Thursday, June 13, 2013


I have been acting all intellectual today,
deepening into thoughts about my life, future & the plans i have ahead.
it dawn upon - once again- to be thankful for the life i have
the man who had picked me out fo the million others,
the job who had selected me out of the candidates who had been shortlist
the friends who sees my importance, value & the joy we can have together
the parents who had no other choice but to learn to love the child they are gifted

today for once, i feel that the best gift  in life are the ones we cannot choose
i'll take our parents as an obvious example,
i talk about trying to customize my kid (i love mix blood face, brownish eyes, sharp nose & v-shape face)
but the truth is my parents didnt get to customize me,
many times we took it as a joke to blame each other for the "breed" we were given
i am 1.52m eldest daughter while my baby sis, who is 8 years younger is at least 1.71m
my mum would shift the blame onto my dad,
who is helpless and i would shift the blame on their egg/sperm
our family is large & the topics we talk about are extensive.
just the road trip to melaka last week might sent a shock wave to bbbbbb
as he tries to drive patiently from Melaka --> SG while my siblings and i
engage in a discussion about cannibalisation, cult & religion.
you wouldnt think too much about it, but wait till you hear the details,
personally i am not too proud of it, but we have our own bit of researching done
and altgr, i concluded my brother may very be the next KKK / Children of God cult leader
he has a way to psycho our mind & has sucessfully create his own followings & belief... eerie max.

Anyway.. ( i am trying so hard to stay on track.. the topic on cult gets me carried away)
today entry is about the gift i've recently send to Phyllis, a.k.a Mee pok.
you see, we hardly meeet and with her flight schedule, it is near impossible
but, whenever we can, we will attempt a short dinner, some gossips done
and it'll all be worth it.
i remember my last session with her, she gifted me a keyring from Coach
it's really pretty & intrinsic, and she explain this was to made up for my belated birthday,
then comes the recent dinner where she gifted me another lunch box- Hello Kitty theme from San Fransico
i almost went berserk in bewilderment, i was staring at the lunch box, checking out each & every lock,
i am fancinated by Hello Kitty, i must be metally 8-yr old.

i dunno what others impression of a gift is, i recall somethng my cousin once told me
we had been bugging him to choose a range of present so we can buy him one for his birthday
and he made is straight to us "dont get me a present, because if i dont like, i feel like i am being force to use it"
this isnt something you can expect to hear from your friends, but from true friends, it makes so much sense
Or it could be just me, who agreed with both hands how i am its compulsory for me to put on
the things that are gifted to me, in order to utlize them & feel treasured by the sender.
but i haave been extraordinarily lucky, i never dislike gift from my friends .

which brings me back to this deep haunting memory of receving a GIANT teletubbies for my 10-yr old birthday party years back,. 

it was GIANT because i was relatively small for a 12 year old. Well, i never fancy much about Teletubbies but back then it was the craze & seeing others with Teletubbies plushies is just pushing my luck.    so we(my siblings and i) placed the giant on top of our double-decker bed & let it stay there........ till one fine day... we heard all the strange stories about teletubbies..... one of the darker ones include them coming alive at night to speak to you.. 

i honestly think this is a true story.. haha.. Teletubbies are so dark that beneath those eyes they look creepy.... and there are those that speaks pre-recorded message as you push the button on their arm, legend has it that they speak non-recorded messages at night & kids are said to translate their messages & work to their command.... 

i dunno what went into my sibligns & i, but we got too frighten of Mr Tinky Winky for it to hang around the upper bed no more... we finally hand it to the nursery in one piece so the kids can play with it in daylight... that was probably my worst experience with gift. 

My friends like to present us with accessories as present, i vividly remember all the Sinma earring in 925 silver i would receive from my school friends and would put on at least once each time. Truth is my ear is highly sensitive to alloy content and i always wind up getting irritation, but it was important to be seen putting them on, so your friends knows you'll wear something they hand pick for you.
So yeah, i' seem to have receive present from Mee-pok on both our meetups and they are both lovely
i can see myself feeling guilty if i have to receive another one..
but i am thankful above all that gift, that we still share a special bond, non-replaceable with material goods
dont get it wrong, i do not count on gift to judge a friendship,
rather, i might in turn be extra thankful if i did not receive a gift when i meet my friends
because it is a gift we share a affinity to actually voluntarily meet while tied up with other commitments
a Gift on meeting is a extra responsibility that i would have to return,
and i am not complaining :)

i remember my most cherish gift from my primary school friends are the music box i receive on my 10th birthday
amazingly, i kept them all till i turn 26, when i try to remove them from the storage we have pile while looking for a house, they have mostly spoil
but i still adore each & every one of them because they use to be my most preciuos pocession,
i finally bid them goodbye in november 2012/.

my precious pearl handed from my Mum is also something i really really cherished,
i use to see my Grandma put them on when i was younger,
and my Grandma is the sort of generous grandma who would buy a few sets of the same pearl
to be gifted to all her daughters
needless to say, when i finally started wearing accessorries, i beg all day for Mum to let me wear her set of pearls,
and i did the same during Chinese New Year, the next CNY and the next and the next
eventually, she could tell i was genuinely certain i was going to treasure it dearly,
and she gave it to me... i now only put them on for CNY or special anniversaries :)

My grandma use to put me in the trolley she use to market, and bring me to the wet market
there, i will learn how to choose the correct pork, vegetables & chilli to make dinner
then after the trip to marketing, she will reward me each time with a gift at the beads shop
the bead shop was my paradise for as long as i can remember anything about my grandma
we would choose 2 packets tiny beads, then she will grant me a fish-line and i would tread my first bracelet,
my grandma made amazing accessories with her beads, i was amateur and my bracelet end up in the dumo after i grew up.
Now, whever i walk past a bead shop, i'll never fail to walk in,
look for a pack of beads & imagine myself making them into necklace again.
The gift from my Grandma is a lifetime memory that i can re-enact as and when i want to, by beading

My boyfriend isnt the sort to surprise me much
during our courtship he buys me present that are pretty predictable (haha) ..
as long as he sees, hear that i fancy it.. . he will make a mental note to get me that for my birthday, anniversaries  & christmas.
but if there is something i am thankful to have him for,
it would be the hardest period that we woman suffer every month.
i get cramp so badly it is isnt to tell with my moodswing & dressing ( i tend to dress in darker colors)
Then without fail, he will present me some chocolates, my favorite kind, the ones with fruits or nuts,
and psychologically it works wonder
Actually, i did a research on this once,
chocolate does indeed helps to heal the cramp & keep one calm
so i am thankful he remembers his duties to take care of me & my health :)

you know you are bliss because you are bless with great people that makes you happy
Everyday i try to find a reason to feel bliss & i found them
most time i am thankful to be alive after all the health scare
but most importantly, i am thankful that i wasnt alive but unhappy
i was alive & filled with so much happy stuff, happy people & happy thoughts.
It is easy to sink back into that black hole anyone had once be,
i sometimes go to bed fearing i might wake up being depressed ,
but then this part of me feel i wouldnt, because i have been gifted a life to live
and previuosly, had i been living in the sink hole, then a life wouldnt matter, its only a life
now, i want to count my blessing because i cannot help feeling sorry for the old Kristal who did not treasure what she had, and only look upon what she doesnt.

i dont despite my old me, becuase i am proud of she eventually become - ME! :)


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