Monday, July 31, 2017

Week 37 - 20 days to go

Its week 37 today, and i am feeling ok-ish.

Had a weird episode of retching then vomitting this morning all because i accidentally swallowed some toothpaste while gurgling. The retching went on at least 7 times and by the 6th i could feel my abs working it.

Its strange how i appear to accept it all as a package of the baby journey, yet there are sleepless night such as yesterday where thoughts of childbirth scares the shit outta my head. I hate to admit but perhaps deep down i am scared of the actual child birth process, yet the psychical me compare these against all the other ops i have been through so it really isn't anything much worst. I guess the core difference this time is that i am conscious throughout the experience, while the other ops in the past years had always been a full anesthetic. I cant wait to get it over & done with, seeing Sonia & actually "carrying" her instead of.... "carrying"her? #ifyouknowwhatimean

My stomach is so tight now it is a good feeling to hold it most time, so i dont blame Rodman whenever he does hold or carry my belly in public. It must be tough for him having gone this far, and only recently i had to pull him out of bed at almost 5am in the morning because i experience the Mother-of-cramps in pregnancy. I must say he had it easy most time during the last 9 months too, minus the times we squabble a little here & there when he nags on about how i was putting Sonia at risk when i bend, move a little too fast. i dont really like moving like a snail & i never did, although i understand it pays to slow things down a little sometimes i cant help it. And yes, his nagging is a pain to go through.

The cramp i had that faithful night is really a wake up call of just how blessed i have been through the entire pregnancy. Its a crappy feeling that doesnt go away, Rodman woke up shocked as i silently scream in pain at the arch of my heels just freezing in a weird position, and after he massage the cramp away, i fondly fell asleep only to wake up in less than a split seconds because the cramp has return almost instantaneously!    After perhaps 3 times of the same cramp coming & going, Rodman says he knows exactly which point the cramps return because my feet went from a soft skin texture to a #mannequinchallenged one hahahahhahhahhaa... and while he had the hardwork of massaging my smelly feet, i had the HARDER job of falling asleep & waking up shock like 7 times within few minutes.   The consoling thing is the cramp only came like 36 weeks into the pregnancy, so God has been very very nice to me.    

I have since worn socks to sleep EVERY night, not that i can wear them on myself.  I secretly mock Rodman that having dated for 9 years and avoided carrying my handbag, wearing my bridal shoes or any of those silly stuff every girl yearn to experience one day, he now has to wear my socks for me every night. And if i may add to his misery, i had to wear HIS high cut soccer, non-appealing & nothing close to Japanese puffy socks.   It must truly be a hilarious sight if you can imagine waking up to your wife numerous (if i may count its around 4 times) pee trips in the night & watching her backview of oversize tee, bball shorts & almost knee high socks.    Nothing fits me better than his clothes now, and sleeping IS my priority over looking good, if i had to struggling fitting into my dresses by day, i sure as hell wouldn't consider doing that at night.

i am currently counting down less than a week before i break from work to start prepping for Sonia's arrival, and already i am dreading having to stay at home all day under the blazing heat of the house. A part of me decide i was better off turning the air-conditioning on all day, while another part of me wanted to be the wise & sensible mother to start saving on electricity bills. This struggle is real & also the main reason why i hesitate for so long before agreeing to leave work for home (at least in the office i get the luxury of air-cond all day every day... and also the endless made-up humor of my colleagues...).

Dad spoke to me last week, demanding i moved home so at least my mum & maid can help watch over me in case my delivery is due. He also assured me that it was ok to keep the air-con on as long as i felt comfortable, which makes me so guilty for having all this unnecessary demands. Of course if you ask me i prefer to stay at my own place now because of easy access to all things mine, but i know better the risk of falling prey to loneliness & also weird emotional & negative thoughts. I haven't really discuss this with Rodman as of yet, but he know by the 2nd month after Sonia is delivered i will move home so Mummy & Kakak can help take care of me when he return to work. We are keeping our fingers crossed that Sonia can come out earlier than her EDD 20August2017, perhaps 11 August2017 so we have 1 less anniversary to remember (11 August is when we first date back in the year 2008).    Well, 船到桥头自然直, come what may next week for i am too pre-occupied to think of all this now.

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