Tuesday, January 31, 2012

3 days till we say goodbye

Today I had an important task... At first I was feeling down... I was talking to myself (like how we all carry a conversation in our head)and then I realise how much I had ignore Kristal=( Even thou I dun go into details about my fear of the upcoming op. I was actually affected, this is with evident from the nights I woke up from nightmares. These nightmare include scenes where I woke up from the op tk find the stomach looking as big as it still is after Timmy was remove, or scenes about the cancellation of the op due to the doctor mention it was not necessary.

i dislike how i dont address my problem directly and throw the responsibilities to the people around me to take care of them. Last night when i return home, Dad had me sat down in front of the TV, turns out he caught an episode about women who had problem with their digestive system and he wanted me to note a point. In the episode a lady who sister-in-law undergo an op to remove her cyst (there were loads of them, some big and small) attributed the root to drinking iced water.

i dunno how much this is true, but i have heard how alot of older ladies were discouraging woman from drinking iced water. Say it will make the period harder to handle, and how it will clot ur blood.

i got to admit this lesson learnt was an important one. Back when i was working at Takasago, i remember seeing the entire process of a colleagues from the time she found out she was pregnant till the point her beautiful son came to earth. i remember how everyone had something to said about confinement period, about the food that should be eaten what ought to avoid.

I am a extra fussy eater, my parents had difficulty convincing me food was edible when i was a kid, in summary to me --> whatever doesnt look good wouldnt taste good... here are a list of food i've missed out, just to name a few
  1. pig innards, every part of it that does not look like minced meat is avoided
  2. Octopus and Squids, their tentacles freak me out too much
  3. Red meat with the exception of minced meat (i love wantons)... no beef, no lamb,
  4. no seabass
  5. no brinjal
  6. bitter gourd when it's not cut till it looks better
  7. frog leg if it's not removed from the bone
  8. chicken if its not remove from the skin or contain bone
  9. ONION (i absolutely detest this)
and so you see... having me eat anything that is good for my health (/Vinegar pig trotter, pork liver soup, pork belly soup, beef for the iron to build my blood counts) is absolutely impossible. My dad successfully trick me into eating pork liver when i was younger, but as i grew older and knew wat it was.. .i stopped.

Perhaps this adds up to my bad health now, i have no body to blame but myself (when i was 7 mum said Red meat cause body odor and i swear off red meat forever)

.... dropping the food topic because it feels like a slap on my face for the condition that i;ve landed myself onto.. therefore ladies... avoid chilled drinks pls....  (Who says we cannot drink soft drinks? as long as its pokka green tea, crysanthemun tea, 100 plus... we are safe drinking them with LESSER ice)

as i was walking along the street of town last night as i wait for Paperstop, i had an enlightenment.... i realise for the past 3 years or so ever since i gave Timmy his own identity, i've been talking to myself as thou he was an old friend.... this also means i've ignore Kristal for the longest time..

Timmy was a friend that keep me accompanied at night.... some days when i reach bottom-end bored, i;ll placed my hands on Timmy and i can hear my own heartbeat..... these years shall be treasured because i know he is about to leave me.

Am i scare about the OP? i seriously am, but i am not going to talk about it with others... when the tots flow i'll type them out on my blog, and the words came out smoothly...     Mum has been asking around for medication to balance my health when the op is over... she got me redoxen which i'll pop into my drink everyday to build on my vitamin C.... Mum and Dad also brought us all to several temples and i would pray wholeaheartedly for something i havent asked for a long time... i prayed for good health, for myself and everyone around...

i prayed no one has to rely on other people to take care of their health, that will have been too late.  Sometimes now i wonder what had kept me from visiting a doc earlier? Why had i stare at Timmy and believe it was all fats? Maybe it was and look like it... why hadnt i want to lose weight so badly that i visit a doc to ask for diet pills?

All these could lead me to discover Timmy;s real identity earlier,...

but its not too late now... right?

After today, i am 2.5days away from leaving Timmy.. my mind send signal hourly to remind me of this matter... its Timmy Timmy and Timmy.... where's Kristal?

Its my birthday today... Its Kristal's birthday today, she chose to sit in a office to blog about it while Timmy has the luxury of hospital stay...    SFSDGSZDFXCVQASDFcasdfcklsdncmx,vnopasdadasdasdadasdas

*stomping on the keyboard because at this point i remembered how Paperstop says i have identity crisis... ahahha

i need to stop blogging now.. get my heart right, celebrate KRISTAL's birthday... i am going to buy Kristal a present.. online shopping =)

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