Wednesday, May 29, 2013

The sunken feeling

Been feeling rather out of sort today, 
mainly stuck with toying the idea of playing the business out of the box. 
I've been knocking my skull so hard trying to figure out what else i can do 
to make SS work, to make it better, to make SS glow. 

It's the budget i've been trying to keep within (not the cost price of the stocks dont worry)
All that extra budget needed to advertise is like a stone throw right into face (more like my pocket)
Sigh, perhaps i should explore finding more ways to fund this dream i am building. 
Gotta keep working, saving & pulling the strings tighter on other stuff. 

and then there is the problem of the medication i am feeding, 
the unneccessary weight gain that ive been keeping to myself 

i am really thankful about the consolation everyone's been giving, 
and i am not sure if it's really the medication that has attribute to the weight gain. 
BUT i'm pretty sure i've been exercizing more than i can ever do (and eat way lesser than i ever did thanks to the braces)
i wouldnt want to accuse Mercilon, afterall the side effects that were rumoured to take place did not happen.
Perhaps it's really the excess food i've subconsciously fed on while sleep or sleepwalking... 

Been texting besties alot more than i did, 
glad to be keeping in constant contact thanks to the variety of communication network. 
She's a real doll to hang out with, 
and her endless supportive cheer-me-on keeps me going strong. 
So thankful to have the friendship going strong for the past 13 years, 
i must have been lucky to have been rewarded with so much goodness this life :)

And there is the man who is ever ready to hear me talk
i could go on for days on the same old topic that he never understood (think shopping, woman obsession with shoes, politics at work) and he will nod in agreement, understanding. 
Though he will never be good with words to cheer me on
This man is a gem, because he thinks and sees what i am trying to say, but he cannot translate his response to them in a way we can both understood. 
But he never stood me down, he could jump his thoughts straight to the summary "as long as you dont regret what you are doing"
and that was all i really need to hear, someone to stand by me when i feel like i was ready to jump off the cliff, 
this man, this gem, is mine:)

I know my mish-mash of thoughts is getting harder and harder to put into place,
i'll never stop for a second to take a breather, 
the brain just works all day long. 
I want achievement, i crave for it so badly. 
and right now i have all the backing i need, 
that is all that i will need to keep me going on. 
all i can say is, with bbb's acknowledgement, 
my family's silence support, 
my best friend's constantly checking out on my progress
my cousin's supportive backing
i have nothing to fear, absolutely nothing. 

well... except for cash, i need cash support, so i am exceptionally glad to be working & working in an environment i can accept, 
where the colleagues are especially nice, 
and their partners are equally cool. 

i'm tempting to leave the buzzing city for a while, 
and i cannot wait for the long vacation in October 
bbbb and i will head back to the very place that tested our
endurance for a lasting relationship
we will explore new places in the old town we use to stay together
i am praying so hard that SS will see the light by October, 
because deep down i am pretty sure i cannot spend
fifteen days away from this red dot & completely leave the business alone. 
i do want to give myself a break, especially with this vacation i so craved for, please let SS work by October. 

sigh.. all that sunken feeling is back here again... i', signing off.. 

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