Starts when you've gotten instruction to write a application that include a dark history of your life
You googled the internet for the information of the subject-of-concern, and gets a string of flashback that set you back to 1997
You knew this information was important to gain something everyone needed, so you had to be a little precise
You have a boyfriend that you care alot about, and he tries his best to cheer you up..
You dont want your boyfriend to feel upset about his effort going to waste, so you replied with a smile..
Hours into work, your usual panic attack slowly comes, the flashbacks getting frequent and you started feeling sick in the head
You had tears rolling down your cheek unknowingly and you taste the sour saliva you've started to create
you feel the heat in your body and the nervous feeling..
You have moved on but some memories will always stays...
You perservere and decided not to seek help from your bf
you were hopeful he shall be around as soon as he can and you will feel better in no time
Time pass and your bf is still busy with work
You text him asking him "jia you"
You text him 4 hours later asking if he is really still busy cos you haven heard from him, you added a "sorry" incase he mistook you as suspecting him
Your bf snap, accusing you of suspecting him
your bf says you did not understand his work commitment
You persevere since lunch time by not texting him, all these while feeling the discomfort and panic attack, had cold sweat and giddiness....
You went through all this in hopeful of his msg, only to have him accuse you of suspecting him
You are desperately by now about the whole episode playing before you
You finally break down in the bus soon as you knock off
You decided to take a break and text the bf when you feel better....
Your bf replied with more details about how you have not been supportive towards his work commitment...
You cry many times, and your eyes is swelling now...
You are hurt, desperate for help, need a hug... need someone to pat your head and tell you.... its ok......
You are angry at yourself for feeling this way...
You had funny thought running through your mind...
You are in a state of blank mind..
I just need that familiar hand, that familiar voice and that familiar smile to bring me back....
If God had given me a chance to choose... i wish i wasnt the victim, so i wont be haunted, i wont have to move on and cannot move on, i wont have to be hopeful your voice can comfort me, i wont have to be the unreasonable gf that couldnt understand your work commitment, i wont have to endure hours after hours of not contacting you.......
Maybe i need to be alone, or disappear during office hours to be the most perfect gf for him....
-Never.... Good.... enough-
~Sweet.Silly.Stinky.Sleepyhead~
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