Another Timmy Post

Today, i looked back at the entries when Timmy was a big issue.

Timmy stayed with me for my entire teenagehood. Despite looking like i was physically pregnant for too long, i scored myself a fantastic boyfriend, who went on to becoming my husband. That was my greatest achievement ever!

Fast forward later, the procedure went well & i was glad to be alive. That meant to say, i went on and live an amazing 4 years filled with positive vibes! i am proud to say i made alot of people feel better about themselves.

i also took the years to appreciate the friends that stood by. Guilty as charged, some amazing friends who were super supportive of me during this period have move along their lives, but i will always remember their useful support to guide me to healthiness.

For that i am eternally grateful!

Despite living a healthier-than-before lifestyle, my health didn't get much better after the op, they say your body changed forever once they took something away from the full system, i guess i am a true living proof of this testimonial. i fall sick easily, as compare to my twice a year record before the op. i fall sick on a average of 6 times a year.    In addition, each fever doesn't just come & go with panadol, sometimes i need to sleep the afternoon away or i would black out even while peeing.

I also never really fell ill just by nearing someone down with a virus, but i do now. As long as they slightly cough or sneeze in my directions, but i lived life to the fullest anyway.  The next biggest challenge i took after the op was to board a long-haul flight while drowning in pain from my wisdom tooth extraction, somehow the painkiller is my ammo, i feel like i can conquer it all better than i did before because i have been to the worst.

i am convinced i was "selected" because i was the stubborn, determined me that many are not. So its no surprise that today, 07sept2016 - 5 days past my conversation with Dr Joseph, i am sitting here readdressing the issue that had haunt me before.

I said "before"because i had clearly moved on with life no less than in the past 3 years.

1) In summary, Dr Joseph advice that we should close this issue once & for all
2) If i have plan to expand my family, i should not allow the day to come when Rodman have to choose between Mummy or baby
3) There are chances that i am not conceiving despite my enthusiasm because of Timmy
4) To be fully declared as cancer-free i should rid the root of problem
5) The new "timmy" has clearly show sign of abnormality, changing its properties & looking like there are some activities happening - Timmy is now 3.7cm width
6) I am not getting younger & if i want to be pregnant and not live my life blaming on the possibilities, i should not allow Timmy another chance to battle my life

and so - with the support of my mum, dad, Kor, Gary, Kristi, Mum-in-law, Rodman, Bestie, Paperstop, Clarinda - i have decided to go ahead...........

............................. and remove my left ovary.


Really, at this point, having cried buckets over this matter, i have come alive again - much to my own expectation. I don't like to fall down like a injured soldier for too long, i am a warrior!  


Did i contemplated suicide? - definitely, back in 2012. by 2016 i was too selfish to say goodbye. I married a fantastic man, i need to leeched onto him for as long as i can, i studied too much to let it go down the drain, and i have far too many friends to make them cry for me now.

Did i feel guilty towards them all? - i still do. This painful feeling doesn't go away, despite mindfucking myself all this time that i didnt predicted this so it wasnt my fault.  i feel like i owe my life to all this people, and as long as i can make them happier i will do my all to make it work.  
- My in-laws especially, for accepting my past & allowing me to be part of the family, only for me to fail them.
- My husband, for having to experience this level of worrying twice in the past years of our courtship. i never have to worry about him the way he has to about me, and he surely dont deserve this kind of fate, but has to resign to it because he love me.  
- My parents especially, for feeling sorry towards my husband, then feeling guilty for raising me this way. They are not to be blame, i didnt take care of myself to the best they had hope i did, but how can i tell them its really not their fault? i only wish they understood that no one- not me for sure - wanted me to be like this,

Was i worried about myself? i dunno how else to describe or advise them all, i am NOT worried about myself, not the slightest bit. But like Rodman say, it is only because i dont care about myself the way they care for me, so i dont feel worried.   It's like i have a strong gut feeling that this op will be the last, then i will have baby- Babies - and my life will be so so so complete. i dont feel for my health, because really - it doesnt matter - but of course it does matter if i have to fork out $$ for it, so i guess i shud be worried? hahahhaha

ok ... all set!!! now all's left is to wait for the day... the day to say goodbye to my left ovary.  Then onwards i will pray & protect & cherish my right ovary for she will be working 12times a year to ovulate, menstruate & give me my babies. As solo as a warrior as its owner - Kristal

Stalker

i was reading random horror tales from creepycatalog as usual until this entry came along..

"You awake from a night of strange dreams to find "You are so beautiful when you sleep." scrawled across your bedroom walls."

then i got reminded i was nearly as close to encountering this once upon my beautify life. 

It wasnt too long ago too, such a coincidence! 2014? 2015? was it just last year that it had happen? Now where did i keep those pictures? scribble on the wall, awake in the middle of the night and the numerous heart attacks my family had to suffer just to ensure i live each day safely?

It must have been Gary who discovered it as he made his way home from one of his usual nights out. Kristi have walk past the corridor just slightly past 11pm but they werent there! I- as my Dad will call it was asleep at this point, 十点le-la (no thanks Cinderella) my carriage turns into pumpkin, horses back to mice & nicely tuck behind my blanket in my dreamland.

i was awoken by Gary? i no longer remember, pulled out of my safe haven and barely make out what was happening & next thing u know i was standing right at my corridor, nearest to the lift lobby staring at the HUGE graffiti containing my name on the wall. It must have been 2.30am in the night, it came as a surprise so i was wide awake when i see it. WHO ON EARTH DID THIS?

There were so many thoughts wandering in my mind, this was not the first kind of harressment i encounter in my life, i have so many other accident to share but nothing quite as majestic as this.
What else will it say, it was a compliment - not that i am proud of thou

KRISTAL CHNG SO HOT

Those were simple words, he/she must have been tall to reach this much height with the spray can. The wordings were clear- albeit really untidy. It had my full name, the handwritting is as messy as a typical guy's writting would. We didnt hesitate to call the police. 

The interview//interrogation??? didnt take very long, the officers ask if i might have offended anyone recently? My first thought was definitely nasty, like if i offend them they are actually quite humble to praise me openly hahaha... but no lah, i dont think i might have offended anyone, but sometimes i can be insensitive like this. 

i admit i am still ashame of my "interview" because once i was fully awake the whole situation clearly has been quite comical if i may say so myself? The officers prolly took it lightly as my answers seems to imply so. My Dad wasnt too pleased,,

and no, he shouldnt be pleased about this whole thing. It did brought me back to my terrible past, the one time i had to be interrogated in the police station ; there i was, all young &; crying so badly my Dad was so helpless he almost trash the police station you know? Nah, i am no longer keen to go into details on that incident but it scare me pretty bad because my Dad was usually the nicest man alive. i remember the police officer was perhaps not very understanding towards small girl back then &; he ask me very detailed questions that was terrifying to even imagine at my age.  Dad answered most of them on my behalf because i was just crying so badly. At one point the officer beg my dad to let me answer myself but he was - my protective Dad- very agitated at his request. 

Moving on - i really dont enjoy enacting those memories from the past - Dad told the office that more has to be done to protect me as we've barely moved into our house for 12 months &; already someone was stalking me enough to know exactly where i stay?

Back then i was very focus on my running routine &; i clock my mileage on facebook so friends could motivate me &; i'll pressurize to keep up with the momentum. Dad, Rodman were both very persistent that i stop running immediately because that also means i'll be expose to danger - especially knowing someone has been preying on me the whole time. 

Looking back, i admit a huge part of this whole saga started with my posting my routine online, it was damn simple to predict where i will be, on which day running which course of PCN at which neighborhood. i am to be blame for my own stupidity but it just doesnt make sense you know? To be targeted so specifically by someone you dont know.   The thought that i barely lived in my residense for a year plus the fact that i DO NOT run near block makes the whole thing even scarier. 

Actually, a small part of me knew the problem could arise from my resume that is probably floating somewhere out in the cyberspace, but i have only change my residence 6 months in? This is the mistake i made i guess. In a perfect world, recruiters are genuinely helping to find you a good job, then there are those preying on the cyberspace with creative ways to scare the living hell out of you. I vividly remember there were calls checking if i was still keen on my hunt for a job but back then i wasnt but i make sure to reject them nicely. Some took it ok, some request to keep my resume for future opportunities &; i was ok with them all.. 

I dont have a happy ending to this story you know, basically it was a whirlwind of my family, my boyfriend over-protecting me for months on ends. It is all better now cos i moved out not too long later, got married &; earned myself a 24/7 guardian which is Rodman. i guess this incident will just be filed in my mind forever as one of the many cases of harressment i have introduce myself to in this lifetime. 

someday, when other things prompt my bad memories, i'll be sure to share my experience on meeting flasher, psychopath, &; being harressed by a classmate back in school days. 

unrelated rant in a single post

I am not even sharing much, but i am working harder.

I, no! Make that we, we are both working harder on a new goal, he has reminded me times & again that something should be 可望不可求, but its like the aquarius in me is eating me up - bit by bit- and no sooner i know how it will all add up.....

I.WILL.STOP.ALL.ENTHUSIASM.ALTOGETHER

and then i probably will hate myself for a while, for not trying harder then months later i will begin the vicious cycle again, new mentality new motivation but same result, I never learnt, will i?

We've visit the sinseh for a while now, the first visit being tormented with 5.5hrs wait. He wanted to give up, but held on cos i was beaming with anticipation. I needed this to work you know? They say she's so good at this we'll literally have to count on her to make this works.

She advise us to mark my progress daily, so i did - without fail. Somedays i forget to do it 1st thing in the morning & it scared me - so bad.  I dream about it you know - walking to grab the thermometer & marking the temperature - then i woke up & stare at my phone only to realize i am 4 hours away from the alarm going off..

"WHAT IS FUCKING WRONG WITH YOU?"

i could have taken it lightly - except i wouldnt allow myself to give up without giving my all. i took the medication timely, daily without fail. I feel the heatiness acting but i didnt know when to stop. Rodman was just patient you know, he reminded me times & again to take it slow, but i wasnt buying it. i wish i would soon.

#Take1 failed at 08August2016, i woke up knowing i have failed & the feeling was sinking in so terribly - but i reminded myself this is no crying affair because i have 12 times in a year to continue trying. I didnt know how to break the news to Rodman but when i did, i realize what a fool i had been because it was that easy!   He reminded me again 可望不可求，and so we went forth with our day, only i was motivated all over again for #Take2. How many times till i give up?

While chatting with a friend, i confess that this whole "project" was taking a toll on my mental health because for the first time - this was something i cannot predict or confirm will happen - just because i put in the effort. I randomly chuckle at my foolishness & also at the realization of the sense of loss i felt towards pathing my own future.

I am really thankful Rodman is around this whole time, without his reminder - albeit unromantic & somewhat repetitive consolation & er-hem amazing chinese proverb, i wouldnt have crash only to climb from the start again.

i am not sure how long this project will last till i can look back at how foolish i was &  how lucky we both will be when we are finally blessed with a family expansion. Until then i need to pick myself up again & again because i am not the sort to call quit - ever-.

It's also such luck that coincidentally there are amazing event taking place in Singapore that seems to hint better days are looking ahead. (Hint swimming champion & Singaporean), i am desperate & every bit of motivation works for me at this point, thank you.

Reluctantly, it took me till now to finally pen it down, i didnt want to proclaim or share aloud that i am feeling this low on something that is not yet within my control, but i'll be sure to return with good news - if only.

What every man needs to know

What every man needs to know.... 

Man saying "I've got this.. and then proceed to take care of whatever needs to be taken care of."

• you need to take care of these stuff you are responsible for. We can share the load at home, you can & you should put your clothes away after we "offered" to fold them. Notice we offered to do so? We are naturally, geometrically & symmetrically better at making sure the clothes stacks neatly, so we took this responsibility, but we are no better at making rounds after rounds putting the stash away in the wardrobe than you are since you started training for it in the army earlier than we did. So if you can open the doors for ladies if you see them, you can put away your clothes if you see them. See point on "better at doing them" below

• The lightbulb is fused, you've got this! Unless you are nearly 2 feet shorter than we are, you are engineered to know the danger of electricity safety than we can. We can change the lightbulb too you know? But you look way charming standing atop the ladder, glowing in your perspire without strands of hair getting caught in your sweat. Edward Cullen is attractive to us because he shimmers, you probably would too, if you perspire

You are not entitled

• Even if the vows has been exchanged. We respect our parents because they've earned it,and you need to do, too. We are cultured to learn by example, if you set yourself as a role model, we will magically accustom most of what you've practice as being correct. 

• If you can fixed that loose screw on that darn fan making that old irritating screeching sound, you are likely to be entitled to a majority of the oscillating wind to your direction.

we are not your mother

• we build that house together remember? We learnt as you learnt, we don't spoil you like we will spoil our babies.

•  you are nearly as old as we are. You don't see us spoiling ourselves because we know we are old enough to think & fend for ourselves

you can do things & are better at them

• During courtship, you are dependable, you make sure to stand on the dangerous side of the road if we jaywalk, you feel you will know danger if you sense one.

• When making major decisions like how much we can spend on our honeymoon, you set aside a decent portion of our money because you've work the math & despite spending clean of this portion, we can feed ourselves later

And the one paragraph i can totally reside with ...  [extract]

It’s not: Sonofabitch, I have to do this bullshit thing for my wife again.

It’s: I’m grateful for another opportunity to demonstrate to my wife that she comes first and that I can be counted on to be there for her, and needn’t look elsewhere for happiness and fulfillment.

HIMMH

This blogspot is a thing of a past & many have since move forward to other platform like Dayre & it was also where i gain insight on the daily lives of alot of stranger.

Stranger danger? Not really it was just a small hood where people of many walks of life (especially Singapore & Malaysia) gather to share support.

#HIMMH

and this hashtag in particular is a good read, worthy even, take some time off to indulge in sweet sweet memories of how some of us met our husband. Since i am infused in this spirit i will play my part to narrate my own version of HIMMH (How i met my husband)

Rodman was an ordinary overweight kid from SGS which was located fairly near DSS where i studied. I was an unpopular girl who also crave much attention (but sadly, didnt receive many) so when my BFF Sharon was out dating after school, my best bet was to stick to her and whoever is lucky enough to date my pretty best friend (but "unlucky" to be tag by her BFF/a.k.a Lamp post/ me teeheehee...)

On one particular afternoon when i was 14, i became acquaintance with Rodman & his circle of bball clique while playing gooseberry to Sharon & her date then. Surprisingly, Sharon & i both click really well with all 6 of them so in no time we were spending evenings together, chatting & doing nothing. It was fun time, especially when you finish school each evening knowing great company awaits. The friendship was strong until we turn 16 (And Rodman & his clique turn 18) & that's when we all went our separate ways.

Carebear from Rodman for my 21st birthday, no sign or hint of affection

The tee shirt as part of the 21st birthday from his brief appearance during my party

Fast forward, when i was 21, i invited all 6 of them to gather for a "reunion" after all this years. Rodman briefly show up with a birthday card, a tee shirt & a small Carebear. He said his well-wishes & drove off, all while his friends (not sure who they were) sat quietly in the car when we spoke. I thought the reunion"was strange but put it off as him being too nice to reject my invitation hence the brief "appearance".

How i look when i was working in Far East Plaza

Most rebellious look, think his cup of tea then haha

Thereafter, per his version of the story, he caught sight of me not too long later when i was working then in Far East plaza. Like all boys undergoing puberty (hahaha, when they assume sparks fly & the sight of a familiar face is a sign of fate), he mumbled to his buddy that the girl was "not bad". His buddy then (& now) didnt respond so he took it as affirmative & began his pursue.

First outing when he was already fully aware of his feelings for me, i was nonchalent

First outing just us 2, when i also started developing my feelings for him

If i recall, there were lotsa of SMS exchanged, usually (coincidentally) he will be "near" my workplace & if i am keen, we should grab supper together. It took a few attempts for me to finally said yes (honestly i thought of us just catching up as old friends) & everything else was history lah.

Of course i have deliberately left out that between this period i was also in a on-off relationship with an ex that was dragging past its validity period. I will never forget how my ex once commented that Rodman & i will eventually end up together while i stubbornly put it off as another case of his "thinking too much".

I guess sometimes you cannot escape from reality huh, and i have to thank him for his wise prediction. 

First outing with his family after we got together officially

We dated since 11August2008 & finally tied the knot on 18jan2015. We first met way back in 2001 so fate work in such a magical way.

Aquarius traits

http://ww.apple01.net/cat108/node861515

loosely translated by myself, due to the accuracy

Aquarius (Kristal, Gary my bro, Kayann my Niece)
Aquarius, will hit an ultimately unthinkable extreme for love & friendship
Doesn't abandon, doesn't separate, even if the other party does not reciprocate their love
Does not pester, Aquarius has a direct personality that brings about a lot of weakness, but it does not stop the regular optimist from feeling positive

If you are in love with Aquarius, you will receive a stable, ordinary but eternal love. And if you don't love an Aquarius, she/he will secretly shape the future & freedom you crave.

An Aquarius smile like a child , but can be cold as ice. Underneath her/his smile hides an emotional heart.

Anything that interest him/her will capture her/his determination, sometimes to a scary level. Towards people or things that does not interest him/her, they can be nonchalent about it, and it's hard to even pretend. They refuse to act like they care for something.

Aquarius are sensitive, possesive, lack of security & are reliant on others. They play with their thoughts, reminise about the negative past & blame themselves for causing them. The blaming game is worrying for others who view Aquarius.

Aquarius are prone to illnesses, especially with excruciating cramps at night, they also liken themselves to Juliet, allowing their emotions to take over.

Aquarius often think of themselves as Super heroes when it comes to coping with problem, they think highly of their tolerance, and assume others to be weaker. When their friends/partner request for something, Aquarius do all it takes to complete them without a single complain. What they do not realize is, Aquarius are the one to risk getting hurt in the end, such as falling in love. This is because an Aquarius will never remember, that in exchange for all their effort is in vain. They understand each task as a losing challenge, but they cannot help giving their all.

What an Aquarius truly need is, not someone worth them losing everything for, but rather, someone who can contain their extreme giving. 

Because him/her who can contain an Aquarius (control an Aquarius), will lead to Aquarius abandoning all the others that he/she care for.

An Aquarius kid always crave the attention, yet their mind will remind them never to act like they do. .This is because they love the people they crave attention from, so they refuse to allow these people to hate them. As such, they act like they dont care.

All in all, an Aquarius loses alot in life - they continue to act like they dont care, keep their emotions to themselves. They torture themselves. So others will not be hurt, Aquarius get to hurt themselves because they assume their tolerance can outdo others,

Cosmetic products.. that i used

There are alot of advice out there, but i had with me some spare packs of Isopropyl Alcohol (from stories of another day), and this was the start of the year, so i guess some spring cleaning needed to be done.

For all other information on how best to 'restart" your cosmetic product for another year, you may refer to the link here

So in the pic above u see some of the best used cosmetic products i use daily. I'll specially recommend the Holika Holika jelly petite BB foundation liquid, which was first recommended by meejmuse (youtuber, famous & pretty, you can check out all her youtube videos here ) . The BB jelly is not available in Singapore (as far as i have checked, in Isetan where the Holika Holika flagship store is located) so i had it shipped from Qoo10. 

And the reason for trusting Qoo10 instead of purchasing it directly from the website is just cos 

1) Qoo10 is a Korea website afterall so that makes less of a difference

2) it save me a lot of trouble registering for a new acccount with Holika Holika

3) i have some credits to used off

Fast forward, i have been so obsessed with this BB jelly foundation liquid that i was never really keen to replace it with another brand. And there wasnt a real need to because 1 glass vial of this liquid lasted me past a year, and i was avid user of foundation liquid. 

TL:DR: fantastic product, i dont use other liquid foundation other than Holika Holika BB Jelly foundation, and the BB effects is working well too. 

The application feels lightweight & there is a sweet & pleasant smell to the liquid. At the start i used my finger tips for application but slowly "upgraded" to make up brushes (Chanel Foundation brush, courtesy of Faye). 

More recently (the evolution is necessary as i've already mention i was using the foundation slightly more than a year, so alot of things changed) i have started using the BB blender sponge which works on the BB jelly fantastic BTW. All in all, the coveage is fantastic, the color matches Asian skin like a sock & MOST IMPORTANTLY, my skin didnt act up or dries up with the excessive usage. 

I had skin test done perhaps thrice in 2015 alone as i was convincing myself to sign up for some facial products, and all 3 test shows i do not have residual dried foundation liquid on my skin, which as i was told, is a common problem among alot of ladies. 

TL:DR:   GO GET IT, then throw the rest of the foundation liquid away.. then find a better way to ship in the same BB jelly & share it with me... then watch some Meejmuse youtube video & see her tweety pet bird.. 

i am a huge fan of convenient products & one of the most appropriate example will be lip & cheek tint. Prior to discovering this i was using bottles of Benefit  (maybe 4, so you can imagine how faithful i stick to one type products till i find a better one) but the price was always a major factor. Another thing is the Benefit tint come in a fragile packaging that cannot withstand altitude so each time i bring it on board a flight, chances are i have 4 experiences (that is 100% accuracy for 4 bottles) of spillage = flying $$$$$>. Can you imagine the pain? The color  coverage is good but the shades of red didnt last as long as the trend would & all too soon, dark red slowly faded in the cosmetic industry & so did my love..  plus point being my pocket was thanking me for that switch, 

So my cousin flew to Korea for a short vacation & in a bid to get some of his loving, i demanded he buy me back a bottle of cosmetic from 3ce, which was the highly raved brand not available in Singapore then. The color orange was chosen simply because i was curious, and the shade of orange looks really good on the model. As soon as i got it i started quite immediately & Lo & Behold! a new king was born. 

Sorry i haven got picture of myself in it, basically, to my best ability to describe, i like the orange blush to a shy & embarress cheek. So you are constantly blushing shyly which is a pretty sight... hahaa... the application on the lips though, was nothing to rave about... BUT BUT BUT... one fine day i had the crazy idea of using it as a eyeshadow & ta-dah// another MAGIC is born.. 

i mean, just try it yourself to find out... orange shy eye lids, its like u have just cried, but u look so helpless its hard not to pamper you.. i dunno what i am talking anymore.. you get the drift.. i am super super in love with this products.. 

Bad points to note thou, the bottle did NOT last me past 6 month, as the density is rather thick, i have to shake it with all my might to barely get a tiny bit on the brush applicator this morning. and knowing i have only sanitize & clean the brush yesterday... there is really not much of the product left anymore... only less than 6months using them.... the pain ($$$, begging someone to bring it in from Korea)....  you need more courage to fall in love with this.. 

TL:DR  i love the apple tint of 3CE, but the bottle cannot last me past 6 month, its lousy as a lip tint, but perfect as a eyeshadow. orange eyeshadow is nice,you look like you have cry so much a guy need to pamper you... if you have too much money to spare & want to look like a woman from 2013... buy Benetint rose Lip & cheek tint.. 

another much to rave product is this Banilo Co light brown mascara, which works really well for me because i have my eyebrow embrioded august 2014 & need something to thicken the brows but not overempowering the existing embroided marks... ...      i took a while to find the lightest shade of brown i could find in the market.. and it was a surprise find at the airport while trying  to finish the last bit of TWD$$ i had.   Bascically if you take great pride to managing your eyebrows like me then this products works fine... at least  better than eyebrow pencil because eyebrow pencil usually containn wax & thus pressing the brow strands & losing the natural feel.. 

Banilo Eyebrow mascara coat on the strands of brows nicely & lasted me till the end of each day, even when i have oily forehead hence oily brows... i guess once i am done with my first bottle (not for 1 year, despite using it 7 days a week)  i might go ahead & grab another of the same.. just for loyalty sake..

TL;DR: unless your brows is as dark as Shinchan  (蜡笔小新）, you need a light brown for brows color but is a newbie that makes mistake.. so get a Banilo brow mascara so mistake can be forgotten & worst come worst you can outline ur brow after coating them.. and stil pretend to look like a korean with perfect brows. 

Other products shown which i've cleaned up for 2016 usage include both my primer, which are hit-or-miss to many... i end up with 2 different brand because one was a birthday gift while the other is highly raved so i got it to try.. 

In my opinion, both products work fine & are non-oily so it really helps my cosmetic stay longer on the face. However, Innisfree is a cheaper alternative to Urban Decay & comes in a bigger tube.  i was warn that primer blocks up the pores though, but i do not use them as much as i could to judge. the primer are used on my eyes before eyeliner & nose bridge before illuminator... 

TL:DR: get the Innisfree, save your pocket, be warn Primer may block pores. 

The last product is the Laura Mercier illuminator. which i've gotten prior to my wedding because the dewy look was a hit with Asian & i wanted nose bridge badly... 

Perhaps also the most expensive cosmetic i've gotten but it lasted me so well, so i would say it is well worth the pennies.   The casing is hardy & i drop it more than i can drop my  iphones but it have neve crack. When i was cleaning the top layer off with the alcohol wipes i could feel the alcohol lightly wet the surface but it dried up quickly & the powder feels almost as good as new.. i use the illuminator mainly for my nose bridge & gotten this shade because it was the least "shining" ones i could find.. If you research on Dewy make up enough, you will learnt some bit of shine was still neccesary to make your face appear "subtle" and hence this shades of rose pink works well.  I sometimes apply the powder on the tip of my cheek to give the face a sharper look.. and no i have not used it like a bronzer yet so  i cannot judge.. 

i also bought a Etude House illuminator (like the attached) becuase it was cheap and i needed an extra in case i head back to my Mum and need to look good from there... i wouldnt bother writing much about it except warn you against it... i also somehow understood why price point is important to illuminator... and that you definitely need to pay more to hve highlights.. and not looked like you have applied baby powder on your face.. 

TL: DR: go for Laura Mercier powder, but if you dont need nose bridge like i do, dont waste the kind of money... you can feed yourself at least 36 packets of $2.50 chicken rice if you skip this products..or just use baby powder if you dont miind plastic face.. hahaha/

Lactose Intolerant

why do i wake up feeling so terrible & why did i down that bowl of cereal with half a cup of milk,

then this vomitish feeling reminded me again on the Teh Tarik i had over lunch yesterday & also the same amount of Granola in low fat milk i had for breakfast a day ago.

Now i can barely swallow my saliva much less finish a bowl of Ban Mian, i had the chopsticks stirring the noodle when it was slim as Ban Mian should be till it became as swell as Mee Hoon Kway.  Finally my boss just mumbled "you wont touch that anymore at this rate"

and she was right, i put down my chopstick & stop eating completely, i think i at least manage the vegetables that comes along & maybe some of the egg that was mixed in. Then i try not to focus on the over empowering smell lingering (we are in a food court afterall)... Omg i wanna puke so bad..

Later i ordered a coke to down & encourage me some burps so the vomittish feeling will go away, and it did for a few hours, but i am back to the whining shit & burping in between typing this post.

i hate to admit that Milk could be the cause but it seems to be the case. Even bbbb agreed after he realize i only started drinking Teh Tarik yesterday (after jumping to Teh-o bing for a while when i first suspected this could be it)

How can i just suddenly become lactose intolerance ah? i drank so much milk growing up what, yes i am secretly praying last night to lost that 1kg my body didnt deserve from last night weighing but this is Black Magic hahahhahaha...  

I am pretty sure MyFitnessPal will be thankful for the entry today, i even had to choose 1/2cup of coke over a normal can (because i couldnt finish even a can wtf), so i guess i am left with about more than half of my allow calories intake for today. Crossing my fingers that the weighing scale shed me me some light & perhaps the Black Magic Lost-1-kg will go away too...

no milk, not from cow, not from Mummies, not from ice cream, really.. no more milk... burp is such a torture.

Very Fresh start for the year

Super thankful for a sweet closing of 2015 & thus begin the fresh new year.

In 2015 i make a great deal of effort to stay close in contact to alot of loved ones but the truth come to light & it still takes more than one hand to clap. This new year i am going to stay humble, & also treasure the existing friends who had made equal effort to date me out & make me feel worthy. Whereas for the ones that are by at large, i am still keeping my faith in the friendship - at facebook length, knowing you are doing well is more than enough for me this year, but i did put effort to our friendship in 2015 so its your turn,

In 2016 i have set my resolution earlier than i did back in 2015. I was hesitant to get alot of things going but this time i was more ready then before. here are the vital ones

1. Make effort to save $15xxx for my own, in my personal savings for  plans in 2017

This is harder than it looks, after breaking down the expenses i am expecting every month. The determination is strong so i am even looking at  bidding goodbye with Timmy the car to combine this part of my expense with bbb & downsizing our monthly expense to less then it was in 2015.

bbb & i are looking to sell either of our cars away & concentrating to paying just 1 vehicle. We can set off for work every morning together

You dont know it but it's so hard to bid goodbye every morning & rush out to beat the traffic knowing we could hold hands & drive slower to reach work on time & spend a little more time together

we are still plannig it but i am feeling positive, afterall, we will be official owners of 1 property under our family name & the thought of it excites me. 

More effort to save the moolahs for personal use include taking extra jobs but this needs alot of careful plannig so i am not jumping into conclusion. At worst i will take up tuitioning as an extra income as long as the brain has not failed me. This year i want to account for my next year, this shall be the main resolution. 

2. exercise 3 times a week, up from 1 time a week in 2015

It is not all about losing weight anymore. its about getting the body prepare for a family expansion. The thoughts of shifting to a new hse soon, doing the household chores weekly, maybe getting pregnant & being clumsy for at least 10 months -  i need to start soon, getting the body ready for more action & less lazing around, 

In order to fulfil it, i am going to sign/pay for some courses so with the $$ out there is no way i will want to skip it. I am also arming bbbb ready to hear my weekly whining of body/shoulder/leg aches. i do believe bbb is easily influence/driven by me & will soon join in on my mission to firm up the body.  

Maybe when the body feels healthy then the baby comes along& i will be more confident about it too. 

Short & easy resolution but enough to get me energize & build enough hopes for a bigger 2017. i had a good brunch date with Paperstop yesterday. She, like me is working really hard, infact she works harder than i could in 2015 to earn a humble sum she is comforatble with. We spoke about our plans moving forward & i am delighted to share that i have a alliance, or rather someone who has the same drive so its going to be even motivating to achieve it ASAP.