Life's a blast, i am jobless.
Super in love with the bf, super preoccupied with ICBS and ensuring sales are improving. Really wanna make this work cos it will be like a baby Pau and i are nurturing into a succesful adult..

Bb have been busy with school, unlike during work at Tonkin, when i am so busy i hardly have time to miss him, i find myself surrounded by images of him, missing his smell, hearing his laughter.

i heard a super good news yesterday, but my mind cant stop lying to myself, this is no longer a surprise but it was still really good news.

i have decided to dedicate my time into making LJ works, both BkHairpins n ICBS. i know Pau has tots about opting for a full time job already, but i have plans to see her next move, if she really wans to get a full time job soon, i'll start hunting for mine while still striving to keep the LJ goings. i wan it to work, no matter what, this will compensate all the lost time i chose to give up to get a decent job so it must work.

ranting and ranting...... boring and waiting for bb to spend some time talking to me before i head to bed, its down to JB tmr. Remeber Kristal, no splurge only smart buys... hehe

random shots down the block

nutin mch to blog.. miss sweet stinky sleepyhead -- wats new..

had the longest dream abt him yesterday.. hehe

quarrel with dad, feeling so alone now.


With him in uk, life seems so different. i had never quarrel with Dad but my flare today made him scream. I was crying the shit hell out of myself, screaming at him and sis. But it wasnt even their fault.


i hate this period, no one wans to trust me anymore, everyone doubts whatever i do. and when i need someone to reassure me, the ringing tone on the other line always ends up unanswered.


its not as if no one wants to hear it out, but more because i was more and more kept to myself as day goes by, i lose that bit of confident to express myself.


Why din i speak properly, i cant remember a single thing now, only regret how i scream at him. i hated him for not trusting me, why wait till now to show ur concern? waht difference does it makes with or without bb around? why was i deprive of my very last bit of trust? what did i do wrong?i really tot i earn that trust and that respect to be given the decision myself to made, about what time i should reach home and to whom i should hang out with. The him in the past wasnt like this, he would ask where i am and who i am hanging out with den ask me to be careful. Yet the him now scream throught the phone in a pled for me to report who i hang out with and why i aint home. Its barely 9pm and i feel so restricted.



Scolding at work, being push to reach an aimless target, calling up people and telling myself being scolded for being dumb was part and parcel of the job. i hate me now, i hate my decision to study, to work, to wait for bb to come back,hate my life, hate whatever i am doing now.



i hate being alone...... really hate being alone, i wish you will rush down and stop me from crying, to assure me dad was doing the right thing by being concern.



i hate that those tears seems to keep flowing down.... hate it

Early home-outing with pau again today. We are putting new goals to our lives each time we met, and this time, it was comedy concert at esplanade, brownies from posh! and mos burger! seems as though we will never really grew tired of meeting.


Bb's at school now, work sucks as usual, we lost the entire hardwork of database built since first day of work, the feelings is like finally accumulating enuff water to last a day at a desert den tripping over a stone and pouring away the water. Deadline remains the same, number of submission remains the same, only difference this time is we practically lost everything accumulated over the week, this sucks.


School sucks too, no one was really friendly and i was a mute for a whole 3 hrs. But after forcefully tinking of ways to look on the bright side, here's the excuse bb and i came up tgr


- At least even if i am suay i still has this wonderful bf
- At least i have a stable income now
- No attention no distraction
- i can imagine bb sitting besides me and i spend all the time i feel like a loner "writing" to bb, as thouh we are secretly chit-chatting
- no friends means no break chatting and munching, time to lose weight
- i can always dial my ICE number (In-Case-of-Emergency) -- Pauline Kang
- i can call Vivien and talk nonsence till she hangs up on me
- i can act chio and be dao n ppl wont gossip abt me.
- Bb has promise to fetch me home when he returns from UK


this shall accumlate to being happy as a part-time student.


wahaha... i told bb i stop dressing up, time to dress up again, in case when bb returns, he sees another Kristal, that of a old-haggard-auntie-looking gf, and he may still probably loves me, but i cant stand myself standing next to him..



bb and Pau... pls remind me to look good and take some picture of myself...




..... i am a loner..... Kristal the loner..... i cant tink of a cool name for a loner?





okok..... Kristal the incredibly-isolated


wahaha.. Pau will do the -.-" face soon

i have to blog about how lovely we can be, bb is the sweetest thing on earth, learning and willingly cook his own dinner, and breakfast all cos i ask him to do so.

really really very happy with our relatiponship, its another level higher and we are very certain of our feelings, its as though we both had a strange strong surge of feeling for each other and this time, our emotions are set free.

i am a little upset today, actually a lot upset, i really wanna see bb soon but work is piling and i cant simply leave right now reduce the annual leave by a huge number, i really wanna see my bb. The current invitation is really attractive, its such a disappoint to withdraw from the plan. Hate myself, hate my job, hate my bb doing alot of things for me yet i cant do the same to him.

Bb.. sorry........

I shall remember this day... forever....


Just melting inside, the words you said, those meaningless words yet it brings my life to a whole new level.


i kept thinking, smiling to myself the whole time at work,


rejection from others at work just dun really mean a thing, all i had in mind was how much forward i had taken, the step into opening that once hardened heart of yours


i felt like i did it!!! Like i was standing number one! on top of the world!


Promise me you mean what you say, cos right now thats all i really really need.







Like you, i never had this tingling feeling down my throat each time someone mention your name, and i can spends night talking away, if only someone will listen, just how special you are to me.

i emphasize you as my best friend, on top of my boyfriend, and right now we shall add on two status, the co-owner of stinky, our little precious responsibility(a.k.a our faeces plush-toy), and also the man who had officially added me into his agenda of "the future"

bb.. lets name it "Our Future".

Cos, like you, i FINALLY see my future, not just alone, but with you....





hugx. Mr Rodman the Crooked ****, cum Ahmad Ah-di!

This is super amazing,< br>

really feeling more and more guilty abt how much lesser i knew abt this guy,
< br>
i cant believe the King actually shocked me only after his dismissal, and thats probably how he came to convince everybody he uphold that faithful title of " the King of Pop"
< br>
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kOG8lwvVSmo
< br>
i smile to myself continously while watching this, i wonder why such performance can actually make someone smile, its the first time i froze to my skin while listening to MJ sings. and i highly recommend 2 titles that practically took my breath away. First of all being "heal the world" the song that i cried while listening during primary school days but never really putting much heart into understanding the meaning behind the songs, and the other being "you are not alone" cos it cames as a perfect song to console me at this period of time where bb is so far away..
< br>
thanks the King, you mk bb and my life so much comforting in this down period.
< br>
you'll be missed.

What is there to be blog when all are bad memories?

I am angry wit myself and awfully hate this relationship that has come to this stage. i have to keep accepting whatever reason that was created for not picking up my calls. Silently hide this awful fear inside about going home alone. Being strangely jealous that he gets all the good stuff and attention elsewhere, while i have to accept his every move.

I just wish i din die during this period cos by the time he would have found out i will have been cremated

i got myself settled down, after a bad fight with bb in the morning, and the only things that seems to help was perhaps this sudden surge when i saw the Michael Jackson soundtrack lying on the table in the shop, and since the usual Jay's Cd were missing and i am almost done wit some of my usual, i replace it with MJ song starting with my all time favourite of his -- "Heal the World"

And true enough, like how many others often describe how this King manage to unfluence alot of u, it wasnt till i listen carefully in his songs did i realise how some words come true to heart.

It was a bad morning cos bb surprise me with a call as soon as i reach my workplace, which was only 4am at his side, yet i was rather put down with he annouce he'll be out - again- for more of his touring around UK.

I got really devastated especially since we haven talk for a while now, and my definition of talk exclude those of " had you eaten?", i felt the strong bond we once held were decreasing each day as i seem to get lesser of him each day. Despite his words abt the special pplace i have in his heart, it was often not verify since he promises to call last night and despite me waiting up till abt 2 am, he did not call.

The same situation repeats itself now, he went out early morning promising to call me as and when he can, and i anticipate each call to come, only to find myself in dismay as he would have probably delay to the specific time we have agreed on - 8pm at night.

i dun understand how a guy cannot tink out of the box and understand it will do good to make the extra effort to call up his gf and check on her at times both had not agreed on.

And dun come blaming me that i did not take the initiative instead cos i did.

hai, dunno why i m frustrated over him today, in fact, i tink i dread next weekend to come cos he'll probably dumped me like he did this week.

Long distance relationship is so hard to maintain- especially wit a 7hrs difference, a within-the-box tinking bf, and his agenda full of places to visit.

=(

""""stop existing and start living"""" MJ

first week into Merlion! successfully build up a database from scratch, there were many rejection, but mostly was fine if i speed up my conversation, i can successfully say the following sentence and confirm all the information in less than 30 seconds.


"morning! i am calling from ~~~~, this is kristal speaking may i know who is that on the line... *pause for reply* could i please verify some information to update my company record? *pause for a "yes"* is your address ..... telephonenumber... fax number...... company official website to be.....is ..... your financial manager?.... does his contact number remains as ..... direct fax number to be.... e-mail address to be.... could there be other way i can get to perhaps his secretary?... that will be all, thank you sooooooo much for your time.. good bye...


wahahha.. try to do it as fast as me.... next step will be convincing them to listen to the proposal we have in hand, if its goes well they will pay $2000+++ for a course, our lawyer will conduct their workshop... all will be well, then we'll proceed with our next conference.. and the whole process repeats itself..

blah blah.. ranting on and on.. bb enjoying himself... we spoke last evening, last night, this morning, this evening... wahaha.. sticky le... \

muackx. for those jealous, WHATEVER/. for those with blessing... hehe.. thanks =)

its marks exactly one week since bb and i last spend time tgr, i miss him sooooooooo much.







bb going back to birmingham already, den he will have connection and we can skype a little more.







Both of us finally have calling cards, my calling card works by being cheaper if we talk longer and bb card charges per min, even a few seconds call are round up to 6 min. so whenever i randomly feel like i got to have a part of my sweet silly stinky sleepyhead, i'll call those golden numbers.









44-7**-7***-7**. i can totally remember that by heart already, this shows how much u matters to me bb..









had a long talk with Pau today abt life and bf, reflected on our behavior that may make us suck as gf, i got to improve on mine and Pau will continue on her journey to sourcing to the "final" good one that she can admit she wanna spend a longer time with.







i told my colleagues about bb today, they are suggesting who will be the bridesmaid and who will be the bridegroom if i married sweet silly stinky sleepyhead. haha...









Bb, do u know every one arounds me know about u, including those who have yet to see u.... cant wait for u to return home so i can round up all the new friends and proudly introduce you to them as my silly pok-pok...






Yawnx... its past 12am now.. probably 5pm at his side..

muackx bb... i miss u super-any-frangi-lipsticks-espli-any-lotion much.....



hugx for u and kiss on the forehead *muackx*

First quarrel since he left for uk, a complete different person in my eye. We had a small arguement, and instead of the usual talk-it-out till we are both ok, he hang up on me.



He started slanging his english, i was filled with disgust, what is with a guy flying off to uk for 365days yet 5 days into his uk journey he was like a completely different guy, losing that charm that had first made him attractive.



i am feeling so sensitive these days very irritating this days, he is travelling, exploring the new world he is in yet i am stuck in this lonely country, all the fears we talk about me losing him grow each and every day, and on the other end he is enjoying himself...



i am losing it, we haven had a trash talk since 5 days ago, bb is always outside i dun wan to talk heart-to-heart with him with his cousin around.




Bad things are happening around the house. People are leaving the house out of disagreement. i hate my life each and every day. hate the loneliness and the feeling of being abandon and not having the bb i use to know talk to me and console me.



as usual, my sadness are directly converting into hateness.

Miss bb today.. work was tired, we finally get our chance to call up company to update the company contact details so the marketing controller can starting to sell our product and gain sponsorship.

bb called me, he got a surprise for me, a gift or something, he claim that i will be very pleased. it will be pleased he could wrap himself in present and send a parcel over to my doorstep. i told bb i miss his hug so much, and we joke a little about punishing him.. but he reminded me all have to be accumulated till he returns.

Bb.. by then i wont blame u at all.. i just really need u around.. help u shave ur moustache, fold ur clothes, hang the clothes out to dry with you, go for breakfast with your mum, watch you cut your hair, choose your clothes for you, and basically just include u in every tiny details in my life.

hope tomorrow work wont be too stressing, thanks for your continue support, unlike others who despise my low pay for a beginner, you shown me a good start for a foundation will bring me to a better prospect later on.

bb.. miss u again,.. =(

i

Wuinuk day 3

i took this picture to remind

Bb how he had ignore me over his phone. but now, i rather stare at him play the phone then not seeing him at all..

Some silly games only Bb knows how to appreciate and who bothers to patiently plays with me until i win.

i miss bb.. day 1 at work, i miss bb voice today.

bb.. do you know today work is pretty ok, quite dry but managable, what is terrible is during lunch, we had lunch at 1-2pm which is 6am at your side till 7am. By the time i walk to the food court, 20 min is gone, then i have to find a table to sit down, i was told that tissue chopping seats culture is highly recognised there, that makes me feel really uncomfortable. So i have decided to have sandwich for lunch and pack light weight food so i wont feel so sleepy after a full meal.

There was a accident today, i was eating with my new colleagues and i heard a very very loud and terryifying scream, i turn and saw this mother who was carrying a baby girl who had fainted. She looks really terrified and i was damn freaked. Turns out the baby girl toe got stucked in the escalator and it got ripped off. i was sad when i learnt about it and her scream cant seems to get off my mind. Am gonna purchase newspaper tomorrow to see if she is in great danger.

feeling damn empty. its hard to even write in details my life today cos i am missing out one a very important part.

That of you and me..,.... bb... =(

Wuinuk- day 2
*wake up at 9.30
*lunch at 12.30
*tiny bite if stomach is irritating at 3pm
*dinner at 5pm or later if deem fit
*head home alone, with one damn heavy lappy and one big but good for nutting bag



i am feeling a little well today, cos bb called this afternoon, we had a short talk, short enough to call him perhaps 10bucks for the long distance call. He was lonely, n it got me really upset for a while, bt we were both glad there are good souls out there in uk, for he manage to view man-u league homeclub, survive the chilling cold and still save 3 pounds.



i am a little worried cos bb is still down with a fever, and i miss him madly. its like for once it din matter hw much the phone bill is gonna cost him, all we wanted was to talk to each other, hear that soothing voice from the other side.



Bb joke that he took Ryan Giggs photo, loads of them for me. so in order to show my appreciation i am going to work hard to update him abt my whereabouts. Sis was saying yesterday i should tk a pic of myself as often as possible so i can show bb how i look everyday.



i was browsing the phone earlier, and i send all the msg sent by bb, short or extremely long into a folder i name "precious". den i will re-read them over and over again, reminding me of the sweet times we shared, and also look forward till bb returns and msg me again.



did a little damage earlier and rip 100 bucks off my uni-savings to get me some decent clothing for work tmr, truly hoping the job tmr will suits me to the tip so i can survive this one year with pride.



i also send out a couple of invitation, its itchyybackside this sat with chi-pau-pau and one more meetings with black hairpins Phyllis-mee-pok nxt week.



oh i miss bb again.... =(

day one about to end since bb fly off for UK. he called me twice today. once to tell me he is waiting for the luggage at the luggage belt and the other time to apologise as Holiday Inn has no wireless access..

i miss my bb soooo much... i know bb miss me alot too... when he called me.. the tone he use is very faint. its like we both have soo much to say but in order to fight back those awful tears that will pour down if we get too emotional, our words spoken are hidden with meaning.

Its this period of time i finally found the words "i Love you very much" meaningful. i finally understand why he refuses to say it each time i say it back to him. i make it a point to remind him now and then how i felt and those words others deem mushy. But its only when i hear it through the receiver than i was thanking him in my heart how he avoided saying it, cos it make sense only when he meant it.

i feel so helpless.. lonely.. i ask pau today how i am going to go to work not hearing his voice? not hearing the same reminder to eat lunch, not having someone to sit beside me in the shop and talk to me, hate me, snare at me when i work. no one to guide the shop while i pee. most importantly, no one hug me when i feel down at school, at work, no one to kiss my forehead.

this is getting emotional, got to stop again..

bb.. first day and thank god everyone is here to support me.

i love you.... miss u soooooooooooooooo much

12 hrs into bb leaving for uk...

i am feeling lost... aimlessly pretending it was all ok....

telling ppl around me it din matter...

it does..

i dun need anything fanciful,

i dun need no money and cars,

i can use the bus i can walk miles and miles home,


all i ask for is to have u by my side, and nothing else ever matters.


i wanna hold those hand, all tough and vein,

i wanna loosen up those tight smile u've been faking all day



i wanna kiss ur forehead, tell u those unconditional words,

i wanna remind you how much i love you bb..




Each growing day marks one day down to having u away, i cant help but be reminded of those smile i will so missed,

yet i am never assured if u mean it, each time u look into my eye and smile and melt my heart.


i cant differentiate right from wrong, happy from sad, i cant tell if my bb has something to say yet absorb it all within himself for fear he will break my heart.


i tink this is hurting us both.. i really wish i was someone special to you, the one u make an exception and honestly shed those tear when u wan to and giggle when u see something funny.


i wanna tell u jokes, and if they aint funny, i wan u to tell me honestly.

i gues i am going crazy loving someone..


wish i could give lesser.... to be jealous over even someone so dear makes myself puke at my own behaviour...


its just a pain in the ass knowing all the things u have done for him, and while u are at life toughest stages where u are losing everything, losing sleep, losing faith, losing appetite... it irks u to know how much the person u so wish had gone through this with you is shopping with his friend, his cousin.


its not who he ends up going out with, its him going out that sets u off like a mad old hag.

Its not who he ends up going out with, its how he always got himself busy with so many other things except to sit down and go through everything with you.


My sympton of pressure has been showing, i wish i had not put so much reliance on him, cos right now that load weighing me down double..


ARGH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!1

missing.... you

This is a story of a girl who lives up the hill
this girl once dream of leaving the small town to find a man of her dream

Then one day the girl found, a precious rare find,
he was a guy from down the hill, a hunter well defined
he hunt his way up the forest every fortnightly,
till one day he saw her, her long skirt sashaying,
he offer his help and they became friend
what started out as friend eventually turned romance

one day the buy confess, his feelings for her,
he did so by curving the initial of that girl
the girl would never know, cos the feelings never show.
the guy din admit it, just more than friends or so

many years to come, one day the boy stop showing
the girl waited under the tree, same time, pondering
she din know why, yet she din want to ask
for reality was cruel, something just dun last.

and then i stop composing... some story comes with a sad ending, i learnt today some things aint always how fantasy turns out to be, something are made the way it is as it creates that illusion and encourage us to grow up.

yet when we do grow up, reality sink in, many things are done against our free will, irregardless of our feelings.

we begin to socialise into the human being we were made to be, conform to the values and norms that is attached to a group or role in which we participate in ( this are straight out from my sociology paper taken hrs ago)

i feel like a selfish person whenever i do things that upset others, yet i feel so sorry for myself if i live in a misery that ultimately declare my life.

i know letting go now proves a better future, yet i am holding on to this thing so tight, and this thing is feelin suffocated.

gosh,, i m messing up even my own life.. i cant seem to follow what my heart is thinking, thus the garbage words u see here..

get a life Kristal

7.40 pm

I CAUGHT A LIZARD ON MY LIZAD TRAP!!!~

geez... no idea how i can get so excited over catching lizard, perhaps its cos i cant sleep at night tinking about them crawling all over me?


Cuz hse is like living in a jingle, except worst ( buts its super comfy u cant help it)


i had this awful video of both of us screaming and shouting at the GECKO we were meant to kill, seriously!~?~ Gecko, not lizard but GECKO.. that freakier kind of lizard that hops around and jump.. Which lizard jumps? Gecko lor..


Grrrrr. i m having goosebump all over tinking about the gecko.. its me alone at home now n i am waitin patiently for the cousin to bump her add back and struggle pushing the lizard trap back into the room i am bunking now.. cos i suspect there are more lizard there, except smarte..


The lizard at cuz room are dumb.. i deliberately place the trap there cos i saw the lizrd head peeking out earlier.. din knw it was as stupid as i tot.. it went straight on to the sticky pad..


so why isnt the gecko in my bunking room caught yet?


in any case i am thankful tonight sleep shall prove to be a better one cos its one enemy down.. though there are MORE to go..

=)











































Hopping around in Ah Pins Road!!! Bb's new attempt to cheer me up!!!! i am so in love!!!!

haha.. he will be sending me my dinner, specially delivered to my doorstep and i dun have to pay some more.. !! even monkey is happy.!!!

Bb..

75.58 min into the game, Fletcher kena a red card and was out, V.Persie got a free kick and that was how Arsenal score 1 point... loser.... -.-"


My idol Giggs tried to talk referee (Roberto) into lighting the sentence but the referee says no..


77.29 into the game.. V.Persie got slap in the face and is bleeding from the mouth. He was replace by Vela...


Adebayor kick carrick in the leg, suppose to be a red card but never.... (referee Ka-you)


85,40 into the game, Park kena push and got a chance to score, Ronaldo kick the ball but it "almost" went in only.


87.28 into the game, Ronaldo kena kick in the chest, gets a chance to score, but it was super far from the goal post.


Game ends.. Man u 3- 1 Arsenal...


Final is Chelsea and Barcelona? (or at least that was what i heard)....