Last week was supposedly awesome, for some magically wonderful reason bbbbb and i fell in love all over again (IKR, the umpteeth times i said this.. but the feeling is so refreshingly new each time i had to add in "all over again"... like he's my new bf or something..awesome feeling... )
Its like we both woke up from a gloomy months back and just wanna redo everything we did when we first dated. We arrange to check out mall, get stuffs, go shopping tgr, the sort of things you do with your best friend and just staring at him whenever we werent seriously shopping was enough for my heart to skip twice as fast... i feel like a small girl, adoring someone unreachable from afar... and sometimes smiling to
Sunday didnt went as well as Saturday would, i fell aslp late into the night after catching the soccer match between Man-U VS Newscastle.... i struggled a little to stay awake, but he cover me in my blanket and stroke my hair, hush his buddy to lower their volume, cheer in whisper (hurhurhur...) when Man-U strike a goal..... and eventually i couldnt recall much except for waking up in the morning to see him still sleeping soundly like a baby, and slowly waking him up cos we were two happy kids that need our dosage of DOREMON every sunday 9.30-10am..... =P
We spent the afternoon checking our neighbourhood mall before i notice my Ez-link missing... it had been with me for a while and we had stick on a picture of MR MEAN sticker tgr before he left for UK... so Mr Mean was gone, i was mad at the card holder for coming loose..... afterall i had used it for 3 years without a complain and the poor Daiso $2 card holder had given way... i lost the card value of $40, but more importantly, i miss Mr Mean. bbbbbbbb was mad at me for having lost the card, we had a tiny arguement over who was actually at fault (i think it was the card holder but he beg to differ)...... we finally snap out of it and spent some good time tgr....
Night fell and for some reason i had to meet a friend of mine urgently. Upon learning what had happen to her, i was too upset for words, i was angry at first, then i feel useless for not being able to offer my help, i sob like a baby, then we both wiped our tears and cheered each other up.... She is a very nice girl that does not deserve what has happen to her, and that makes me very very angry. i promise not to tell anyone what has happened but i feel so affected. After we parted ways bbbbbbb send me off in a cab for home because he knew i need some time alone...... the journey back from Hougang till Chinese Garden wasnt too short.... i cried non-stop and felt soooo much emotions about being woman in general. i felt unjustified, i felt like we were the weak party when it comes to a relationship....
Thank God bbbbb stayed vigilance on the phone, he comfort me even thou he wasnt sure why i was so affected, he knew who i was angry at but he didnt ask why. He told me he will whallop anyone that makes me, or the people i care about, angry. He offer to keep me company if i needed one. Eventually i felt better..... but i was still really really affected.
Lying on the bed before bedtime last night, i wonder how many other girlfriends of mine are super fortunate yet they couldnt see it. I access a couple of other friends who had their share of broken relationship, i begin to think how alot of them shouldnt even be crying over a guy who wasnt worth it. i also thought about how i use to cry for months over Lester.... i felt stupid that i use to allow myself to be affect by this people that shouldnt matter.
If you truly love someone, will you bear to see them get hurt? i wouldnt, i would rather hurt myself than inflict this sort of pain on them. bbbbbbb once promise me, years ago, that my life will change forever as soon as he enters, over the years i've seen a lot of change in my life, but the one most thankful change he had brought into my life was to pick me, over the other thousand, million other girls outside. I felt like i am standing here today, helping other people and talking them into standing up after they have fallen, because the man who stood by me, proves that it is possible to be treated correctly, to be cherish like a precious gem by someone else.
i feel so emotionally strained from last night, this morning my eyes swell to the maximum (whats new seriously? i know the exact remedies to lessen the swelling by now )... i worn double thick eyeliner to work.. and here i am blogging over lunch time, reflecting on what has happen last night, and making sure this was mark down, so i can trace back on my lives, my friends lives, and see how all of us grow up gradually as time brings us through different phases.... undergoing several major "makeover" till we find our true identity...
i still believe in a thing call Love...... do you?