sometimes whether u like it or not life has to move on..
i am burnig inside with the desire to just strip completely, and along with those heavy moments,
throw off my clothes and all that shouldn't have matter

i hate my man, yet he was the sweetest,.. yesterday final rehearsal had been madness, models refusing to wear their shoes, models demanding to change their outfit, models forcing me to attached funny extra stuff on their shoes.. for a minute i was shattered. Glad the event team leader Jess took it all pretty well. A word from her sometimes means a million to me

i am like a manger-employee, slave-queen, supervisor-servant kind of person. sometimes i felt i really had to be treated badly, other times i wish they would have spare me that extra comment. i feel neglected when everyone is showing me the attention!

its like, in a few days time, the face behind those thing u wear on ur foot will be reveal, the anxiety and anticipation holds my breath. i needed to breathe.. i need that extra arm to push me to move.

my besties were supportive, though some actions sometimes make me feel the agony. When something is gone once, it will never come back again.


look at the mess!!! ur shoes are my babies now!!!

to relax a bit. denise plans a break the fifties- cam whoring session, so we tried our best, give all we could and took pic after pic to lighten the mood we were all in.

i really couldn't describe the feelings i am holding inside me now.. one day i will strip it all..

it irritates me how my life is moving on.. Fats and more fats, laziness and putting weight.. i work and then sleep..

even my bf decides to divert his attention on work..
i cant say i blame anything, i hate this, but this is the peak of my life, for the Fashion Show will be launching soon.. after which i can take a long break.

i want my life back. I hated being piled with life-threatening deals that doesn't really matters. i wan my best friends to bug me with outings, my usual poly-kakis to keep asking me out and my bf to irritates me.. and cousins to pester me

carefree life is too free.. argh!!!!

if i am famous one day will people still acknowlege me?
i will pull my besties to claim the glory..

i need that attention now people!!!!

Work today sucks..

hate busy days, hate being order around, i guess i am sufferring from a serious job-hate-cy
i wish for a holiday, cheap, almost free, and enjoyable


haha.. anyway that day my man board a bus that looks as interesting as this..
let me know if u can sit on any that is even better thatn this for as low as $0.65 - SBS bus
i
cushion seats by the back

colourful handrails with green bar chairs

check out those bar chairs.. on public bus!!!

red leather seats for u couples

tiny chair for the singles

more chair as Singaporean are more singles..



i swear this is SBS bus number 5.. try ur luck some day k?

Just when was the last time you sit by the window let the cold wind wash onto your face

i had this question ponder on me for the past few minutes, for tonight the wind is exceptionally strong.
i haven had the urge to blog for the longest time, today the urge arrive, congested and ready to burst

i miss everyone so much.. DKS is breaking up.. the feeling is strong..
Denise and i still met up, but Sharon seems to disappear, maybe to some others friendship is never on top

Apel is the sweetest to drop by town and pay me a visit, i am sick of far east, the though of going there is equilvalent to working.. i might just puke

do reply taggis

dining at Yuki-Yaki

The perfect vege-mushroom combo- my favourite.. cooked by the Man =)
(i am still gleeming with delight)

there was this ice metal plate where u scrap icecream off.. yum yum
(we ate so much ice cream)

Even more ice cream (haha.. to psycho u)

these are cups of melted ice cream syrup, u have to pour them over the ice-metal-plate to freeze it into ice-cream again=)

How u can tel when 2 person are @#$@#%#$^fucking full

Here are some food we cooked, as u can probably tell by now, the man and i are pure-chicken-eater. No beef, no lard, no pork

here's another vege-mushroom combo which i din really like.. but it was another gift from the man

more to keep u hungry..(pardon my appetite, mushrooms and vegetables just turns me on more than anything else.. hahhaa)

hw to tell a person is in love?

she tinks about the same person so much she practically sees his face on her hp..

thats waht i did.. now i have a silly boy picture on my phone..

and he has mine too!!!

wa-hahahha.. disguested? about to vomit?

better not, the worst has yet to come..

dread being online..

dread putting thoughts into words,,

am working on a book call "the pleasure's mine"

its a book very sexually involve, talks about a girl whose life revolve around S/M,. \

turns out there are alot of people that likes to be dominant and some who prefer to be submissive,

so if ya a submissive, yu enjoy being hurt, spank in the ass(they call them cheek) and urine in the facem wound with a rope,

if ya a domme(for female), doms(for males) u prefer to torture the submissive, on the tiniest things they've done wrong..

i can see how S/M works, they find a suitable partner, one who likes to be hurt, and the other who likes to hurt.

Thats how the business works, some submissive (mainly woman) only enjoys being dominated by another female.

Many S/M does not involves sex..

realise the world is so strange.. ? i cant figure out how people thinks.. but by reading novels stating their thougt and feelings.. i am feeling really strange being a normal person myself..

hai.. till another day

Very long ago





giving a treat to Sharon and Denise with my first pay..
we had dinner at a Korean restaurant and the bill was a total rip off

*thanks to the smart waitress, i manage to save $50 on the bill.haha

anyway that was a incident all too long ago.

today Denise darlin gave me and sharon a treat.. we had a sumptous dinner at Kim Gary, which is a poshier version of Xin wang Hong Kong Cafe.. food was great.. portion was so wrong!!!

my noodle came to me in a bowl twice the size of my head. We then carry on shopping till the shop have to chase us all out of the mall. haha.. girls are girls..

We end the day with some really delicious cakes at Bakerinz.. try it cos its fucking nice.
its been a while since i blogged and chat with my besties.. They look almost the same, except
1. Denise claim she is putting on weight to a unhealthy range soon
2. sharon avoids all tummy issues cos she claims she has one
3. Kristal says she put on 1 fucking@#$%#^$^ kg

all in all, we are all getting fatter. hate it./
Anyway i bought my bra from La Senza today, i tot i was a pretty big splender to bought 4 sets all at once.
Cant blame it thou.. its been a while and my flesh needs some new cushion.. hahhaa


i've been spending non-stop time with my boyfriend, we visit Ikea not too long ago and are about to buy a queen size bed together, this is so because he hasn;t had a bed since forever, and thought one huge bed will be nice to sleep on for the very first time. This bed, he claims, also serve as a mean to prepare me to spend nights with him at his place.. i tot that was highly redundant, cos mum will kill me if i ever did.
Anyway a bed will be nice cos off days i spend at his place in the day totaly boreds me,,. we will usually rent a DVD to watch, buy some food and "nua" till the sun goes down, then i will head home.. now at least i can "nua" on the bed.. haha

ok.. so much about a bed, its really fun trying to doll up a simple room.. all from square 1.

Anyway i had to confess, after much discussion with my boyfriend,,.
i bet alot of people wanna know about the dark secret..
===== i had a thing for an ang moh looking guy
its been a while, and i finally couldn't tk it anymore one day, i confess to him (my bf)
The man got really really devastated over the whole issue but i was really glad he stayed by me all this while..

eventually i weight my importance in life and decided to fall back to simple ground..
i am still with my bf, proud to say, and we are even more truly in love..

haha. pure nonsece.. night reader

Lost some weight recently.. and in particularly like this two pic..

beacuse both occasion i lost the double chin i always had

ok.. actuall fact is i no longer have any double chin

but the weight lost does not signifiy any positively

yet i must thank those pressure and stress well-develope by work

food is secondary now.. i lost 5 kgs..

i am unsure of myself now.

i have a secret to hide..

a very dark secret

i cant tell it to any soul on earth

tomorro i am going to face the secret again

pls let me get rid of it before he comes back

i am feeling rather down, the confusion inside me is burning.. i have thousand of question, yet not a single one wants to be ask

he finally called, after my longest wait of 9 days. the past few days msg-ing hasn't gone well.
i kept tellinh myself things will get better when he returns, i picture so many scenarios of us enjoying when he returns.

then he finally queue enough to drop me a call, that very short conversation of 15 min ends up inhe claiming i was
- bad temper, worst than before
- get fussed up over single things he said\
- putting work with personal life
- to change my temper when he returns.

this kind of feeling are really complicated.
dear all that bother to read, imagine urself really anticipatin to meet this man u have "appoint" to officially date u after 42 days.
While he was away, u picture all that very very nice moments u two share together
Then he msg u with motivation that u are not to far from his return
Every day of anticipation = one more day of good perfect picture of him

then suddenly u are few days away from meeting him
Then the 2 of u quarrel, and argue, and cannot agree with things.
he puts off all quarrel claiming that things will get better when he returns
that he will make sure u stop being so bad-temper after he return
that he will treat u better when he returns

the truth is --- he is pushing all fault till he returns,
and u have picture all that perfect moments when he return
Does tat means i have to expect perfection when he returns?
does that means we will no longer quarrel when he returns?
the actual fact is that he is still the same old person he always is
yes distance makes the heart grew fonder,
but ultimately. the 2 of u still disagree on the same issues

i fear, for every single seconds i am nearing to meeting him, i am that closer to screwing up that perfect picture inside me

those perfect moment where he will know what exactly to do at the correct moments,
where he will make sure i no longer cry over the same dispute at work
u, we, all know that will never happen, cos he is still the same man

i wonder now, have u been hypnotizing myself to relate him to that perfect man i like?
when in actual fact he is still that guy i know contain all that flaws in him

if only i hadn't anticipate
if only he hadn't keep pushing it all till his return
if only he hadn't left
if only we hadn't met

if only things were a little simplifed.

but those are only "if only"

Wat can be more fun than hanging out with a fren?

on this very day Apel n i got bored, no one ask each other out, i travel to her house for no reason, and we ended up shopping

and what can be more fun then helping each other get the attention

see how much fun mirrors and changing room can do to us

we got dressed up.. make purchase and get happy

so yeah, here's a present for her


i am feeling the stress in growing up,
yes my current pay is higher than any body else of my age
but so is my stress.
losing sleep
losing weight
losing motivation
losing beauty
and i hope i am not losing my loves one pretty soon

cos the only thing we ever talk about now is when their money is coming

i love apel yap for who she is
somehow after a big circle..
whenever i am bored. the phone auto dials her number
and she auto agree to go out
this time she automatically drags her bf and me to her sec sch gathering
embaressing enough but The Labyrinth was fun la
alcohol was good, ppl there were great, singing was a little difficult
overall was good and we get to return for the same wine again, even better

anyway i am going to crash her room tomorro before meeting the ex-peiying primary schoolmates for a gathering.. how scared,.. fear they might just blurt out stupid comment like fat and stuff..

haha.. dun care la.. have to face it sooner or later

apel yap.. see i blog u liaop

Pulau Ubin Trip Yesterday

At $2 bucks per ride, (one bicycle = one person)
u enjoy all the sceneries u might never see in singapore

1. mobile toilet
= instant shit
= instant clean
= absolutely no flush require!
= $12/- contact kristal for enquiries

under the toilet bowl u may even witness presence of crocodile,
enjoying ur leftovers

the scenes are uniquely prior to individual,
some regard this scene as beautiful, others find it a place of dumps and pees

the water in the quary/query looks fresh, but tour guide Simon says it's a combination of fresh water and pee-.-"

the cyclist, they must have hated bringing me along, a burden la

but who cares we are a team, and soon i will improve myself too..

the cyclist i am not be,

she's the birthday gurl la

eh.. walls in pulau ubin? prevent we immigrants from swimming back to singapore


i must really say the whole trip was fun and i look forward for more, but could tell the guys must have hated bringing me along, i am a burden.. but practices makes perfect, someday i'll be..

my eyes are swollen.. so hard to fall asleep.

tink missing someone can get pretty tough

i've been missing too much, too many people..

everyday work pile seems aimlesss, yet the hatred for it grew.
Everyday's worries seems increasing, yet the solution remain unsolved
Everyday i wish for some reason he could fasten his trip and return

today i broke down hard again, Dad saw me and scolded me. He blame me for making the man worried and losing his focus to concentrate on his army work. i feel its my fault so i so wanna be selfish, i so wanne have him back for myself.

Tomorro's gonna suck, i lost ALL my friends who agreed to hang out
Took me a while to decide to hate them cos it will mark another day of crying at home.
It also took me a while to understand sometimes things just doesn;t go ur way.
The man couldn't hold on his emotion anymore, i guess i am bringing him too much pressure too.. he kept silence, so did i. Then we hang up, then he sent me an sms, and i wasn't feeling any better..

rEsults came out, nuttin glory about it, yes, eligible for uni.. so what?
work sucks, as usual, my life is in a complete mess, and i felt so is the relationship, if only i could fall back to being what i use to be, to cheat and fool around when he is away and fall back into his arms when he return.

but i am a changed person....

*i wanna separate myself from the world, but i see myself blending into them.

when my first pay comes, i will splurge, leave no cents, cos this pay is too tough to be kept, i hate my off days, i hate staying alone at home..

my life savior, those that say yes to meeting up as late as 11pm in the night, just to hear each other complain about our life, no drink no food, only pillows and hugs.. Awwww!

Sunday morning.. slept till 1pm..


did nuttin


typing useless and random stuff on line,,





i'm pretty deprive of everything!!!!! but at the very same time i am deprive of keeping to myself. i need the time alone.. but i feel the loneliness





then i watch useless show on tv, awaiting my special man to msg.


And then i eat uselss bread spread with nonsensical amount of margarine


and then i listen to chinese music?!?!?!?!





wat a interesting life..