Wednesday, January 11, 2012


Within a short span of less than a hour, i did a life changing decision to head to the woman clinic.

i am finally going to do something about Timmy.

i know how i nv go about addressing my health issues directly with much ppl. Here, now, i am going to express every feelings i harbour for Timmy, before the doctor advice me... the perception may be wrong, bias and untrue but they are the hidden feelings.. towards the life living inside me, exceot this is something that i cannot love.

Having start off at young age with a smaller frame, i was never quite known as the bigger girls in comparison to my other cousins.... i was short, and i was delicate, i avoided sport and basically i live my life as a young girl who had believe she was sweet.

Moving onto primary school, my weight begin to increase, bit by bit... this was when puberty started and our lady waist developed, despite understanding the changes that is taking place, i hated my waist. Besides, knowing how our family was always facing financial issues, i treasure each and every piece of the pass-me-down, not to mention the school uniform that was issued to me.   When the waist started swelling into what was commonly known as "hourglass" shape. I was mortified and tried all sorts of means to hide them. i insisted on wearing the same skirt (it started out below the knees and when i grad it had gradually move above the knees,,,) throughout 6 years in school. When the skirt could no longer contain the curves on the waist, i worn my skirt without the buttons, den off went the zip and finally, at primary 6 before graduatig into a secondary, i had worn my skirt simply by slipping them out and they'll stay at the waist..

Timmy started developing ever since i got into secondary school, my weight was yoyo-ing between 49~58 thru out school terms and by secondary 3, i was called to enter the taf-club (trim and fit club for the overweight). i was depressed, but the teachers had motivated me constantly with the reminder that i was close from getitng out (standing at 1.54cm, weight to achieve was 53kg).
Did i try hard enough? i dunno, i had a boyfriend then and there were ppl pursuing me this i believe my ego won mental and i was feeling pretty ok with myself.. i stayed in Taf club till i grad from school.

 i couldnt tell that Timmy had grown by then because those memories only included myself feeling, looking fat.

as i entered jc, i was immediately transferred into taf club, continue the weekly run n changed my diet, with my close friend Sam, we begin our yong-tau-foo soup only diet...

by then i had been getting relatively good result during Napfa, i was a silver medalist by sec6, JC and comes Poly i was among the top silver (literally meaning Gold) medalist... i was good with sports, and i psych myself into believe i had muscle....

When i bath and saw Timmy, i assume immediately this was my muscle, except halfway there. Timmy felt hard, and filled. It was the flabby fat kind of tummy, when i breathe in hard enuff, i had pecs!   i was excited and keen on buidling up my body, but the weight din go away.. during poly days i had gone down from a steady 58kg till 53kg... and it had remain stagnant..

after graduating from poly and moving on to uni, i stopped school completely for a while to work and earn some money, i started out as a very sloppy girl who couldnt dress right, but working in town helps and in a short while i begin to be sensitive towards my body.

i kept a close lookout on my figure and watch my diet strictly.. my weight remains at 53kg but my limbs had tone by a bit. i head to the beach often and tann a tone body that i like.. from the front i look hot, but from the side it was dissapointing.

during photoshoot i had to wear a bustier to keep the tummy in place but the bulk was obvious from the side. Since my face had fats still i wasnt too bothered and life was good.

timmy has become prominent with the years, as it continues to bloat.. while my body frame just got smaller and smaller....

i know its hard to explan how a person shrink.... lets say i use to be 154cm tall, right now i can barely pass 1.52cm....  my arms went became smaller and so did my thigns... my face got sharper and sharper.. .everything but Timmy.... it was getting bigger..... even the poor waist could no longer take the bloat, my waist was/is a good 28/29 inches but Timmy is 34/35inches at its maximum... i was getting desperate..

den lately came the sudden weight loss, i guess by now, at age 24 turning 25, i am a adult that has good self control, with my  constant diet watch, and since i swear off red meat since a tender young age, my weight stays at 50kg, sometimes lesser...

But Timmy, on the other hand, bloat to its maximum, even the parents who use to complain of my stomach now advice me to have the stomach checked. in the wee morning as i wake up from bed, i weight a good 50 kg on average if Timmy is good, by 6pm that day, my weight increases to a shocking 54kg..... it vould be the water i drink, and i dun blame Timmy for this.... but weight wasnt a issues now, i was more concerna bout my outlook than anything else...

Over a casual talk with a friend lately, she notice the bulk and convince me to run a check on it, having just completed a fibroid operation herself, she could tell i seem to be suffering all the symptoms as she did, except mine looks abnormally huge.

i wasnt so keen on checking on Timmy cos i had gotten use to ppl giving up their seats for me, or how they wanted to know when i was due... but then bbbbbbbbb started saying how its a waste the Tummy spoilt my outlook,. and den came comment from Mum that Timmy is overempowering a large part of my body...... my bones were becoming obvious from dealing with the bulk at the front.....

my frame got smaller and the Stomach continue to enlarge. Into my new job today, my supervisor was very concern and offer to call up her gynae for me, upon confirmation from Mum (who sincerely drove to my office to pass me some $) i book a ultrasound scan later in the afternoon....

i need to know what exactly is wrong with Timmy... but i dunno what to pray for, i dunno if i shud pray there isnt anything inside (then why the bloat) and i am scared to pray there were something inside (and i had to operate on them.. )

its a dilemma, but thank God i had my family, my friends, my colleagues and my boyfriend to stand by me during this time..... here;s blogging abt this situation and i shall update upon hearing from the doctor.

Wish ... me.. luck... for anything u hope i shall have.. thanks peeps


No comments: