Wednesday, January 31, 2007

i had the worst birthday ever.. one that makes me
cry for 4 hours till bed

one that makes me run away from home
that makes Dad cry.. for his very first time since i was born
that spoils my brother birthday
that makes the man ran out of his army
that makes Jonathan find me for 3 hours
that makes marc forget his quiz

i am in the deepest shit, and hope the birthday never comes,.
WHY!?? when i anticipate something it never came, i get so upset
but when i anticipate nuttin, and things got worst. it just sux

i hate my 20 years, why was i born? if creating family chaos, relationship problem was the only goal of surviving, then kill me.

its true, i was so poor i cannot afford lunch,
i tot he wont care, when i beg the family for money,
they choose to ignore
when i finally breakdown, so does he,
for the truth is he haven got money to eat lunch either,
so tat was what was happening at home

so my school fees was a loan from my boss
and the exam was a loan from my aunt
my dinner money was a loan from the man

God, if u still dun pity me, i am fine
but pity my family.
if u make me alive but make me suffer twice the pain of normal human
u are selfish
physically i was abuse,
now emotionally,
i tot by being 20 all was fine.
u just signal a start of misery

if u really tink having me was a joke
then kill me
i cant tk ur torturement
my eyes are running dead,
vision finally worsen to my crying
is that what u wan?

when i woke up this morning
the only thing that cheer me on was the sms from the friend
there wasn't anyone at home,
cousin bought me a slice of cake
no body at home choose to face me
for its becoming awkward
i dun even know if i should go home in a while
and create another burden for the house

i takkaire of the internet bills, so did ur hp bills
i even cover the some other bills, somehow its wearing me out
i am only 20
i feel like i have to stop school to support u
u say girl need not study so far

God i really beg of u,
end my suffering
whatever it takes
i cant hold on

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