Better me

I imagine myself stuck in the middle of a see saw,
with every advance steps to either  side i will fall harder on the ground
this is the feeling i am developing with the progress of the wedding preparation

dont get me wrong, i am utterly satisfied & happy with the wedding coming to place
i love the preparation & i love that my fiance has granted me access to any form of DIY i intend to do
what's worth noting is how he sat down at the dining table with me one afternoon,
getting all handicrafty & using the hot-glue gun to his best knowledge
all in an attempt to prove to me that i am not alone on this,
our relationship has certainly grown over the wedding preparation
and the heartwarming evidence of this preparation is how both our parents can sit down over dim sum lunch & joke, discuss & dream about how the wedding will turn up,
my life cant get any better actually

now that i am getting in the pink of health & stable on the preparation,
i start to shift my fussiness over the trivial things
dont mind me, i am never a sucker for cosmetic, well at least not till year 2014
this year alone i have bought over sgd$400 worth of cosmetic & paying extra attention
to the bridge of my nose, the under lip, double eye lids & whats not
i am feeling more like a woman, i guess that is a good thing,
maybe bbb felt so too, he has nv been more supportive & pleasant with his praises,
i am living on cloud nine!

Then there's all the new thing i learnt about pampering myself
i bought lingeries, replacing most of the common brands i'll declare price worthy to
those that are value worthy, i now spend $60 on a single piece of bra, & as with the credit card that increases with each swipe, so is the the piercing pain inside my heart (and my bank balance)
but then there's the flattery body that i am loving more, i chant this string of "prayers" in my mind

" it's for the better, it's for a better me, it's for the better, it's for a better me"


Then there is all the high end brands of make up Sharon had to guide me to purchase, Laura mercier, make up forever. All i needed was a highlighting powder to make my nose bridge higher, but i ended up buying $80 worth of illuminating powder, and concealer smaller than my fountain pen but cost 200% more expensive.. while queuing to pay for this merchandise, i look at the shopping cart & thought to myself

" it's for the better, it's for a better me, it's for the better, it's for a better me"


Then that day when we had our 1st photoshoot, then the 2nd photoshoot then comes the 3rd photoshoot,
by the 3rd shoot i was ready to smile on cue,
then as soon as the flashes goes away i automatically squashed my lips in an attempt to prevent the smile-cramps.. damn i am & will never be a model.
But it was not just pain & sweat with photoshoot.. there is also bbbbb's look
when he saw me walk out in my wedding gown, and he gasp in shock,
and how he spent the rest of the night after we've parted ways,
describing that very moment he saw my selection of gown, very impressed i had picked out a dress he will agree to...
our love is indeed strange.. there is me trying to act all mysteriuos on most days,
then getting all satisfied when i saw that smirk on his face, knowing fully well i've outdone myself again

Now i'm all zest & ready to get this last bit of preparation done..
bbb & i are already talk about the trip after the wedding to unwind ourselves
i;ve had my dark times too, turning blind eye to questions about the preparation,
ranting about how it is taking a toll on me,
but frankly, all the fun elements outwin the hardship, '
there is no hardship in marriage because the bottomline of it all ,
is that it is about the 2 of us, turning into 1

~Sweet.Silly.Stinky.Sleepyhead~