Thursday, July 30, 2009

Life's a blast, i am jobless.
Super in love with the bf, super preoccupied with ICBS and ensuring sales are improving. Really wanna make this work cos it will be like a baby Pau and i are nurturing into a succesful adult..

Bb have been busy with school, unlike during work at Tonkin, when i am so busy i hardly have time to miss him, i find myself surrounded by images of him, missing his smell, hearing his laughter.

i heard a super good news yesterday, but my mind cant stop lying to myself, this is no longer a surprise but it was still really good news.

i have decided to dedicate my time into making LJ works, both BkHairpins n ICBS. i know Pau has tots about opting for a full time job already, but i have plans to see her next move, if she really wans to get a full time job soon, i'll start hunting for mine while still striving to keep the LJ goings. i wan it to work, no matter what, this will compensate all the lost time i chose to give up to get a decent job so it must work.

ranting and ranting...... boring and waiting for bb to spend some time talking to me before i head to bed, its down to JB tmr. Remeber Kristal, no splurge only smart buys... hehe

Tuesday, July 28, 2009

random shots down the block

nutin mch to blog.. miss sweet stinky sleepyhead -- wats new..

had the longest dream abt him yesterday.. hehe

Tuesday, July 14, 2009

quarrel with dad, feeling so alone now.

With him in uk, life seems so different. i had never quarrel with Dad but my flare today made him scream. I was crying the shit hell out of myself, screaming at him and sis. But it wasnt even their fault.

i hate this period, no one wans to trust me anymore, everyone doubts whatever i do. and when i need someone to reassure me, the ringing tone on the other line always ends up unanswered.

its not as if no one wants to hear it out, but more because i was more and more kept to myself as day goes by, i lose that bit of confident to express myself.

Why din i speak properly, i cant remember a single thing now, only regret how i scream at him. i hated him for not trusting me, why wait till now to show ur concern? waht difference does it makes with or without bb around? why was i deprive of my very last bit of trust? what did i do wrong?i really tot i earn that trust and that respect to be given the decision myself to made, about what time i should reach home and to whom i should hang out with. The him in the past wasnt like this, he would ask where i am and who i am hanging out with den ask me to be careful. Yet the him now scream throught the phone in a pled for me to report who i hang out with and why i aint home. Its barely 9pm and i feel so restricted.

Scolding at work, being push to reach an aimless target, calling up people and telling myself being scolded for being dumb was part and parcel of the job. i hate me now, i hate my decision to study, to work, to wait for bb to come back,hate my life, hate whatever i am doing now.

i hate being alone...... really hate being alone, i wish you will rush down and stop me from crying, to assure me dad was doing the right thing by being concern.

i hate that those tears seems to keep flowing down.... hate it

Tuesday, July 07, 2009

Early home-outing with pau again today. We are putting new goals to our lives each time we met, and this time, it was comedy concert at esplanade, brownies from posh! and mos burger! seems as though we will never really grew tired of meeting.

Bb's at school now, work sucks as usual, we lost the entire hardwork of database built since first day of work, the feelings is like finally accumulating enuff water to last a day at a desert den tripping over a stone and pouring away the water. Deadline remains the same, number of submission remains the same, only difference this time is we practically lost everything accumulated over the week, this sucks.

School sucks too, no one was really friendly and i was a mute for a whole 3 hrs. But after forcefully tinking of ways to look on the bright side, here's the excuse bb and i came up tgr

- At least even if i am suay i still has this wonderful bf
- At least i have a stable income now
- No attention no distraction
- i can imagine bb sitting besides me and i spend all the time i feel like a loner "writing" to bb, as thouh we are secretly chit-chatting
- no friends means no break chatting and munching, time to lose weight
- i can always dial my ICE number (In-Case-of-Emergency) -- Pauline Kang
- i can call Vivien and talk nonsence till she hangs up on me
- i can act chio and be dao n ppl wont gossip abt me.
- Bb has promise to fetch me home when he returns from UK

this shall accumlate to being happy as a part-time student.

wahaha... i told bb i stop dressing up, time to dress up again, in case when bb returns, he sees another Kristal, that of a old-haggard-auntie-looking gf, and he may still probably loves me, but i cant stand myself standing next to him..

bb and Pau... pls remind me to look good and take some picture of myself...

..... i am a loner..... Kristal the loner..... i cant tink of a cool name for a loner?

okok..... Kristal the incredibly-isolated

wahaha.. Pau will do the -.-" face soon

Sunday, July 05, 2009

i have to blog about how lovely we can be, bb is the sweetest thing on earth, learning and willingly cook his own dinner, and breakfast all cos i ask him to do so.
really really very happy with our relatiponship, its another level higher and we are very certain of our feelings, its as though we both had a strange strong surge of feeling for each other and this time, our emotions are set free.
i am a little upset today, actually a lot upset, i really wanna see bb soon but work is piling and i cant simply leave right now reduce the annual leave by a huge number, i really wanna see my bb. The current invitation is really attractive, its such a disappoint to withdraw from the plan. Hate myself, hate my job, hate my bb doing alot of things for me yet i cant do the same to him.
Bb.. sorry........

Thursday, July 02, 2009

I shall remember this day... forever....

Just melting inside, the words you said, those meaningless words yet it brings my life to a whole new level.

i kept thinking, smiling to myself the whole time at work,

rejection from others at work just dun really mean a thing, all i had in mind was how much forward i had taken, the step into opening that once hardened heart of yours

i felt like i did it!!! Like i was standing number one! on top of the world!

Promise me you mean what you say, cos right now thats all i really really need.

Like you, i never had this tingling feeling down my throat each time someone mention your name, and i can spends night talking away, if only someone will listen, just how special you are to me.

i emphasize you as my best friend, on top of my boyfriend, and right now we shall add on two status, the co-owner of stinky, our little precious responsibility(a.k.a our faeces plush-toy), and also the man who had officially added me into his agenda of "the future"

bb.. lets name it "Our Future".

Cos, like you, i FINALLY see my future, not just alone, but with you....

hugx. Mr Rodman the Crooked ****, cum Ahmad Ah-di!
This is super amazing,< br>

really feeling more and more guilty abt how much lesser i knew abt this guy,
< br>
i cant believe the King actually shocked me only after his dismissal, and thats probably how he came to convince everybody he uphold that faithful title of " the King of Pop"
< br>
< br>
i smile to myself continously while watching this, i wonder why such performance can actually make someone smile, its the first time i froze to my skin while listening to MJ sings. and i highly recommend 2 titles that practically took my breath away. First of all being "heal the world" the song that i cried while listening during primary school days but never really putting much heart into understanding the meaning behind the songs, and the other being "you are not alone" cos it cames as a perfect song to console me at this period of time where bb is so far away..
< br>
thanks the King, you mk bb and my life so much comforting in this down period.
< br>
you'll be missed.