Tuesday, March 20, 2012

The crossroad.

I've been thinking lately... whether it was normal of me to talk to myself so often, running thought wasnt such a big deal if you could reply to your own thoughts, except they jabble up so fast i sometimes have trouble sorting them accordingly.

Have you been thinking like me lately? Feeling like life's at a crossroad once again except this time you have no idea what else to work hard for? Last night i went home immediately after work, washed myself thoroughly  (shaved and epilate and all that) then lie on the bed the whole time not knowing what else i should be doing to stay "useful".   For sure i had so much plans about my life but not one fits the bill for the "do-it-now".

So i took out my paper and pen, read through the lecture notes that i once studied for... lookup the past year examination papers.. and solve the question bit by bit... im crazy you must be thinking!!!   i am not, i was doing up a model answer that i am postitive can "pass" this module and hand it over to a friend that i BADLY wanted  her to pass. So while i was doing it, Dad sat besides me and ask why i am "studying". He ask why i hadnt took up more courses like Law.. and then i got lazy again..

i think, the path of being a student doesnt sound interesting because you are "forced" to study.. and when you no longer need to do it, you enjoy the process. I do wish to pursue this journey of my life but right now there are more things to worry about.

I love my job, its not a new position to me, i've ever done something similar back during Takasago Days, but this was much much more. I guess i never really talk about my new job, only because i will like to reserve some privacy perhaps till the day i am moving on to a improved phase. The people here are also different from the past, the new environment takes some time getting use to, but it's not going to be hard. I have faith in myself on this one=)

The house hunting for the family is the next phase in my life, we have been "homeless" for about 3.5years now, residing at Cousin's place and invading their privacy at the most extreme way possible. I can feel my parents' need for a house to call their own, and the amount of money to handle this one is not within my limit, but i have understanding siblings who vision everything our parents vision. Thus i hope when the correct time comes, we are good to secure a roof over our heads and that my parents no longer feel so helpless and dissapointed over their past mistakes.

My relationship with bbbb has been the most stable ever, we've been dating for about 3.5 years now and have no intention of stopping it at any phase. He is a very mature man who sees our future and works towards his envision, although we do squabble alot (i am extremely competitive and sometimes ever compete against him), we are constantly "inventing" ways to settle a fight and mend a broken hearts at the fastest way possible. One way that surely works for us both is (whoever sees the "light" first) to say the words "i love you" when the other party is arguing. When this sentence caught the other party by surprise he/she will be silence for a moment (from the shock) and the fight will end like this =)      However, i suggest everyone to do a post-silence-breaker exercise and that is to apologize, it works miraculously :)  Especially for us both.

My bestiest friend is marrying the man she dated when she turn 17, and i cannot be more than happy for her. The same man that my ex-bf had introduced and they've been courting for 8 years now... This year i shared the joy of witnessing her pledge of love with Kive as they walk down the aisle (with me as the host) on 24th June2012. I teared a little ESPECIALLY on that very day as i help her pulled on her gown during her selection phase. She had been but a little doll just years back, us hymming to the songs we both loved, crashing her room and mine playing with clothes and me intruding ALL her dates with the wrong guys. My bestiest friend is being promoted to the married circle now.. and i'll love to stay be her side till the day we grow old together.

My health is is stagnant and this is something i am thankful for. My appetite is growing on the rise and even pork/sometimes beef is no obstacle for me anymore. With the increasing bandwidth in my intake, i am taking on a lower carb diet so the body can deal with this change. My weight is yoyo-ing between 46-47kg now.. but with my short height, i believe the ideal is still not reached. I am slowly making my way to understand this Kristal i hadnt know of, its doing good...  i believe..

All in all, with everything pretty much in place, only concern now is what is the next step i should be embarking. I need a breakthrough, something i hadnt thought so much of and something i dun have much confidence of acheiving... This crossroad in life is frustrating yet the challenge is to see what exactly is AT THE END of the road.... i cant wait to see mine!


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