Tuesday, October 02, 2012

Because u were who u were, and because u werent someone else

Today, i am taking a different approach to my daily muse by penning some heartfelt thoughts.

I haven been living my dreams lately, achieving and achieving more, to sum it up, our family has finally gotten hold of the keys to our new roof. This is a truly touching moments after having "lost" our place back in 2008 to some cunning housing agent and having my parents living in regret at their "mistakes".

All that is a past now, this new house is lesson we all will learnt, each and everyone of us in the house (My lilSis inclusive, who had voluntarily offered her accumulated school bursary award of nearing $2000) contributed to every brick and space we are about to shift into. My sis and i also talk about how we will make our space look, it would no longer be the princess room we had many years ago, we have both grown up and wanted a room we can sit in and enjoy the enclosed area. OUR room will be one with the space we dont suffocate in, (irony, we will NEVER feel suffocated because this time we have a ROOM to call our own)

I had learnt & live with my dearest closest cousins for the past years, they are the most magnanimous, generous & caring people our family can have.

  1. They did not complain about our loudness (we are a family of 5 cramping out their living space), 
  2. they do not find our junk a eyesore (my brother Gary had to roll his mega-desktop table onto the living room because we havent got space to put the desktop anywhere) 
  3. My cousin never fail to offer us the food they ta-bao, and they deliberately ta-bao more, because my siblings and i are hungry ghost
  4. They took greater care of my parents than i could ever do, i was hardly at home and stay over at my boyfriend's every friday, sat till sunday. My cousin make sure my parents had the attention they need, the help they seek
  5. My cousin help my mum with all the government matters that she could not trust us on, it was true! i promise my Mum to help type her legal documents and that promise took me forever (still NOT done) 
  6. My Aunty was the best friend to my mum, they chat, sing K in the house, play mahjong and cook together. 
  7. My cousin taught my sister homework because none of us volunteer to help
  8. My cousin taught my dad how to use his new phone because Lilsis & i reprimanded Dad after he asked us 1000000000000 questions.. 
The list goes on you know, it was the sort of gratitude that will take a long time to pay back. My cousins and my family share a very close bond, before they shifted to the place i am putting up, they stayed with us for close to 3 years too?    It sets us all a lonnnnnng way back, i secretly think God makes this arrangement so we each have another family member to count on. 

Back when i found out about my health condition in Feb 2012, my cousin had to call up a couple of her best friends to enquire. She wanted to console me that my condition wasnt too serious to feel so upset about, she also went on to understand my condition abit more. 

Prior to my op, both my cousins invited me to the church they visit, Lilsis had joined them once and like the place. It was a good invitation and i was glad i went along. The topic in discussion at the Mass that day was about how a couple of the churchgoer had survive their health ordeal and live past their fears. i knew their intention was to give me strength, and without that sort of care from them, i wouldnt have conquer my fear. 

In about a week time, our family will slowly shift out of my cousin place, we will bring along with us the things we came and cramp their space with. I had been sorting what little things i have left, i threw away a huge array of my Hello Kitty collection (that really upset my Dad abit, i really had ALOT of Hello Kitty stuff but i no longer need them), i threw away all the stationery i had accumulated over the years, and while we dig on, we also find all the small ornaments given by our little friends that we no longer need to keep. 

Most of my stuff left me for good this time, i packed them into boxes after boxes and dispose of them. Strange how we have no space for a long while and all the stuff i kept in the storage warehouse sees no light while i miss them terribly. Now that i have abit more space, i wanted to start afresh and threw them all away. 

Its gonna be a good & fresh new lives, at least for me, i know all the responsibility will pile up again (our dearest maid is leaving for her hometown for good, i am gonna miss her very much). bbbbbbbbb is part of my new life now, he sees to most of the arrangement of the new place. I am very glad he stood by our family and lend a helping hand.

with that being said, he deserves a good corner of his own at my place, well at least UNTIL we have a nest to call our own =)

i aspire to love my new house and to feel the need to stay in most days. My parents emphasize all day long that i wont sit around for long, they wanted me to get married and start a family of my own soon. but bbbbbb knew i am staying put for a while (i paid for these.. heehee)....

i am ready to call on my friends to drop by and share my joy in the little space i paid for. I want my cousins to come over for staycation as and when they want to, and i look forward to "borrowing" my cousin's pet dog, a chihuahua whom i sooooooo loved, for the weekend while i pamper it with love. The new life means i have to be more generous and learn to spread my love (sorry bbbb!)

Today's Mahatma Gandhi's birthday, and i recall his quote "Happiness is when what you think, what you say, and what you do are in harmony. "

I am happy, and thankful that despite all the setbacks i have faced in the past years (happiness inclusive, but i was too blind to notice and no longer remember), it seems the "happily ever after" of my life has reached.

At these stage i am thankful i have the same bunch of people around that i wish to have, not a single one was neglected. If i had shuffle my friends and replace one with another, i probably wouldnt take up the option.  They supported my ordeal, give me hope and because i usually trust whatever they said (like bbbb said, i will rather trust my friends that i would trust myself), i am glad they give good advice that i followed & benefited myself.

I am thankful for the job i am holding and the people i met there, i was upfront about my present life and no one judged me (ok maybe some but i would never know). My colleagues came up to me and offer some furniture that i so need at the moment, they give my family enough time to slowly save up and buy our furnitures bit by bit, so we dont jump into haste decision and regret our purchase. They are also genuinely happy when i announce my house plans are finalized.

My boyfriend has been the greatest support (with my Mum being on the equal level) in terms of my health, living hood and plans. He gives me space and allow me to live my dreams - even if they are ridiculously impossible to achieve/ Someday he share my crazy dreams and add on to the fantasy, this guy is a amazing, i am a lucky arsehole!

i am thankful for my own life, for being Kristal. I am glad i have seen, experience more than most of my friends did at this age, i have fly across continents to share a month journey with people who live differently, and i have conquer my fear of hospital & needles. Recently, i am even more thankful because i have lost a friend to something i cannot explain. A friend has decided to leave my life entirely, and no one, not even her existing friends knew the true reason why. Neither one nor myself can figure what could have happen, but i was certain nothing went terribly wrong for her to leave. So i thank myself that i had lived past that misery (infact, very little effect this time, unlike the me i thought i would have become, i am suppose to be living suicidally by this stage.. haha). I have taken it pretty calmly and continue living my life, as i show appreciation for those who stay behind, to pick up my once-broken life and continue to paste them back with me.

 Thank you you people, some of you are not even on my family/friend/colleagues category lah, i have no place to classified u because you have a special rank here (where i place my fist to sing my pledge).

If only giving thanks can impact you all, i will really like all of you to feel my gratefulness, i wanna sign a thank-you deep into your body, so you know how much your existence as yourself means to me.

.. wow.. today's entry DOES feels different..


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