tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-56840392024-03-08T07:41:23.490+08:00RodKrisKristal Dkrisshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00840784351410026454noreply@blogger.comBlogger943125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5684039.post-76477873752136225372019-08-30T10:52:00.002+08:002019-08-30T10:52:44.757+08:00Today is the end of my 2nd trimesterTonight after 11.59pm my phone will most definitely remind me that i have official embark on the journey towards third/final trimester. It has been a whirlwind of events leading up to this and while i am glad to be counting down till the end of it all, i am not sure if i will miss this feeling of being pregnant.<br />
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I know its my second pregnancy so for so many of my friends/family, there is no excitement to this. We planned for this baby, we worked for it, embarresse to share how we #ttc but it has alot to do with monitor your fertility chart, taking temperature, stocking up on pregnancy test kit & ovulation kit.<br />
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#ttc is not a fun journey, despite how we "reminded" ourselves to take it easy and let nature takes its course. you know deep down roughly just weeks since your last menses that its time to babydance. All in all, its a no excitement journey leading to the successful 2 lines on the test stripes, and once you finally embark on the pregnancy journey, you look back and wonder had it been done more momentarily, would it then spell fun?<br />
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Anyhow, why am i complaining right? i have #ttc for almost 11 months especially as soon as the lunar calendar started for a piglet baby. God knows but the thought just came to me - i have always had a thing for piglet, always associating them with being abundantly blessed with luck without as much as lifting a finger. Rodman - on the other hand - never really had a definite thought on this matter. He was always game to expand the family, and we were both not that sort of person who worries too much about getting on in age and wanting to get the deal over and done soon. HEck, we were immersing in the joy of seeing Sonia grow into such a fine young lady that it never really did occur to us that we will get the same sort of luck if another baby comes along.<br />
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There were many things i had done repeatedly with both pregnancy, with the intention to be "blessed" with the baby spell again . One thing in particular will remain a mystery to you and me - as much as it did to those who learnt of this encounter while i am in it. Back in November 2016 when i discover i was pregnant on the pregnancy kit, it was a month after Rodman& i planned a major major oversea trip that encompasses both our families to Taiwan.<br />
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It was a 12 days long trip that really really give us zero change to babydance, i had suffer a miscarriage just 2 months back, due to a medical condition that render me unfit for pregnancy. Nevertheless, Rodman intention for the trip was to bond both families since we have dated and been married for a while. Whereas for me, it was a trip to cleanse myself off the evil luck that shall lurk around me since my operation/ miscarriage. During this trip, the driver/tour guide brought us into a 妈祖 temple that was really just a practice any local will do when they have visitors from oversea.<br />
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You see, i - like any other singapore citizen- am a huge fan of Taiwan variety show. My family and i are particular fans of strange encounter/ghost story sharing shows that are usually aired on TV near midnight and when the setting is so right you get very very affected by the encounter the star share. It is during watching shows like this that i gain all the knowledge i have of the different deities around the world that locals worship. In this case, i was very familiar with 妈祖娘娘 by the time i made this trip to Taiwan, knew of her presence & her strong influence in Taiwan. Not paying too much attention, and just watching how my parents & parents-in-law did their prayers, i played along and made a small contribution. It really wasnt big of a deal because the rest of the trip remain as it is and we all made it back to singapore and live happily ever after.<br />
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By november 2016, after we tried really hard on #ttc and suffer the miscarriage, i was really no longer keen to be harping on this baby matter. i was darn focus on leading a healthy life after finally removing the tumor that has been bugging me since 2012, then we were greeted by surprise with the news of Sonia's arrival. Strangely, ever since that day whenever something happen (be it during my pregnancy or when Sonia is a baby/toddler), something deep down inside me found a deep guilt towards that particular visit to that particular temple in Taiwan. I wouldnt say i am not a devotee to local deities and i most certainly pray and worship like every Singaporean would do - it just really puzzle me that inkling feeling of NEEDING to head back to that temple doesnt really go away.<br />
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Fast forward to 2019, when the opportunity strikes again to visit Taiwan thanks to work, i didnt hesitate one bit to propose to Rodman to join me alongside this trip post-meeting so i can make a visit to THAT temple. by this point, my parents would have heard of my very determine intention to revisit that temple and supported & back my decision. Mum even hinted since i was back to trying for a 2nd baby, this trip might just be God- sent.<br />
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and it was, becuase like you all know now i am finally expecting another baby this November, which works out just like it did the very first time - i got conceived AS SOON AS we return from that Taiwan trip, my heart was darn sure it a positive before the line even show up on the strip, 2 day BEFORE my menses was due. It ain't no miracle, but i was darn sure i will be planning for a trip back to Taiwan when 2nd baby is old enough to travel.<br />
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If by now you are thinking that i might have "ask for it" on both occasions - i did not. My heart cannot lie for sure, but as i was praying i never once did straight out mention i was hoping to get conceived. I guess we can all agree that God knows what we want without even specifying it, so i can tell you now you dont need to state your address and name & DOB while praying because them Deities know it already hahhaa.<br />
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This post has drag from sharing my last 2nd trimester to marking down this strange encounter that i have experience both pregnancy, i guess i just want to mark it down that alot of things in life are not based on our own luck, but sincerity does move mountain and things might change when you dont realize it.<br />
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Here's onward to final trimester let's go!<br />
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<br />Kristal Dkrisshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00840784351410026454noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5684039.post-31548550768560868952019-08-27T11:37:00.000+08:002019-08-27T11:37:07.313+08:002nd trimester & SUPER full of emotions<u>27aug2019</u><br />
It was a bad night last night, the fact that i am now done with the dreaded quarterly sales meeting presentation only meant the realization of being alone in this familiar place is finally setting in.<br />
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i return from a 5 days work trip last week to Phuket, my 5 trip there in the last 6 years. I was on autopilot mode - as usual- to become that fun person who can stay thru the night chatting with colleague or just being exceptionally welcoming of any ideas they suggest or threw out. Basically, having been working for a while now only meant you truly understand the concept of working harmoniously - u join, you create fun and you tailor your behavior to see others pleasantly. It gets better with time and soon its a natural auto pilot mode that i am now very capable of doing.<br />
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Nights in hotel room are also no longer that scary, usually i will set the pillows to align with my sleeping position, then make sure the lights are dim but visibly less scary. The TV are turn on through the night, and the toilet light fully lighted so imma pee without overthinking. I've done this countless times by now - a far cry from the times i started travelling alone and carrying travel lock to ensure the hotel room door stay shut.<br />
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i digress .... so i got back to SGP and was immediately greeted by Sonia and Rodman and everything just fell right into place - i was that Mummy Sonia need, and that pregnant Mummy Rodman could pamper. Sonia and i were both sick so i had to take care of her more and ensure she recover well before the start of another week. Monday came and we sent her to school together - it was the first in such a long time that fear upon reaching her school gate becomes eerily familiar again.<br />
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Sonia held onto me the whole car journey to school, she refuse her baby seat and i refuse to part with her small body, she held onto my arm thru the journey and had not spoken much, it was too early in the morning to have fun so i laid in silence with her, occasionally asking her random question to see if she had fallen back asleep. As we carry her near her sschool gate, she defiantly refuse to hand over her ah-ah (pacifier), next thing she broke into small tears which affected me. We handed her over to LaoShi anyway, and when LaoShi directed her to say bye-bye to Rodman and me, she went on full mode crying which means I was crying too..<br />
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Oh gosh, what an embarressing sight! Sonia's started school for 6 months now and i am still the train wreck of a weak Mummy and had it not been for my Mum, who knows how long i was going to reenact this emotional send off every morning? Anyhow, i hurried into the car and by then i saw that Laoshi had once again outdo her magic and Sonia wasnt crying no more. Rodman and i then set off<br />
to work /reservist which also meant i had 2 more weeks of being separated from my husband, after the initial week in Thailand that flew by.<br />
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I mean, i am usually very used to this by now you know. Travelling for work, sleeping in hotel room<br />
and looking forward to the time apart from my other half. I dont get myself too why this week seems to hit me harder than the other times. Was it cos i am pregnant (IT WAS DEFINITELY COS i am pregnant lah damn those hormones). I was feeling more alone that usual and it just doesnt get easier. I set the week ahead and plans for meetups with my girlfriends but the dread feeling of actually heading out is still hard to bear.<br />
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i cry so much on the drive home from work, now suffering from the post trauma of overcrying and<br />
am suffering a really severe headache. I came home after dinner with Bestie to the house with the fan on, the lights on - just the way i left them. i saw my water bottle standing on the Kitchen island proudly EMPTY just the way i dump it when i got home hours before. i saw the cups i have drank from the afternoon still half filled and ready for a wash. Then the thought that i had taken it all for granted hit me so so hard and i begin to cry again. I cried in the shower, while washing them cup and when i open the fridge to see snacks but refuse to bite into them.<br />
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I turn my head and saw the jar of water Rodman boiled from the morning and was so so so glad there is still water to drink and cry again cos i am so so touched that he made small gesture like this everyday and i just grew to accept them as part of my everyday life. In my head i question if i had eaten my natal viamins and then trigger more tears as Rodman place them bottles right before my water bottle fully filled wit water every morning so i wont missed eating any. My husband does all of this things that i truly appreciate in every living day of my married life and i dont ever show my appreciation that way i truly felt inside.<br />
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The hormonal change are killing me more inside and then baby starting rolling and kickin my tummy and i cried in happiness that i am not exactly alone. We spent the night together, with me rolling and forcing myself to sleep while baby continue to kick inside. I try not to look at the other side of the King size bed where Rodman would usually be snoring away or when Sonia will held onto my arms tightly as she sleep through the night. It was the first night of the next 9 nights sleepnig alone and i decided today was a good day to rant them feelings but embrace the freedom for the next few nights.<br />
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Needless to say, it was day of self reflection and i am more thankful than ever that i am married to a perfect man whom took such great care of me. I reminded myself to think backof this crying day whenever i am angry or piss at him that it actually isnt too big of a deal than ever losing him. Because we are together and because i dont just love Rodman, but i needed Rodman more than i ever thought i would need.<br />
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<br />Kristal Dkrisshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00840784351410026454noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5684039.post-30514055524032613702018-08-06T16:07:00.000+08:002018-08-06T16:07:30.031+08:00To Baby S & S MummyHello baby S,<br />
you are not mine, or ours but we care so much for you, and even more for your mummy & Daddy that we have known since the dawn of times.<br />
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You are a miracle, you were the project your Mummy had so cautiously crafted, and you were adore by many of us even before we seen you. When we did gather to see you for the first time, none of us had the heart to hold you first because you are so delicate, so precious & so perfect. You are still the perfect human your Mummy had painstakingly endure months of pregnancy for.<br />
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Dear baby, on that day i held you for the short moments of bonding before i had to give others a chance to greet you, you had help your jie jie because that week i pump even more milk than i ever did in the past months just thinking about your tiny smile, your deep double eye lid & your soft skin. You cannot tell then but we were all super excited to finally meeting you, and also to finally see your Mum beaming with pride on her pretty achievement.<br />
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I have known your Mummy for a long time, i didnt know her directly at first, but when i did - she was the amazing friend one had hope to have around, and i was that lucky someone. Your mummy was the ever supportive listener, always gunning for the positive side of every matter. Your mummy supports me even at my lowest point, and she shown up at the hospital bed when i had a minor operation & didnt want to see anyone. Your mummy is the best person to cheer anyone day up, and while she has her doubts & fear, she didnt let it show much & was always the light-spirit happy-go-lucky woman. Your mummy was fearful when she first learnt about your arrival, but like she always did - she make sure she has everything covered & under controlled. Your Mummy is an amazing woman, and i hope someday you will grow up to appreciate all that she have and will be doing for you.<br />
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Baby, your arrival wasn't easy, neither was everything in life. Once upon a time, i had Sonia & i - too - live life with fears, sleepless no tomorrow & dragging to let each day passed by so Sonia will grow older & i might just worry lesser. I pray to sleep for the whole of 3 months after the birth of Sonia, for her health, success and safety. These days, i begin to pray again as i fall asleep everynight, because in my prayers i ask for the safety, health & success of You and Sonia. Baby we are all attracted to you before you understood anything, and i hope my prayers are soon to be answer, and i might worry lesser so your Mummy can worry but at ease.<br />
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Baby, your Mummy meant alot to many of us, and it breaks our heart to have to hear her sharing worrying updates on you, but i know this is only but a phase, and someday we will look back & smile at how silly it look, when once upon a time, we felt so hopeless we didnt know how things will eventually work out for you & her.<br />
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S Mummy, i dont know how to say things to appease the situation because had i been in your condition, i wouldnt want to hear any beat around the bush too. Once upon a time, you were around when i was at the end of the tunnel, not knowing if i should remove my life-creating organ or to persevere onto it in hope that miracles happen soon enough/. You just hang around and watch me in silence, and told me how strong i was. I didnt see it then, but i saw it now - those words - they dont mean a thing then but it was soothing enough to make me feel better. Sorry you dont need them now and i wish i can say things that make you feel better, but feeling better isnt going to change things, and i hope you are stronger than i once was.<br />
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Baby, your mummy says she have cry enough tears and it has to stop. So it shall stop, you will grow up happily, unknowing to this time where there are so much uncertainty we were all rooting for your best outcome. Someday, i want to hold your hand & make you smile & that smile of yours will remind me of how it all happen because your Mummy is so so so strong, and she make you that perfect person you will grow up to be. We adore you so much, stay healthy & include us in your life dearie..Kristal Dkrisshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00840784351410026454noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5684039.post-5404956358909315592018-05-10T15:06:00.000+08:002018-05-10T15:06:41.791+08:00-Primary School -<br />
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Growing up, i was neither the pretty next door girl nor one with complexion or hair fashion to envy. If i had to describe myself so you can relate to anyone, i was the class chairperson/monitor/prefect you hate.<br />
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My skirt were threatening to burst at the seam. No, my skirt had burst at the seam, the closure lock and EVEN the pocket area. I was embarrass to request for few new ones from my parents because it would mean lengthy school skirts there i was not allow to shorten and i certainly look worst. Strange how I never put it to puberty, never admitting the skirt can no longer fit my growing hips & only blaming it on the calories. My skirts, they were super washed out, i grew up with a maid all my life so our laundry were always cleaned & ironed. I refuse to change into a new skirt & instead beg my kakak to sew the pocket shut or at least camouflage the white pockets with a navy patch of cloth so the entire skirt looks ok . My BFF didnt complain about me & that was all that matters.<br />
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And you would have probably guess it already.. i WAS the prefect/Monitor/Councillor/Environmental Squard treasurer and what's not. i am always a part of whatever role that provides me with some authoritarian responsibilites & thinking back, the teachers might already knew because they always save a spot for me when there are new committee to be form.<br />
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I was ALL the teacher's pet, i aspire to be one, i was not your companion or the sort that save her BFF from misery, if my teacher had me punish my BFF by watching her sit through detention, i would do it without flickering the slightest bit, and to top it off i make sure she is within my radar & gave her extra from breaking any rules, no exception.<br />
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So it must be miracle how these ladies grow up not killing me.. and these days we still keep in touch once a while, now that we are parents with kids ourselves. I must have done smoething right because i see that we are consider a neat bunch despite graduating from Primary school for a good 18 years now.<br />
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I adore my form teacher, i went to her house even when i graduate, and i adore her sister when i was in my secondary school & found out they share the same family surname. My chinese teacher dotes on me super well, so because i knew i had him to count on, i joined his mini-tennis CCA, his ART CCA & dont mind going to his extra chinese class. Mr Lee is a very very fierce teacher who spank our palms when we failed at his spelling test. I make sure i got it right most time, but more often than not, during surprise test i dont do well & was at the receiving end of his "rubber band tied 3 rotan" treatment too. I only but cried out loud after his beating one, when i was in Primary 1, thereafter i make sure i did well in his class & "absorb" his punishment like i deserve it. I do still feel strongly that he took great care of me as his student, and treat me differently well, and for that i am still very grateful.<br />
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I was never goood in sport, i didnt like doing PE at all, if i can escape PE classes with excuses i will do it. Despite wanting to excel in all the other subjects, PE was never one of them. I had period when i was in primary 4, during the sports day event at Khatib stadium. By then, health education had prep us for this day to come but it was still an awful surprise. I borrow my first napkin from a lady teacher & never bother returning Ms Catherine, i felt "special" that day for having an extra layer on my clothing. I was even HAPPY to wash my soiled linen when i head home becuase it was my first.<br />
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Apart from my hip, my body was changing faster than the period can come. I was uncomfortable to these changes because i associate them as fat. My mum would had prep me with a few singlet by then but i will always forget to put them on.<br />
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One fine day during Primary 5, i woke up to the alarm late and it was the school excursion day. You know nothing beats school than excursion so i couldnt miss it. i endure my dad scolding in order to be granted the ride to school instead of busing. i finally made it & ran up the bus & join my mates only to realize i was in PE attire that day & not wearing bra. Needless to say it was uncomfortable to last because PE tee shirt are known to be thin & cooling. It was worst when i was assign to be Pedestrian for this road safety park course which means i couldnt seek shelter & had to "air" myself through the day. Well, in the end i dont think anyone notice because we are only 11 year old afterall, but it certainly carved deeply in my heart as incident when i wasn't well prepared.<br />
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1 had 1 boyfriends in school. One was a super cute small boy who crushed on me all through school, and another was a boy i crush on. J was way shorter than i was, but he was really really cute & has cute spikey hair. His dad was chinese & his mum's malay, so he look chinese but lived & grow up muslin. I always think of him as being smart & cute but never acknowledge nor return his affection.. because it just felt good to have someone adore you from afar. Besides, let''s not forget i am that irritating prefect that cannot afford to break school rules.<br />
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The next guy was CY, he was really fair & sissy, but i really like him alot because he was my kind of perfect boyfriend material. hahahha.. i really dont know what i was thinking... he might be Gay now that he is all grow up, but once upon a time he had a mini gf and that was me. We chatted on the phone up to 6hours at length, and i had to sneak our calls without being found out by my parent, who still did & always make it hard for me. CY also gave me expensive gift for our age, a Forever friend bear, a musical box or a glass flower.<br />
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183 crush on me in silent, and i can never ever forget this guy, because we went on to become poly mates & stay in contact till today. He still never fail to forget my birthdate (thanks FB) and i will lived to regret never once being given the chance to date him officially. I dont really know why we didnt date in primary school, perhaps because we were both the guai guai kind. but once i visited his place for his birthday & i remember his younger sis exclaim aloud that i was his dreamgirl since young. Anyhow, along our friendship things turn awkward because when we in poly he started dating my close friend, at my encouragement & it didnt end up well. Somehow, i harbor thoughts during then that maybe, just maybe we might eventually come in a full circle & finally be together, but that day never come.. and we are both married to our spouse & have our babies. 183 remain an extremely encouraging friend till these days, seeking his wife help & advising me as i undergo dark times post pregnant & while suffering during confinement. I am just hoping for the best for this guy.<br />
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My girls, we come from so many countries, Penn was fresh from Thailand & then there was Gale that joined the clique from Malaysia. Mich was always the prettiest among us, had the most admirer but she changed school halfway, sending alot of guys' heart broken. Then there is Jaime, whom till these days we have stop speaking because for some reason i never feel like we can bond. Anyway these girls were my pillar of support through primary school, and they each excel really well in their arena, be it sports, studies or beauty. If i may admit i was the only one without a real talent then, i was the only one that is probably eligible to make it to this group because i took on so many roles in the school committees.Kristal Dkrisshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00840784351410026454noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5684039.post-49226303424906119882017-08-03T10:30:00.000+08:002017-08-03T10:30:11.884+08:00OMG Braxton Hicks...So recently i have experience weird stomachache, and only started linking it to contractions after seriously looking out for the symptoms.<br />
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Some of the ignorant things i have came to notice include:-<br />
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<ol>
<li>Stomach hardening then softening as i placed my hand on the belly</li>
<li>Stomachache that eventually lead to real poop usually, perhaps <10 frustrating="" is="" it="" lead="" li="" nothing="" of="" really="" the="" time="" to="" which="" will="">
<li>motion of hard->soft belly sometimes fall on the left side then right side by 2nd half of the day</li>
</10></li>
</ol>
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All the above are painless or usually manageable pain (which equates to just your typical stomachache so i ignore them) and then there are those that prolong enough to f**k my mind into converting them into "menses cramp" ---- or is it, really?</div>
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Today i decided to entered most of this symptoms, coupled with the weeks of pregnancy i am now at Week 37 and laid my faith in Google. The result were astonishing - or so i tot since i am rather duhz.. ignorant to begin with. </div>
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As it turns out, the legendary Braxton Hicks i've ponder for months about is exactly that! The usually painless contraction are the hardening of belly then softening! How stupid have i been exactly? Is it a good time to finally let the nurses, midwife & Gynae know that - YES i felt contractions so they can at least check if i have started dilating?</div>
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Rodman & i are still praying Sonia arrives before the Lunar 7th month which falls on 22 August. Rodman have been talking to Sonia every night teaching her to countdown the days till 11aug which is when we hope she will arrived. I do feel very excited that all this signs meant we might look forward to seeing her as we've planned. </div>
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I finally understood pregnancy a little more:) so pleased..</div>
Kristal Dkrisshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00840784351410026454noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5684039.post-62119831420292101092017-08-02T10:08:00.000+08:002017-08-02T10:08:41.865+08:00Week 37My heart is half filled.<br />
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These days i have been preoccupied with figuring out what i could have done better. Sonia is seeing the world real soon but i dont know how much of her delay is due to my part. Rodman shared that we haven't done much more than we could to make sure the delivery is smooth, and yes i am panicking with each passing day that the actual delivery will be prolong.<br />
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Having spoken to concern girlfriends, i realize how i have not done as much "workout" as i should to encourage delivery. Besides, my belly is really too way high up to be consider "ready for birth". A like-minded mum shared that her boob barely seen her belly onwards third trimester & i realize mine were just piling on top of each other.<br />
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Of course, panick came upon me & instead of bio-oil then wrapped up for the night yesterday, i stood in front of the mirror in my unattractive lingerie & maternity undies just staring. After what seems like eternity, coupled with the incessant knocking on the bedroom door from Rodman who just wanted a fresh set of PJ to changed into, i open the door & ask if he saw what i saw.<br />
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I'm pretty sure it sounded like we have done this a million times but i had, in fact, only allow him to to stare at my awkward belly less times than my fingers can count. Rodman was being helpful as usual & took some time to absorb & process his words, eventually he came to agree that it doesn't seem the belly is "sunken" low enough to suggest Sonia can come out soon. I am 37 weeks today, which means i am all ready to let Sonia see the world on her own next week onwards.<br />
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..................... i have aplenty of things to start doing like.. instantly....................<br />
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First up,<br />
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i really need to walk more, like way more than i am doing now, google also suggest scrubbing the floor on all fours. As with all Kristal antics, i am also worried if the baby is in a anterior position which will "encourage" prolong labour due to the baby being place in a uncomfortable position that makes it less convenient for her to slip out head down.<br />
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Then, since i have been driving all through the pregnancy, i learnt only yesterday that i should have sat & ensure all sitting position are adjusted so the butt is always higher than the knees when bended.... 9 months worth of wrongful doing i ought to be ashame of myself....<br />
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i am counting down to less than 6 days till i break from work for the maternity "holiday" to start, and i reckon i should stop worrying at having nothing to do, and instead work on my "to-do" list such as walking to encourage Sonia arrival before the EDD 20 August 2017.<br />
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<br />Kristal Dkrisshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00840784351410026454noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5684039.post-62155977363099381302017-07-31T10:20:00.000+08:002017-07-31T10:20:03.011+08:00Week 37 - 20 days to goIts week 37 today, and i am feeling ok-ish.<br />
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Had a weird episode of retching then vomitting this morning all because i accidentally swallowed some toothpaste while gurgling. The retching went on at least 7 times and by the 6th i could feel my abs working it.<br />
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Its strange how i appear to accept it all as a package of the baby journey, yet there are sleepless night such as yesterday where thoughts of childbirth scares the shit outta my head. I hate to admit but perhaps deep down i am scared of the actual child birth process, yet the psychical me compare these against all the other ops i have been through so it really isn't anything much worst. I guess the core difference this time is that i am conscious throughout the experience, while the other ops in the past years had always been a full anesthetic. I cant wait to get it over & done with, seeing Sonia & actually "carrying" her instead of.... "carrying"her? #ifyouknowwhatimean<br />
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My stomach is so tight now it is a good feeling to hold it most time, so i dont blame Rodman whenever he does hold or carry my belly in public. It must be tough for him having gone this far, and only recently i had to pull him out of bed at almost 5am in the morning because i experience the Mother-of-cramps in pregnancy. I must say he had it easy most time during the last 9 months too, minus the times we squabble a little here & there when he nags on about how i was putting Sonia at risk when i bend, move a little too fast. i dont really like moving like a snail & i never did, although i understand it pays to slow things down a little sometimes i cant help it. And yes, his nagging is a pain to go through.<br />
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The cramp i had that faithful night is really a wake up call of just how blessed i have been through the entire pregnancy. Its a crappy feeling that doesnt go away, Rodman woke up shocked as i silently scream in pain at the arch of my heels just freezing in a weird position, and after he massage the cramp away, i fondly fell asleep only to wake up in less than a split seconds because the cramp has return almost instantaneously! After perhaps 3 times of the same cramp coming & going, Rodman says he knows exactly which point the cramps return because my feet went from a soft skin texture to a #mannequinchallenged one hahahahhahhahhaa... and while he had the hardwork of massaging my smelly feet, i had the HARDER job of falling asleep & waking up shock like 7 times within few minutes. The consoling thing is the cramp only came like 36 weeks into the pregnancy, so God has been very very nice to me. <br />
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I have since worn socks to sleep EVERY night, not that i can wear them on myself. I secretly mock Rodman that having dated for 9 years and avoided carrying my handbag, wearing my bridal shoes or any of those silly stuff every girl yearn to experience one day, he now has to wear my socks for me every night. And if i may add to his misery, i had to wear HIS high cut soccer, non-appealing & nothing close to Japanese puffy socks. It must truly be a hilarious sight if you can imagine waking up to your wife numerous (if i may count its around 4 times) pee trips in the night & watching her backview of oversize tee, bball shorts & almost knee high socks. Nothing fits me better than his clothes now, and sleeping IS my priority over looking good, if i had to struggling fitting into my dresses by day, i sure as hell wouldn't consider doing that at night.<br />
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i am currently counting down less than a week before i break from work to start prepping for Sonia's arrival, and already i am dreading having to stay at home all day under the blazing heat of the house. A part of me decide i was better off turning the air-conditioning on all day, while another part of me wanted to be the wise & sensible mother to start saving on electricity bills. This struggle is real & also the main reason why i hesitate for so long before agreeing to leave work for home (at least in the office i get the luxury of air-cond all day every day... and also the endless made-up humor of my colleagues...).<br />
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Dad spoke to me last week, demanding i moved home so at least my mum & maid can help watch over me in case my delivery is due. He also assured me that it was ok to keep the air-con on as long as i felt comfortable, which makes me so guilty for having all this unnecessary demands. Of course if you ask me i prefer to stay at my own place now because of easy access to all things mine, but i know better the risk of falling prey to loneliness & also weird emotional & negative thoughts. I haven't really discuss this with Rodman as of yet, but he know by the 2nd month after Sonia is delivered i will move home so Mummy & Kakak can help take care of me when he return to work. We are keeping our fingers crossed that Sonia can come out earlier than her EDD 20August2017, perhaps 11 August2017 so we have 1 less anniversary to remember (11 August is when we first date back in the year 2008). Well, 船到桥头自然直, come what may next week for i am too pre-occupied to think of all this now.<br />
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<br />Kristal Dkrisshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00840784351410026454noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5684039.post-68766798823715871262017-07-24T14:52:00.001+08:002017-07-24T14:52:40.480+08:00Still week 36... or 37 if you like to see it that way<span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;">i just wanna documents that the weird feeling of pressure tugging below is increasing, and if i may interpret it correctly the baby is forcing its head in position. I am also suppose to be on a lookout for the amniotic fluid leaking which is a sign of water bag bursting. So far i would have had 2 episodes of suspect leaking amniotic fluid, but because the signs to lookout for (suppose to be clearer than urine!? not suppose to smell like urine?) i cant really tell. </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;">The dry cough have been sustained for a while now, my colleagues are just impressed more than annoyed with the persistence (29 days counting from the day i first had my sore throat & went on an MC). My GM was away most time overseas, and even she cannot fanthom how she will return to work & i still sound like a seal. </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;">What's even more annoying is that i caught a flu bug the night before, accumulated by having a sick sister to stay over last week plus receiving my husband back from the Army, still down with cough & flu. Rodman says its the combintion of 2 flu virus that causes mine. And somehow, its a blessing in disguise as i found myself deeply asleep due to the flu med i've taken. Plus the flu created lotsa of mucus which clearly is a remedy for the throat that causes the dry cough. However, i should not jinx it by talking more, i do hope i fall asleep as well as i did the night before tonight. And by that i mean skipping my usual 3.45am pee +insomnia attack. *fingers crossed*</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;">Today i've roughly decided on the full month celebration for Sonia, spoke to GM about my pending break from work (counting down 2 weeks). It's high time to focus on nursing myself to bring Sonia safely out, but i fear the overthinking me might end up worrying about other unnecessary things. That' what i dislike about myself actually, hence i prefer to stay at work cos i dont overthink. </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;">i know i am not the only person who would say this, but i don't usually admit defeat to fear either... but pregnancy is a scary process, and if possible i will like to think less, and act more. i pray i wont let all the free time get into me & my hopelessly creative mind. </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;">Then in addition to all this, i am slightly stressed out by Rodman determine mind to celebrate his daughter full month plus open house warming at our new nest, just 30 days into my recovery. The thought of fake smiling & pretending to enjoy & immerse in the season is just too much for me at this point. I wont recover from my post-natal figure, i would have just figured how to treat that little human right, and i am still on the road to recovery & already i need to do all the other "social" stuff of entertaining our family & friends.. 've tried asking Rodman to push the party to the foyer downstairs but he says it defeat the purpose of house warming without getting into the house, moreover i cannot celebrate the baby's full month PAST her full month... sigh pie.. it sucks to be me at this point really. </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;"><br /></span>Kristal Dkrisshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00840784351410026454noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5684039.post-87040237753918987892017-07-21T11:07:00.003+08:002017-07-21T11:07:45.182+08:00Back from reservist; Staycation at my place<span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;">So its finally friday!!~ Which meant Rodman returns from his reservist & we are back to relying on each other till i pop. </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;">This week has been tiring, but it would have been worst if not for the help of my family & close friends. First up, we were all worried i might pop during this period & Rodman wont be able to help me out. </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;">Special grateful to Ed&Shayne for hanging around our neighborhood instead of heading back to their parents' place for the week, as a back up if i needed an extra helping hands. </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;">And there were my niece, my Mum & my sis who offered to pop by my place to keep me accompany (and help me used up my expiring annual leave no less). </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;">I had a great dinner with Bestie & Jean & my sis last night. It's weird that just yesterday we all felt like my sis was just a toddler & today she sat across the table from us all & chatted just like we were all good old friends. At the end of the dinner Jean & Bestie request that Kristi joined us for future outings but i had to pull the plug here. hahaha... only because i needed to upkeep my "reputation" as an elder sis & i dont want to refrain from speaking my mind for fear that she cannot see me like she should in future. </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;">But i know ultimately that Kristi has been around my girlfriends far too long since i know almost all of them for at least a century? As we made our way back to my place last night she could name off all the ladies i hang out often with & she knew them like they were friends on her facebook as well... </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;">Anyhow, i think this week stay at my place help my sis learnt a little harsh reality of being away from parents. My mum has been toying with the idea of dropping our maid once her contract is up but i can already fear the hardship that is to come. Both my younger siblings are not used to helping around the house in terms of household chores & my mum isnt going to turn younger with the years piling, then there is the addition of new family member plus my baby & niece that she has to take care of as a stay-at-home-grandma. I have feedback against dropping our maid cos i see how valuable those additional help from her have been for our family. </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;">Nevertheless, i can see where my mum is coming from, being able to save on the expenses & having more from my Dad that is the only one working among them both. I have yet to discuss the matter of passing mum some money to thank her for babysitting Sonia but at the moment i've decided to hold it back till i was sure we can afford it. Keepng our fingers crossed that it will all end up well......</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;">So yesterday, i recall some of the difficulties i've faced going through the pregnancy & decided at some point i shall document them down so i dont forget this information i figure on my own. </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;">Here's a video of Sonia squirming in my belly, so active this baby</span><br />
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<u><span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace; font-size: large;"><b>How does baby movement feels like?</b></span></u><br />
<span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;">OK this differ with every woman, but for mine i started really acknowledging those movement as baby kicks when i hit third trimester. </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;">I must have googled >20 times & asked like 4 mums exactly how it felt like but was still clueless. Google mums didnt do justice to the description & could NEVER EVER figured what it meant when there were <i><u><b>butterflies in your stomach. </b></u></i></span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;">"....like i've never swallow butterfly before so who can tell huh?"</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;">Today, if you asked me, a baby movement felt like the exact motion of farting/burping. You know at that point where your stomach jerk when you burp? YEAH that is baby kick, minus the discomfort in your throat or your tummy (painless really), THAT IS BABY MOVEMENT.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;"><b style="font-size: x-large; text-decoration-line: underline;">How to conquer hunger during pregnancy?</b></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;">This, to me, is the easier to answer. At the start of the pregnancy, you need to already realize that you DO NOT NEED TO EAT FOR 2. .</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;">Fact, a new born baby tummy is the size of a walnut. Tell again how eating a walnut portion of food means twice of everything?</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;">Inevitably, not being to eat during pregnancy is deeply saddening. I only felt real hunger by 2nd trimester so that was the time i allow myself to indulge in food. i dare not say it was the same for all the mummies but i dont feel like i needed to wake up to munch when i am asleep, but during pregnancy sleep is so so so so so much easier than before (no i am including the insommia by 3rd trimester in this discussion here) so i am not letting them slip passed. I was the light sleeper before i got pregnant, so those 7 months of fantastic sleep is rewarding & other than those pee trips most midnight i just wanna hurry peed & return back to the comfort of my bed... so hunger what hunger? Sleep is king!</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;">If you really felt like your appetite is bigger than pregnancy, accept it but remind yourself what the 老人家 mention about those food. So with each mouth tell yourself "too much of this, baby drop hair" "Too much of that i will surely puke".... Like i am sorry but i kept alot of disgusting thoughts in my mind as i ate each mouthful, though i am not upset about it because the weighing scale plus the size of the baby agrees muahahhhaa. </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;">i am currently 10Kg heavier than pre-pregnancy, and Sonia weights maybe 2.5Kg today, the water retention in the body is questionable, but i am praying Baby will soon pile on the weight before full term. </span><br />
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<b style="font-family: "Courier New", Courier, monospace; font-size: x-large; text-decoration-line: underline;">How to track everything?</b><br />
<span style="font-family: "Courier New", Courier, monospace;">This is damn easy to answer....</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "Courier New", Courier, monospace;">Baby growth - use & download <b><u>OVIA </u></b>pregnancy app on iphone /andriods</span><br />
<span style="font-family: "Courier New", Courier, monospace;">Contractions - use & download <u style="font-weight: bold;">Contractions </u>app on iphone/andriods, it is a green icon with a cartoon baby head sketch in the middle</span><br />
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<br />Kristal Dkrisshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00840784351410026454noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5684039.post-27291908628009084912017-07-18T10:25:00.002+08:002017-07-20T10:55:18.852+08:0035 days till P-O-P<span style="font-family: "courier new" , "courier" , monospace;">The changes by now have been manageable, saved for the dry cough that still hasnt gone away. </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "courier new" , "courier" , monospace;">i know for sure Sonia is having a hard time keeping up with her sleeping pattern, and i only have myself to blame. The Gynae mention Sonia is sitting on my Tummy hence the breathing is limited & causing the cough every min. Somehow i am glad Rodman is away on reservist this week because at least he has this well-deserving sleep without being interrupted by my coughing through the night. </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "courier new" , "courier" , monospace;">I can tell if i dont have Sonia right now, i might gain some abs from the incessant coughing haha. My appetite is also significantly hindered, but its for the better because otherwise i am not sure my body can cope with anymore weight gain. At last check 3 days ago, i am currently 63kg, started out at 53.7Kg so that is a whopping 10Kg gain since! i guess the only comforting thing to note is i am now less than 35 days away from popping so the gain is but momentarily??</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "courier new" , "courier" , monospace;">The feeling of gagging is harder to manage these days, it reminded me of 1st trimester quite a bit, except i can manage them better, sometimes alternating between swallowing big gulp of saliva or just coughing the feeling away. I also tend to feel unwell within short interval of time, drifting between dizziness & out of breath. Thankfully they only happen after i am done with a fuller than usual meal, so i try very hard to keep my meals small & just sufficient. </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "courier new" , "courier" , monospace;">Just the other night after saving a slice of cheesecake for dessert, i struggle to finish them & by nightfall i had puke out almost every single bit of it. Of course naturally it scares Rodman quite a bit & lesson learnt since. We now keep our last meal of the day early & in smaller portion. I am guessing Sonia now has little space to move about & i am suffering from her discomfort, but the good news is i have sliightly less "weight gain" to shed off once this pregnancy is finished. </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "courier new" , "courier" , monospace;">Saw this chart off pinterest some time back & decided to save them, i am curious how long i can withstand breastfeeding so this might come in handy. After attending the seminar over the weekend, i learnt that i should prioritize breastfeeding over everything else. In addition, the cost saving of breastmilk over proper food plays a huge part too. There are certain arguement in the market about BLW & i am sitting on the fence what sort of feeding techniques will work for Sonia. Ultimately i need to understand that Sonia will be mostly taken care of by my Mum so whichever works for her po-po will works for us too i guess?</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "courier new" , "courier" , monospace;">Spoke to a few mom to garner some information prior to the start of my breastfeeding journey. i came to decided on Bepanthen because it serves as both a nipple cream as well as diaper rash cream. </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "courier new" , "courier" , monospace;">I also secure a good deal off carousell, for a 100gm tube of Bepanthen at only SGD$16. Mummies recommend to start applying the cream as nipple cream to prep your boobies for baby suckling. Then again , other LC (lactation consutant) advise to leave the boobies untouch & surprise it immediately after birth so as to quickly trigger the colestrum. Again too many opinions gathered so right now i am just leaving it till i can decide how else to move on... </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;">Finally met up with Paperstop one evening & man it felt great to feel like a woman again . Unfortunately we were both down with dry cough so it was pretty comical seeing how the restaurant patrons were clearly worried when they hear us coughing every few min. </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;">Since we were both out of appetite dinner was just warm porridge over siew yoke & bean sprouts. I love how we both skip much of the siew yoke & jump right at the bean sprout because here is someone who knew how hard it is trying to finish each bite of dinner if the food is fried. I have never felt healthier in my diet than i am now. Pregnancy is clearly magical hahaha. </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;">We also chatted over the usual stuff, her quest for Mr Right & updates on her career. Clearly i am at a stage in life now that there's nothing much to share about me except for the baby, so glad she had the patience to hear me out too. I sure hope to have new things to share about my lives once my family is complete. </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "courier new" , "courier" , monospace;">It also seems the interaction among my family is growin positively with the addition of our third generation. In our family groupchat i can feel free to throw questions their way & everyone including my mum & dad will offer their opinion on things. </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "courier new" , "courier" , monospace;">On this day, after sourcing & hunting for a cardigan for Sonia much to the dismay of Rodman (who clearly had me to blame that all our babies onesies consist only of short sleeves ones). I've decided to ask for help from Kayann. Maybe if luck was on my side my brother might saved some new born cardigan that he could pass it down to Sonia?</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "courier new" , "courier" , monospace;">Then my brother said something that mades be embarrassed to be a almost-mum. He asked why i was fussing over cardigan when newborns are swaddle 80% of the time? Then it all make sense - NO WONDER WE COULDN'T FIND A PROPER CARDIGAN FOR SONIA!!!~</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "courier new" , "courier" , monospace;">Of course Rodman didnt accept that reason as well as i did, he wanted to stock up on more long sleeves but i was worried the weather in Singapore might be too hot for babies. In that snap above, my brother took a snap of all the clothes he can pass to Sonia & just as he was snapping it Kayann threw herself on the bed to join in the picture... Such a adorable niece!!!!!!</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "courier new" , "courier" , monospace;">He make extra effort to request that Kristi stayed over the week to ensure nothing goes wrong. And in addition to that, our friendly-neighbour-buddies Shayne & Edmond also decided to stay at their new hunt for the entire week just in case i needed their help last minute. </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "courier new" , "courier" , monospace;">He would have gone out with Edmond earlier to stock up on the groceries earlier so i wont go hungry when i am lazy. Then come nightfall i realize we haven't had a proper picture taken together in a long while so here's one. Not long after that i started weeping like something had happen, of course Rodman was shocked!</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "courier new" , "courier" , monospace;">Right now as i am typing this, i still can't explain what got into me to be that emotional but i blame it ENTIRELY on hormonal change hhahahahahaha. It was weird cos all through our relationship we were used to be being apart & due to work reasons we took turn being overseas for business at a lengthy period each time. We also didnt celebrate his birthday for years to come because it was always the time of the year where i have my company review. So it didnt make sense how i was teary knowing he will be away at camp (just a stone throw from my office compound) for the week & that i'll still see him comes friday. So red-faced & slightly bewildered at myself so i shall marked this day down as the night i cried buckets because i fear surprise might befall me & that Sonia hopes to celebrate her birthday for the next 7 years during the time her Dada is away protecting the nation. </span></div>
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<br />Kristal Dkrisshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00840784351410026454noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5684039.post-37339465877303493992017-07-14T15:33:00.000+08:002017-07-20T10:57:08.400+08:00Epilogue of new mum week 35<span style="font-family: "courier new" , "courier" , monospace;">Sonia is coming soon...real soon. </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "courier new" , "courier" , monospace;">I have been sick for 19days now, not exactly really sick (having spoken to our gynae). </span><br />
<span style="font-family: "courier new" , "courier" , monospace;">Turns out the reason of my incessant coughing was due to the fact that Sonia was sitting on my tummy, so.. </span><br />
<span style="font-family: "courier new" , "courier" , monospace;">cough lah, cough all you want, as long as Sonia grows well.. </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "courier new" , "courier" , monospace;">Doc says she is 2.3Kg today, 2.279Kg to be exact, and Rodman took inspiration from that. So after our doc appointment yesterday, he took the gamble & place a small bet on 2279. Now we anticipate Sonia to bring us our first pot of gold.. hahaa.. silly moves like this amuse me alot. </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "courier new" , "courier" , monospace;">Our gynae was explaining the upcoming procedure to me.. i wasnt sure if EDD 20august2017 meant i was going to slowly make my way to KKH, then wait for the doctors to induce me so Sonia can arrived. </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "courier new" , "courier" , monospace;">The gynae says she hopes that my contraction starts by week 38/39, which will works out to start from Singapore National days onwards. If Sonia chooses to stay forth till 20august2017 LATEST, we will discuss plans to move forward such as an induce date. So from here forth i was to cut down on my appt from once every 2 months to 2 weeks, then to every week ( i am 5 weeks away from 20august as of today). The good news is next week Rodman is on reservist so there is a slim chance Sonia will choose to appear. Thereafter we'll all pray hard that she choose her birthdate wisely & show me obviuos signs & gave me ample time to make my way to the hospital. </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "courier new" , "courier" , monospace;">Here's a creepy front facing scan of Sonia, hahaha... no 3D image cos KKH refuse to scan it for us... </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "courier new" , "courier" , monospace;">Left pic - Sonia with her eye socket, presumably open her eyes</span><br />
<span style="font-family: "courier new" , "courier" , monospace;">Right pic - less visible scan of her eye socket, so it looks like she has her eye closed. </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "courier new" , "courier" , monospace;">i try not to the let the scan images gets into me, it kinda look creepy but take it its an skeleton scan. u can see her nostril bones, eye sockets & mouth hence its a complete normal scan. Wonderful how our brain works aint it.. and my colleagues were exclaiming in astonishment at the technology these days.. as compared to those times when their now 21 year old daughter had her first scan.. They truly felt that the scan these days were much clearer. </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "courier new" , "courier" , monospace;">In another attempt to prove my point, here's a scan of when my Mum has me inside her tummy, at week 35</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "courier new" , "courier" , monospace;">sorry i am not sure i can explain exactly what we are seeing here. Its quite exciting to know i am now the mummy of Sonia from the little blop here i used to be..</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "courier new" , "courier" , monospace;">I was just calculating & getting all the administrative matters sort out. From the short discussion with our HR earlier, i learnt that i will need to break from work earlier than i would preferred to. Largely due to the Annual leave that will soon expires, and the maternity leave i hope to tap on.. "Our corporation works differently, we dont have to abide the MOM recommendation " was what she said. </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "courier new" , "courier" , monospace;">Ya, one line sentence & now all is screwed. Judging from this sort of response, i estimate i have less than 2 weeks left at work before i bid my colleagues adios until the end of my maternity privileges. Just whatsapp my partner at work & let him know of the news. Its gonna be rushing through our handovers so he can manage my accounts while i take my well deserved break. i am nervous at the thought of not working for such a long stretch of time. </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "courier new" , "courier" , monospace;">anyway, maternity leave is a privilege so i shouldnt be all negative about it.. so is the expiring annual leave, let's make the best out of whatever we are given. I will spend as much time as possible being a good new mummy to Sonia soon.. i hope. </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "courier new" , "courier" , monospace;">In other news, Sonia jiejie cousin is so sweet & addictive i just look forward to heading home to my mum every wednesday to spend sometime with her. </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "courier new" , "courier" , monospace;">Gu-zhang Rodman also melt at her presence & each time we left my mum's we spent the rest of the evening talking about how cute she is & how we hope Sonia will be as fun as Kayann will be. </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "courier new" , "courier" , monospace;">At one point pregnant hormones would have gotten into me & i would be emotional & depressed, worying tat Sonia will not bring us as much joy as Kayann does. Rodman rest assured me i will love my own flesh & blood judging from how much he knows me. i sure hope that is true. </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "courier new" , "courier" , monospace;">Mentally, i feel like i am ready to see Sonia soon. Just yesterday Rodman asked if i will be mentally ready for my next pregnancy once we have Sonia. I was rather taken aback. I did share that the pregnancy has been rather smooth sailing & manageable thus far, and i felt very grateful for the good luck i have over utilised. Its not that i am dont look forward to the next baby at this point, but i haven't experience the REAL joy of seeing Sonia to judge. Besides, after being sick for 19 days straight after being well through the entire pregnancy, i get this inkling feeling that my mind has taken for granted what the body has been enduring. To be frank, if given a choice, i told Rodman i want to forget the negatives & pain from carrying Sonia, before i get pregnant again. Afterall, he is one weird fellow that is surprisingly quite "changed" after acknowledging his status as a Daddy.. =P</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "courier new" , "courier" , monospace;">i recall us being out with our usual hangout weeks ago, and someone was saying how its scary that our clique will soon expand with the introduction of Sonia. At this point i agreed that we are all really excited at the new guest, then Rodman answer nonchalently that we are going to enjoy it. Its like he already knew it will influence his clique to quickly jump on the bandwagon & produce a mini version of themselves right after seeing ours. </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "courier new" , "courier" , monospace;">On our way home that night, i told Rodman how we used to pride ourselves as the model couple for our clique, so does this means when Sonia comes along we can pride ourselves as the model family now? Rodman says even if we doesnt, at least we help influence his friends towards the right tracks. He also share how different he felt ever since he place his palms on my tummy & Sonia responded with a small thump.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "courier new" , "courier" , monospace;">Coincidentally, its like each time Rodman hinted Sonia for some response, he gets it on cue. He was really proud of this fact, he told his pal that the feeling was amazing. Sometimes he think back & came to the realization that he helped "made this fellow" & then there was a immerse sense of joy & pride. I dont ever think i share this kind of connection with Sonia, so i am convince Rodman has already mark his ownership over our daughter, and it felt kinda sweet. </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "courier new" , "courier" , monospace;">The saying goes that daughter are the ex-lover of their father. 前世情人, and it goes without saying that my daughter & her dad already acknowledged this to be true. Sonia's room is now ready awaiting her arrival, and her Dad spare no expense to making sure the room is comfortable. </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "courier new" , "courier" , monospace;">Here's the newly furnished room with help from Ed & Ray who took time off weekend to help paint the furniture pastel pink (no thanks to Daddy's limited knowledge of baby girl colors) & build the babycot. </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "courier new" , "courier" , monospace;">I have requested a few times for Rodman to sleep in the room so someone "room warming" before the confinement lady & Sonia arrived. He seems to reject it a little, as though it was well reserved for his Babygirl to do the warming herself. I have since shatter his dream as i invite my family over for staycation next week when he is on reservist. hahaha.. </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "courier new" , "courier" , monospace;">To sum it up, i used to spend the start of each year penning new resolution & trying hard to keep to it. My last few resolution were deliberately made doable only because i wanted to achieve it. This year flew by like a bullet train, i came to learn about Sonia arrival on november last year & since then, life whirlwind & i am now weeks away from seeing her. </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "courier new" , "courier" , monospace;">No, to a certain extent i still do not see myself as the overly attached mum that floods her instagram with baby pics, and i secretly wonder if i will adore my niece more than i can adore my daughter. The sort of attachment i was told i would soon felt also didnt came to me much. I guess its all down to the person who is undergoing the process. </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "courier new" , "courier" , monospace;">Each & everyday i swive Rodman a little more towards being the kind of parents i think fits our style. I didnt want to be the attentive blissful & twinning parents-baby trendy family i see others to be. Instead, i told Rodman i just wanna be cool about this whole growing up thing, to leave her in the safe hands of my mum & to continue growing our family financially, our marriage to be kept within us both, and that the baby is our investment. I know it gets hard to be away from our baby, especially me after 16 long weeks together, but i already knew how i wanted to do it soon enough, to stop feeling like my world revolve around her & to focus instead of working for a better future for her well-being. i dont want to be the 24/7 mum, tiger mum, BLW mum, breastfeeding FTW mum. I dont want to be all the mum i am reading up on. I need to be a working adult, a useful employee, a caring & loving wife to my husband, and i need to stay focus. </span></div>
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<br />Kristal Dkrisshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00840784351410026454noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5684039.post-16850407580042624432017-06-19T16:46:00.000+08:002017-06-19T16:46:35.183+08:00What makes me unhappy... As the week draws near & we are expecting the arrival of baby soon, i cannot help but be affected by the many things i have to sacrifice.<br />
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I have known for a long time that i tend to be a straight forward & strong-minded woman who feels that i am better off not being bonded by financial woes, and as such never really jump into the bandwagon of taking cash from Rodman for starting a family as well as making sure i always am bounded by a stable job so i can contribute & used my money like i deem worth.<br />
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There are definitely times i question my ability to lead a happy life like that of a handful close girlfriends who seemingly embrace being full-time mum & cherishing whatever amount their husbands extend to them, just being glad that they are getting by. Then i know i will not be happy limiting my freedom to whatever is being extended to me, knowing i have the ability to ask for more & enjoy more.<br />
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For a long time coming, as long as Rodman & i contribute diligently to the monthly joint bank account we share then i feel that we are saving good & in preparation for bigger things. Then came our home that we now lived in for the past 6 months, where we take matters into our hands & make major financial decision that painfully deplete our savings to a new low. However it is no use holding back on those drawstrings as we need quality stuff to live by. Generally, i do like to think that we were lucky that we secure much good deals, both onlines & through the goodwill of people we were grateful to. Back then, when Rodman commented that he didnt see his personal savings rising like it used to, clearly i had to do something & made him take into account that we were now at the mercy of our own savings & trying to build a comfortable roof over our head & surely, changes such as lowered expectation of personal savings is inevitable. But lo & behold, as i am the free spirit person i always am when it comes to the theory of "if it ain't broken , dont fix it" i didnt comment much, and only empathize by commenting how i felt the same towards my bank account.<br />
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Then come this day, now that we are less than 10 weeks away from the arrival of another spendthrift (no i dont mean it that way, but surely raising a kid means more money out your pocket hence the reference). Unfortunately i took on the role of making sure we path our way ahead with more expectation in mind, and having said that, started Rodman on the "discussion/argument/opinionated heated fight" over what is about to come our way. Here, we are about to embrace changes as new parents which also meant we were soon to start paying for an extra mouth, extra expenses such as milk powder, diapers & food. How are we going to cope with this? Is it ok that i deplete my savings since i dont earn as much as my husband? How are we going to split this responsibilities? Is he committed to splitting the cost of baby living between me & him 50-50?<br />
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I know i should have started the whole conversation on a light note, but so far attempts to mention this has been futile as we wind up concluding the conversation with thoughts about how we have to start tightening our pocket & be more mindful of the expense we occur. That..... is something neither of us are willing to part ways with.<br />
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Can i just say, at this point i feel that the biggest victim is the baby living inside me? On how selfish (instead of selfless) i felt we have both been as adults who decide now was the time to welcome a new member to our family? I wish i had the mentality that my girlfriends have lead me onto believing that i will eventually come to terms with? I wish when they mention "soon, you will realize it is all worth it!" meant giving up on dining with girlfriends at exquisite expensive diners, or giving up on chilling with the girls & instead head for home so i will reduce any chances of spurging on myself while they shop for clothes at the mall. I wish when they say that they are thankful for the handout (allowance, allowance, allowance... ) their husband pass them monthly, meant that they have way enough to feed the baby, the babysitter, the lost sleep, the lost of appetite, the housework, the all-in-a-day work without air-conditioned environment until bedtime. I wish when they carry the baby & meitu-xiuxiu the pictures before posting them on social media, meant that they are done with a day work & their husbands are not working so hard to give good living & that their marriage are never about financial woes & disagreement.<br />
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And then there are selfish person like me, who declare that once i set aside possible expense for my baby, i will be left with close to none savings in my bank account. but it will all be alright because it meant that i have the comfort & support of my trusted family to help take care of the baby while i continue to motivate myself to work for the society in return for salary to continue my current expenditure & also to be responsible to the baby i brought to the world. Then i failed to realize this meant Rodman will soon see depleting sum in his personal savings & we are both just uncomfortable with this idea because he was the man who was always full of assurance of a secure & safe living & also the person i can count back on if things failed at my side. Without the steady rise in the his personal savings all of a sudden he faced all the uncertainties which directly affect me because we are both used to him being the pillar of our marriage.<br />
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At this point i wish i can stay strong & assure him nothing changes, but the truth is everything changes. Proven up till june now that we are living away from our families and his obvious halt in personal savings. I also contemplate ((not really.. i have already decided i will start)) spending lesser on myself so i can ease the burden for us both. I am not mentally strong on this one yet cos i have known myself to spend lesser than the people i generally know, but it only meant now that i have to be even stricter on myself (a.k.a illtreating) but thats something to worry for another day.<br />
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Why wont things fast track further so we will both now be accustom to the new lifestyle we can adopt with the baby? perhaps by then i will laugh this off at how silly this all sound becuase we didnt wind up spending too much afterall? It is also a good time to tell me now how childish i have been in believing that raising a kid wont cost us much, becuase it will & our plans for the next 10 years are soon to change big time, and whats with the silly plan to raise another siblings in the next 2 years? i can barely breathe 2 months prior to my first-born.Kristal Dkrisshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00840784351410026454noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5684039.post-88289544562819275252017-06-15T13:58:00.000+08:002017-06-15T13:58:17.636+08:00Baby 2nd trimesterFinally back to update on some progressment.<br />
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These days there are numerous times i have felt like my stomach is rolling in the deep, ready to throw a bad diarrhea but furtile attempts. I googled if these were symptoms of the baby rolling or kicking in the stomach but apparently they werent quite the same thing. The advice on the internet says to lookout for fluttery feeling in the stomach but God knows how that feel cos i havent ate a butterfly before. It suck that each times i thought i felt what must have been a movement in the tummy only to be called false alarm by Rodman who, despite placing his palm on the tummy numerous times did not feel a slightest "nudge" like he said he should.<br />
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Seriously, i think that man thought we are feeding a Monster & movement is supposedly a obvious palm stetch into my tummy, Baby is on the size of a banana hello?!~ Of course, he was naturally upset that he didnt felt the baby moved & most times i brush it off saying i wasnt sure if it was baby movement afterall, so maybe not. I guess we both haven confirmed we have felt the baby moved yet?<br />
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I am starting to get all kinds of weird illness but each time i want to start worrying about it, i put off the idea as soon as they fall into the category of "pregnant symptoms". Migraine be the bane of my life, then comes flu (sinus, real sinus like block nose & watery tear duct) & all that going to bed feeling like i have been stuck in a drought yet not allowing myself any water for the fear of water retention. There have been 2 episodes that i teared so far, just plain tired at hearing or accepting all the unneccessary comment that comes my way.<br />
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Should the topic of pregnancy be limit to only positive ^& congratulatory comments? Because most of those i received are really unnecessary!!!!<br />
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I especially detest comments made by "those who had been there" - there is a lot to take in during this time, i dont care if you ever limit urself to only warm water all through your pregnancy (your baby is whining non-stop for ice at the very moment you "advise" me to abstain from cold drinks. You deprive yourself the luxury to enjoy the pregnancy but that doesnt give you the right to deprive mine. I clearly dont take it well to your advise WITHOUT a reasonable explanation so please keep the comment to yourself already.<br />
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Rodma<br />
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<br />Kristal Dkrisshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00840784351410026454noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5684039.post-29275557839216913662017-03-13T13:32:00.001+08:002017-03-13T13:32:13.281+08:00Baby 1st trimester I am 16 weeks pregnant today, which will works out to be 4 months. Baby will start growing hair next week, his/her limbs & fingers are slowly transform from the web mass it was previously.<br />
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I have been relatively happy, courtesy of Rodman being extraordinarily thoughtful. Most days i find myself being exaggeratedly happy from the least comical humor, in chinese we call this 笑点很底。 I have one noticeably weird emotional blast episode so far that saw me bursting into tears when all Rodman said was how i should have sounded the horn as i was driving & swiftly avoided a possible head-on collision with a Taxi driver.<br />
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You see, the driver had made a turn without checking for incoming car and i was the first in the tow to be maneuvering the straight road. Quite obviously i had the right of way but i jam brake anyhow to save my life as well as to warn the cars behind me of the impending danger. I had driven at a careful speed of 60km/h which was within speed limit so i had taken all the precaution & deserves a medal right? .... no...not according to the Mr-experience-driver husband who felt i should have sounded the horn to warn the car of my arrival as i manipulate a straight road. Like, hello?!?!?!??!, who goes around sounding the horn EACH time they drive past a traffic light unless they are ambulance dashing across a amber-turning-red traffic stop. I felt Rodman's demand was beyond acceptance. and that - coupled with the fact that he had targeted on the things i DIDN't do, instead of complimenting on what i had done - had me whining & crying like my pet-mosquito died. Thinking back, it was comical especially when Rodman profusely apologize just to cheer me up.<br />
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Baby says hello!! Yes, we should know the gender by now - no, we still don't know because there are no scan appointment from the last visit when it was too early to tell. It was frustrating really, i woke up excited - having lost sleep from the day before as it was finally time to reveal the gender. Drove to KK hospital only to be told we were only chatting with te Gynae today<br />
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like... WHAT?!??!?! "How are you?" "Everything ok?" "Have you finish your medicine?" "Let's hear the baby heartbeat"<br />
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and then i was send out the door - no scan to see the baby, only heard his/her heartbeat which is regular. i was so so so upset at the waste of time really.<br />
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Next appointment - with a scan in toll of course - after double clarifying with the nurses - gender reveal finaly. 7 April i cannot wait for you to come sooner.<br />
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Mum said i had a belly all along, so its no wonder i had visible baby bump so early on - i can't really tell if it is only food tummy actually, so here's a snap to show the first obvious bump at week 12. Man this clothes i wear, how long till i outgrown them, sigh..<br />
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Finally breaking into the loan clothes from Karen, and first up was this pretty sarong dress made to measure when Karen was carrying her twins. I tot i had them out at the right time (13 weeks in) but clearly my belly tells no lie.. because<br />
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That fateful day might be the last i'll seen of this bali-ish dress Maxi that i so fancy. My belly threaten to burst the dress & i cannot even attempt to suck in the tummy (its impossible, i've tried) as i went about the day carefully not to burst the seam. I need to return this dresses to Karen at the end of it all so better keep them in a good condition otherwise.<br />
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Another vest-improvised top that i loan from Karen, which i tot i will maximize its mileage through the pregnancy. I do really like how i look in it, with colleague commenting i dont look at all pregnant. But if you notice, the buttons at the chest are threatening to burst - Karen tease that i am more endown - so i should look at it on the brighter side. <br />
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On better days i finally spent some quality time with Baby Princess who have now grown into a fine young lady. She was outspoken & very clear on her articulation & demand. We had lunch & it was instructed from the start that she fancy only 署条, so fries it was. Since preggy Kristal wanted some fries too, i was allowed a handful before she hinted me to leave her fries alone. </div>
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Baby princess & me, i regretted not making more effort to see her through her many milestone, gonna create more memories with her if time permits. Can you spot my baby bump in the above picture?</div>
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Paperstop & i finally met! and we have endless of things to talk about - as usual. </div>
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Since i havent got a craving that day, we randomly joined a queue to spend more time chatting & wind up the night having one of the most satisfying meal this pregnancy! I didnt even get the name of the restaurant when we left but the exact location is clearly etched in my mind. </div>
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Basically, you sit on the rows of wake- commonly used plastic red chair & advance with the queue as it shortens. Rice barley water were served at interval to tie you through the bad wait. We must have clock all of 1 hr till it is our turn. As we walk in, it finally dawn upon us why the queue, it was quaint small restaurant with very limited sitting - about less than 20 pax per ""session""?</div>
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Anyway, you can ONLY choose from [SPECIAL] or [VEGETARIAN], so special it is! It is really weird just staring into the chef as they prepare your meal. It was only then that wwe learnt we were eating tempura - served with rice & a fried poached egg. A Chawamushi & a bowl of miso soup. No further question is asked. </div>
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Verdict - definitely render a return visit, i must have kept alot of friends in suspense & even Rodman is just waiting for the next trip when i gave in & reveal the locaation to him. I LOVE THIS RESTAURANT SOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO MUCH!!!~</div>
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Per set meal came to about S$19 each, you do not choose from varieties, and for some ppl who ate certain vegetables - Lady finger & Yam are DEFINITELY in the menu... </div>
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Finally decided to stop being so lazy & wake up at unearthly hour ((actually pretty erthly considering its 9am but its saturday & meant for sleep in)) to conquer Singapore Quarry. I must have to trek that since 1980??!?!? anyhooo Singapore Quarry checked & here's the latest baby bump pic - Baby is growing well at 16 weeks now :)</div>
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<a href="https://4.bp.blogspot.com/-gSAUkytSt_M/WMYQS36xWCI/AAAAAAAAL_U/aXKBFN4gHlM_XcwuK3siALrHMTI-WTrQACPcB/s1600/C5F83DC0-0C25-447D-BFC6-9A05FB6ED9F3.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="640" src="https://4.bp.blogspot.com/-gSAUkytSt_M/WMYQS36xWCI/AAAAAAAAL_U/aXKBFN4gHlM_XcwuK3siALrHMTI-WTrQACPcB/s640/C5F83DC0-0C25-447D-BFC6-9A05FB6ED9F3.jpg" width="480" /></a></div>
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This is more obvious, also spot my boobs threatening to tear my sports bra apart. </div>
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One more closely similar shot because they all look so good i cannot post just 1. </div>
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And there you have it! One third completion to Baby's journey, just 24 more weeks to go- jia you!</div>
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<br />Kristal Dkrisshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00840784351410026454noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5684039.post-66599572277613403182017-02-20T10:38:00.000+08:002017-02-20T10:38:36.884+08:00Dong Dong Dong... Xiao Ji JI<u>04jan2017</u><br />
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After being reassured 3 times of your existence, out of the 4 test sticks we've taken. I've decided to ask for advise, and at this point i am thankful i did, because just when i thought i should take it slow, i realize i need to see a doctor ASAP. It is at this moment i felt that we were caught off guard. Despite it being the 2nd time we are feeling the same roller coaster of emotions, we were adamant to make this experience the best one.<br />
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I spoke to Jeff whose wife recently gave birth & he suggested i wasted no time to seeing a doctor, he also provided some perspective on govt versus private clinic. A lengthy discussion with Rodman later, we've decided that the best was to confirm (yes, once again because it is never too much to reassure us of your comfort inside) via a scan ASAP before we make the next decision.<br />
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<u>05jan2017</u><br />
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i took half a day off work while Rodman lay at home suffering the aftermath of yet another bout of stomach flu, at this point he has lost 5kg by visiting the toilet puking & diarrhea. It was a tough time for us both because i was puking for all the weirdest reason & so was he.<br />
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Some point we will look back & remember we both suffer morning sickness while we had you :) <br />
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We left for our very first schedule appointment with W Clinic, it was after checking on the contact with Faye, who have delivered 3 times at Mount A. For some reason Rodman blurt out Mount A when we discuss where we can deliver you, so Mount A it shall be. Dr Ben was a gynae who was very neat & looks really young. Nevertheless he was really charming and carry an very confident aura as he speaks.<br />
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i learnt from the nurses that he has just arrived from the delivery suite not long ago, hence some of the appt were pushed behind. When i went in i mention we were 2 lost lambs who were unsure of what to do as it is our 1st visit. Yet, after discussing my medical condition with Dr Ben, he reassure me i am more experienced than alot of Mothers he has consulted. Seems like all this medical terms i have been encountering are finally paying off.<br />
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Dr Ben did a scan & we saw you for the very 1st time... if i can describe u in 1 word?<br />
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"SMALL"<br />
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like, very small, just hanging tightly onto me, a little blop, Dr Ben turned on the volume & both Rodman & i heard u for the very 1st time. I was about to feel all emotional but Dr Ben didnt allow that, i think he cut the volume off just in time for me to regain my saint (although Rodman didnt agree, he says he was very very touched to hear your heartbeat goes "Dong.. Dong.. dong")<br />
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Initial consultation & SGD$250 later, we left the clinic, it was a really short session & we discuss how our DongX3 (based on your heartbeat so punny i know) is making us feel so motivated. I also started regretting the Happy Meal i bought at 10pm last night & gobble down on the pretext of you being hungry. You were tiny & mighty but cannot possibly gobble the 4 pieces of McNugget & fries so i had no excuse for piling on my fats.<br />
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Xiaojiji (again, you were born in the year of Chicken, so more Pun intended), you are 9mm today, the size of 1 blueberry. <br />
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but have the love of 2 fully grown adults, who are eager to make sure you are well & comfortable inside.. <br />
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<u>6Jan2017</u><br />
we moved house today, our first family home. There are alot of saying on how pregnant woman have to avoid the ceremony so you & i stayed comfortably at in-law's while Rodman gets the shifting done.<br />
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Today your Uncle Raymond learnt about the good news and he was very mindful especially when we were on the car to the new hse AFTER the ceremony was concluded. He even pick me out to lunch outside the hse when the bed was shift in because i am not suppose to be witnessing or present during any shift.<br />
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Uncle Raymond is excited that after yearning for a long time you finally came.<br />
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That night, we slept uneasy because the environment was new but Rodman was the most attentive, i gather that he probably fell sick the following day because of waking up constantly to check on me. Your Dad makes an Awesome husband & Daddy.<br />
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<u>7Jan2017</u><br />
I didnt have craving today or nausea, it got a little worrying as we busied ourselves silly the whole day with unpacking. Rodman & Hua also took countless trips back & forth between In-laws & new place delivering boxes after boxes of 2nd hand stuff. Shayne & Edmond render help in the form of unpacking my clothes & they were shock beyond words at my hoarding habits. At the end they commented it was easy to see why i needed 200 hangars & i might have to get more just to accomodating Rodman's pathetic collection.<br />
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That day we filled up a grand total of 70% of all the cupboards at home, i took a mental note that most clothings might soon not see the end of dark as i will probably lost this figure with you & the future. Maybe more throwing out by mid-year.<br />
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Also Xiao jiji, you dont have an official wardrobe space at home right now, my brain need to crack for more space.<br />
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We have great BBQ dinner where Rodman ordred extra hotpot as i was craving soup. I cannot tell if u wanted soup or was it just me? Nvm that thou as long as i got my tummy filled with yummy soup. i felt disgusted at meat after a few rounds, xiao jiji probably prefer eating clean, ok mental note taken.<br />
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<u>8jan2017</u><br />
Sleep got better because your Dad found a smart temporary solution to black out the room, he was also worried the dust at home might make us uncomfortable. Today your Aunt kristi will visit to get some crafting done.<br />
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Rodman & i had a small tiff about me holding scissors or painting as this was taboo especially during your time, i felt a little upset but it went away pretty fast. Your Daddy also got me a comfortable tee shirt as he was shoping for a air purifier while i was crafting at home. Its been a long while that he bought me a wearable it feels kinda sweet.<br />
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By night Rodman cooked us pasta. Aunt Kristi & Rodman work hand in hand to install the towel rack & set up the air purifier, i love the new Sharp Air purifier for its silence & clean air. Unfortunately Rodman fell sick all of a sudden cross midnight and his forehead was burning hot, Your dad is really working very hard to build us a comfortable place to live & raise you in. Xiaojiji i hope you adore your Daddy just like how i respect & adore mine so much.<br />
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i puke a little before bedtime, i reckon it was the cheese you were rejecting. I have since highlight dairy product as 1 of your dislike.<br />
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Today you are the size of a blue berry :)<br />
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<u>9jan2017</u><br />
MIL suppose to cook on monday but being the replacement for Confinement nanny for my SIL has taken a toll on her so we didnt make it back to Rodman's. We chose Nakhon Thai at holland Village because Xiao Ji ji wanted spicy sour food. It was a frustrating moment because i had alot of thoughts in my mind... i think when pregnant you tend to get very fickle minded. we must have went back & forth a few times before confirming on the dinner location. Today we also realize we will be spending $$ on dinner in future especially if we have no intention to cook. Rodman also got a little frustated when i insist on walking a little more & more after dinner, his shoes didnt serve him that well but i was feeling under the weather & really wanted the walking to stop the puking feeling.<br />
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Baby i hope we'll both have more patience for you soon.<br />
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<u>10jan2017</u><br />
Manage to secure a Polyclinic appt so as to reduce the possible charges incurred carrying you. I told Rodman we need to prepare for possible second kid after you, so it doesnt make sense to deliver you at some pretige hospital then possibly struggle to give your next siblings the same luxurious treatment. Dr Ben was really good but after some research we both agreed that KK hospital will probably take the same amount of great care for you & mummy.<br />
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The appt timing was very appropriate so i was the last patient for the evening & can do so after work. The doctor in charge knew exactly what to do after i explain my purpose, the entire process was over in a 2 hours much to my delight.<br />
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After the visit, we dabao dinner near the mall & took a long stroll home, then we did housework together & setttle for the night, you were fantastic today Baby, Mummy went to bed in a breeze & woke up feeling great & refresh!<br />
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<u>11jan2017</u><br />
Hello Xiaojiji, today Rodman & i went to run some errand and since i can no longer tell if i was hungry or just you asking for food, i went ahead & order a large of potato wedges for snacks. We had it in CDC cafe at Bendemeer road & the ambience there is worth a return visit. Then we collected the house carpet before heading to play with your Da jiejie Kayann. Kayann bring us so much joy & give us alot of hope on how cute you will be. At one point your Da jiejie step on mummy tummy & i was worried you will be uncomfortable, but it was overall a really good trip back home & enjoying my Mum (your grandma's) cooking. We left after finishing watching the last episode of the korean drama, much to ur Grandma's & Grandpa's dismay since they prefer to watch 118.<br />
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<u>12jan2017</u><br />
Xiaojiji was not nice today. Or rather, it was my fault because i wanted to give black soya sauce another shot so we grab some ccf soak in sweet sauce & yam for breakfast. By lunch, i had vomit most of the half packet out, and decided to leave the balance food uneaten to throw.<br />
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I was craving for porridge real bad & since the meeting schedule today ended ahead of schedule, i made sweet potato porridge with stir fried french bean, steam tofu with mince meat & reheat cann spicy pork & the half packet of CCF from morning for dinner. i think Rodman enjoy the dinner i whip, though i was personally feeling under the weather especially when i came into contact with meat.<br />
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Xiaojiji i think you prefer healthy diet, vege porridge & soupy stuff... Mummy will take note.<br />
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<u>13jan2017</u><br />
i am in a fabulous appetite today. By now puking & re-eating becomes an routine, i forget how i suffer when feeling nausea then over eat again & again. Staycation happening tomorrow to celebrate 2 years of marrying Rodman, finally something to look forward to.<br />
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<u>14jan2017</u><br />
We woke up bright & early to grab breakfast & also to send Timmy for car polishing. This might be the final time we get to doll up Timmy. Coincidently, you might or might not be in time to meet Timmy before we get a new car. Please remember once upon a car, Mummy drove a mini car but small as he was, he was mighty! We moved into your 1st home with the help of Timmy, Rodman drove Timmy back & forth your grandparent's place umpteen times till we shifted most of the furnitures & boxes in. Your Uncle Raymond also took part in shifting the place since i was carrying you & not suitable to be lugging heavyweights.<br />
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Once Timmy was shining bright we checked into Parkroyal hotel where Rodman fell asleep all through the afternoon & before you know it, it was dinner time. I guess the thought of not having to keep the place tidy & clean unlike our home does great to getting him to relax. We grab Taimei's BBQ chicken coupled with Zam Zam famous bee hoon goreng & Murtabak for dinner then settled in for a night of more sleep. Did i mention the bathtub was cozy & warm so i soak myself inside for a good 45min, it was really a worthy staycation.<br />
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<u>15jan2017</u><br />
checked out of the hotel today and we were ahead of the required timing. Perhaps staycay doesnt work that well for us afterall since we just moved into our new place! Wanted badly to head home as i was feeling sleepy & lethargic. So we head home & both fell promptly asleep till 4 where we set off to attend baby sophie 4th month celebration.<br />
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I seem to take on a intense craving for Bee hoon, after the hotel breakfast which i ate a bowl of bee hoon soup, i went on to eat bee hoon fish soup for lunch & for dinner it was stir fried bee hoon. Never knew i had such high treshold for bee hoon, think we could be heading for a right diet direction (less the puke before bed, too much of the OTHER food on top of bee hoon that day)<br />
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<u>16jan2017</u><br />
Its going to be back at Rodman's parent place for dinner today. After yesterday episode of puke, i find myself unwell this morning, especially lethargic & extremely sleepy. I must have reached office at 8? Only to fall asleep right on my desk from 8.30-9am. So glad i wasnt caught (or was i? but they were too scared to ask ahahaha).<br />
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Decided today will be the day i cut my food intake into different interval. Starting from breakfast i had small bites every 2 hourly until it was time to knock off, it could be small meals as tiny as some slice tomato & the body felt so much better.<br />
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For dinner, Rodman lied to his Mum that he was suffering from stomach flu when he ate Dark soya sauce (which was the bane of most of my misery - Dark soya sauce anything!!). So MIL stir fried some mee-tai-mak without the sauce & it tasted really good. Rodman also decided it will be a great day to throw in some herbal soup (because herbal soup was part of my healthy diet according to our previous TCM). We lied again that we wanted to add some dishes for dinner so no one question us further. I went home full, and again reminding myself i needed to eat lesser for dinner since i dont usually feel hungry by evening.<br />
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Looks like i might have strike it right with the diet plan today.<br />
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<u>17jan2017</u><br />
today we head to Ma's place for dinner, but didnt stay very long because we were "assigned" to do housework.<br />
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Rodman whine quite abit, and threw his tantrum. I should really consider being less rigid about keeping the house clean but i tot the schedule plan was good enough (we had rest day on Monday, wednesday, Friday) with only 1 task per housework day ( he vacuum, i mop) (he scrub toilet floor & mop it dry; i wipe all the bottom cabinets & window)... Yet Rodman wasnt getting used to this, he told me that it was really tiring especially after a day of work. hmm.. i am routine person when it comes to housework, so i told him he could skip his chores & made it up when he feels like it, but he emphasize that i was "pressuring" him with my walking up & down, cleaning around him.<br />
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Some more compromising needed for sure, we will work it out.<br />
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<u>18jan2017</u><br />
We got married 2 years ago!!~ And he is still as charming, if not better! i am so so excited about the future we'll be crafting together!!~<br />
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Mr romantic also ordered a bouquet of very very very pretty flowers! i didnt expect him to finally get what i liked but he did - no advise for the type of bouquet from his fellow girl friends just him catching all the type of things i love & puttng them into a pretty pretty bouquet<br />
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Still all white roses (( subtle pink but at least alot of greens to compensate)) this bouquet is so pretty i cannot stop staring, now onwrds to the sulking part of watching it turn into brown dry flowers. I wanna keep each stalk as perfect as i possibly can!!</div>
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Everything else that night was secondary, had some time in between to drop Kayann a visit & watch her smile & hug her chubs, it was a great day. We end up dining & listening to live band before calling it a day. </div>
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<u>19jan2017</u></div>
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Another carefully crafted trip to JB for work, took out all the accessories & fuel up with bee hoon for breakfast, manage to grab some light bites for lunch at Tang Shi Fu then its back to SG safely!!</div>
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I also met up with Paperstop for her dinner treat & thou the food was not fantastic, the company surely was!!~ She gave me a pretty Kate Spade bangle that i keep so dearly, Rodman then went home got the moppping floor done & came to fetch me, It was god-sent because i was too tired from driving to Malaysia that morning so manage to catch a wink on the train enroute to Tanjong Pagar. i feel bad for making Rodman travel despite resting at home after a day of work, but he did it for you Xiaojiji, so it was probably worth it. </div>
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I fell asleep promptly once i hit the sack, sleeping has never been easier :)</div>
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<u>20jan2017</u><br />
Meals were taken promptly & my appetite seems better today. I even suggested KFC & Macdonald which i have been avoiding for sometime for dinner (oily food leaves a very bad after taste in my body especially during this period)<br />
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We did some light housework then Rodman went off for his soccer (good job less the myth of Daddy's belly becoming reality) and then the fatigue came in soon after, i must have laid around on the sofa feeling super off & slightly nausea, then head to bed & continue feeling unsure if i was slipping in real sleep or not. By 11pm when Rodman return home & i was feeling certain there is nothing to be of concern about i fell into a deep sleep.<br />
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<u>21jan2017</u><br />
Rodman drove his family out to marketing first thing in the morning, and i was still in a deep sleep. Sleep is real bonus especially when i dont have to wake up to the sound of the alarm. Not long after i woke, it must have crossed lunch hour because Rodman have returned with lunch & i munch the entire thing down. We sat around a little then headed to MIL to babysit the Edyth -- which btw fail big time because clearly she despise our company, It ended up with my MIL taking time off her schedule to coo her to bed while we watch tv. We left defeated - to IKEA to grab some furnitures & grocery to whip out dinner.<br />
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So IKEA this time was a straight forward affair. We only pay extra attention to the aisle we needed our stuff & headed straight to the tilt. Then my hunger pang strike again & we had a bowl of noodle at the hawker in GIANT. the crowd was too much for me to handle so i grab the bare necessity we needed to make a simple dinner & headed home.<br />
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Dinner was comforting and we rested early for the night.<br />
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<u>22jan2017</u><br />
Today was a day of running errand, but it was for a good cause. Our nieces celebrated fullmonth/brthday on the same day so there were 2 parties to ran to.<br />
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Afternoon came & Rodman send me to a long stroll to grab some tools while he drill the wall at home. It was worrying because this fellow is no expert at carpentry - thou he definitely deserve some credit after all this years of hearing how i adore men who did carpentry & he has came a long way... Our hse is finally completed with the hole in the wall & the curtain installation.<br />
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For a mini celebration we headed out for dinner but ended up spending hundreds (whats new)on groceries & whats-not for CNY. Haix, we really need to tied our strings tighter & be less flex with financing man.<br />
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Long story short, we accomplished alot for the house today so we were dead beat by bedtime, we wrap some angpow in preparation of CNY then lights off where i had a deep deeep sleep till daybreak.<br />
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<u>23jan2017</u><br />
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Worst traffic ever, jam everywhere & all that concentration on the road makes me so tired even before i start work. Also the ERP $.50 per trip is really getting on my nerves, i need to stay calm & chirpy what is this crap.<br />
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Headed to Fatty Foo's parent place where Aunty pass me some toilet scent she help purchase from her market place. So many people are being really sweet to me, i need to appreciate & give thanks to every one.<br />
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Read up on #dayrehorror tales & came across some article on 陈老师, she is the famous name that often pops up on 来自星星的事 as the solution to alot of bad hauntings. So apparently a dayre blogger visited her during her trip to Taiwan, then it mention that 妈祖娘娘 whom 陈老师 seek the divine help in solving matter often find Singaporean paying them a visit mostly for expanding their family brood.<br />
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Which totally reminded me that i was in Taiwan back in November 2016, and with the help of our efficient tour guide, manage to pay our respect to a temple in Taiwan that also pray to 妈祖娘娘。 For a minute, i had this vision that i might just have asked the Holy for blessing for a healthy child, then by december came the news that i was pregnant with xiaojiji. I begin to panick/actually excited<br />
that my prayers was really answered & what could possibly be the next steps? Upon seeking advice from Rodman, we felt that whether our prayers were really answered we should also return our thanks when we get the chance to visit 妈祖娘娘 once more.<br />
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Never doubted the greatness of the majestic above, just decided this time that the correct article came into my view at the right that seems to clear the doubts i have that exist somewhere inside my heart. It was a great feeling to fit this puzzle :)<br />
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<u>24jan2017</u><br />
My attempt at poking some insights on the bonus was futile, but from what i gather, it seems this year we will not expect too much in terms of bonus, or the pay review. It has been what - 5 years since i join the company & maybe my career luck didnt sit right with the company, hahah becuase i have yet to experience the "fat bonus" that was much talk about when i first joined the company.<br />
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Sad is the owner of a great car that will soon scrap this september 2017, i have officially 8 months to save enough for the next car & with the baby due the same time, it is kinda getting worrying.<br />
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<br />Kristal Dkrisshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00840784351410026454noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5684039.post-34146921965538704352017-02-06T19:02:00.000+08:002017-02-06T19:02:01.522+08:00Now where do i begin?<br />
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Between this short period i have experience a couple of things/incidents that left so much values in my heart<br />
- i had the house to myself, unable to attend the wake of a person who deserve my respect<br />
- i had the freedom to do anything i want, and then learnt i wasnt all that keen on being alone as i thought i would like<br />
- i have an amazing sister who drops everything on her sleeves to keep me company<br />
- i saw some memories on facebook leading to events that took places over the past years, and then remember all the good deeds & people that have supported me & shaped me into who i am today<br />
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it's an amazing & helluva ride to have this injected hormones in me suddenly so i get all emotional and learn to see things in different perspective.<br />
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Sometimes u tend to look straight at the one destination you set to reached, and along the way you ignore alot of valuable things that pop up here & there. I am blessed beyond my imagination & i have been so damn ignorant to fail to see them. But lucky me, i have been given so many opportunities to slowly unwrap them bit by bit, feeling luckier & luckier with each realization. Such is an amazing feeling to feel like the world is hugging you & you feel so warm from the cosiness.<br />
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i.must.have.done.somethiing.right.to.deserve.all.this!<br />
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<br />Kristal Dkrisshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00840784351410026454noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5684039.post-32821364170962518312017-01-10T10:35:00.002+08:002017-01-10T10:38:40.801+08:00Home tour<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://4.bp.blogspot.com/Ju6fSm5BDUd8-e1B_Bo5lqhKw0Hm-vftqOBqmrjravv6ZUaho-GdjFDDhvCJm7_qbFDZfA=s400" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="480" src="https://4.bp.blogspot.com/Ju6fSm5BDUd8-e1B_Bo5lqhKw0Hm-vftqOBqmrjravv6ZUaho-GdjFDDhvCJm7_qbFDZfA=s400" width="640" /></a></div>
We have shifted in our new place on 6jan2017. It was a whirlwind of packing & unpacking & lotsa of getting used to!<br />
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For me i felt like a part of me has lost my identity. If you recall in nov 2013, my family & i shifted out from our Aunt's place where we stayed with since 2009. We finally bought a comfortable flat with all our savings & shifted in. Then in 2014, Rodman proposed & we started planning for the wedding and that was when i realize i was doom to shift out of the house i meant to stay.<br />
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In 2015, Rodman & i got married so i left my parents' place & headed over to his Parents' place where we put up through till Dec 2016. If i did my math correctly, the longest i ever had a place/room to call my own was max 2 years? <br />
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It could be my hormones doing its dirty tricks but when i recall i haven had a proper place to feel like i truly belong, it feels as thou i havent had a proper identity to call my own. So today i am staying in this aprtment & only our 4th day in, i get this strangely foreign feeling like i better not unpack everything in case i have to pack them up again. so much for being in my home country, with my fellow family members & not feeling like i belong eh.<br />
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clar, if you are reading this, i get that feeling i just might be able to get used being away from Singapore since moving really isnt quite a big thing for me anymore.<br />
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During the course of preparing for our move. I started gluing my addict Taobao habits with the furniture sourcing. I guess by now Rodman has gotten use to me & my antics. Despite his reminder than quality matters over quantity, i wasnt buying it.<br />
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A large bulk of the materials in the house were source through Taobao. I shuttle between using Prime $2.99 & 4Px services, depending on how important the goods were to us. The sofa bed above was one such Taobao purchase that i manage to secure via Prime $2.99 prime service. A honest review of this bed that cost me an overall $132 including shipping is --> if i had a second chance i probably wont get it. Considering "frequent" guest in our house, the bed cannot sleep 2 pax & it feels kinda hollow in the middle when you sit on it. I told Rodman i might grab a comforter to overlay the sofa so it adds to the tenderness of the bed when u sleep. We also agreed tat this will serve a max 2 years before we invest in a more comfortable bed for our guest.<br />
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There were some ridiculous purchase Rodman & i made that we absolutely agree though. One such is this 100Kg ++ granite stone that is actually a bench for parks but we got it anyhow as a TV console or the Living room.<br />
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So far no one actually agree that it looks anywhere outstanding but Rodman & adore the rusty finish on the bench legs, even if it flakes rust like nobody's business when u accidentally brush against it. The salesperson assure us that the Rust were intentionally casted and that the metal legs will rust no further. Somehow i find it added alot of taste especially to our floor tiles.<br />
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1 main reason to choose this floor tiles is because i hate to see hair strands on the floor but knew they are unavoidable, it is not that i dont clean that often but i dont want to see ourselves as slave to the daily task of picking away at every strands we see on the floor. I also personally feel the tiles add a raw touch to the floor and that its a welcoming sign that you can sometimes ignore the sofa & chill on the floor, which is very cooling to the touch especially when the wind is in our favor.<br />
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The tall table was the very first furniture we purchase for the house. I had clear intention to recreate a starbuck at home so Rodman & i can enjoy a cup of coffee while the wind blew in our face & we can <strike>mock</strike> see the traffic along TPE especially during Peak hour. <br />
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We cannot avoid the busk of living in busy Singapore so at least we have this space here to remind us that among the fast pace, there is always time to sit back & <strike>laugh </strike>be grateful that we can slow down our pace as others egg on with the challenge in their lives.<br />
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If you cannot tell by now, we live in the very heart of TPE, with the next stretch of apartment at least an expressway width away. you will notice there are trees at the lower bottom of the window, which are the trees along the expressway surrounding 2-way traffic.<br />
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By night, Rodman opted for warm light for the house, so far it has been serving us pretty well, but i do foresee the day we will like to see some stuff as clear as day then this ambience might backfire. Fortunately this has not been encountered at the moment.<br />
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The kitchen is really the heart of our home. We fell in love with this design when the ID first suggested it in drawing. Now that it has materialize, we are loving the kitchen even more.<br />
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We are still short of purchasing 3 tall chairs to be place by the kitchen island so as to host friends, but already many are commenting how they cannot wait to host the next "MasterChef" in our very kitchen.<br />
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Rodman had wanted a casting iron stove such as those from Bosch but due to limitation of our fengshui reading, we were unable to do so. This 4 stoves from Elba is serving us pretty well so far.<br />
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Our service yard is like any other except we added the Ikea rack above the wshing machine so now there is space to hang the smaller laundry & some additional space to keep the cleaning materials.<br />
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The fridge was thanks to the additional kitchen space we got by hacking the walls. Rodman & i hated the mundane traditional dining area that the floor plan suggested this space was meant for hence we converted it to be part of the kitchen, making the kitchen wider & also reducing the need to worry about the size of the fridge when we made our purchase.<br />
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This was the stove & sink area before the reno was completed. The grey panel at the back damaged during the renovation has since been covered up with a mint green glass panel to prevent oil stain during cooking.<br />
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The corridor to the bedrooms are like any other, we are still awaiting the carpet from Taobao to arrived to be placed here, again for Fengshui reason.</div>
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Bathroom had minimal reno because govt was good, hahahha.... we added a glass panel for the bath area with sliding glass door.<br />
A wooden shelf on top of the toilet bowl from IKEA meant to place some decorative & guest towel.<br />
Toilet sink was from Hoe Kee, minimal cost (about 100++) and shaped like an ingot for auspicious purpose<br />
Basin tap is from Taobao<br />
Vanity quartz i black with crystal flakes as part of the renovation packaging<br />
Lastly, the mirror is from IKEA again, matching the wooden shelf on its right.Kristal Dkrisshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00840784351410026454noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5684039.post-76858053139691885212017-01-04T11:12:00.002+08:002017-01-04T11:12:45.738+08:00it has ended19sept2016<br />
Dear seedling,<br />
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today you gave us all a scare, i had some brown discharge that looks like nothing i should be too concern about, that was Saturday.</div>
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By Monday, it had turn to a dark shades of red, and the volumn increases. I googled and the information gather scares me. Some says it is nothing to be worry about and that :-</div>
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-Dark Brown & Deep red = Spotting</div>
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-Light Red = bleeding</div>
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Since it truly looks like spotting at this point, there is nothing too concerning & the reason to this is perhaps because there are some expired blood from the last period that is being discharged. Or it could only mean early pregnancy, which is this case seems to work really well for us both. </div>
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K.chng says to monitor it but i wast sure what "a little"and "a lot" means here. She says a dallop of 50cent coin worthy is nothing to be concern about, while when it stain the entire pantyliner we should seek help.<br />
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20sept2016<br />
你如风来,但也如风走<br />
还没来得及,也完全没有勇气渴望你的存在<br />
他说“没期望,哪儿来的希望?”<br />
也唯有抱着这个信念,才可以塔回原点<br />
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还没来得及想像你会是怎么样的粘着我?<br />
没来得及碰一下肚子触摸你的感觉<br />
没来得及选择是严格对待,还是开心就好<br />
没来得及告诉你,我们会对你的依赖<br />
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他说“是有点可惜,但生命无常”<br />
我轻轻的说声对不起,又无阻的掉眼泪了<br />
是应该比以前更加勇敢,毕竟走过的路更苦过<br />
怎么随着年龄,自信却越来越少了呢<br />
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晚上的夜空比白天来得可怜,流着血躺着等待一切快点过去<br />
“等你好了从新再来, promise me you wont give up"<br />
一定,我一定立马加倍努力!<br />
一次失败练心痛,下次不会犯同样错误<br />
有了他的鼓励,突然觉得自己好虚伪<br />
虽然赔不完这辈子的欠债,却没有勇气离开<br />
我是不会让他一个人,或然别人有机会比我对他好<br />
我要比现在更努力,一切从零点开始加油<br />
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我可能不可以在想你了,眼前的路还好远<br />
一辈子很长,我含他,我们还有更美的未来<br />
今天我为你流血,医生说该来得躲不掉<br />
我想愧疚,可是我更想从新面对下个挑战<br />
原谅我的自私,可是请了解我的信念<br />
时间会磨掉记忆,我也想把一切只留到现在为止<br />
我们的缘分已到,所以我会将这份情,<br />
留给下个愿意于我们共同进退的缘分<br />
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我好气你没有我们的奋斗,为什么没有为我们努力。。。。<br />
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Kristal Dkrisshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00840784351410026454noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5684039.post-31979341635745445902017-01-04T11:12:00.001+08:002017-01-04T11:12:37.001+08:00I had a long weekend, a really eventful one so i felt pretty good about it.<br />
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<br />
First there was the dinner with Paperstop, when i would feel rewind & just took the focus off myself.<br />
Paperstop always neeeded me to hear her out, to tell me about her stuff,<br />
and as much as i dont really understand most of the jingle she mention about her industry, it was good to try to match the scenario i picture in my head against her problem,<br />
our approach to different things are also vastly different, but that is how we roll all this while, with her sometimes seeing new lights to the matter on hands with my perspective & me vice versa..<br />
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<br />Kristal Dkrisshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00840784351410026454noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5684039.post-24322198286736722422017-01-04T11:12:00.000+08:002017-01-04T11:12:15.757+08:00The reveal #HarvestRodKrisSeed<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<u><b><span style="font-size: large;">14sept2016</span></b></u></div>
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on this day....</div>
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Cuzzie Vivien celebrated her birthday</div>
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i arrived at NUH for the CT scan as part of the preparation for ops</div>
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i have missed my menses for 10 days now, </div>
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the Sinseh advise us to drop her a visit on 8sept2016 if my period was late, but considering since then i received a series of unfortunate & shocking news about this Op, i laid it down to stress. </div>
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Stress, the same stress that causes me to miss the entire month of period in May 2016, the same stress that at one point pulls my ovulation cycle to 45 days. Besides, i was too involve to get well soon before our Taiwan vacation, so Rodman & i can hurry get on track back to TCM, and back to making effort to expanding our brood. </div>
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Anyhow.... in anticipation of #harvestingOurSeed , i came across Watson during a promotion & bought not 1, but 4 of the pee stick, just in case. It was sitting in my drawer for the longest time, and i fail to realize all pee stick had expiry date. On 14sept2016, i tot i will bring along a stick, since missing the period could mean something, even if the chances were slim.... </div>
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so my CT scan was schedule at 10.15am, i arrived at the Diagnostic Imaging centre at 9.36am, went to the ladies & since i was in it, pull out the pee stick.. and what do you know....</div>
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjJHKFqC5bKviB0z96kTMiVNgjOZyOQueA_4LQqYDfFBZb3d9eVBWGnzEMWv8alCQDs6x9x03NnDTh7AuWhx5q5snKh9P7rHPmZnQwl0y_PxHAFsQnSI7m-_Us2DtKVkwrOw24V/s1600/1st.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="640" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjJHKFqC5bKviB0z96kTMiVNgjOZyOQueA_4LQqYDfFBZb3d9eVBWGnzEMWv8alCQDs6x9x03NnDTh7AuWhx5q5snKh9P7rHPmZnQwl0y_PxHAFsQnSI7m-_Us2DtKVkwrOw24V/s640/1st.jpg" width="478" /></a></div>
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This! 2 freaking line on the indicator..</div>
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I must add, prior to this, while we were "actively" trying on the advice from the TCM, i must have used like 2 sticks?!?!?!?! during that time thinking it is going to pay off. So seeing 1 line on the stick becomes usual, sometimes there is a VERY faint 2nd red line forming and for a sec i got excited. All this time i shared the image with friends who commented it probably only means i wasnt expecting, or that my pee must have wet the stick so bad it reveal the hidden line.</div>
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<b><i><span style="font-size: large;">But,... this, this was a bright & obvious 2nd line, in deep red no less.</span></i></b></div>
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On the once non-existing column of the pee stick that i was no use to seeing, i freaked out. i quickly snap a shot of it but my hands were shakey.</div>
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<b><span style="font-size: large;"><i>You understand at this point i was due to go for a CT scan in a matter of 15min, and CT is HARMFUL for fetus, </i></span></b></div>
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i have already paid for the procedure, what does this means?</div>
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So with the shaking hands, i have to snap the picture the 2nd time. Then 2 names pop up on my mind, the 2 ladies who were behind me egging me on my journey to recovery by removing #Timmy2. </div>
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The 1st being Rodman's superior <i>k-chng</i>, a lady whom i respect dearly, and whom i coincidentally met on the day i receive the news of #timmy2, she was nothing but sweet & encouraging, and i can really do with her advice, being a Mum to a pair of lovely Twins & a chef-worthy son. </div>
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The 2nd being my little sister, also coincidentally <i>k-chng (with me also k-chng, and our niece another k-chng that makes 4 wahahahahha) </i>Who was by all nature, mature & independant despite being 6 years my junior. I was never close to my sis, but in recent years i made some effort to hang out with her more, and it was fruitful. My babySis is also someone who can snap me out of my anxiousness & motivate me to be a bigger person to take on the role of protecting her.</div>
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So of course, i didnt jump on the wagon immediately to call Rodman's boss, it was just rude & awakening to text her out of a sudden with something this major.</div>
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You must have thought, where was Rodman? Why not Rodman? The truth is because he matters too much for me to be giving him false alarm, what if this was not the case? What if the pee stick expired & the result were not accurate? </div>
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<span style="font-size: large;"><b>i cannot deal with false identity myself & thankfully in my life now exist the best thing ever- Rodman, the man who takes on any challenge i throw to his direction, than still has to be the one to encourage me to stand up again when i fall (which means, he fall too)</b></span></div>
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In the past week, after receiving the news of #timmy2, Rodman had been the most amazing pillar of support, i know deep-down he was very hurt too, and that i have failed my responsibility as his wife to take care of myself, hence allowing myself to be such a burden to us both. He does not show his emotion in front of me, we also had difficulty talking out loud the possibilities of forever being infertile if i remove #Timmy2, so this time shit is real, and if i was really conceived, i have to be confident i didnt make a mistake coming up with this suspicion, and that is why Rodman was out of the picture this very minute. </div>
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I called my Babysis, ask for her help urgently and text her the picture immediately. she said </div>
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<b>"Try another stick"</b></div>
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<b>"Drink 1Litre of water now!!! go try quick"</b></div>
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<b>"Calm down jie"</b></div>
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<b>"Ask the nurse for another test kit"</b></div>
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<b>"Obviously yours is over the counter & not 100% accurate"</b></div>
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Like waht!?!??~! My Babysis can be real mature sometimes and while i was panicking like crazy, she was all calm & reminded me this might not be accurate. i manage to contain myself more & went to the nurse who register my visit, and told her my suspicion....</div>
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At the same time, i politely text k-chng to ask if her was free to spare me some time, she replied in an instance (Someone up there was doing me good thank God) i too, send her the picture i took & ask her if she, too, suspect the same as i did?</div>
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<b>"OMG tis is good news, does Rodman know"</b></div>
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<b>""When was your last menses"</b></div>
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<b>" Less than 7 days result will be inaccurate"</b></div>
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<b>"please delay your scan"</b></div>
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<b>"Better be kiasu"</b></div>
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Then this amazing person went on to make phonecall to her friend who is a doctor (i am running out of good karma, everyone is just too nice to me). Who thinks that the 2nd line on the stick is so obvious that i cannot be a lie, i must have something!K-chng suggest i quickly ask the nurse to decide, the thought that my babysis share, so i did</div>
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<i><b><span style="font-size: large;">It was now critical that someone decide if i should go for the CTscan i have already paid for...</span></b></i></div>
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FYI, the CT scan cost me $2100, our garment sponsor $300, so the balance was straight out of my pocket.. it was not a cheap procedure, and no i cannot part with $$ that easily, my #Timmy2 procedure can cost me $11,000 in worst scenario. </div>
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Nurse ran to the other room & spoke to a consultant (doctor, i believe) & he went ahead & took out result of the blood test i did a week ago (Tumor marker & abonormalities test). i sat at the reception, shock at the twist of event. </div>
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The consultant walked out, told me he studied my blood test, and true enough it seems there are some abnormalities in my blood... in layman terms this means</div>
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<li><b>For regular healthy adult, this means there is a something inside their body that is almost confirmed to be a fetus. </b></li>
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Because of the possibility, it was nearly impossible to judge if i am truly pregnant, but to his experience, chances are that i might very well be. </div>
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We held our breath for a min, with me being completely shock as i didnt wake up this morning to expect this.. finally he broke the silent & said he is going to contact my dr-in-charge this min (Dr Joe, the surgeon who monitor my progress over the years, and who will be operating on me to remove #Timmy2). We will hear his suggestion before we decide how to move on. And than i was left to a corner to continue waiting. I also asked the Nurse for an extra pee stick if they have it, she left to hunt for one. </div>
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Then k-chng return a text suggesting that i should take a 2nd test, we calculated that if i am truly conceive, it would have been 6.5 weeks into it, unless of course this was "created" after the previous menses lah.. </div>
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All in all, couple of min later, consultant returned - no pee stick in hand- brought me to the reception & make arrangement for my refund (yay!) told me i will put the CT scan on hold now, Dr Joe arranged for a senior Gynae to look into my case & they will be in touch shortly. </div>
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Dr Lee Min Yu, as i was told, is a senior Gynae who specialist is dealing with high-risk pregnancy, in my case we are unsure how bad #Timmy2 will harm me during my journey so with his assistance all will be well. I am now schedule for a ultrasound 2 weeks later (since you know, result are very faint right now cos i must be very very early into this) 29sept2016 is the date. </div>
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So that was it! i was done with my "appt" for today, what?!!~ i was not convinced, and perhaps i was used to suspecting myself... i walked all over NUH finding discreet pharmacy & grab the next pee stick i can find, </div>
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<span style="font-size: large;"><i>Was i thinking well at this point? Of course not, i wasnt sure if this was a set-up, my body could have psychological convince myself i was indeed pregnant because of my desperacy. (read this <a href="http://www.webmd.com/baby/guide/false-pregnancy-pseudocyesis">False Pregnancy</a>)</i></span></div>
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I walked into a filthy toilet, but i wasnt thinking too much, now that i recall, it was really really filthy, but all i care for was to see the pee stick once more.. i got Predictor this time, it was suppose to be perfect for testing VERY early pregnancy (like 5 days BEFORE your menses is due kind),,, and lo * behold... </div>
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi3UHFwUXJmGmDJJLAUgomfQumMX6hvQHzec7z08Ypga13yE098Gsx2tkKyxth4WX8SeCX4mlHwIcVQpxS_NVCdOCT9Dl0nHznUO0bzKoLGYO9xbTWvwTvOdcXHUD_ydKpwbsm2/s1600/2nd.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="640" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi3UHFwUXJmGmDJJLAUgomfQumMX6hvQHzec7z08Ypga13yE098Gsx2tkKyxth4WX8SeCX4mlHwIcVQpxS_NVCdOCT9Dl0nHznUO0bzKoLGYO9xbTWvwTvOdcXHUD_ydKpwbsm2/s640/2nd.jpg" width="358" /></a></div>
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See!! See!! see!!!! it is all a lie, i wasnt pregnant, and i cancelled on my CT scan because of a dumb expired pee stick, and that my hopes are back at square one again... why is this happening to me?</div>
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i went to a quiet corner of NUH & bawl my heart out, i really cried! but this was not nearly as bad as the bawling i did when i first learn i had to return to the operating theatre to remove my ovary. </div>
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<i><span style="font-size: large;">I guess you come to terms with life if you cry so much over a period of time that it stops affecting you that much.. i bawl, but i didnt hyperventilate, i cried a mere 10mins, then wipe my tears & got myself prepare again for CT Scan - operation... It was a good few minutes of excitement thinking i might stood a chance with a baby. </span></i></div>
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I texted both kchng once more & told them of my new "discovery". Babysis was away ( i later learnt she was out for an interview & it must be real hard on her to juggle that nervousness while trying to help her Sister stay calm)... kchng told me to give it more time, because there still stood a chance that i might be too early in for the pee stick to tell.. </div>
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of course in my heart i knew it was a scam, but she really meant well.. At this point i tot i shud go grab abother stick & drink alot of water again, but whats the point? Whats the point of receiving another "confirmation"- was i convinced? i will never be!! i need to be affirmative this was really happening... </div>
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So after going through all my thoughts, i decided that i will leave today as it is, for my heart needs to rest for the day until i renew my motivation to think of a proper way out of this. i grab a sushi(my 1st bite since last night dinner...) walked towards the carpark preparing for work and then i bump into an Angel. .</div>
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<a href="https://encrypted-tbn1.gstatic.com/images?q=tbn:ANd9GcSe5haUFuMI5x8W1kf0VyODHilzAn0J8Pn3FlMNZNx0l0QNAdUaew" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://encrypted-tbn1.gstatic.com/images?q=tbn:ANd9GcSe5haUFuMI5x8W1kf0VyODHilzAn0J8Pn3FlMNZNx0l0QNAdUaew" /></a></div>
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No, i wont reveal her here. We have history of being real close friend at one period of our lives, then i screwed up & she left us for good. </div>
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I knew her back in JC, i wrote few entries about her on my blog, i sometimes look up her profile to see if she is handling life well because she was the type of person i never was - she was very direct in her words & she cut the chase, she was always right on her prediction & frankly i was always tad jealous of her. </div>
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She had switch job & it was a stroke of luck that i bump into her in NUH, we sat behind at a fast food restaurant & she told me straightaway that </div>
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<li style="text-align: left;"><b>i was being selfish, said </b></li>
<li style="text-align: left;"><b>i was hiding this from Rodman and that </b></li>
<li style="text-align: left;"><b>i was robbing him of a chance to learnt about me. She said </b></li>
<li style="text-align: left;"><b>i wasnt treating marriage right, and that </b></li>
<li style="text-align: left;"><b>i only paint a beautiful picture of myself to my husband. She said </b></li>
<li style="text-align: left;"><b>he has all rights to know, and </b></li>
<li style="text-align: left;"><b>decide if his wife is really pregnant? </b></li>
<li style="text-align: left;"><b>If his wife should drop this chance &</b></li>
<li style="text-align: left;"><b> focus on removing the ovary instead so there are no chance he will ever have to choose btw Mummy or baby</b></li>
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and i cant say she was not wrong, i had been so selfish the whole time, and that i almost only explain my own judgement, my own self-doubt & my own misery. Where was Rodman right this minute? Probably worrying sick if my CT scan was completed... She gave me a lashing down, and i allow her to speak because she was right. And she has always been right on me & my predicament. </div>
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<i>We parted ways amicably, she just turn her back & walked. But that moment onwards, i have a new role to play - that role of a REAL wife. so thank you Angel Nurse, my old friend who still change my life in the strangest way. </i></div>
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i called Rodman, and it was coincidentally lunch so we arrange to meet, i drove over & told him everything that happen this morning. He - as usual - kept his cool & said we will no longer worry about that today. He says we will grab NEW pee sticks, and i will try it first thing tomorrow (FYI 1st pee in the morning contain the most ECG & most accurate). We did lunch - no mention of it anymore- and left to work. </div>
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<u><b><span style="font-size: large;">15sept2016</span></b></u></div>
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i woke up at 3.22am, i can no longer sleep. the bawling from the night before has caused my eyes to swell so i expected myself to sleep till day break, but then my mind was full of anticipation to try the stick once more. Rodman had gotten 2 diffferent brands this time - Clearblue (he put his bet on this) & Predictor (the same brand that hurt me so much last morning). </div>
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At 3.49am, i was staring in the dark forcing myself back to sleep once more, i told myself when the alarm strikes at 6am, i will wake up pee-get the result- and live my life differently. but as i was pondering over this, the mood to pee came (Life works magic)..... </div>
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At 3.51am, i decided that i wasnt going back to bed because i needed to pee & THIS should be the 1st pee of the day, i quietly tip-toe out of bed, careful not to wake Rodman up.. then went to the kitchen to find something to contain the pee (for some strange reason i wasnt going to take the risk by not peeing long enough hahahha..) took a tub i can throw away & finally get onto the work... </div>
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This was the lastest & till date last test i have done.. </div>
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj2ENcaSD7_iesGqyYy-M98c-n-ycINA9aTefL5lS1qXWvf7xoSElEsYyLnUuMgObOEEYtA2_6bHxRvWHaY3TOXtXbcc3u2PesUCeCRDlz2iXLjys15kQT0XTbunJwZOHyaWKDX/s1600/3rd.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="480" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj2ENcaSD7_iesGqyYy-M98c-n-ycINA9aTefL5lS1qXWvf7xoSElEsYyLnUuMgObOEEYtA2_6bHxRvWHaY3TOXtXbcc3u2PesUCeCRDlz2iXLjys15kQT0XTbunJwZOHyaWKDX/s640/3rd.jpg" width="640" /></a></div>
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No, i didnt see the result till i was back in the room, at 4am i switch on the light that woke Rodman up. He was snoring just before this alarming awakening.. he stare at me as i hand him the stick... then he took a long while to process it... </div>
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he went for :\ to :| and finally.. :)</div>
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i slip back to bed & continue staring in the dark till it was almost dusk, i finally fell asleep just before the alarm woke me up... what an eventful morning!!<br />
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Why was i this happy this time?<br />
i mean, i will rather believe this is true now, i will carry it on my sleeve, (though Rodman reminded me again & again to keep it hush & under.. that he is not takig a single risk...)....<br />
we are also mentally preparing ourselves that i am high-risk patient & that we may or may not get to keep the baby despite our will.... and onwards to that belief here i am, typing away all morning on 16sept2016 penning down all that has taken place the last 2 days. I am now 3 days into the news & feeling under the weather, the anxiousness & nervousness is taking a toll on my appetite ( or just the pregnancy.. i no longer can tell) Just last night i retch once while brushing my teeth because the smell of Darlie toothpaste was too strong for my liking. I also felt so cold all day while driving, its like i was never this "vulerable" to the weather but i am now... Again, was it a symptom or just my mind play tricks? i dont know.<br />
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh1M18YPBOnlXzJcE4I-7tybkt5cD4VqHURnT0GbIKR2KWxWlN30D4Ew-41rCXSjiZPNVyK4SU1DfVKeut4Wutl0G61WoFc9fgwp15hvdIBjeG_x5vYhPCQZYvJ5exzU_N6kT1f/s1600/JoeEmail1.png" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="188" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh1M18YPBOnlXzJcE4I-7tybkt5cD4VqHURnT0GbIKR2KWxWlN30D4Ew-41rCXSjiZPNVyK4SU1DfVKeut4Wutl0G61WoFc9fgwp15hvdIBjeG_x5vYhPCQZYvJ5exzU_N6kT1f/s640/JoeEmail1.png" width="640" /></a></div>
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Dr Joe & his encouraging email<br />
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Dr Joe when i asked if i should do more test to confirm on the pregnancy ( i already did lah, the same morning when i read his email)<br />
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My reply to Dr Joe, also to console myself & reaffirm my belief<br />
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Dr Joe empathetic/non-empathathic?? response, which do me alot of good because it was a single sentence which make so much sense, against my mix emotions over the past 2 days of "Drama"<br />
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<br />Kristal Dkrisshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00840784351410026454noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5684039.post-85998839997691930762016-09-07T10:16:00.002+08:002016-09-07T10:27:08.303+08:00Another Timmy Post<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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Today, i looked back at the entries when Timmy was a big issue.<br />
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Timmy stayed with me for my entire teenagehood. Despite looking like i was physically pregnant for too long, i scored myself a fantastic boyfriend, who went on to becoming my husband. That was my greatest achievement ever!<br />
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Fast forward later, the procedure went well & i was glad to be alive. That meant to say, i went on and live an amazing 4 years filled with positive vibes! i am proud to say i made alot of people feel better about themselves.<br />
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i also took the years to appreciate the friends that stood by. Guilty as charged, some amazing friends who were super supportive of me during this period have move along their lives, but i will always remember their useful support to guide me to healthiness.<br />
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<i>For that i am eternally grateful!</i></div>
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Despite living a healthier-than-before lifestyle, my health didn't get much better after the op, they say your body changed forever once they took something away from the full system, i guess i am a true living proof of this testimonial. i fall sick easily, as compare to my twice a year record before the op. i fall sick on a average of 6 times a year. In addition, each fever doesn't just come & go with panadol, sometimes i need to sleep the afternoon away or i would black out even while peeing.<br />
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I also never really fell ill just by nearing someone down with a virus, but i do now. As long as they slightly cough or sneeze in my directions, but i lived life to the fullest anyway. The next biggest challenge i took after the op was to board a long-haul flight while drowning in pain from my wisdom tooth extraction, somehow the painkiller is my ammo, i feel like i can conquer it all better than i did before because i have been to the worst.<br />
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i am convinced i was "selected" because i was the stubborn, determined me that many are not. So its no surprise that today, 07sept2016 - 5 days past my conversation with Dr Joseph, i am sitting here readdressing the issue that had haunt me before. <br />
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I said "before"because i had clearly moved on with life no less than in the past 3 years. <br />
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1) In summary, Dr Joseph advice that we should close this issue once & for all<br />
2) If i have plan to expand my family, i should not allow the day to come when Rodman have to choose between Mummy or baby<br />
3) There are chances that i am not conceiving despite my enthusiasm because of Timmy<br />
4) To be fully declared as cancer-free i should rid the root of problem<br />
5) The new "timmy" has clearly show sign of abnormality, changing its properties & looking like there are some activities happening - Timmy is now 3.7cm width<br />
6) I am not getting younger & if i want to be pregnant and not live my life blaming on the possibilities, i should not allow Timmy another chance to battle my life<br />
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and so - with the support of my mum, dad, Kor, Gary, Kristi, Mum-in-law, Rodman, Bestie, Paperstop, Clarinda - i have decided to go ahead...........<br />
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............................. and remove my left ovary.<br />
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Really, at this point, having cried buckets over this matter, i have come alive again - much to my own expectation. I don't like to fall down like a injured soldier for too long, i am a warrior! <br />
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<b>Did i contemplated suicide? - </b>definitely, back in 2012. by 2016 i was too selfish to say goodbye. I married a fantastic man, i need to leeched onto him for as long as i can, i studied too much to let it go down the drain, and i have far too many friends to make them cry for me now.<br />
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<b>Did i feel guilty towards them all? </b>- i still do. This painful feeling doesn't go away, despite mindfucking myself all this time that i didnt predicted this so it wasnt my fault. i feel like i owe my life to all this people, and as long as i can make them happier i will do my all to make it work. <br />
- My in-laws especially, for accepting my past & allowing me to be part of the family, only for me to fail them.<br />
- My husband, for having to experience this level of worrying twice in the past years of our courtship. i never have to worry about him the way he has to about me, and he surely dont deserve this kind of fate, but has to resign to it because he love me. <br />
- My parents especially, for feeling sorry towards my husband, then feeling guilty for raising me this way. They are not to be blame, i didnt take care of myself to the best they had hope i did, but how can i tell them its really not their fault? i only wish they understood that no one- not me for sure - wanted me to be like this,<br />
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<b>Was i worried about myself? </b>i dunno how else to describe or advise them all, i am NOT worried about myself, not the slightest bit. But like Rodman say, it is only because i dont care about myself the way they care for me, so i dont feel worried. It's like i have a strong gut feeling that this op will be the last, then i will have baby- Babies - and my life will be so so so complete. i dont feel for my health, because really - it doesnt matter - but of course it does matter if i have to fork out $$ for it, so i guess i shud be worried? hahahhaha<br />
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ok ... all set!!! now all's left is to wait for the day... the day to say goodbye to my left ovary. Then onwards i will pray & protect & cherish my right ovary for she will be working 12times a year to ovulate, menstruate & give me my babies. As solo as a warrior as its owner - Kristal<br />
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Kristal Dkrisshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00840784351410026454noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5684039.post-31406884064235561012016-08-17T15:55:00.002+08:002019-08-30T10:56:49.245+08:00Stalkeri was reading random horror tales from creepycatalog as usual until this entry came along..<br />
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"<span style="background-color: white; color: #1c2022; font-family: "helvetica" , "roboto" , "segoe ui" , "calibri" , sans-serif; font-size: 16px; line-height: 22.4px;">You awake from a night of strange dreams to find "You are so beautiful when you sleep." scrawled across your bedroom walls."</span><br />
<span style="background-color: white; color: #1c2022; font-family: "helvetica" , "roboto" , "segoe ui" , "calibri" , sans-serif; font-size: 16px; line-height: 22.4px;"><br /></span>
<span style="background-color: white; color: #1c2022; font-family: "helvetica" , "roboto" , "segoe ui" , "calibri" , sans-serif; font-size: 16px; line-height: 22.4px;">then i got reminded i was nearly as close to encountering this once upon my beautify life. </span><br />
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It wasnt too long ago too, such a coincidence! 2014? 2015? was it just last year that it had happen? Now where did i keep those pictures? scribble on the wall, awake in the middle of the night and the numerous heart attacks my family had to suffer just to ensure i live each day safely?<br />
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It must have been Gary who discovered it as he made his way home from one of his usual nights out. Kristi have walk past the corridor just slightly past 11pm but they werent there! I- as my Dad will call it was asleep at this point, 十点le-la (no thanks Cinderella) my carriage turns into pumpkin, horses back to mice & nicely tuck behind my blanket in my dreamland.<br />
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i was awoken by Gary? i no longer remember, pulled out of my safe haven and barely make out what was happening & next thing u know i was standing right at my corridor, nearest to the lift lobby staring at the HUGE graffiti containing my name on the wall. It must have been 2.30am in the night, it came as a surprise so i was wide awake when i see it. WHO ON EARTH DID THIS?<br />
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There were so many thoughts wandering in my mind, this was not the first kind of harressment i encounter in my life, i have so many other accident to share but nothing quite as majestic as this.<br />
What else will it say, it was a compliment - not that i am proud of thou<br />
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KRISTAL CHNG SO HOT</div>
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Those were simple words, he/she must have been tall to reach this much height with the spray can. The wordings were clear- albeit really untidy. It had my full name, the handwritting is as messy as a typical guy's writting would. We didnt hesitate to call the police. </div>
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The interview//interrogation??? didnt take very long, the officers ask if i might have offended anyone recently? My first thought was definitely nasty, like if i offend them they are actually quite humble to praise me openly hahaha... but no lah, i dont think i might have offended anyone, but sometimes i can be insensitive like this. </div>
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i admit i am still ashame of my "interview" because once i was fully awake the whole situation clearly has been quite comical if i may say so myself? The officers prolly took it lightly as my answers seems to imply so. My Dad wasnt too pleased,,</div>
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and no, he shouldnt be pleased about this whole thing. It did brought me back to my terrible past, the one time i had to be interrogated in the police station ; there i was, all young &; crying so badly my Dad was so helpless he almost trash the police station you know? Nah, i am no longer keen to go into details on that incident but it scare me pretty bad because my Dad was usually the nicest man alive. i remember the police officer was perhaps not very understanding towards small girl back then &; he ask me very detailed questions that was terrifying to even imagine at my age. Dad answered most of them on my behalf because i was just crying so badly. At one point the officer beg my dad to let me answer myself but he was - my protective Dad- very agitated at his request. </div>
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Moving on - i really dont enjoy enacting those memories from the past - Dad told the office that more has to be done to protect me as we've barely moved into our house for 12 months &; already someone was stalking me enough to know exactly where i stay?</div>
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Back then i was very focus on my running routine &; i clock my mileage on facebook so friends could motivate me &; i'll pressurize to keep up with the momentum. Dad, Rodman were both very persistent that i stop running immediately because that also means i'll be expose to danger - especially knowing someone has been preying on me the whole time. </div>
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Looking back, i admit a huge part of this whole saga started with my posting my routine online, it was damn simple to predict where i will be, on which day running which course of PCN at which neighborhood. i am to be blame for my own stupidity but it just doesnt make sense you know? To be targeted so specifically by someone you dont know. The thought that i barely lived in my residense for a year plus the fact that i DO NOT run near block makes the whole thing even scarier. </div>
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Actually, a small part of me knew the problem could arise from my resume that is probably floating somewhere out in the cyberspace, but i have only change my residence 6 months in? This is the mistake i made i guess. In a perfect world, recruiters are genuinely helping to find you a good job, then there are those preying on the cyberspace with creative ways to scare the living hell out of you. I vividly remember there were calls checking if i was still keen on my hunt for a job but back then i wasnt but i make sure to reject them nicely. Some took it ok, some request to keep my resume for future opportunities &; i was ok with them all.. </div>
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I dont have a happy ending to this story you know, basically it was a whirlwind of my family, my boyfriend over-protecting me for months on ends. It is all better now cos i moved out not too long later, got married &; earned myself a 24/7 guardian which is Rodman. i guess this incident will just be filed in my mind forever as one of the many cases of harressment i have introduce myself to in this lifetime. </div>
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someday, when other things prompt my bad memories, i'll be sure to share my experience on meeting flasher, psychopath, &; being harressed by a classmate back in school days. </div>
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Kristal Dkrisshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00840784351410026454noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5684039.post-72362380274336897072016-08-15T16:14:00.002+08:002016-08-15T16:14:44.098+08:00unrelated rant in a single postI am not even sharing much, but i am working harder.<br />
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I, no! Make that we, we are both working harder on a new goal, he has reminded me times & again that something should be 可望不可求, but its like the aquarius in me is eating me up - bit by bit- and no sooner i know how it will all add up.....<br />
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I.WILL.STOP.ALL.ENTHUSIASM.ALTOGETHER<br />
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and then i probably will hate myself for a while, for not trying harder then months later i will begin the vicious cycle again, new mentality new motivation but same result, I never learnt, will i?<br />
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We've visit the sinseh for a while now, the first visit being tormented with 5.5hrs wait. He wanted to give up, but held on cos i was beaming with anticipation. I needed this to work you know? They say she's so good at this we'll literally have to count on her to make this works.<br />
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She advise us to mark my progress daily, so i did - without fail. Somedays i forget to do it 1st thing in the morning & it scared me - so bad. I dream about it you know - walking to grab the thermometer & marking the temperature - then i woke up & stare at my phone only to realize i am 4 hours away from the alarm going off..<br />
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"WHAT IS FUCKING WRONG WITH YOU?"<br />
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i could have taken it lightly - except i wouldnt allow myself to give up without giving my all. i took the medication timely, daily without fail. I feel the heatiness acting but i didnt know when to stop. Rodman was just patient you know, he reminded me times & again to take it slow, but i wasnt buying it. i wish i would soon.<br />
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#Take1 failed at 08August2016, i woke up knowing i have failed & the feeling was sinking in so terribly - but i reminded myself this is no crying affair because i have 12 times in a year to continue trying. I didnt know how to break the news to Rodman but when i did, i realize what a fool i had been because it was that easy! He reminded me again 可望不可求,and so we went forth with our day, only i was motivated all over again for #Take2. How many times till i give up?<br />
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While chatting with a friend, i confess that this whole "project" was taking a toll on my mental health because for the first time - this was something i cannot predict or confirm will happen - just because i put in the effort. I randomly chuckle at my foolishness & also at the realization of the sense of loss i felt towards pathing my own future.<br />
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I am really thankful Rodman is around this whole time, without his reminder - albeit unromantic & somewhat repetitive consolation & er-hem amazing chinese proverb, i wouldnt have crash only to climb from the start again.<br />
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i am not sure how long this project will last till i can look back at how foolish i was & how lucky we both will be when we are finally blessed with a family expansion. Until then i need to pick myself up again & again because i am not the sort to call quit - ever-.<br />
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It's also such luck that coincidentally there are amazing event taking place in Singapore that seems to hint better days are looking ahead. (Hint swimming champion & Singaporean), i am desperate & every bit of motivation works for me at this point, thank you.<br />
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Reluctantly, it took me till now to finally pen it down, i didnt want to proclaim or share aloud that i am feeling this low on something that is not yet within my control, but i'll be sure to return with good news - if only.Kristal Dkrisshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00840784351410026454noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5684039.post-92148989700978155632016-04-21T11:06:00.002+08:002016-04-21T11:06:31.847+08:00What every man needs to know<i><span style="font-size: large;">What every man needs to know.... </span></i><br />
<b style="font-family: 'Courier New', Courier, monospace; font-size: x-large;"><br /></b>
<b style="font-family: 'Courier New', Courier, monospace; font-size: x-large;">Man saying "I've got this.. and then proceed to take care of whatever needs to be taken care of."</b><br />
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<li><span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;">you need to take care of these stuff you are responsible for. We can share the load at home, you can & you should put your clothes away after we "offered" to fold them. Notice we offered to do so? We are naturally, geometrically & symmetrically better at making sure the clothes stacks neatly, so we took this responsibility, but we are no better at making rounds after rounds putting the stash away in the wardrobe than you are since you started training for it in the army earlier than we did. So if you can open the doors for ladies if you see them, you can put away your clothes if you see them. See point on "better at doing them" below</span></li>
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<li><span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;">The lightbulb is fused, you've got this! Unless you are nearly 2 feet shorter than we are, you are engineered to know the danger of electricity safety than we can. We can change the lightbulb too you know? But you look way charming standing atop the ladder, glowing in your perspire without strands of hair getting caught in your sweat. Edward Cullen is attractive to us because he shimmers, you probably would too, if you perspire</span></li>
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<b style="font-family: 'Courier New', Courier, monospace; font-size: x-large;">You are not entitled</b><br /><ul>
<li><span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;"><a href="http://thoughtcatalog.com/matthew-fray/2016/04/she-divorced-me-because-i-left-dishes-by-the-sink/?utm_content=bufferba0f9&utm_medium=social&utm_source=facebook.com&utm_campaign=buffer">Even if the vows has been exchanged. </a>We respect our parents because they've earned it,and you need to do, too. We are cultured to learn by example, if you set yourself as a role model, we will magically accustom most of what you've practice as being correct. </span></li>
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<li><span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;">If you can fixed that loose screw on that darn fan making that old irritating screeching sound, you are likely to be entitled to a majority of the oscillating wind to your direction.</span></li>
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<b style="font-family: 'Courier New', Courier, monospace; font-size: x-large;">we are not your mother</b></div>
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<li><span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;">we build that house together remember? We learnt as you learnt, we don't spoil you like we will spoil our babies.</span></li>
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<li><span style="font-family: 'Courier New', Courier, monospace;"> you are nearly as old as we are. You don't see us spoiling ourselves because we know we are old enough to think & fend for ourselves</span></li>
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<b style="font-family: 'Courier New', Courier, monospace; font-size: x-large;">you can do things & are better at</b><b style="font-size: x-large;"><span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;"> them</span></b></div>
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<li><span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;">During courtship, you are dependable, you make sure to stand on the dangerous side of the road if we jaywalk, you feel you will know danger if you sense one.</span></li>
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<li><span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;">When making major decisions like how much we can spend on our honeymoon, you set aside a decent portion of our money because you've work the math & despite spending clean of this portion, we can feed ourselves later</span></li>
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<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">And the one paragraph i can totally reside with ... <a href="http://thoughtcatalog.com/matthew-fray/2016/04/she-divorced-me-because-i-left-dishes-by-the-sink/?utm_content=bufferba0f9&utm_medium=social&utm_source=facebook.com&utm_campaign=buffer"> [extract]</a></span></div>
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<b><span style="background-color: white; font-family: minion-pro, Georgia, 'Times New Roman', Times, serif; line-height: 33.6px;">It’s not: </span><em style="background-color: white; box-sizing: border-box; font-family: minion-pro, Georgia, 'Times New Roman', Times, serif; line-height: 33.6px;">Sonofabitch, I have to do this bullshit thing for my wife again.</em></b></div>
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<b><span style="background-color: white; font-family: minion-pro, Georgia, 'Times New Roman', Times, serif; line-height: 33.6px;"><br /></span></b></div>
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<b><span style="background-color: white; font-family: minion-pro, Georgia, 'Times New Roman', Times, serif; line-height: 33.6px;">It’s: </span><em style="background-color: white; box-sizing: border-box; font-family: minion-pro, Georgia, 'Times New Roman', Times, serif; line-height: 33.6px;">I’m grateful for another opportunity to demonstrate to my wife that she comes first and that I can be counted on to be there for her, and needn’t look elsewhere for happiness and fulfillment.</em></b></div>
Kristal Dkrisshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00840784351410026454noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5684039.post-43150646009053534382016-02-19T16:23:00.000+08:002016-02-19T16:36:31.263+08:00HIMMHThis blogspot is a thing of a past & many have since move forward to other platform like Dayre & it was also where i gain insight on the daily lives of alot of stranger.<br />
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Stranger danger? Not really it was just a small hood where people of many walks of life (especially Singapore & Malaysia) gather to share support.<br />
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#HIMMH<br />
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and this hashtag in particular is a good read, worthy even, take some time off to indulge in sweet sweet memories of how some of us met our husband. Since i am infused in this spirit i will play my part to narrate my own version of HIMMH (How i met my husband)<br />
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Rodman was an ordinary overweight kid from SGS which was located fairly near DSS where i studied. I was an unpopular girl who also crave much attention (but sadly, didnt receive many) so when my BFF Sharon was out dating after school, my best bet was to stick to her and whoever is lucky enough to date my pretty best friend (but "unlucky" to be tag by her <b>BFF/a.k.a Lamp post/ me</b> teeheehee...)<br />
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On one particular afternoon when i was 14, i became acquaintance with Rodman & his circle of bball clique while playing gooseberry to Sharon & her date then. Surprisingly, Sharon & i both click really well with all 6 of them so in no time we were spending evenings together, chatting & doing nothing. It was fun time, especially when you finish school each evening knowing great company awaits. The friendship was strong until we turn 16 (And Rodman & his clique turn 18) & that's when we all went our separate ways.<br />
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Carebear from Rodman for my 21st birthday, no sign or hint of affection</div>
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The tee shirt as part of the 21st birthday from his brief appearance during my party</div>
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Fast forward, when i was 21, i invited all 6 of them to gather for a "reunion" after all this years. Rodman briefly show up with a birthday card, a tee shirt & a small Carebear. He said his well-wishes & drove off, all while his friends (not sure who they were) sat quietly in the car when we spoke. I thought the reunion"was strange but put it off as him being too nice to reject my invitation hence the brief "appearance".<br />
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How i look when i was working in Far East Plaza</div>
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Most rebellious look, think his cup of tea then haha</div>
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Thereafter, per his version of the story, he caught sight of me not too long later when i was working then in Far East plaza. Like all boys undergoing puberty (hahaha, when they assume sparks fly & the sight of a familiar face is a sign of fate), he mumbled to his buddy that the girl was "not bad". His buddy then (& now) didnt respond so he took it as affirmative & began his pursue.<br />
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First outing when he was already fully aware of his feelings for me, i was nonchalent</div>
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First outing just us 2, when i also started developing my feelings for him</div>
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If i recall, there were lotsa of SMS exchanged, usually (coincidentally) he will be "near" my workplace & if i am keen, we should grab supper together. It took a few attempts for me to finally said yes (honestly i thought of us just catching up as old friends) & everything else was history lah.<br />
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Of course i have deliberately left out that between this period i was also in a on-off relationship with an ex that was dragging past its validity period. I will never forget how my ex once commented that Rodman & i will eventually end up together while i stubbornly put it off as another case of his "thinking too much".<br />
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<b>I guess sometimes you cannot escape from reality huh, and i have to thank him for his wise prediction. </b><br />
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<span style="font-weight: bold;">First outing with his family after we got together officially</span></div>
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We dated since 11August2008 & finally tied the knot on 18jan2015. We first met way back in 2001 so fate work in such a magical way.Kristal Dkrisshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00840784351410026454noreply@blogger.com0