Wednesday, February 06, 2013

thank you for remembering

Every single day of my life has changes ever since i decide to make a difference. This year i wanna give thanks to all 99 of you friends (adding 1 more to make 100,. thanks Krystle)  who have made me realize how much every friend i have made my life more than worth while. 

i haven had much to look forward to turning 26, over 2012 so many things has taken place, i could have consider that year the most fruitful of my life thus far.   No i haven made a name for myself unlike some of my friends did (Congrats Jamie- your blog is such a success, you are young but successful entrepreneur) , but i have so much faith for the next year (which is the moment i am living right now - 2013) that i am waking up each day excited for the next couple of hours, life is amazing when you have something to look forward to, and for me it is to stay happier than yesterday

My self proclaim positivity has lead my health to a good turn, back in 2012 at this time i came under the knife to remove something intact in me for more than 8 years. While i am worried about the hefty bill that will follow (i didnt have a life insurance to look forward to), i was also in constant fear of turning for the worst with the deteriorating state of my health after the op.       My first ray of light came when the nurses brought along a cooler-box which contain O+ blood for me, by 2 kind souls i wil never find out - it didnt occur to me how i use to donate my blood to others, and now i am receiving the same from others .... life events are recycle from your acts in the past, and i thank those who had incorporated good values in my thinking, coercing (yes JekSheng, coerce me into donating blood at 17) me into giving something to others for a good returnings.... how true is this sentence?

My next ray of light came when the nurses showered my stay in the hospital with so much love- yes back then my entry sounded so hurt & upsetting, but looking back, without their constant care & love (albeit the numerous poking of needle into my arm to find a bleeding vein)  i wouldnt have endure more than 3 days of hospital stay without tearing....   Being a nurse is a tough job, when i had my first fainting experience, all i remembered was how the nurse, all but one of the poor petite lady must have carried me, stain in the pant from my uncontrollable pee, back to bed, reading my pulse, changing my soaked pant and still encouraging me "Kristal, can you hear me, Kristal, dont sleep...."

i sometimes feel like i was floating in the air, watching myself lyng in the hospital bed looking at eaach and everyone who came to visit.    bbbb's friends are special, they extended their care for a best friend to his girlfriend, and i cannot thank them enough....    There were also my own friends, who teared watching me lying there in pain (each drop of tear i saw or heard about marks deeply in my hear, i will remember them.. i swear).... Most importantly it is during this period that i found love not only from the two who had given birth to me, but also from my siblings who had given up their share of attention to focus on hoping for my full recovery.   my boyfriend's family are equally amazing, checking in on me numerous times, even while i fell into deep sleep, bbb update me who came and who left, he was by my side through the entire ordeal, my life feels more complete after removing a part of me, the irony behind every encounter God has planned for you :)

I use to always think i am a lonely child in school, even when besties told me times &
 again how everyone was my friend, i was more concern about not having close clique (apart from her).  She once mention something along the line of envy that everyone treated me impartially because i stood no bias ground  - though i didnt understood then, i truly do now :)     i see how i do not have to draw a line to texting anyone back in school to meetup, and i realize how pals do not question me with a "why are u asking me out, we never use to be close.. are u selling insurance?"    doubt....    i guess because they all see me the same - the standalone, lonely kid who made friend with everyone....    i like how that feels, when i think back about my often hangout friends, i cannot find a bunch that exceed more than 4 pax 
  • Apel
  • Celina
  • Sharon, Jean
  • Paperstop
  • Faye
  • Ray & Viv
  • Jann & Xue
  • Jamie
  • Clarinda foo
  • Phyllis
  • Bitch Sylvia
every bullet above represent a clique (that is, if you can even make up a clique with just one)....   after all these years, i must have appreciate small clique get together. it is afterall, easier to plan  meetup and open our hearts to pouring sensitive content.... Just the thought of it makes me very happy, i am very lucky, every other friends back in Deyi (Tiffany, Jun Min, Jian ji, Jian Chong, Jess, Cynthia, Chee yong, Yong kang, Hui Quan, Cai yun, Gek san, Min qi, all the color guards,... etc)  Peiying (Gale, Yixin, Penn)  FEP (jean, Hui Wen).. NYP (mostly those above, Apple, Sijia, jeddy, Phyllis, ... etc)   and i still keep in contact.......   there was no barrier when it comes to doing update, because i do not have any closer clique (besides Sharon) that they have to "taboo" me from. 

I am thankful for my gossiping self, my sensitivity to stories of love, i like hearing others talk about their failed & success romance, i like to add on my own opinion. I am glad after doing so for such a long while, not one of them have ever shut me up and told me to stop.... most times my opinion are gibberish, redundant & unrelated, other times if i found some similarities i can relate to i will tell tales......      Through talking to them all i find/realize how alot of other friends have thinking so different from mine, then i will accumulate them all and vomit them all out when i hear the next related stories.... these goes on and on....   i like talking to everyone, as long as they pour their hearts, i'll pour mine...  i dont carry secrets to bed, they are too difficult to cage inside, so the existence of each and every friend is so precious, more precious than i can ever imagine. 

My birthday in 2013 summarizes most of the loving i am receiving, every time a notification pops up on my facebook, i feel such immerse warmth that i liken to being given a tight hug and that someone mouthing "Happy Birthday Kristal!"....  there was so much blessing a facebook wishes can bring, each time i see the "wishing you a good health... " alongside the birthday wishes, i can visualize my health stats going like this..
like Chun Li gaining immunity in her life span as she takes on her enemy in street fighter....
There are also the ladies who had been too nice to wish for a prettier me, to which my minds goes into...
i feel like each of them rejuvenate the beauty within me ( yesh, not all my beauty are coming out yet.. haha) and adding on a layer of touch up to my skin, making it less imperfect. i took the time to reply each and every well wishes, because  they mean every word, so i count them on facebook, on facebook private message, on whatsapp, on SMS, by word, and feel them all adding up to my morale boost.... on 31jan2013, my immunity level hits a record high...... and i feel so perfect that nothing can make it worst..... 

i did not blow any candle or eat any cake this birthday, the trend dies off too quickly lately.... i secretly made my birthday wishes, while mopping the floor, and then continue with the chores......     my birthday isnt made perfect by the current settings i am placed in at the moment i realize i was celebrating my birthday - in fact my birthday was made perfect as i recall each and every well-wishes as i go on about my other stuff (working & typing away at work, while bathing, on the train, heading home, while mopping the floor, washing & scrubbing my clothes)

And magically, with each recollection of well wishes ( i will like to rename them as verbal presents ), i put a smile on my face, and the smile accumulate so much that couldnt contain my grin.....      i once wonder how a person can be alone and smiling to herself, that same "week" i felt like i was smiling all the time, all through the week, feeling too blissed & getting very very jealous over myself. 

Sometimes, happiness extend beyond the period it was suppose to "take effect".... as i am writing this i smile & grin with delight recalling every moment of my birthday week.. i know with every recollection i will accumulate more happiness and that feeling continues to amplify, but that is perfectly ok! Because no one ever hopes for less happiness, there is always enough space in the heart to take in that one good moment. 

As i set foot into the life of 26, i like to remind others & me how the 25-kristal will be seeing this, and how the 26-kristal will change and alter that view to a better one.... i am guessing i must have pick up the better side of us Singaporean - for even happiness makes me kiasu for MORE happiness....    Afterall, who can resist the glowing smile on our face when you are happy? 

SMiling Kristal on her birthday week :)
Having Dinner @ Grace - Rochster park:-- trying extremely hard not to smile, so i replaced it with an angry face but failed
Celebration over Japanese dinner with bbb's best buddies and without bbb --  my cheeks are glowing in happiness
Dinner with cousin on my actual birthday, with a glow on my face even when the Korea BBQ is choking and staining our hair with oil scent throughout.. 
With the tiniest girl i hang out so often with, at Brussel sprout sporting a gutsy attitude as we conquer every challenge came forth by the waiter & waitress who had celebrate my birthday -aloud! haha..    still glowing n my cheek with happiness, and this time the glow extended to the nose hahaha... feels like a beam of highlight apply to the nosebridge.
dinner with bbbb's buddies again, on a regular sunday night after a smelly bbq session at a korea restaurant, almost minimum make up on, but i tot i saw some color on my face.... whee.. must by my "happy" make up=)

Thank you each & every one who had made my life more worthwhile that i can possibly wish for, they say angel exist in the form of human, i saw more than a hundred angels crossing my path every day.... i must be blessed with Goodness =) 

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