Monday, August 06, 2018

To Baby S & S Mummy

Hello baby S,
you are not mine, or ours but we care so much for you, and even more for your mummy & Daddy that we have known since the dawn of times.

You are a miracle, you were the project your Mummy had so cautiously crafted, and you were adore by many of us even before we seen you. When we did gather to see you for the first time, none of us had the heart to hold you first because you are so delicate, so precious & so perfect. You are still the perfect human your Mummy had painstakingly endure months of pregnancy for.

Dear baby, on that day i held you for the short moments of bonding before i had to give others a chance to greet you, you had help your jie jie because that week i pump even more milk than i ever did in the past months just thinking about your tiny smile, your deep double eye lid & your soft skin. You cannot tell then but we were all super excited to finally meeting you, and also to finally see your Mum beaming with pride on her pretty achievement.

I have known your Mummy for a long time, i didnt know her directly at first, but when i did - she was the amazing friend one had hope to have around, and i was that lucky someone. Your mummy was the ever supportive listener, always gunning for the positive side of every matter. Your mummy supports me even at my lowest point, and she shown up at the hospital bed when i had a minor operation & didnt want to see anyone. Your mummy is the best person to cheer anyone day up, and while she has her doubts & fear, she didnt let it show much & was always the light-spirit happy-go-lucky woman. Your mummy was fearful when she first learnt about your arrival, but like she always did - she make sure she has everything covered & under controlled. Your Mummy is an amazing woman, and i hope someday you will grow up to appreciate all that she have and will be doing for you.

Baby, your arrival wasn't easy, neither was everything in life. Once upon a time, i had Sonia & i - too - live life with fears, sleepless no tomorrow & dragging to let each day passed by so Sonia will grow older & i might just worry lesser. I pray to sleep for the whole of 3 months after the birth of Sonia, for her health, success and safety. These days, i begin to pray again as i fall asleep everynight, because in my prayers i ask for the safety, health & success of You and Sonia. Baby we are all attracted to you before you understood anything, and i hope my prayers are soon to be answer, and i might worry lesser so your Mummy can worry but at ease.

Baby, your Mummy meant alot to many of us, and it breaks our heart to have to hear her sharing worrying updates on you, but i know this is only but a phase, and someday we will look back & smile at how silly it look, when once upon a time, we felt so hopeless we didnt know how things will eventually work out for you & her.

S Mummy, i dont know how to say things to appease the situation because had i been in your condition, i wouldnt want to hear any beat around the bush too. Once upon a time, you were around when i was at the end of the tunnel, not knowing if i should remove my life-creating organ or to persevere onto it in hope that miracles happen soon enough/. You just hang around and watch me in silence, and told me how strong i was. I didnt see it then, but i saw it now - those words - they dont mean a thing then but it was soothing enough to make me feel better. Sorry you dont need them now and i wish i can say things that make you feel better, but feeling better isnt going to change things, and i hope you are stronger than i once was.

Baby, your mummy says she have cry enough tears and it has to stop. So it shall stop, you will grow up happily, unknowing to this time where there are so much uncertainty we were all rooting for your best outcome. Someday, i want to hold your hand & make you smile & that smile of yours will remind me of how it all happen because your Mummy is so so so strong, and she make you that perfect person you will grow up to be. We adore you so much, stay healthy & include us in your life dearie..