RodKris

quarrel with dad, feeling so alone now.


With him in uk, life seems so different. i had never quarrel with Dad but my flare today made him scream. I was crying the shit hell out of myself, screaming at him and sis. But it wasnt even their fault.


i hate this period, no one wans to trust me anymore, everyone doubts whatever i do. and when i need someone to reassure me, the ringing tone on the other line always ends up unanswered.


its not as if no one wants to hear it out, but more because i was more and more kept to myself as day goes by, i lose that bit of confident to express myself.


Why din i speak properly, i cant remember a single thing now, only regret how i scream at him. i hated him for not trusting me, why wait till now to show ur concern? waht difference does it makes with or without bb around? why was i deprive of my very last bit of trust? what did i do wrong?i really tot i earn that trust and that respect to be given the decision myself to made, about what time i should reach home and to whom i should hang out with. The him in the past wasnt like this, he would ask where i am and who i am hanging out with den ask me to be careful. Yet the him now scream throught the phone in a pled for me to report who i hang out with and why i aint home. Its barely 9pm and i feel so restricted.



Scolding at work, being push to reach an aimless target, calling up people and telling myself being scolded for being dumb was part and parcel of the job. i hate me now, i hate my decision to study, to work, to wait for bb to come back,hate my life, hate whatever i am doing now.



i hate being alone...... really hate being alone, i wish you will rush down and stop me from crying, to assure me dad was doing the right thing by being concern.



i hate that those tears seems to keep flowing down.... hate it