There has bound to be a reason for all of these. i know i am feeling frustrated and venting all my energy onto something that is very likely explanable if i could look beyond the surface.
Here's a summation:-
1. i have been working really hard on developing a positive thinking, this could attact the good luck to surround me a little more.. my concern is the upcoming check up on July 3rd.
2. the positivity hav been failing, even thou i tried my very best to give thanks for all the good that has came up. e,g simple matter like wishing the bus would come faster = bus came extra late..
3. the HR came back with a rejection for my insurance claim citing the reason of "pre-exisiting" condition for which i cannot be covered under the employee's benefits.
4. suggestion to seek the doc's favor was in turn led to the worst experience ever, i have never ban a person this much in my entire life, but now i have a reason to do so.
Perhaps there was something out there that was mishandle so badly that i deserve all of these. i wanna be an optimistic too you know... i tried
I hated Alex Ong for his selfishness and to conveniently shifted all of his wrongdoing to the society that he claimed had treated him this badly. I agreed readily that whatever has happen for a persoon to resort to misdoing was not because of how his surrounding had treated him, but how he had handle the situation after being mistreated.
i know for sure, i cannot shift the blame to others for whatever has happened, i need to get to the bottom of this matter so i can plan my next step intelligently. i want to know this would not have to happen twice. I should never have to come under manipulation of others - human or health.
I WANT TO CONTROL MY LIFE, not TO BE CONTROLLED BY MY LIFE.
It's gonna be different now Kristal. Surely i could continue working on my positivity and attracting all the positive vibe to come near and helped me achieve what i set my goals on. The Alchemist says "read the omen". Your heart says alot of things that you had failed to read.
This morning i woke up feeling all frustrated and upset again, re-enacting the moment i had to succumb to the Doc's insults and arrogance for a favor to clarify TRUTH about my health. What he had gave me in return was REJECTION- citing stupid excuses about how i had fail to heed his advise and head to Mount Alvenia for my treatment. If i could pay for all of the treatment i was to expect (that will inturn lead to his fat fat salary). Then i wouldnt have to beg for his help for a couple of thousands.
If i could only just LIED to get a free treatment to my body, cover up the fact that i use to weight as heavy as 59kg and that my stomach was huge i couldn't really make out if i was really fat or ill, then i wouldnt have to deal with all this shit in the first place..
if i hadnt got a huge tummy, then no one would have raised the alarm, then maybe i could lived a life i thought i should have led... short and sweet, eventually dying in my sleep then forensic's report shows all this time i have cancer that even myself had failed to realize.. by then i would have been in peace, knowing this life was fantastic afterall, i have live in the dark about my true condition.
Which leads me back to one thing - why on earth had not i consider giving up on the left ovary?
you tell me? If a girl had discover your boyfriend is cheating on you, despite having gone through this process once, dealing with the other woman, compensating your broken heart with some consolation from all those who matter, then taking back the boyfriend only to fear he might be lead astray again 0 WHAT WOULD YOU DO?
i will tell the girl to dump that asshole, he wasnt worthy of your suspicious and worries. i would tell that girl she deserves better, that there is another person out there willing to remain faithful to you, and here you are dwelling on the same asshole.
My left ovary is a cheating bf, who has left me worrying all day long about its next cheating, it wouldnt commit to serving my body. Maybe it had by now, but it has failed me once, and left me anticipating his next cheating.. if i was really that impartial & rational best friend that i would tell myself to dump this cheating boyfriend.. it wasnt worthy of my concern.
On the other hand, the right ovary has remain faithful this life, serving me well and bearing healthy egg that could very well developed into a healthy baby. Why had i let it suffered in silence?if i could all but place my bet only on the rigth ovary to determine if i was to have a baby.. then i should leave my body to it. Afterall, what is 25 years of staying inside me for me to suspect its loyalty?
then again, it is not up to me to decides if i can have it removed, i am still going to leave all this decision to the docs (mostly good, but a few black sheeps seriously tarnishes their reputation) who comes up to me this coming july 3rd with a report after my health screening to confirm if the Left ovary has learnt its lesson (i am giving it a second change ... right? its final chance actually).... I am THIS ready to give it up... i deserve a body with all the healthy organs working together to serve me.
i am asking for your acceptance, to hear me out on my explanation and frustration at how my life use to be manipulated by FATE..
but this FATE isnt in my favor thus far, so i make a NEW decision, i am going to TAKE OVER. Fate can choose which ever shit it is going to bring me soon, but i am going to counter attacked this fate and work it in MY FAVOR... cos i am FRUSTRATED with how long this is dragging, and had FATE been a living human being i would have long-ago given up on trying to help, but FATE is not a friend, FATE is a game being played, so i am going to be the controller.
Do you see my different take?