Friday, January 13, 2012


you know... across the years i've been experiencing many changes.

Some of those are part of growing up.. others are the kind you have not fucking idea how it came about.. "but now that you face shit, you suck thumb"Haha....

 Every single trip back to NUH reminds me of very day my grandma left me..
-  the massaging of her hands, all swollen from drips.
- the eyes half closed, the breathing through the tube leading into her throat...
- the clearing of mucus using the sucking equipment the nurse had taught me to use after her constant choking on phelgm and due to her not salivating..

Then the memories proceeded to the very night i saw a dark shadow standing behind me, and all of a sudden there was my grandma, with both eye widely open.
i could figure out the vivid shadow of my late grandpa, and not wanting to disturb their last moment together, i simply watch as she stare into the thin air behind me, then there was tears... just a little bit.

Reality sunk in harder than it thought, not soon after she lay her eyes to rest again, a moth came by, it stayed put by my grandma's ward and another night was gone.

My grandma passed away a day later... and i knew who could have came to fetch her =)

Drawing myself back to reality, who would have thought the next time i visit the hospital (apart from the previous time Dad was caught with a stomach flu) was to get myself treated.

I know my situation isnt nearly as close to life-threatening, it was simply a simple solution to get rid of Timmy, my buddy/mate/something i talk to/like the soft toy you hug to bed.

I have never been admitted to a hospital, this shall be my first. Within 3 days since i make up my mind to pursue the bottom of this matter, i had seen numerous fast-forward images flashing through my mind.. .

i had lie on at least 4 high bed, facing the ceiling, i;ve done ultrasound after ultrasound... i started as someone who could only figure out (ovary, uterus, collon, pelvis bone) to a person who had to understand what cystectomy compromises, and all the scenarios i am likely to fall under.

called to book an ultrasound.. i need to figure out what Timmy was... My gynae was an old chinese man name Dr John. He was blunt, sharp with his words..

The Nurse asked what my husband name was, bbbbbb was a little embarressed, i told her i wasnt pregnant, and her next assumption was wedlock....

i told her the root of my appointment... i wasnt pregnant, dont have a chance to... and this (*pointing to Timmy)   was the problem.... she was shocked, asked about my mensus cycle.. and put on hold all the other ladies in line, usher me into the room, and got me to lie on the bed...

i din like being told to pull my knickers lower... it felt rude.... then the ultrasound was done.. i was giggling at the weird feeling... assuming i was playing the role of a preg on tv..

Then the gynae got fiercer.. and i had to keep my jokes to myself... they ask me

"WHY DID YOU WAIT THIS LONG TO CHECK ON YOUR TUMMY?" (this is the first out of many times i heard from then on... )

i saw Timmy on the screen.. When Dr John mention it's big, i had tot this was only a normal comment made by any doc to scare the patients..

Then once everything was over, he told me the seriousness of Timmy, it could/could not be a cancerous cyst, but he wont be able to tell... so it was a MRI scan for me next.. i begged for a confirmation that its a fibroid... he wouldnt say it...

i cry a little.. Then his assistant had to calm me down... she whisper some chant into my ear... make me  remind myelf all shall be fine... then she called the hospital.. and a MRI scan was booked.


After  a long night of crying and having bbbbb to comfort me... i was finally persuaded by Mau, Dad and Mum to proceed with the MRI scan just to make sure..  Mau suggested i called a govt hospital to check the rates (Since the initial MRi was booked at Mount A .. and can cost me up to $700)

I spoke to my manager at work, she is a very very nice lady who's very concern about me.. (and the same lady who insist i did my ultrasound scan earlier than i had wanted to) (AND the same lady who called Dr John to arrange my appointment)... she proceeded downstairs to seek some solution...

what seems like hours later i was whisked onto a colleague's car, reach polyclinic, lie on the bed - , told to take the rest of the day off and head to NUH immediately... she passed me a envelope with printings that include "DIRECT ACCESs"..

bbbbb took the day off to accompany me... then the sequence became messier..

  • reception:
Weight : 51.2kg @2.35pm
  • Room 1: Dr Sabrina Ng lie on the bed - 

  • Room *: Blood test by a pregnant nurse who smiled and my tummy, i assume she believe we were both on the same boat
  • Room 2A: 2 nurses who did my ultrasound--> Lie on the bed - "WHY DID YOU WAIT THIS LONG TO CHECK ON YOUR TUMMY?"
  • Room 1: bad news by Dr Sabrina Ng.
and then came my annoucement..................................................
Hi all, thanks for the concern.

I cannot express how much the support has pull me through. My op is schedule on 3rd Feb, there are risk inclusive but i suppose God will pull me through this =) Help me keep a positive mind, it brings me good luck... hurhurhur.

Lets just hope after this op, i can see a good, healthy Kristal without Timmy. I'll keep in mind how all the support i've received means i need to be well to update you all about the good news =D Let's cross our fingers together


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