RodKris

the best way to recover from yourself is to----- not be yourself..
the best way to temporarily forget something is to----- do something else.

thats what i did..
grab my bag left for work.
Aunty florence told me sales has been bad since the 1st,
i am the one that create history with sales last month,
this months its no different.. push the sales..
got 2 clothes entitlement for my good sales
this is the 11th pieces since the new system is implement.. i am doing good.

its wonderful not being yourself, you behave like u see others..
i feel like the actress in Tokyo Juliet today..
vunerable but not wanting to let it bring me down..
today i acted like her, be her.. and i was happy..

B called, he got me screaming on the phone,, like a young girl waiting for her mummy to call her when she's overseas.. we talk for a short while and ended the phone call.. i wanted it short and sweet.. after that we msg continuosly...
the strange yet amazing thing is when he ask me why i ignore his msg the whole day, i told him i needed some time alone--- guess what? he understand.. =)

unsettling in this land where i cannot adapt, i wanted a short-cut in life, B says i am a fairy tale, i expect happily-ever-after..
we;ve been hanging together for a while now.. i am changed, i no longer fancy happily-ever-after, B was right.. life is practical..
thou many may disagree saying that his words will screw my dreams, it din.... it actually make me respect him more, cos here's one man who bother to tell me the truth, that fairy tale are eventually fairy tale...

Many are right, the reason why B and i are not together is not because i wanted a variety of choices, like i denied a few million times, the truth is- i dun wanna get hurt.. i remember the night Dad agrees to let me stayover at Sharon's for the 1st time. He wanted me to stay with a comfortable company, that night Sharon and i watched VCD, she shut it off after a while and talk to me.. that night i cried like the time i cried when Grandma passed away..
i wrote in my previous blog.. www.90078127.blogdrive.com, now no longer avaible,. those period of surviving Lester's gone.
ever since that period, i tot life was gone, Grandma left me , then Lester,
WeiZhe was right, i was scared, no longer wanting o give 100%... fear is the main feeling..

today's me is another classical case of fear, each serious conversation with him makes me worried that one day he will end up like Lester, yet thoug the fear is around, i din wanna pretend to be who i am not.. i must show him the real me..

B says i cry too much, he make me cry too much, he broke down a few times, blaming himself for being useless,
last night he told me the first time i reject him after we broke up for 3 years, after i finally braek the news that all along i was taking revenge, just trying to make him fall for me than dump him like the way i was fooled-- he swear that he wanted to care for me, that he never want to see me cry, that he wanted to be my healing hand, to stop the Kristal from being revengeful.
he mention it was alright to fooled him, cos since that day he knew how much a jerk he was, and how much he din wan to be..
last night he cried, saying how sorry he is to make me cry till today. He say he failed to achieve the goals.. and was afailure..

i was upset not because he wasn't good to me, but because i still wonder why he and i--- so incompatible, but yet still insist on liking each other.. we are both stubborn, we squabble.. i cannot stand the tiniest details on him.. neither can he stand my "princessi-ness" yet we die die insit on carry on.. so frustuating..

he make the effort, we talk for a while on my way home,
tomorrow i am going alone to Taka to get mooncakes, a box for my family (he pay--meaning he get it for my family la), a box for his family (i pay-- meaning i buy for his family la)... then i will delvered it to Eunos for him..
then i will go home, not spending any money, he might have nights off.. then we'll meet..

hai........ i am like a sian qi liang mu... a stupid housewife..
what more can this power overpower me..


thanks Cuz.. love u and u know it..
thanks yi, love ur advise..

i am fine.. =)