heyy guess what u stupid dumb dumb..

i wanna confess..
- yes its TRUE that i seek help from others, infact alot of help from others in DOING THIS PROJECT.. but guess what? i finish up the project all by myself.

tell me which idiot can come up with a whole book of codes store in their back of mind. Mind u that before i even begin doing my project i dun even noe wat the meaning of debugging was.

this holiday
- i freaking went to school EVERY DAY except public holiday to do my project
- i thicken my skin to ask people around for help
- i dig up my books to review them over and over again
- i disturb the leader over and over again to make sure my logic was on the right track

the fact is, Chng Xien Shen, u freaking finish up ur project very fast because u happily took the SAME part u are doing in the previous project. Which means, every thing else is the same except for the connection, i DUN SEE WAT IS SO SPECIAL about UR part for u to be saying others.
In fact, i did my part, i took the INSERT, DELETE, UPDATE coding from others but i USE THEM OVER AND OVER again in this project, and guess what, i use them more than once, ALL BY MYSELF, tell me u dun tk others code?

The shameful thing is just last ITIPJ presentation when u were presenting ur this part, the teacher was not even interested in looking. I WAS THE IDIOT THAT PUT IN GOOD WORDS for u so that the teacher award u more marks for your so-call SEARCH ENGINE,

NO, i am not affected, i am typing so much cos i PROMISE i will curse u here. So i hope u will grow fatter till 85 kg.
i know myself, Honey was right, sometimes i dun need to prove anyone anything. I know how much i put in, i know the hard-pain-staking cold nights that i stay up to finish up other project, then FULLY concentrate on this EAIPJ project thereafter.

i have nuttin to explain, its true that others help me out alot in this project, so i thank them. And for those like u who tinks i am merely copying from others.. suit urself.

i do not believe that last semester i manage a grade B because i "copy" others. If thats the case, i believe the the teachers are too stupid. Somehow or rather, they hav eye to judge right from wrong, dont u agree Mr Chong Wei Zhe fatty bom bom?


there, i've curse u enough.. shall last u for a while till u turn 85kg.. then i will add on the curse.. what do u say to guy that mess with women like Kristal?


" Good Luck man"

-=Having.Fun.With.My.Man=-

New Train
i manage to grab this chance to take a lil' ride around Singapore Town in this TOTALLY awesome new train from SMRT.
Here's why the train TOTALLY comfortable, i manage to tk a few shots that will make u go "WOW"
The main comfort belongs to those who had to stand while on the train, remember those time u have to keep ur grip firm on those handrail and pray hard u wont be swap, "molested" or grind by some mathafucka?


Fear not cos the new train handrail are on 2 ends, that means both u and that mathafucka can now hold on to their individual handrail, his buttock will NEVER touch, UNLESS of course another idiot choose to act stupid by standing in the middle of you 2. Then he must REALLY be an idiot.
Anyway the number of seats are also minimise, and the length of the seat is shorten, so now those standing up have more room and move about.
The middle 3 sits are in lighter shades and the 2 other sits on their left and right are in darker shades, like the one i took. so now u can jolly well tell ur friend "i am in the last cabin, on the darker chair on the left" makes life easier right ?

GUYS BEWARE

haha.. this is especially to guys like Chris..
There is a man, currently at large, commiting a VERY VERY serious crime - raping. And very often his target are the unusual --- man!!!!

He is a black man, aged between 18-21, and his target are of all sizes. This case happen in Texas and HE STAND TO GAIN. Why? Because all stupid man that fall into his trap refuse to come front to admit they are one of the victim, just to avoid being recognise as the failure.

Why guys? For ur face? !!!!! He's pointing at u with a knife.. why else can u do u idiot?

Seriously if i am one of those guys i will come to front and catch this mathafucka.


My past
As many of u are already aware by now, so its no big issues. I am a victim to once-a-very-serious molesting case. The rape-abuse-molest serial fucka has already been caught, and i hav been a very very lucky gal to recover from this nightmare.

But i will not afford to let any one else get away with it. This cannot be. i vow if one day something evil as this happen to me, for my safety reason, i will not hesitate to attack him.

i admit and have recognised myself as a experienced victim to sexual harassment. And despite some situation and truly unavoidable. there are many other situation where we can avoid being targeted.

Recently a working colleague came to me and ask
Wendy:"heard u are staying in 757 yishun?"
me:"yes i am"
Wendy:"i use to hang around that area till one incident"

it was then another case of sexual harassment came into light. Which make me very very scared.
Wendy had a bf that was staying around my vinicity then. And very often, she and her sister will meet up her bf under his block.

Once Wendy had a tiff with her sister, out of anger, her sister ignore her and walk 2 blocks away from her.
It was no big deal to Wendy as she is familiar with the route, then all of a sudden, she past by a block (which i am not going to mention which one, but its one road away from mine, so its like a 15 steps away thingy) and Wendy saw a dark figure facing the red pole use to contain water that is situated near the corner of a stairway.

The innocent Wendy couldn't figure out what that shadow was so she took a few steps backward. The dark figure was a Indian man mastubating himself. Wendy shouted in fear and it alert the Indian man. The dark man, ran down, use both his hand and all his might tried to pull Wendy up the stairs.

here's the thing gals, i did an experiment with my classmate Honey that day, she was pushing me backward when i tried really hard to struggle myself free, the TRUTH is, IT IS POSSIBLE TO BE PUSHED FORWARD BY THE PERSON IN FRONT OF YOU FOR A LONG DISTANCE, FROM ONE CORNER OF THE LAB TO ANOTHER!

Wendy was dragged half a staircase up till she subconciously, and out of fear, grab watever she could catch hold of and bite into it really hard. The lucky thing is that, she manage to bite the dark man into letting go.

Eventually, Wendy was running down the stairs while the man continue to give chase. He finally gave up when Wendy started shouting for help. Wendy did not report the matter to Police for fear her parent learn about her having a BF.

TOTALLY OUTRAGEOUS!!!! I cannot allow this to happen any longer. EVen the tot of biting into an arm that had just been used to masturbate makes me SICK!

wat is the world coming into. Oh Lord why did this sicko exist/// i need an explanation. people pls tagged.. thanks

emo--ing

with the man

Dear gals, photos are available at www.flickr.com/photos/90078127

had real fun.. Holiday was finally recognised. However this also indicate the need to lose some weight before Chinese new yr arrive. I was doing a well job, dropping from a mean 58 kg to 54 kg.. and now thanks to Merry Christmas, i fall back to a terrible eating-too-much crisis..

Won't the rain ever stops?

i wanna swim in the ocean blue chlorine.. wanna tan under the glaring sun

however, whilst remembering those time i pant away while making my way to school, those days where the sweet and nicely done make-up smudge due to the perspire, somehow or rather the idea of having those hot summer seems to drift away.

been SO many nights spent with the man. He's been the sweetest, and if it hadn't been for the book-in, we would have spent more than 3 days and nights together. The attention received, ever so ready to attend to me.. makes me so special..

*thanks. its been so so special a Christmas, and i wanna spend the rest of my christmas with you =)

Spring Cleaning at the Wee's house
i was in this really strange mood to want to clean up the man's house that day. And with the help of the lazy boy and his ever so friendly dad. We manage to throw half the room of content away. That will total up to 3 boxes of old newspaper, 2 boxes of old magazine and loads and loads of old bags.

wat makes the whole event interesting was when his Dad had to rattle on and on again about the issues of cleanliness in the house. He told me that was no point cleaning up the house as he gave up doing so more than a century ago.

imagine a pail of clear water turning into dark, sticky black water, and if u ever place ur hand in, u can retrieve it out with chunks and chunks of dust all over ur hand.. totally gross.

I also clean up the rest of the room and change many of the plastic bag they use to put away their CDs. That was probably the worst part as the plastic bag had faded colours and a heavy layer of dust on them.

Also, while throwing away his collection of antique bags, i chance upon a very interesting Mao-Zhe-Tong series bag, only to find worms (actually silverfish) all over it. It makes me jump and the man has to giggle his way to the toilet, then fill a pail of water before stuffing the whole bag into it just so that i can use it again.

i love the new room, now there is room for everything else. The man plans to get a bed pretty soon (he is currently sharing a bed wit his dad) we will also hang up pictures of ourselves and doll up the whole room. The only thing i really hate bout the room is the wall colour, which is a VERY dull shade of pink. We bought a big cushion so he could lie on it to play his game.
*totally love the achievement, especially the teamwork=)

My christmas prezzies
- a water dispenser (those mini ones)-- from eRaine
- a minnie mouse towel -- from Jean
- chocolate and Swensen treats -- from the Boss
- skinny jeans ( yet to get) -- from the man
- hairband, really nice black and white -- from Jamie
- PINK mouse.. love it -- from Xinyi
- expensive chocolate -- from Si jia
- hello kitty hp pouch, notebk and more -- from Xue
- photo frames -- from Jann
- Ichiban treats, TCC treats -- from Darren
gosh.. cant remember the rest.

bOught a couple Havainas for me and the man. what really interesting was the trip to New Urband Male..
Clar and Pau angels needed to get gifts. we shop at 3 different NUM to get 3 pairs of Haivanna, only to finally realise we should get more for our love one. So we visit the 4th shop, where there are plenty of guys to serve us (er-hem!) and knowing that we are planning to buy FIVE pairs of Haivannas, treated us like princess
here are our demand

- change Pau initial bought sneaker
- change my initial bought sneaker
- get 3 more pairs of sneaker
thats makes change 2 get 3 more sneaker order. We even had guy modelling for us which pair will look nice on our man.

haha.. clar angel manage to get us a 20% discount off the total bill, thanks to her poly-card. We also get a NUM membership card each. So lucky right? Anway after that i heard if u know anyone who works in NUM, u can get 50% discount// damn -.-"

thats ok.. i am a NUM member now.. hehehehe.. bleahz

more cousin pic at

www.flickr.com/photos/90078127

love my cousins.. it no wonder we were envy since young. Its a unexplanable bonding. And we dun do that to show off.. i love my cousins alot.. and they love each other too.. most impt is, we ALWAYS stood by each other side when either one needed help.. - even stupid help.

one such example was yesterday, where we were foool by cuz to meet up, tinking it was something realy impt. turns out it was to shop for a ring with her for her BF.. gosh!! anyway Ray and i did our best.. and i am telling u the ring is B-E-A-U-T-I-F-U-L

it like really huge and stunning. we tried it on Ray and it looks good on him. a Pity he dun wear rings.

Anyway i cant tell if it was the clothes i worn yesterday or my hair? but i felt absolutely stunning, like the amount of attention i received were-- more than mere. Hehe.. thanks (pics for u to judges la)

but guess wat? i only like my B

anyway holidays a dread, it feels so draggy, and every morning i wake up with the same mentality in my head, "get the project over and done with.. pls!"

Today was a great achievement. all thanks to Apel Yap and Tan JunLin.. There are realy some people born with the IT brains, and i am one of the exception. But yup,thanks cos without their help i wouldn;t have get this thing goin (after being stuck for 3 days la) My shopping cart finally moving!

And then i met JeRk after project, he has this GF which i seriously doubt and worried for. She is born on the same day as me, 31 January so u can say we have absolutely same taste on stuff. JeRk needed to get her a present and we went round shopping for it.. in the end he paid a handsome $155 for a pendant really nice.

it was a pendant that Xue has too. a heart shape diamanete pendant witha very very nice necklace. i took one photo of it.. will upload it soon

then B and his campmates happen to have nights off at causeway point. and so we met up for a while. Then we shop around the area for a short while , did some chatting.

(btw i told him communication is important for 2 person, it not about guessing and hoping u Bingo on wat the other wants. )

He sent me up my house for steamboat. That poor fellow had to eat a whole lot more food cos i cant finish them. Mummy keep asking him to eat despite his BK earlier.. haha. so much for trying to get into my family's good book

Anyway he left while i was bathing, says he receive an urgent call to book in immediately.

tired.. going to bed. nights

the only thing my ah-ma computer is capable of doing now is

- see youtube (after 15min download of a acrobat flash player)
- watch video (after 20 min of realplayer download)
-use ah-gong version of msn (damn !@#!#@$@# old msn version)

and i cannot
-hear any sound
- use any nudge on msn
-open any microsoft office ST program
-DO ANYTHNG

hate IT.. (total random poem)
doing project seems so useless
those little whats left of my expired brain juices
just declared their surrender to the meanie curses

report and project, with codings and paragraphs
are what i am breathing, no smell and no senses
i see something that i know i CAN get enough
those aimless ABC, i feel they're so worthless

when people go clubbing, or shopping at far east
we nua at some computer lab, typing till we're piss
when sunshine guy go tanning at the Sentosa beaches
we give it a miss by staring at our comp languages

When guys deserve some good gurls,
u know u cant find them
they're busy flirting with nerdies,
to save them from failing

when we need help from tutors
u noe u cant find them
they're busy planning gong xi fa cai
and escape the ang pows

when u need the computer labs
u noe they're not open
for school bill u by electricity
holidays' out of the question

when u finally declare dead
u noe u're never finished
cos even those brain cell,
wont spare u the justice

so after the semester,
no one wanna see each other again
at least not wearing the same Poly tee
and scanning our attendance

for Lord i cry out, come tk my soul!
no u shall not go, till ya done with ur coding
for i will not spare u, even in heaven
u shall be incharge for Database for angels

p/s TOTALLY random, TOTALLY freaky poem.. i dedicate it to all... let all pray in the name of the Lord.. Amen..

This will be useful in times to come =)

dear all, if u needmy help regarding writing a certain article for some project .. pls let me noe =)


Business Ettiquette
Many of us dun understand the importance of maintaining ourselves and grooming ourselves to the fullest. i shall state a few example;

one example
there was this day i was dining at a with my boss at a well-known hotel with good food, great ambience and needless to say - more than 1 set of fork and spoon to perform the "operation" on.

On my right was a decent couple tempting on the steak, slicing the medium rare part bit by bit and carefully placing the sliced meat on the fork before popping it into their mouth (not popping literally!)

on my left was a another couple sipping coffee, and stirring it with a lollipop-looking stirur with brown sugar on it.

Our order arrived ( a green sandwich) and my boss and i had to be carefull with the food as we are sharing one huge plate together. The strange part is there were 2 fork - one bigger and the other smaller. There were also a butter-spread knife and a steak-knife. Obviously the normal human will use the steal knife to slice the bread before each using our hands to carry the bread and bite into them--- U ARE WRONG!

As my boss begin to slice a bit of the bread using the steak-knife, he uses the butter-spread knife to slice a bit of the margarine before placing them on the bread. he then carefully spread them well before passing it to me. This mean i was to do the same and i did so with panic.





Why are we not prepared to handle situation like this? Does the every-day hawker centre develope the habit of just eating straight from what we see in front of us?

i was not happy, i din wan to be a laughing stock ever again should such incident happen.

and the fact is i cannot actually
-hold a chopstick the correct way
-brew tea like a traditional woman
-enjoy fragrance of a cup of tea
-correct if crossing the spoon and fork means "i am done with my eating" or "please leave me alone as i am not done"

we all know one day this willl came upon, just dunno where. I felt there is a serious need to develope that bit of etiqutte in every one of us. Just enough to handle
-wedding dinner
-dining at exquisite hotel
-coffee by a cottage style cafe

with a knowledge in doing all this. we will then sieve ourselves a level higher from others. It just did,, dun ask me how.

i hope i am convincing enough for the world to take action.. hehe..

Building Love

For that unproclaim sacrification u've made

For the unspoken love u've given

thanks for the ever-cherished first-time's

Love my today, it will be on my mind for a LOoooooong time

Morning
the man brought us to Guan Yin Temple, he is FiRST man to bring me to Guan Yin Temple each time i feel insecure, Dad advise us to too!~ =)

We then walk to Sunshin Plaza when his Dad intro us to try the Dim sum there, too bad the dad cannot join us (he got MahJong Khaki la).
*dim sum was fantastic, apology for i cannot finish the food - as usual.
he was the first man to bring me to Dim Sum

We bought Chee Cheong Fun for Denise, delivered it to Simlim

We stupidly bought an umbrella and choose choose choose until rain's over, but we bought it anyway =) (first man to choose an umbrella wit)

we head to the SO-HOT Arab street to buy parts for accessories (first man to shield me with the umbrella, call up 3 friends just to make sure we are walking the correct way)

we tour Arab street and he bought me a Vino bike model figure (IN TOTAL LOVE OF IT)
first man to buy me a >????? TOY!~?

we walk back to bugis street to shop for clothes

we bought sun shades..

we walk to Ps to play arcade

we took train back home

we quarrel

we apologise

we are happy =)






Gosh... i've began to resign to fate that this man is the one.
haha.. the feelings just so right. He has everything in the world i wanted, and i so want him mine.

Simply cant wait for May 2007 to come, which is the agreed date to start a serious relationship, and stop calling him a "future potential Bf-to-be"

so damnass funny when his friends and us were talking about this date, they even came up with a stupid idea to each find their partner by then, just so to hold a buffet dinner and invite friends and family!! Damn.. u all jackass! Its not a WEDDING DINNER!!! just a really really memorable day to symbolise

-1 year of action to proves his sincerity
-start of a no-ending relationship
-1 year of apology for any hurts he has caused onto me.

The man told me today that if God ever take this whole relationship away, he will just die..



........... Dear God
forgive me for i've been let astray too many times
forgive my sin for those impossible fantasies i have of others
Sorry for making a really false moves, and thank Lord i've mended my ways

(i hope, after the present, thou without explanation, u'll go ur way and i'll go mine. I've found the right one =) i hope u too.. Good Luck )

I pray the future to come, will always be
those unselfish prayer i whisper to you this morning.

i'm sorry..

Dear all, pictures for Singapore Discovery Centre available at
http://www.flickr.com/photos/90078127

Here's where u find BF.
one who earns enough to bring u to thailand end of fall
one who brings u to at least Food court
one who pays for ur phone bill cos he msg u too much
one who gives u free passes to Singapore Discovery Centre

i wanna find an ang-moh here, who cannot speak chinese, so when i curse him when i'm angry, he noes nuts

then he will tink by splurging on me i will like him, ACTUALLY i prefer the free passes to Singapore Discover Centre more

hahahahha!!!! duhz! National Education, wa.... how exciting, we walk into SDC, saw a VERY big globe, at first it was in

red- i told XY it looks more like an ovary to me, waiting to be fertile, there are find streams of lines on it, i explain to XY those are sperm trying to win this olympic, to come up with a new species with more hair, 1 less eye, 2 more sets of eyebrows.

Then the globe turn green
then yellow

ya ya ya.. even ovary cannot change colour la... -.-"

Then Mr Marc came to initiate a talk.

Mr Marc :" you are not with ur friend?"

Me of course:" ya, i am !!! they are here! ( i turn to my right-- empty!.. fucking embarressed)

Me of course: " they WERE here... (finally saw XY flirting with 182, see she's still around -.-"

Mr Marc:" i see.. dun u find this trip boring?"

Me of course: "no, u dunno how to appreciate eh?" (fucking stupid again, tell me which monkey on earth appreciate staring at a Merlion singing song?)

Mr Marc:" ..........."

Me of course: (fucking shameful) got to go.. i am catching up with them.. (ran off like a idiotic hippotamus trying to catch the ostrich)



Lao tian ye!!!!!

At trip to the salon, changes is minute. but feeling inside changes alot, alot. Cos from then i learn some thing i did for some one is so strange, like i really wanna change for that some1. gosh. A feeling undescribe. kill me

Never ever buy from Hula&Co
This is a very bad experience and shall mark my last purchase at Hula&co.

Try imaging this, u have a sum of freshly earn pay, decided to get a pretty pretty Victoria secret style spag from Hula&co, pay a handsome $30 for it

it is damn long, those kind u can wear a belt with, then a very shorty shorts, and u worn it out, all frsh and nice, everyone tot it looks pretty cute.

Then u wash it after that, next day u bring it out!

what the Fuck did i see?


the STUPID top was shrink to half the length, FREAKING HALF THE LENGTH

colour colour FUCKING RUN OFF!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! 1st WASH ok!

!@#!$#@%@#%3

i curse hula&co.

Some memories

Subdue into a world of moving tomorrow

Clouds may blossom into many tiny marshmellows

Thank you for being u

Cherish the gloomy day for u might not see it tomorro

and a tiny fun with dearest Jean

days has been perplexed, i've been indulging myself into nonsencial daydreaming. There were less detailed stuff like Ismail asking me back, and some intense moments of unforgettable days with Lester.

i guess life's just moves on (Jamie.. haha)/ we've sometimes got nuttin better to do than to tink about pas tense.

i miss the man, Thank you sillyboi for the countless calls to make sure u are not forgotten, and thou we've been quarrelling a few times this week, i am glad things work out in the end. It sure was an experience not seeing you for so long to come. Those nights before i slp, u were ever so sweet to drop me a msg, encourging me about tomorrow, and if it hadn't been for your determine heart, i would have drop myself into the puddle of misery.

ok, on a DIMER note, this is an experience i felt is ok to share now since its over, and Dad has assured me things are pretty fine now.......
A night with Jannity
www.darklilsecrets.blogspot.com
we met up at china town, and as usual i had to wait for her. then we went tp her house and my habit just kicked up. I packed her stuff for her, fold her closet of "no-tomorrow" clothes. we left to Chomp Chomp to meet her bf

anyway Jann and Gh had a fight and i was caught in the middle, she stomped off and i follow, we ended up at Coffee Bean for a chat and decide to head to K-garden.

For no reason, we were suddenly ask to move from the wide room to the tiny room upstair, and yes Jann and i were a lil pissed off, as we enter the tiny room. Jann decided she need the pee, so i was in the midst of singing this song from Kelly Chan "ni bu yao shuo bao qian",and all of a sudden as i was singing ,a man voice sang along with me (it appear as a shock as i was 100% sure no one else was in the room) ---> to make sure i was hearing the right thing i lowered my voice but continue to sing to the music, and this time the voice was clear, a man voice singing with me the chorus part of the music, and then i keep silence, unable to receive the shock, at this point of time i call up Jann, who had just walk in, i ask her if she could hear me from outside, she said she heard nuttin.
so what did i do? Being KRISTAL, i walk out the room and stand outside in the lounge trying to heard the voice from within. Nuttin, and the people at the lounge were busy singing some "god-knows-what" language songs.
not wanting to scare the stupid gal, i walk in and carry on singing with her till the end. We then paid for the service (stupid bill amounting to wat $60) and left the place.

okok.. i am NOT accusing K-gardens for doing anything, they might
- post us upstairs cos some large bunch of people happen to need the bigger room
- have terrible sound system that just so happen to computate some language to a man singing to my music.(remember, my music was sang at neutral tone with not pitch added, no audio help)
- put up a mini TV to set me up for some Gotcha show

haha.. so ya, told Dad about it, cos its not the frst time i have strange encounter, and should i say i deserve it when Dad goes on intoa a round of ranting for staying out till late night?
Anyway Dad mention i have a very weak "yin" or "yan" (dunno which one) energy.

and what do i say? damn the sillyboi not with me.. see la!!! one night without my boi and i kena...

booked out soon k?

Why is it us sharon?
A friendship promise forever? why
dun u ever tink i am not upset about it?
it feel so so so wrong. its like losing a real sister,
thats how dearly u are to me..

u will never know, like Cf, both of u will tink i am a cold-hearted woman.

Sharon! did u ever read my blog? Tell me u did, tell me u heard my words, those words i use on u are equally piercing through my heart

Just that day after the testimonial u send me, i finally pick up the courage to sms u thank you. And even jean told me i was doing the right thing, but now? u might yet again tink i am a evil girl. i dun care! cos we promise to go through this together, but will u still do the same thing?

Your bf is a good guy, who wants to help u, and as usual he said those word thats make me even worst, what "if i cannot forgive u over such silly matters then our friendship is not consider strong!"

i guess he means it, i din wan to say it, but those words makes me so so upset, so i told him the same thing "ya,,, maybe its really not so strong. She betray other...... .,(some confidential stuff) the friendship is really not strong for her to do something for me.

Sharon u know why i am so upset for so long? i dunno what to do! i cant just forgive u like that!! because to begin with - u did the shoes without my knowledge! u should tell me! we dun hide secret!
So what did i freaky do? i told u to join me and even promise u profit. Then now u are telling me u will strive better off somewhere with CF. and Goodness gracious me i had no slightest idea where u are "striving" too..

and i cannot forgive u for this tiny misunderstading so that proves our friendship is not strong?!~ what can i say?
NO
NO... the friendship is not strong

or

YES
yes,... the friendship is not strong?

they both mean the same-=== that the friendship is not strong!

WHY?!~ why force me to give u an answer just when i am ready to give this friendship another try?
yet again, this time its worst, Sharon tell me in the face if u will like to see this long years friendship get ruin over some fucking shit?


did u ever consider my feelings?
Sharon tell me !!! when u get upset over some silly stuff and avoided my calls, my msg and e-mails, DID U EVER CONSIDER MY FEELINGS?

how did i win u back then? HOW LONG DID I TRY?

and now, I AM FORCE TO GIVE AN ANSWER FOR OUR FRIENDSHIP

let me tell u this-
THERE IS NOT ANSWER IF A FRIENDSHIP CAN LAST

because it TAKES 2 HANDS TO CLAP!


u tell me to accept the fact that love comes before friendship- SO I DID
then now u wan me to accept that money is impt to u- SO I DID
but did u give me more time LIKE U PROMISE to make me determine to give our friendship another chance? NO I DUN SEE IT<<




SHARON READ MY BLOG!!! u will never do it ,i dun even tink u rememebr the address here. So many years, tried so hard, each time u broke those Kristal's heart, i mend it back..
When will u ever make ur effort?

......... do u tink she will ever get to read this anyway!!!!!

i am FUMING AFFECTED BY THIS THING!!!!!!! ITS KILLIN ME~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Anyone ? Anyone!!!!!!!

Anyone realise i haven blog since 123213124325 days ago!!!

who are u u u u u u simone!!!! (i bet i know)

where is the globe spinning to today?

in spit of fire i call my slave
no doubt they cry, since yesterday
i summon the clown to brighten the sun
through ball they juggle, thru something they thought was fun,,

how poetic is that? pure nonsence!!! i come up with funny poems.. and i dun understand how it happens.. some more

no Celina birthday could mean more fun
without Chris little secret, been planned for months
with help of his elves ~ the Anex dark-side gang
they come up with candles, with funny tunes they sang

see?!~ more nonsence!!!! its easy.. i will teach u how
come up with a word-- e.g Sun
replace the first alphabet with letter A~Z
so u have
Aun~~~ aunt
Bun~~~~ bun
C~~~ cun
Dun~~ i dunno!!
F~~ FUn
Gun~~ Gun
Hun~~ compreh~un ( as in comprehend la)
Kun~~ kant AKA cant
..
.
..

easy ? then put them into stupid sentence.
for e.g

Si jia was smirking, holding a gun\
while Xinyi shouted "help" running to her aunt

easy?!~! BIngo!! now u know why people respect famous poetic! they simply play with ABC everyday.. so respesct me la!

-.-"

its mid past 12 and i am stuck!! in a total amazing mood to carry on studying! i am all stressed up as work today's been busy and i haven had the cheek to be assure i am well prepared!

gosh! i need the motivation! (thank you B, for the continuos sms of motivation. and damnit for the low battery -.-")

study study was all i could think of for this night! i wasn;t prepard to fall aslp, and the only was to prevent myself from doing it was to eat and feel really guilty about it. To tink i skip dinner, and now i am heating up some leftovers for supper! What does that makes me?

-- a glutton who wont have the cheek to afford few more pounds of weight becase of her strange eating habits!

And B's on a outfield, i am motivate to study for this sweet baby, he's so dearly, constantly msg me and motivating me, telling me it'll all be over before i realise it! He also leave me to study and call me on the dot hours later to remind me to take a rest! Gosh, anyone has a better guy?

haha. and it was damn chaotic at work, i almost lost control at the blasting base of the damn it ERIC "houndstooth" f@#$@#king music. he blast it like there's no tomorro! my heartbeat beats twice as fast! i had a series of headache trying to concentrate on the lecture notes instead. Curse his sound blaster fell on the ground due to the vibration it creates! i'll be the first monkey to laugh my hearts out.
Anyway he pissed me off this timre really bad, i called up the maintainence security who was apparently off-duty, so dun he dare try again the next time i work there cos i ain't gonna let this exhibitionist get away it! Curse him some more!

And now i need a serious break, more workload tomorroe and i've gotta get ready for the Java paper instead! and the only thing i look forward too are:
-B's book out
-Napfa training with darling gal (cos exercise relax ur mind)
-more stayover with my cuzzies
-hopefully some more act of care from Sharon
-outing with Denise, Jannity and Xue li
-my TnD gym visit!

life's been hard, but seriously getting better, especially since i've convinced myself to fake smiles everytime i felt really pissed. It work and sometimes i could almost feel those smiles were real. And still they still share their little dark secret but it ain't bothering me anymore. I spend more time telling myself secret, of the little care i receive from those people i did not reveal. Is that selfish? Dun tink so.

Anyway was proud of myself today for the stupid entrepreneuship idea i tot of today. This was perhaps also the little dream i'be always have. a school which teaches good girls to be good girls and lady to be super lady. love it!

Been msg-ing B like no tomorrow. He was greatful and thank me for my constant support. What really touched me was an incident nights ago.

So apparently B has outfied the next day (on sat night) and his camp is like a bus journey away from my place. So Dad agree to let B stayover at my place and he will take the upper bunk, i'l take the lower bunk and my sister will take the mattress on the floor.

Then whilst his shower, his phone rang and i boldy picked it up, only to hear a lady's voice lookig for him.
When he retrun from the shower, we had a arguement about who she was, she was an old classmates who he chance upon that afternoon while on his way tp fetch me. OBVIOUSLY as a girl i wont trust him, even though he say i can call Figo to ask (that friend we hang out with) ..

that was the truth, that girl was an old classmate. But being stupid and all, ( in the middle of the night at freaking 2pm.. his outfield starts at 7.45!!!) i make a big fuss out of it, sayign it was unfair to me and this and that. Of course that pissed him off, we were both tired but i wasn;t ready to give in.

Than B had enough, he climb up his bed and lied there.. that action pissed me instantly, i was DAMN angry he din do anything to humour me. so i sat on my bed and stare.. and then start crying in silence.

about 15 mins later, he climbed down the bed and sat next to me, i hide my face in the pilow and refuse to acknowledge him. until he took my hand, put my phone in it and waited in patient while i hesitate and finally browse thru.

There was a msg saying "Sorry, i should not have make a big fuss out of nothing"

it was the sweetest msg from anyone, especially from someone who obviously did nuttin wrong.

ok. being more stupid, i refuse to reply that msg. He soon gave up and went back to his bed (it was freaking reachin 3pm then)

i sat there.. tinking more and drying my tear. Finally i whisper to him
"... you still awake?"

B:" (startled and shook the whole bed, stick out his head in the darkness and asked me) huh. ya.. why?"

me:" nuttin. i am sorry.. good night".... ( i am a ass!!!!!!!!!!!)

B:" you silly gal.// good night"

then we talk no more and fall into deep slp. Next morning my dad woke me up and i climb up and woke him up instead. we were perfectly normal by then.

See the power of apology??? he did it on sms, i say it out. It was a same move done differently, but the outcome is equally positive. =)

i tink i am more mature now ( or am i?)

The cousin stayover!

Why we love Raymond (cuz call him ray, or Kwa leng leng) -
-cute
-representive of s-league singapore (paid to play football)
-loves quiet gals, fair skin
-solemn and smart
-grows 2 times taller in 2 years time ( he use to be around my shoulder!)
-cute and REALLY gentlemen

Why we love Cuz (i TOTALLY love her- more than anything else in the world, about the level of grandma)
-we grew up together
-we noe each other DARKEST secret
-we share the same panties
- we dun share the same bra (her is tiny,.. oops!~)
-we share the same bed (each time i visit her house)
- we noe each other's bf (like TOTALLY)
-too much to tell.. we eat each other's leftover! ( as in i take the egg white she settles on the egg yoke)

Why we love Remsten
-lives half of his life in Australia
-loves Rugby
-stand tall
-has a way with all gals
-dress smart, really good at clothing
- a top man Man
-loves mummy

Why we love Kristal
-easy, cos ya reading her blog


Cuz and i practically live together, we plan our future route together, her mum, which is my aunt, loves us all the same

and we are SO CLOSE we travel aboard together, seriously, everyone envy the bond we share as cousin, since like God knows how long again
And this time Rem knows Ray crave some scratching done

Cuz and i live off each other, my first pay was use to buy a gift for her,
her first pay means a treat for me

Raymond Vivien and REmsten

more Raymond vivien and REmsten

Raymond and Vivien, no they are not siblings



okok.. i admit.. i miss the baby boy

Thanks to ONE F@#$@#$@# outfield trip

B has got real swollen hands (which are back to skinny hands now=)

he has got funny swell on his neck (which looks like love bites now)

even his fingers are not spared (which are gone too =)

Thank you for the delicious breakfast u made for me..

seeing u at work just makes me feel so so so fufiled


B was so sweet.. ringing the door bell early in the mornig (not exactly early but as early as every one else left the house and i was still sleeping)
he came in and got straight to work, cooking, frying.. and there u have my instand noodle with scramble egg.. i was like a princess.. sitting there watching Doremon while he serve. What did he gets in the end?

When it was about time to cook his own share. We were almost late for my work.. so he basically swallow it all down. haha.. i also gave him the black face for making me late.. in the end? another tiny arguement. But it all went well when we decide to apologise u noe?

Life's been hard.. we hardly met, i handle all issues by myself, of course with the help of so many others..

i am learning to smile.. and it makes me lighter.. the reward is his visit at every book out.

Just hours ago he booked out at 9 plus, and i ended up eating my "dinner" at 10 plus.. in order to apologise he order my favourite, basically bring food in tiny portion onto my plate! haha.. it makes me laugh seeing him so sincere.. sometimes i wonder where his egoistic's gone to..

before we end the day, with my mummy standin at the door and i bidding him good night.. he once again apologise for being late.

What an amazing dinner.. i feel lighter despite the heavy dinner!!!

Paulin say:" Hang in there babe, i know life can be tough somtimes, i feel like that almost everyday, yet i have to smile like everything's alright, once you put on that fake smile everyday, you might be able to convince yourself that the smile might just come from within. Hang in there, that's what i am doing too"

And while i was demoralising myself, there several million people out there worrying about stuff million times worst than mine. But they found a way to handle it.. so am i..

Xue Shan says each time she hear from me or read my blog, i seem to pile yet another heavy load onto myself. Apel also mention i am one person who read into negative tots.

i wanna change.. so i am giving thanks now before i convert into a happy clown.

Thank you God:
- for the friends who still stay by
- for the friends who choose to keep secrets from me, i learn to mind my own business, and learn to stay far away from you all too..
- for the people who choose to leave me out, i learn i shal keep my privacy away from you people too
- for the people who tell me to ignore them (* thank you hai^er)
- for the people who wants me to cheer myself up (* thank you darling gal)
- for a guy who stand by me.. upset when he cannot cheer me up, laugh when i felt stupid, apologise when i feel like crying.. B
- for the friend who warn me against danger but left me a choice to choose.. Samuel
- for the 17 years of cousinship.. slap me awake from the ignorance i receive .. cuz
- for the pain she put me thru, but still wan the best for her.. Sharon
- for the darlin in her.. Denise

Goodbye to these:
- depression
- hiding in silence
- being left out