Tuesday, December 01, 2009

Unjustified unjustified...

i am feeling so make use of.
This feeling sucks, sometimes i wonder, why go through all this trouble where all i got in the end was a mere sum of money that, after paying school fees, does not allow room for lunch and dinner.

At that point, when i was being point finger at, the blame was on me, why hadnt i speak up? How could i? I was just a temporary, one who gets utilised to the fullest for the tiniest sum of salary.

I knew the blame was on me and i accepted that, steadily, but what really hurts was how this had all attribute to a blame solely on my part. While i had to do my job scope, the 3 most important person i was assign to, was not there.

One was on holiday, one was too sick to attend and the last one, left me alone to bleed. She did nuttin to offer her help, i did ask for help, i really did. But there wasnt enough going that had make it all smooth.

I admit i was really strong last week, stronger that i had tot, i was down with a fever, sore throat, i was coughing so much it hurts, i was "suppose" to be on medical leave, yet i was here, to make end meets.

I wanted to devote the time to doing my own stuff, really, if i could, it would has to be me above all else, but there wasnt a chance, i came, and along came all the otheer responsiblity that was threw on me, and i was to figure a way out for myself, lost and deillusionised.

the usual hours that permits me to finish my stuff was 9, yet i stayed on after that just to complete my stuff. Days after days i stayed longer and longer, even pending tots of skipping lecture, which i later put off cos each lesson cos me enough to work here for 2 days.

i finish it all in the end, but someone has to come up with new decision to alter watever was already fixed, and in the end, i had to re-do them all.. just cos i wasnt doing it for myself, i was doing it for them all.

Now that things are back to normal and it was time to submit the report. Fingers started pointing and they seems like arrow, pintpoint straight at me, i had done this i forget to do that. Everything voice down to an error on my part.

i wonder if they had stop to tink for once, that while they choose to rest at home, eat good food, i was struggle to make ends meet, to produce something with as little information as i was given. Do they also realise, if i had been given all the other task to do on top of wat was rightfully my duty, i would be able to resume work as per normal, get the meagre pay i was offer, and just allow me to rest at home and nest my fever. Den maybe nuttin would have happen, i would recover within days and not carry this bad cough with me for 4 weeks and counting.

if only, i had taken the advice and consult a doctor to get my medical certificate, i wouldnt have to take this responsibility, and get blame for something which i had done wrongly, but could have been avoided if i wasnt left alone to do other stuff instead of my stuff.

unjustified, yet i couldnt raise my opinion, i could only nod in silence while they tell me my mistake, but i know them all, i really do, just that the situation din allow me to do them correct. This is not a mistake, it was a misfortune.

Funnily, the job i had been looking forward to has now loses its appeal, cos i somehow the name "scapegoat" seems to come along with it.

hate it.... really down now.... unjustified


No comments: