipe my tears, ask me if i still remeber her voice? nope, not at all. Kristal is special, hehe, fancy me showing off my dumb personality.
This desperate feeling of wanting to show this diary to jeRK simply puts me off.... no, i shouldn't!!!! maybe i should,,,,,, haha, whu cares anyway. Like what i always say, we gal assume a bit TOO much. How much i wish my concentrating was not on this fellow, perhaps i wouldn't think of sms-ing and i could save a pile. Haha, just whu am i? i guess a simple gal leading a simple life having a simple faily and life BUT with a big and special dream. here i am, saying i can do what all boys can do, on te other hand, i fell for this sum one i know does not appreciate me the way i do for him. Also, i dun think boys wanna stay in the misery of luv for long and here i am, yuckily trying to thicken my skin and keep making the first move, sum time it gets on my nerve so much i really despise myself. why am i even toking to myself inthis diary, i dun think anyone can acquire this skill of mine of getting so angry with just thinking to myself. today i wonder i had this huge temptation to write, just keep writing, to write and pur out all my emotion, no one will realise that behind this heavy, strong gal hides her very little fear, a little heart that warm, sumone whu still think she deserve a litle enjoyment at this stage of her life.
oh no, i guess i sound more and more like sum psycho artist with too much emotion that lead them to thinking death is the joy of life....... Nah, i am notthat stupid, i value all around me, esp now, when i am left with my family and best friend, including cousins that i value........

Monday, January 05, 2004

why does ot sum times hurt so much, thinking of sum one means toturing urself, putting your body on fire. If i ever knew i will hurt that much, i wouldn't wan to give it a try in the first place. Why does every happy endin has to have a begining, i dun look forward to any happy endins, just wan to stop the pain from piercing thru me. I am certainly sure that if i can choose, i would never wan to think if JeRk, i dun wan to be treated like dirt. Cos it always hurts to not be treated the way yout want yourself to be see as. I should not mention too much about JeRk no more. I just hope he will Get well soon from his fever. Skiving on work today, i look into his diary again. Since the Christmas dinner, he has completely stop writing the diary. i finally understand what others always meant by Boys are forgetful, or that they simply get sick and tired easily, was i thinking too much, i wish i was...........................
anyway this afternoon when i couldn; get into his diary, my damn intuition tells me he secretely change identificatin to get rid of me. wheni got home, i was shock to realise i can still enter, all of a sudden i feel so stupid. They are all right, Girls assume too much, and i am certainly one of the stupid silly asume girl.
Bobo msg me nite msg, he's a nice chap overall, too bad i choose to believe my true friend, well the saying gpes: is better to be safe than sorry"
First tennis with Coach Eddie was pretty good, i was terrible as a player, but i knew i want to do it right, for one thing i was glad i am interested and had not wasted money on this lesson. a pity i tear my favourite one and only tennis shoe.
i bougt pop CD for Vivien and Will pan for myself, i kept thinking of the time JeRk says Will as publish a book, i hope to purchase it if i can and find the true meaning of life in it
too tired to type........................ btw meeting Sharon tomorrow for a celebration of her resign from Ice Lemon Tee, Gud 4 her, torture is over...... Lub her
Vivien is in trouble with her camp group as they cannpt think of a dance for thetalent time, i dun wan to neglect, hopefully she listen to me and go watch BringIt on VCD to get inspiration,