So in the end............. he din write it.


i am no longer the Kristal i tot i was... that one who back out when the other party says so.. i fight for my rights, but i have absolutely no assurance as to whatever i am doing.. not really sure if this time, he wont back out again..... if he does, i m too exhausted to win him back.


Like he mention, he tot love was simple, i guess mine was not... not to him and not to me. Right now he have yet to write me an assurance of whatever was going to happen if he backs out again, but all of a sudden i realise, when a person really wans to leave you... no amount of work can make him stay.. So why did the last time works? because perhaps i am trying that last bit of whatever faith i have in us.... and thank God it works.


This few days has been happy.... Bb and i work out a "me-time" package whereby he can spend more time with his friend while i seek my own program somewhere. As such, he was able to play his soccer fully and i could tell he was happy with those company he have gotten from his friend. inside my heart, i was very very console Bb was happy again, and truth has proven it was not because of me that makes him happy.


Why was i a willing party being the person who helps him happy? cos i know bb tries hard to make me happy too.. But no 2 person can make the other happy without sacrificing something that makes them sad by alittle. So if there are some thing i did that will make bb happy even though it was not me that he is happy about, i will still do it.


Clar ask me why Bb needs some time without me to make him happy? Isnt he afraid that he will regret missing out on this with me time when he goes to UK? i dunnoo.... i guess he just isnt feeling the sense of emptiness as much as i do, and perhaps he hasnt start feeling upset about leaving me soon..


i am feeling the emptiness each day. I have already decided not to msg Bb unless he msg me during his work time, and durin his "me-time". But during this period i feel so empty and lonely, and then i will imagin how many times worst it will get when i cannot SMS him anymore. i will imagine how sucky it feels to go home alone after work, to finish school without reportin to him. I feel so so so depress, but i brush all the thoughts away knowing he isnt feeling anything about it and perhaps i shouldnt too..


Our relationship can be consider stable now, Bb no longer holds me hand as often and i ask him why today, he told me i was tinking too much..... i am going crazy.. haha.. and i tink i am crazy..


Bb wrote on his blog how his family likes me around, the fact was that i like his family too.. but if Bb dun likes me... it wouldnt help having his family to likes me, cos ultimately it is him who decides whether we should be together.


I am feeling at disadvantage, i fear each moment he gets upset with me.. nowadays whenever he gets angry with me, i might quarrel with him a little and pray silently to God it will be over soon, cos i am scare he will mention those words again.


Bb says he is feeling really stress at work and no one understands him... slowly i begin to realise how much he tinks, or maybe i really am, not the best gf he can have..i cannot fit the criteria as an ideal gf, the kind all man wants and all woman aim to be.


The ideal girlfriend would be one who knows when to be understanding at the right time, who will silently help his bf forget his worries at work and make him happy and honour to be with her, she will be the ideal gf if her bf is scared of losing her..


I really learnt alot from this relationship, many of the stuff was learnt the hard way, the painful way...i dunno if i can ever become the good gf he wanted, or if i will change. i know its hard to lose this guy, but if the tot of him wanting to call it quit haunt me everyday... i really dunno what to do..


Bb still hasnt talk about it, like the good old times he has decided to behave as thou it din happen, i am really very very moody... by day i can still pretend, but by night when it was time for reflection, i realise the problem is still there...


there are definitely going to be more "me-time"... i hope i will get use to having a lesser piece of him.. otherwise without msging him at work and without feeling as though he is definitely mine... i think it wont be long before i scare him away..



haha.. irony, Yuan Lai there is no such thing as a Guardian Angel, Yuan Lai no one sends blessing from above, its all about giving in, taking lesser and giving more.. Yuan Lai feeling too serious about a relationship can be so tough...


Good night Bb... i still like u as ever..

Dear Rodman,


Nobody ever told u you were the bestboyfriend, the only kind any girl ask for. There is a reason why i tease u by calling u sweet silly stinky slpyhead, one thing for sure, you fufil all the adjectives.


You were the sweetest boy ever, i never had much to complain about, you were nice to your family and never complains about my overly demanding behaviour.


You look silly when you stare at me with those awfully innocent eyes, then i will tease u by describing just how tiny your eyes were, i love ruffling through your hair for you make that silly face whenever i do that.


You stink after a good soccer match, yet i hardly complain about watching you play. And even if i do so, we'll end up at the soccer field cos i can never afford to see you look disappointed, i wanted you happen, everytime you are with me, each time you look at me, and each time you whisper sweet nothings into my ears.


You are definitely the slpyhead in my heart, for when we travel to a faraway land and i lost sleep at night, you try your best to keep yourself awake and pat me while i try to grab some sleep, yet you always doze off before i do and i had to irritate you to wake u up and keep me company.


We did everything together Rodman, you were the most accurate alarm clock i can ever ask for, each time i deliberately tries to sleep a little more, you never fail to get my ass out of the bed. Each morning starts with a sweet msg from you, sometimes telling me how monday sucks as the beginning and friday suck cos OT comes in.


We enjoy doing sily stuff, completing the list of never-ending-wannados... we even thought of cycling up the crocodile pond i chance upon on one of my expediture and you promise to bring me to Hong Kong cos you were familiar with the place.


i was always proud of introducing you as the bf of mine cos i see us together walking down the aisle together, each time you excuse yourself from the topic i explain to myself that it was only cos you felt insecure and things were still new for both of us. I know it deep down inside i was your first few serious gf, so you might think that you have yet to see the larger world so all was not lost and chances are, there might be someoen better out there, but i never let myself down thinkin of all this, i wanted you to be mine and i know i will constantly find ways to make you attracted to me.


there are times i pray to God to shed some pounds off my body so i look good enough for you, i even suggest taking part in some man-mag so that you can show off to the larger world out there your gf is good and there are no one comparable to her.


And althought we see couple walking down the street wearing the same couple tee, and i told you how much i was against this public act of affection, we will always remind each other when we turn up in almost ths same colour clothing line and thats makes us both happy.


You have taught me how to peel prawn effortlessly yet you refuse to let me do the job, cos you din wan my hands to be stain with those stinky prawn smell, you peel the prawn and left it on my plate.


I hated eating crab as it sometimes cuts through my skin, yet i was so keen on showin off to you that your tiny plate were often filled with shredded pieces of crab meat, those that i took the whole time trying to peel off the shell. You ate it and i was consoled.


When we first went star gazing by East Coast Beach, you brought me to a place i felt was damn beautiful. Then i look up into the sky and wish that i could see a shooting star, then we can both make wishes to stay together for a good long time. Though the shooting star din appear, i know deep down inside i was wishing to the annoymous star, any one that twinkle, i wish you will continue to love me this way, few years down the road, till we both grow old together.


You once drove pass a church and we were both amazed by how grand it look, despite its broken down shape, and i told you i wanted to get married inside that church, whether i am christian anot. Then in my mind the image of you holding my hand appear and my lip twitch a little, smiling at how foolish i get around you.


We went to Expo sales with your brother to get your GPS, the crowd was overwhelming, you held on to my hand and we squeezes through the crowd together, i could feel your firm grip and i knew i was safe in your hands, even when you told me to close my eyes on my 22nd birthday and trust whenever you are taking me to, i recall that hand that grip to firmly, and then i laid my eye to rest while you drive me up the hill to enjoy our first candle light dinner on the peak. I felt like a princess who is very pampered, and i thank God inside my grandma sent someone so special to take care of me.


We were the envy of many, or so i always tell myself. I like being around you, doing your household chores and watching you play your psp. I like hearing your techniques about conquering those difficult stint on the game we both deem are good for our mind.


The 8 months with you were the happiest and i enjoyed it without a single regrets. One day i made a very very very silly mistake of screaming some vulgarities out of anger through the phone while you were on the receiver end. That spark you to get confuse and call it quit. By quit you meant all that we have been through, all that thick and thin we have endured.


The quit set me back to many months ago, when you first disappear from my life, at that point i was all alone and had finally made a major move about controlling my life. At that stage i wanted myself happy and you promise me happiness. you offer your hand, and i gladly took it. Then without warning, you sink into your world of being the Saint. You wanted everyone to be happy and you assume by being the Saint and giving up on me, everyone will be happier.


How are you to know giving me up makes everyone happier? how are you to judge if i am happier with you or with someone else? you had no answer to that, you could only remmeber how you were first hurt by someone else and how it hurts to be the victim.


I felt like that victim, i tot love was simple too.. i tot if i love someone i go for it, if i want things to last i make it last. I tot love was so simple that when others wans a share of it, unless they truly deserve it, otherwise its mine and i am not willing to share it with others.


Love is put in a simple terms, like you had your mummy and you are born knowing you share it with your sister and brothers. You are fine with it and you love your mummy alot, but what if one day a man came to you and said he love your mummy too and wans a share of the love? Will you gladly be a saint and generous offer him a share of your mummy love? Cos by doing so everyone will be happier? I wont do so, i am selfish and if mummy belongs to me and those deem deserve it will always remain that way.


Then a couple of advise from your friends and you decide you have found your way to happiness, than probably a try wouldnt hurt, you attempt to hang out with me again, and i agree, i will definitely agree no matter how long you take to ask me out again cos my heart says i love you. That is hard to change and i am selfish, so much so that i want a piece of you, if not the whole of you.


WE have been dating for 8 months and each day the feeling grew fonder, right now you reminded me again how dumping me was as easy as "it will be better for the both of us" and because you are scared "that the quarrel wont stop".... you were being the Saint saving me before misery.


But bb.... i never wanted to be saved, cant you tell right from the start i did the silliest thing a girl could do, that is to give the same guy who gave her up another chance to prove himself. If i din want to be saved 8 months ago i never wanted to be saved. i am torn and tattered i am destroying myself, you may think i am destroying whatever good life i was born with, but i am selfish and i want things for myself. i fight for my rights to get the person i wan to be with.


i cant explain how i have courage to go against your wishes and to stop the Saint from his rescue. i have cried hundreds, if not thousand drops of tears to get what i truly deserve. I ignore whatever that was to be said about me and my choices, i fight for my rights cos i want you.


Yet times and times again you chooses to give me up in an act of saving the both of us. I am sorry i have been so selfish. If by saving you means sacrificing myself bb i cant do it. i am never a Saint and you can choose to be one, but make sure you do it for the right reason.


We dont regret things we said, unless we really din mean it. i really din mean to curse u in anger and nothing can explain my gratitude in your forgiveness. i know it so damn well i din mean to say those words and only did so in anger, but did you say what u said cos of anger too?


Despite my continous temper and anger, i had never really show signs of wantin to leave, i wanted us together for the longest time. i can bear all that comes into my way cos i wan us together. Yet bb, you chooses to give me up whenever situation comes in the way that proves as though we werent meant to be.


I believe arguement between couple are meant to be, you mention you din want any quarrel but take a look at your own parents, happily in love though one tend to squabble with other or silently talks bad about the others.... aint they still the perfect couple i witness with my own eyes, that brought up a good and solid family.


My parent fight before, quarrel before and mummy left home before, but dad has never mention a single word of giving up. He once explain how FAMILY was made up of Father And Mother I Love You. he believe once a family is set up, no one can do with a Father or a Mother, which is why he always hang on, and Mummy and Daddy perhaps the happiest couple i see most of the times when they din quarrel.


I wan my relationship to end up just lke mum and dad, if not better. Dad has taught me to endure whatever pain given to you if you wan things to work out, but dad also mention my partner has to be someone like mummy that learnt to appreciate whatever he has done for her.


Our family loses our home to swindler, loses my education money to obstacles, but i never lose the encouragement to study harder or work harder for the money.



Dear Rodman, i cry alot for you, but we laugh together even more. Are you really willing to give up everything just with those few incidents that happen to us? wouldnt it be nice if we could really work things out, tk a stroll together by the beach, and go star gazing together.


i dunno how life can carry on without you being a part of it, but i am not able to bring myself together each time you call it quit. i know that i love you, is that a reason good enough to bring us back together?

Baby.... i know you dont want to hear this, but i really want us to work things out right

Today's journey home was heavy, it was yet another day of heavy heart.


i refuse his request to walk me home, the look in his eye were obvious signs of tiredness, the silence we held throughout the train journey adds on to the akwardness. Like he said there was a big question mark between us.


Today i question my feelings for him yet again, the only answer that i had given myself remains the same - i am still crazily in love with this guy, yet why does the feeling feel different? The current feeling had a sour, bitter and strangely sad feeling added to it.


I was a mad dog today, i couldnt stop pestering him for a tiny bit of attention, i promise myself today will be different, i promise myself today i will show my strong side and leave him alone to get busy with his work. Yet i fail again, at 3pm i was bonkers, i was going crazy staring at the phone hoping it will rang.


It wasnt like this the previous times, there were so many evidence of him pestering me any time of the day, wanting that tiny bit of attention and we will exchange words of encouragement, then we will hang up the phone and perhaps drop another call again minutes later. i had always tot such action was the sweetest thing he had done, and its with this encouragement that keeps me going.


Today, he mention how much he seek my understanding that this time it was different and he was really busy, i knew deep down inside i wish i could leave him alone also, so why din i? i hated myself, the way he puts it, i knew it was all mu fault, my fault for wanting the past to re-enact it self, for him to see me the way he first do. But it was all in the past.. things cannot go back to the way it was.


The first month was unique, he had repeatedly make the effort to do things over and over again cos it matters and knowing this was the start, he wanted to make it perfect, i was referring to how he can walk over to my side and offer to open the door for me, make the effort to tell his mum what i did for him, how he sink into bed after msging me those sweet nothings, how he started his day msging me sweet nothings. Then when we meet he was the sweetest, grabbing my hands whenever he can, placing his hand on top of mine when he is driving.


Those tiny things he did, all made my heart melt. it seems like months have passed and he no longer felt some thing were worth doing. Even the act of holding my hands diminished, to him, i was like a burden he knew he had to carry... yet i want to hold on, cos i cannot let go yet.. cos i haven lose that feeling yet..


After knowing i wasn't attractive to him physically, i din know how to carry on presenting myself, i lost the interest in bothering to dress up, lost finding excuse to make him praise me. i feel very very ugly in front of him, despite him explaning why he stop attempting to held me tight like he use to, i was loss at what to do. For the first time in my life, i lose myself.


I feel so ugly, extremely unattractive in front of him, he told me he did not feel the threat when others make attempt to tackle me. althought he mention it was cos he was confident of himself, i felt i was more convince cos i am not worth it.


today i told him i will learn to tk this relationship less seroiusly, and he agrees to it, telling how apologetic he was that things hadnt change for the better and it was worst than the prevoius one. i was extremely heartbroken, mainly because i cannot believe how he could compare himself with that man, and how he mention he fail too. So i am the person who determine if my partner fail in a relationship? Or was it all me? Could all my ex-bf do better when they do not date me? Was he trying to hint me that i was too forceful in this relationship?


His silence overcome all the trauma we encounter today, and like him, i no longer want to solve it verbally, i have learnt from him that silence provide the best solution, all he did was look at me with that sadness i feel it. I feel guilt and apologetic.


I hate the way i am loving this guy, i really really miss those days....... why cant God give me a second chance and turn time back just 6 months ago? Why was i to face his business follow by his disappearance for 12 months at the same time knowing i was no longer attraction physically?


Tomorrow is finally April1st. this was the day i pray so long to come, yet when it finally draw near, i am wishing it will tk a longer time to come. Reason being because this has only proves his deterimination at work and it only shows when he has other commitment, i was to excuse myself. Thought after april 1st thing might get slightly better, i tremble with fear anticipating the next big project he might face, when i was to be pushed to one corner again.


i feel so lonely on a tuesday night, BB, if only i listen to my heart and love u lesser, maybe it wont feel so bad. Why did u mention u were upset to hear i was hurting myself? From your point of view i realise i was a scary gf who mutilate herself to gain attention, this is psychologically wrong and why is it that i dun remember myself reaching this extreme? What are u driving me at?
Or was i really sick in the head?

i am in pain, why does it starts to hurt. i tot this time it will be different.

He is the sweetest man on earth, but we have the deepest problem together.

Today i went paranoid, those torturing hours of him not contacting me

i feel like a second priority, like a part timer in on call basis

When he told me thereafter he was busy with work, it got me even angrier

what exactly was wrong with me? i am losing my mind, all i can remember is,

i cry, den i laugh den i cry again.

i must have been under alot of pressure, and sad to admit this relationship at this stage has only add on the weigh.

This morning i wake up with a mouthful of blood, i went to the toilet and spit them out but it was still bleeding, i was too restless to check the root of the bleeding,

Then when he msg me after so long saying he fell asleep which is why he haven reply me,

i feel blood running in my mouth again,

this time it still din stop. i went to the mirror and saw a very healthy teeth was bleeding profusely

it was the decaying tooth kind of bleeding, i was clenching my teeth too hard in anger that it bled.

Then i recall the sleep i had last night,

filled with tears and mucous, fear and absolutely no assurance,

i must have clenched my teeth harder last night, it bled so much this morning.

This symptons is new, i haven seen something like this before, althought kristi reveal many times its very horrifying hearing the sound of my clenching teeth moving front and back non stop.

i dunno what hatred have i clocked up this time, this man is killing me slowly,

whenever we had a problem i can only choose to ignore it or confess,

he hasnt done his part in "realising" a problem has occured,

den when he was confronted, he kept his silence, occasionally calling out my name after which he kept his silence and stare at me

it is killing me inside, those call of desperacy yet the struggle to tell me in the face! my anger has reached a level i can describe except that whenever i explode it was really hard to bring myself back to normal again.

He puts the blame on himself, afterwhich it was a meaningless sorry that even he himself have no idea what it was for. At this point the only wise thing to do was to accept it.

I tot we were happy, he was always there for me, but when problem occurs i realise i swallow my pride and fucking shut up.

Today i was out of my mind, yet he din bring himself to ask me about it. I ignore him throughout the whole time he was in the shop, den when Pauline came all was well and i fake myself to lighten the atmosphere, of which he din help much, the journey home was good as i try to probe him into talking to me, yet when all was over and he still refuses to cooperate, i give up, i blew my top and really, really want to stay away from him.

Today Canele Saliken and Fireman wanted to ask me along with their gf for a supper cum talk, i was feeling so left out after his busy workload that i really wanted to agree. Pauline and Macho also agree to join us after work. Yet when i told him about it i was confronted with threat like how i am forcing him to accept that he cannot change my mind. i was filled with shame when i rejected the guys, god knows how many times already!~

Then i begin to ask myself why i choose to do all this? why had i let this man who cannot even speak for himself to control me? Why had i planned a good saturday to cheer us both up? Why had i insist on making things right?

Its cos i really see ourselves together for a long time, its because he use to be this super nice guy who appreciate doing every single thing with me, its because i din know in the past how he can keep everything to himself and make it super obvious that he was keepig it from me.

I really miss those time when we first started out together, obstacle full yet free from pressure, a underground excitement, the outing he use to plan all so well and organised, the constant smile on his face when he sees me, the "please" and "thank you" manner we communicate, the understanding him who doesnt see any fault with my friend and family, the him who always find it hard to get his hands off me. The way he confess how he like it when i bite my lip.

It has all be a past, the new rodman is a very different man that sees everything in a whole new light, he is currently searching for a space to call his own. i feel like a stranger who tries very hard to blend in with his environment.

Today i was so upset i scribble it somewhere on a piece of scrap how i was second priority, how he look so tired and sleepy and forced-to-act-ok front when he had to send me home after 11. He is tired and busy from his work, he is tide up with his oversea uni visa, he is upset he hasnt got a chance to go soccer cos he injured his foot.

i am but the gal he call when he is bored, whom he nag when he really wans to hit soccer and run, the girl he has responsible to ensure i am home, the girl he still has to bother with despite how work is cramping.

being left to feel like a burden makes me realise, at least i am still in his heart, somewhere.

its not that i wont wait, i will wait till he appreciates me again, but i still believe one should not wait till he loses something before cherishing it.

i wan to distance myself bit by bit, because this will lighten his burden and because i am hurting so badly being there yet not beingthe one.

Our smile, they seem to fade away

>\
each other time i long to see them again, i know it wont b the same.

What have i led to? Something i pray so hard not to happen

Time wont go back anymore, its up to me to change fate

Sorry Sweet Silly Stinky Sleepyhead

Back when u first sms me, the first invitation to meet up, i past the chance cos i din wan the unexpect to happen,

Later you invite me again for another meet up, i did so as an excuse to vent my frustuation on someone, for someone to nod their head in agreement

The first supper we had together, i was quiet, yet i broke it all up with a otah-lime juice joke, i wasnt sure if the feeling was right and i did what i did best, stay dumb and bimbotic as possible

The first time u wrote about me on ur blog, it was Cuz who encourage me to log in and that surprise sentence was something i never expected in life

The first time i tag in ur blog as someone else, i was feeling all guilty yet had to pretend like it had all not happen

Dear God,

the time is officially 2.25pm, i have chosen to abandon the last lecture on the topic as it is taking up too much time. i shall concentrate on the rest of the topic and pray hard it works tomorrow.

Please gimme the strength to wake up with energy tomorrow, not to faint while on my way to the toilet again, and hopefully, just hopefully, keep my mind awake throughout the dry 2 hrs.

I will have fun after this
(yeah right, provided i dun doze off immediately after the paper)

i will skip medicine intake tomorrow, the drowsiness effect is madness.

I will forgive my BB tmr for it is not his fault he cant fight through this battle with me, i am alone, and will survive it through. (but i am still mad!!!~)

Give me the strength to walk in the hall and come out with pride.

Throw my weakness aside and bring my courage inside...


i am sleepy.. yawnxxxxxx,

time check 2.29pm.. another last shot to go!!~

the first of the last time i wanna cry like i cried. The last of the first pain i experienced.

I though things were be as simple as a baby learning ballerina, i want to tk small steps in building a longer path, i want everything to work out as perfect as i can "perfect" it.

Living under someone else's roof, be it at "home" or "cuz home" feels different. It has been long since i felt like there was a place i could run to an cry my heart out, just like how i alway did after cramping it all inside. I will cry in silence, sometimes a little short of breathe, but each time i finish crying, the feeling, that bad aura around me disappear.

Little as a child, i felt the power of crying, that deep feeling all out together, those tear bringing away the pain little by little. Some form of crying are different from the rest. There are times i cry yet not finding it difficult to breathe, those are the time i just wish someone will agree with me, or when i feel like i wasw given unfair justice.

Then there were the type of cry i will gasp for air, cant hardly contain my voice, and when i cannot sneeze those mucus out, those were the times i feel so pain in the heart, i wish, just wish i could fall asleep deeper than anybody else could.

Sweet and i had a disagreement today, though it wasnt really a disagreement. It was more of me, throwing temper at myself, refusing to give in to myself. Despite our happiness first half of the day, i was rather disappointed at the other commitment he have and his anticipation to hurry time just so he can finally go for his soccer games.

We had tiny disagrement over his soccer game previously but i could see it in his eyes, his passion for the game. However, there are times when thing are so planned that u just really hope he plays along with it.

I have been away from "home" for the fifth day today, the loneliness i feel inside is hard to express into words, yet i know deep down under, even when i am "home", that feeling will also not be executed, for "home" is no longer a "home" with my space, my personal space.

When Dad called and asked how i am doing, i feel the stabbing pain in the chest, i was doing really fine yet i was alone. I couldnt feel like i was with someone, and despite Sweet's presence, and his constant attempt to fetch me to wherever i wanna go. Something is lacking and missing, yet we cannot tell and choose to ignore them.

Just last night i was about to go to bed and had a lttle usual chat with Cuz, i told her i wanna try to treat Sweet better cos i tink he put in a lot to this relationship, i wanted to wake up feeling like a different person who dares to express her love for her bf. I mst have been trying too hard, cos i end up feel so unappreciated, so much a burden. The movie wasnt to his liking yet he had to pretend he likes it by commenting on other stuff, we were at the mall trying to get his friend a present and i stupidly suggested going someone else to get it instead. All i can say is it was all pretty much screwed up and i feel no better than before, all about to burst into tears.

Which i did, it was cry of loneliness, of missin someone dear, of losing someone. The question was- who was i missing? who was i losing? i cant answer those question. There were sign of my paranoid, such as times when i begin to imagine how life is like if Sweet were to scream back at me one day, or if he choses to ignore me too, but no matter how i try to figure it out, there wasnt a solution.

I must have been under a lot of pressure, and the root to it include the desperation to be accepted, the anticipation to quicken thing up and the thought that i am going to lose someone.

Someone pls, help me like they never knew i wrote this, advice me like they never knew what i wanted.

Someone pls, accept me and agree with me. Tell me she understand and tell me its ok to cry.

This is the very first Chinese New Year that i am spending with Sweet, not only have i learnt alot about the Praying culture on this day, i also experience a brand new way of celebrating Lunar
New Year.


It all begin with an early morning praying visit to Bugis Street, the temple there is well known n i have personally been there a couple of times either to ask for blessing or to ask for advise. That day, we were there to help Sweet with some prayer for under his zodiac sign he was offending the God of Plague this year and in order to avoid being affected by this plague we have to pray for forgiveness at the start of the lunar year and also thank God for his forgiveness at the end of the lunar year. Sweet's Mum brought us to the second storey of a certain building where i was greeted with a very unusual sight, instead of the usual shophouses selling usual groceries, there was a red shop where lots of people were queing up to get a stack of joss paper. They were than told to wait by a row or chairs before being diret else where.

unlike the others, Sweet's Mum was familiar with the place and she knew where exactly to head to , therefore, under the request of the lady in charge, Sweet's mum direct a couple of people to pray at another area.

To cut it short, the prayer was held behind a red piece of cloth, so hidden that i cannot explain what i missed out. The only weird thing was that the whole event occur within a shopping complex.. Which was what i find interesting and hard to imagine, i bet without hint, no one can really imagine what the space was for and why so many people were queuing.

We proceed to get our lunch settle at a wanton mee store, seeing that i was particularly interested in the mixed pork soup, Sweet's mum told him to order a bowl so i could enjoy the "water" while they finish up the meat, it was a thoughtful suggestion since i never enjoyed and probably wont touched the meat. The simple meal was wonderful, we were not exactly full but had the energy to at least proceeded to our next location.

Sweet drive his Mum and me to Loyang Tua PeKong, the really fantastic thing about this place was that it was the same place Sweet had droven me to, on the night of New YEar, and we both had our first 2009 wishes done there. I can admit life has been pretty smooth till now so i trust this place with my most sincere heart.

Anyway the whole praying process was pretty easy, given the fact that the temple was extraordinarily thoughtful to provide us with steps to follow in order to pray perfectly. After we are done, Sweet's Mum "borowed" a bag of rice for their family while Sweet and i went around the temple viewing the different new year ornaments put up on this occasion.

We were about to leave when the "emcee" suddenly order us to all queue up for a token, it wasnt just a usual token, it was a token that signifies the year of Ox, which was Sweet's zodiac. There were also a ang pow with numbers on it. Sweet, me and his mum all queued up for it, thanking God for the chance to Huat.

Anyway Sweet tried out a new route KPE or KJE??? which i find interesting enough to take a few shots

To end this random post i will like to post up a pic of my beloved. Thanks for making my everyday wonderful.. muackz.

All this underlying meanings to life, all those coding people made behind their snirk remark.

Lately i have a strong feeling of tearing up pieces of my life, which will also mean losing important people that somehow matters to me at some important part of life.


I finally realise how the sentence when u find something precious you have to let go of the other.

I cannot figure out why sometimes i still cant let go of the past. If the past is meant to stay, life have to move on but that will takes me a bigger part of life into letting go.


I was caught up between so many stuff yet i have moved and come so far, now its time to face up the truth and shut up all the hell mouth, the stinky-worm infested mouths. Get a life bitches, i am no longer that sweet little peanut u ever thought i was.

On a lighter note, its time for yet another day of my birth. Thank God the process was done 22 years ago, i wouldn;t want to go on another round of SARS and friendly-betrayal. To begin with some new images of how far i have moved on......................



























































































































































I am turning 22. Its another year of admitting i should seriously stop taking ang pows. Looking back on my past, there really isnt nuttin much to complain nor change, knowing my personality i will very much be likely to fall back into those silly traps so why waste those effort going through it all over again.


however the idea of turning of turning 22 only meants a few important stuff in my life is beginning to take place. that also include:

- i should stop admitting my secret admiration for Hello Kitty

- Manicure and Pedicure are indeed compulsory, especially for Chinese New Year

- Gambling is the only way of life during Chinese New Year

- Ladies at 22 who talks about politics are updated, ladies at 22 who talks about celebrities are Bimbos

- porn are common and all men watch porn, so dun go eeeek knowing they do

- a big phone is good for cracking crab shell

- Friends are neither forever nor durable

- A better education goes a longer way than a low position job

- Admit i have a bf and make people who cares shuddup

- wear thong like eating breakfast and throw those nanny-pants away

Wishing for things that shall happen this year

- school fees stop being an issues
- Galfriend starts acting like normal human beings

- Get me my heart, no star, no what ever pendant

- Throw a SLR my way




i pray this year birthday i am looking better than before.. needless to say, lets all hope i keep smiling........

Baby and i are beginning our second part of the honey moon, i dunno how to explain this feeling but its feels different from yesterday, the week before?


Its like a new beginning, but even better.


Imagine i hadnt had any bad feelings all this 3 months with him, and then right after our 3rd month anniversary, Sweets and i had a little "discussion" (i prefer it to be called discussion) and despite having a perfect 3 months together, we are able to identify some tiny details that can add to making this relationship even more perfect.


Such as Sweet had promise me to take up the stronger role in the relationship and to demand certain things to be done when it is neccessarily. Also, he had understand how affected i could get when i read his blog and promise to make it less lenient.


Although i know that part of him wont go off so soon, somehow i suspect he will very likely to blog about the bad times and always skipping the goood times. He told me it serve as a reminder for him not to commit the same mistake to upset me again, but knowing that i will get very affected by the words he use to describe how it all begins (with my temper, follow by my tantrum). I've decided to give it another shot and if he still cant get rid of that instinct in him. Then maybe i will ignore that link for good. At least when we are still together. I dun wan each quarrel to contain details of how i tink he has misjudge me..


Also, if things continue to sulk, i will delete this blog.


But it aint gonna happen, for i can see how much effort he has put in today.


For a start, Sweet convince me to meetup right after my school for a short time together before i begin work. I have had intention to stay in Canele to study (but it was all worth it!!)


We had lunch-ner at one of my favourite eat-out. The open air dining area outside marina square food court. We are on Budget this month cos i've used up so much of Sweet's money, feeling kinda guilty, next month hopefully those debts could go off pretty soon.


We then shop around Marina Square for a while, Sweets try his luck on those toy-catching machine and we din manage to catch any. I had set my eye on the cute bear inside the Machine but i know chances are we wouldn;t have the skill to catch it. Other people catch it though, lucky girl (but i am luckier though i dun get it la)


Sweets is my best companion on shopping, for he never seems to lost his patient despite my continuous bugging about his opinion on things i probably wont buy. This is my first year using hard earn money to buy new year clothes so naturally i was feeling pretty excited about it. Sweets has got innovative ideas for me to keep my outfit low budget and still interesting. But my Silly Sweet is convinced he will get expensive stuff himself (judging from the beetle bug, pedro, Everbest shoes he is always eyeing at)


Anyway after a short session shopping together i was due to report for work, so in a rush we manage to reach my workplace on time, Sweets went home and i begin work.


After work he was super nice to offer to gimme a ride home. Sweet's mum and Dad were the sweetest people on earth, they not only allow him to travel to city just to send me home, they even help him pack supper for me..


i am blessed and rather spoiled. Hope such blessing last.


zzz.. promise Sweets to meet him in dreamland RodKris Ave.... Cheeros

Baby, baby, Sweets....


Reading each page of entry from those blog tears through my heart. i've to agree i get really affected by his words, yet undenially, its unavoidable and true.


When Sweet mention the re-enactment of the how i scream at him through the phone, i slap myself repeatedly on my mind. To be reminded of some unexpected stuff i've done allows me to see myself clearer and clearer each day.


Somehow, i am beginning to be convince there are times i am not myself, perhaps i have split personality.


Does it hurts? yes it does.


i am reminded each time i log in to those entry, the truth to that awful side of me. I know his action may be a warning for me to face up to my true self, but it still hurts to read through those line and then slap myself for doing something so hurtig to him.


Sweet is a emotional guy, he gets really hurt by me, i dun wan any part of him to change, but after all that we've been through, i am prepare to stay stronger than who i already am. For if my emotion are poured on him, i dunno how he can express it elsewhere other than to keep it within himself or write it out.


I hope he continues to pour his heart out on blog, but i fear each time i log in nuttin good comes out of it.


Seems like every single entry contain that bit of sadness.. i am making my love one miserable, who can be a better failure than me..


Maybe, just maybe, i shouldn't never have say it out.



confuse

Bobo wrote on his msn that he was sick, so out of concern as a fren i send him a well-wish. It was senseless cos his question were totally unrelated.


"what do you mean by "not available"?" (which is my display nick)
"well, cos i am no longer available..."


And he cont fretting abt how i wasnt so addictive in the past, anyway its nice to know he is doing well with his new catch.


I finally brought my ass into poking other people's business. Just read Denise Blog today, it was obvious i was no longer a part of this friendship anymore, there were lesser and lesser details of me on her blog.


Strangely, it just din matter. I was almost a 100% sure there were more things to be concern about. And if a friendship wasnt going to last, it was probably not solely my fault but ours. Anyway, unusually, my heart was swop away by Sweet, people that matter are the precious few.. It makes me realise day by day how we grow to realise those who really matter the most.


Was stuck on Sweet for the past few months, we were super sticky and not growing sick of it. He was my arm of support, my root to stand firm. I am glad life still has its meaning knowing he is always around for me.


it must have been the new environment, i am always in a strange temper and very often getting all too sensitive on silly stuff. Knowing it hurts him inside, i couldn't understand why i wont stop doing them.


I hope things change for the better now, at least it did (with Sweets thats why).. but the prayer to make life better seems to be in no avil.


yawn.. night sweets... gotta miss u till tmr.. Prawning with the Goh's

Day 1 in Da house
My horoscope hit me on the dot today!!~


The Sunday Times predicted this, or somewhat like this" you are going to laugh at your joke, but your joke dun tink its funny, it will probably give u one tight slap"


it wasw damn accurate!!` i felt thhe knock on top of my head, indicating my stupid level had reached a certain level.


If i am not me, i will pity myself. But since i am me i should not.
What happens when tears run dry? You stop crying.


i realise at this stage now i have walk thru the longest journey in my life so far, with setbacks after setbacks, so much so i am guiltless, emotionless and basically feel like an empty shell.


How does it feels to get too hurt? The last time i remember that feeling, it was when She left me. Since then, it just din hurt that much anymore.


Anyway God sent me another Guardian Angel, but the thought of driving him away makes me fear, yet unwilling to do anything. i trust at this point now since anything could happen, i will let nature takes its course.


Thank God for his arrival, life couldnt get any tougher at this point now. Try being homeless, moneyless, nearly jobless, down with debts after debts and more predictable debts!!


I trust my Guardian Angel will sprinkle hope on me when i need help, but for that to come i dunno how he will ever predict the next trauma, i also begin to doubt what happens when its too late? shall i make it extra obvious next time something is going to happen>? i seriously dunno.


$$ is the only thing i hate now, swear if i could change one thing in the world, i rather we all live on the same currency, whats with the economic crisis, the credit crunch? if only we were all back to exchanging stuff with stuff.


while losing hope at my current job, i've decided yet another new strategy, life is aways filled with Hopes cos we create them, this time i am giving myself another shot.


drained and frustrated with life.. gonna let time pause for a while, i need a breather

Super Duper fun day with Sweets!!~

i know, dun remind me, i am super duper poor too!!~ am in debts hate the feelings.

i am calculating, i need 2 more payment of canele pay if i earn an average of 400 bucks per month in canele.


$2200, so i am so far away, if Sweets haven reminded me to check my account i will never realise this reality- that i am super far away from reaching my sch fees...

why does money comes so little yet i work so many hours? Then why does money go so fast when i use so little?

Reality check!!~ i am super duper broke (yes i reminded myself that thrice today)

gotta lock up those credit card behind bars, its pilling on more n more now.

Quit those silly lowly paid jobs, i need serious income now, cant struggle with this kind of life, Even if it means giving tuition to 20 kids i wan money, faster.,,,






Ok, being poor aside, i totally enjoy my company today. Sweets is like the sweetest thing alive. but every outing with him must be plan ahead, cos some special outings means income lesser.

Baby, we might have to reconsider the coming tanning session cos i am behind debts now.


i kept reminding myself i mustnt rely on Sweets too much cos one fine day he will leave me behind and study for 3 years, by then i will struggle with this thing alone. I dun wanna use his money, i wan stable income.


I plan a long time for todays outing, really glad he enjoyed it. Thought i f**king hate the feeling of keeping within budget.


Why is money everythinbg?


Sweets drop by last night and we spend the entire nights together, it feels good to sit beside him in the car, eyes entirely on him driving, hear him mumbling to those familiar melody, sometimes adjusting the air con so i wont fall sick.


We had our all-time favourite Subway dinner. The night was spend worthwhile =)
Sweets left at 4am and i met him again later at 11, we spend sometime at his place surfing the net and helping him out with Mum's household chores, after that we head down to Vivocity and shop a little.


Sweets look super cute in the attire i chose him, and look cooler in those berms he tried at Club Marc, we ended up buying 2 berms and making him happy.


After that, in order to cheer me up and not dampen the spirit that we are both broke, we had nice pasta and Doria at Pasta Mania. Then it was movie at Gold Class GV.


anyway in short i shall not emphasize on the whole trip. When i manage to get pictures from Sweets, i shall post them all up.


The next 3 days i gave myself a break from work cos i wanna spend time with Sweets. income lesser again but i know Sweets will take care of it. Super useless me.


i cant wait to spend the next fews day, every quality time with him...



Let the Poor-luck stay away from me please/

i am going to sing this very very stupid song!! "i should be so lucky, lucky lucky, lucky!!"

my dearest most precious darling is finally comin back...

all those vomit blood times of missing him, just cant take another seconds.

yay yay yay


*dance and hop around the floor*

i am going to treat everyone i know with candy, like its the happiest day on earth!! Though it actually marks Halloween

my silly monster is back for Halloween!!~

All i can say is-


i miss you alot
Tomorrow is no TGIF. i am alone, am not in the mood to hang out with anyone.


7 days to your return, make that come quicker

Stuck in whatever was left of my precious room,

my mind was flooded with funny images of you Sweets.

Our silly times spend at some random cafe doin practically nuttin,

those redundant walk from one end of the esplanade to another

You tickling the under of my tiny palm, and me getting pricked by ur stubby moustache

Though its only been less than 24 hrs since you left for Medan, i am missing you like crazy.

Thanks for the continous msg-es, and those warmth your family shown me.

But things are different, as soon as you are gone, everything changed.

Even a little setback at home will send me trembling with fears.

I need you Baby,

but i must be stronger, will love for my Baby to study abroad knowing someone dear is waiting at home.

i m feeling cold, cold with loneliness, the temperature at home was good, nuttin was really wrong,

but without you, everythng feels so wrong.

Sweets, you know wat? even your silly monster mask picture taken in Toy'R'Us makes me laugh now. i finally understnad why u got them develope.

so completely in love with you.. Good night Baby,

Make my sweet upset today.

damn screwed, wicked me. I really hate myself.

i dunno how i can be this evil sometimes, and it always takes a tad too long to realise.. by then he would have been affected.

*so wanna bang my head against the wall, dig my lung out and tell him i am sorry*

i dunno how i can claim i cherish our times together and yet still have the cheek to make him upset. Failed!!!!~ i din push myself hard enough to make this thing works.

Its till Sweet msg me that he had this similar feeling of being ignored, that i realise he manage to pull through without affecting me and yet i totally drag him into this silly mess i have created.

How can i say sorry?

How can i rewind waht has been done?

Sweets is my everything, i dunno how i can be so evil to do this to him. i will never do that to my love one.

extremely sorry, never wanna lose you baby.

As it seems like a decade and this current address and webbie was dedicated to the very special love one.

Had great fun today, i love Sweets family. Never felt so valued and so appreciated. The sincerity can be verified from those honest stares, those heartwarming glance, those thoughful invitation to eat, the feeling of being loved. Just like those truly appreciated love i received from Sweets.

We made our way down to Orchard Hotel today to get Sweet's uni registration done. Silly Sweet was as thoughtful as usual to hail a cab instead on saving on the transport fees in order not to get me drench in the rain. While at Orchard Hotel, i try to make myself useful by suggesting question Sweets could consult from the assistants there. I could tell he was a always-on-the-go person, honest and down-to-earth. The question he has shows how he was prepared for his future, and this in turns gives me the security i never thought i could feel.

Sweet was always putting me before himself. I had been immersing myself into this world that was slightly more wonderful than a fairy land. The setback now had only been those time when he accidentely blurt out his real feelings. Though according to him he is enjoying himself "sacrificing" himself and "sufferring" for me. Deep down inside anyone will realise such "enjoyment" are temporarily. In no time as a relationship tks another step, things will take a wrong turn and he might in turn regret all these sacrification he takes or all those sufferring he has been undergoing. I dun belive in one gaining while another suffering. i was us to enjoy and suffer together Sweets.

For you i change this blog address which has never change since i first started blogging back in 2003. i wan us as a whole new relationship, i wan it just btw u and me. I;ve learnt things do not need others' acknowledgement. In you i see that light that had never shone on me.

All in all, i am more than glad he chose me. The journey ahead is gonna be tough, i wanna undergo this transformation now that prepares me to commit in this relationship cos i swear to God he is the first guy i finally wanted and decided i wanna spend my life with.

Such a irony i dated the Man for 2 whole years, and 5 years ago we tried dating for 3 months, and all this time i had never ever let my mind wonder off to our future. Dad had preach into me how to keep a relationship strong, how i shud give in when the Man's dad doubted my intention in the relationship. I had always question myself when i hear Cuz talking abt her future with Squidhead.

i can feel it now, how your mind wander into the bright future when u are assured of your spouse. It such a wonderfully light feeling to let ur mind go astray, imagining those future 2 person can share. Sometimes i will reminise abt those awkward moments we had, those clumsy things we do, and some "secrets" we share.

unlike any other times, this time i wanna hold his hand, stronger, and work double hard to keep him around me.

=P

Like those good old days, The cousins met up, this time with our new member, aka Cuz's clone, Ray's web cam mate and my meanie-pok -- PAULINE.

we had a mini celebration for Cu'z upcoming birthday and it was settled at Gardens.

The initial plan of singing@ Gardens was put off cos it was taken up. The more initial plan of drinking at clark quay was put off cos they were being a wimp.

We still had fun, no thanks to those food Pau had previously stuffed me in. If i hadnt recall properly we had biscuits, calamari, strawberry s/w, ham tuna egg s/w, abit of ice, popiah, porridge.....

While waiting for his majesty (Ray) and her highness (viv) arrival, i pleasantly drag Pau into coffeebean for some belgiam chocolate craving. And thank God i hadnt fell into her plot to share that piece of BlackForest Cake.

We then proceeded to ice3 where we met Jean and her pals there. There was a guy i dunno, who claim to Jean he knew me. And could accurately tell i was fatter, in the past. Not that i give much care about it. The waffles and potato wedges totally adds up to the pounds that night.

To end things, we walk a little to Liquid Kitchen and drank a little.
P.s Sweets, i drank, and its really a little.

We talk, chat, joke, laugh, and spit nonsence, also played a little prank on each other. It was a well waited session and already we are complaining not getting anymore of it. So the next one shall come soon, or so i hope.

Sweets and i are damn sticky.

i cant believe the sweetest thing to me now is nowhere near pink (though he complimented on a pink tee once), the sweetest thing doesnt even worn a skirt, but he is someone so honest about this words it melts me completely.


Some call this glib tongue, which i had initially assume it to be too. But for him to have the courage to talk like this is more than enough. And trust me, tough man dont spout nonsence. So i have every reason to believe he genuinely meant every single word he says.

Sweets, no one read this blog now, only u... haha.. so dun be too modest..

Sweets had brought me to alot of good food, almost all of them i find it amusin.



Its hard to put it to words all the times i spent with him, being pampered and all.



That very fine day Sweets brought me to East Coast, there is this stretch of road that he loves the food there, and i am beginning to love it too. He parked the car by the road side and we will always walk some distance to the "food-place"




























On this day Sweets wanted to eat dinner so we settle dinner at this Mince pork noodle place. This interesting thing is they serve very nice fish-skin. To tink i will actually eat that!! i am a hater for fish skin but i must admit their fish skins are interestly nice. Sweets says he first ate fish skins in hongkong and was mesmerized by it. So here i am trying to feel a little Hong Kong in singapore.



The other pic in the above collage was put in to filled up the pages. Sweets had surprise me one day at work, initially lying that he was heading home and then suddenly popping up at my workplace. He brought along all the stuff he felt could keep me company.



- So i had my bubble tea (i always order HONEY ANYTHING, so sweets decided Honey Green tea was the best for me!!).


- There were 2 different kind of chocolate cos Sweets had forgotten if i ever mention raisin chocolate was good or if hazelnut was better. The truth is, anything from Sweets was good!!


- The water bottle was also a surprise gift from Sweets, he drag me into a sports-house one day and ask me to pick one bottle, turns out we both like the same one and he bought it instantly.


- Finally, Sweets surprise me with a PSP, i never tot i was gonna be one who got obsess with PSP, but with shodoku and crazy taxi uploaded, i just cant get my hands off them.



Thanks Sweets~!





























There was another day Sweets, as well as his Lao-Wang-Zhang came to shop in Raffles City as well as pick me up from work. I aranged to meet DKS by night to travel to Jian Ji's chalet, so Sweets was damn nice to actually spend 2 hrs with me before i met up with the gals.


Being one stupid girl who hadnt visit Ding Tai Fung before, the guys were superbly nice enough to accompanied me to dinner there. They ordered all they tot was nice and i was impressed. I guess i love Ding Tai Fung cos of their soup-dumpling. i also love the drink i ordered- Longan red date tea.


The guys are very hilarious, my entire dinner was spend laughing and having difficulty digesting. Wang is not a meaty person so he was disgusted by the siew mai, crystal dumpling and soup dumpling we order- all PORK!!!


Zhang ended up eating most of the food, thanks!!!


Sweets, being the usual health cautious guy, shared my food with me. Thanks Sweets, i enjoyed the short dinner with you.


Oh did i mention he was such a sweets too, offerring to send Denise and Sharon home after we finish celebrating Jian Ji's birthday at East Coast. Pictures taken then to be uploaded soon.


























Sweets and i arranged to have an off day together. I woke up earlier than normal and took a bus to his house. Forgetful me actually mistook the timing and reach an hour earlier. Thank God Sweets was shopping with his mum at the nearby NTUC so i joined them in their morning grocerries shoppping.


Sweets's mum is the sweetest and most adorable mum i've ever seen. She was always chirpy, popular among the neighbour and very totful. She dotes on Sweets alot and i can tell Sweets is always there for his Mum. Seein the 2 of them together is like watching 2 best fren shopping together. Sweets' mum cook very nice dinner too!!!


After the groceries shopping with them Sweets and i carried the stuff home first while his Mum went to mingle with her friends around the neighbourhood. We settle down a little before proceeding to eat dim sum at outram. Sweets was there previously with his campmates and he found the food there delicious. So he brought me there to try it out too. I had to agree the dim sum was good and traditional. There were serve pushing cart around carrying different dim sum, so we had to call out to them if we want their dim sum.


You can tell from the pic we ordered quite a bit of stuff. Sweets, being the healthy eater, was cautious of the proportion so i am glad to say we did not overeat.



We then proceeded to shop around Vivo city but ended buying little stuff. I got a little "gift" for Sweets, hope you like it stinky slpyhead!!


The day soon ended with a fabulous movie "deathrace" by Vivo City and then dinner at Sweets'.




























My last entries is a cut short version of 2 dinner with Sweets, one was a very delicous baked rice of tomato-based, cream-based and curry based all in one in a cafe in East Coast. They serve very very nice fried-tofu too!!


The other one happened yesterday, when Sweets went all the way to pick me up from sch den proceeded to bring me to another stretch of road by Bukit Timah which serve good food too. Despite tempting to try Japanese food that day, i could tell Sweets was more interested in the Chix rice, so we ended up eating Chix rice instead. It was damn good, but a little expensive.







Thanks Sweets, u made my days so fufil, so pampered, so fattening!!


See u on sunday to prepare for our marathon. !!!!! till then, miss you

Happy 1st month together Sweets,

sorry i screw it up completely. I know u dun blame me for it, but thats what makes it worst.

i am a spoilt and temperamental girl and in this relationship i have all but receive. You took note of all the smallest details in each conversation and bother to tk action whenever it occurs.

i did a recollection and all i remember of your dislike are tasteless food and ??????????????

Gosh, just who am i to deserve all this? i cant remember the slightest thing about u that matters.

i refuse to even help u out with ur decision of whether or not to sign on in the army.

1 month of happiness was solely enjoyed by me, i dare to admit i hadn't done a single thing to make myself feel worthy of you.

If only i could, i wish i was the man in the relationship, i wish i had the chance to stay stronger than you, i wish i was the shoulder you could cry on. Yet right now, i am the latter.

i just want a little of your hardship.

Happy anniversary Sweets, i know i definitely enjoy it more than you do. missing you loads.

i love my sweets/dear/love/silly/slpyhead

i dun need to explain what is happening now, i love my life now, and he loves me..

i know it sounds really sick to be hearin that from someone like me. But to say this out loud confidently and without doubts, i sure do need the guts.

Everyone knows him as UK, and UK dotes on me dearly.
I like the way he ruffle through my hair,
hold my hand so tight,
surprise me be picking me up from work,
Saying "Roger" each time he absorb some new information about me,
reminding me that i love chocolate Kueh Tutu,
apologising that he cannot carry my bag for me,
claiming and admitting that he is a true MCP,
ask permission and wants to know if i would want him to change his MCP self
bother to check up the dictionary on words i use,
constantly assuring he has found the right one,
admits he once decides on giving up on me


it will go on and on, and we are barely a month together! i told him hw i fear those honeymoon period will go off as fast as it came, but his answer was a straight "you ought to know me better"

Its nice anticipating everyday to come by, looking forward to his sweets nothings.


i did not annouce this r/s elsewehre, its hard since they haven got over the bobo-saga. But that dun matters anymore cos i live life my way. Whoever finds out will only end up being another well-wisher, and i wont need them cos my r/s depends on UK and me. Those who really matters (such as Cuz, Pau, maybe DS, Ray) will only wish me all the best.

never felt this strong minded, i guess cos UK is a hard-headed himself. He boost my morale really high, encouraging me to believe in myself.



................as long as you are happy.....


i know if UK and i did not end up together eventually, i wouldn't regret being with him cos this time, i work really hard for this r/s to work. So at the very least i've tried. However, from the way i see it, its aint gonna happen for a long time.... right silly?

Glad to say Bobo and i had constanltly keep in contact, like a big brother, he has warn me to inform him the moment UK makes me unhappy. Though that wont happen, i am glad to have a big brother like him to show me concern. An more mature lady is interested in him now,i told him to give it a shot but he has decided to concentrate on his career for now.

i call this happy ending... night
....


..........stinky slpyhead, keep ur promise and i will keep mine k? no matter what happens, we create our path and light awaits us. You promise.. hehe