RodKris

just when i tot life was going to be alrite....... just when i finally crack my already numb lip to smile..tears start falling down my already dried face........
~ i feel darker when the light is on
~ feel lonely in a crowded street
~ turn on the light when the sun is out
~ stay silence when its my turn to speak

Grand mama had to be admitted to the hospital, fuck i should not have gone to Mail's place, mayb i could see her now........ Grand mama is in the ICU...........

God tell me if this was the path you think is the best for her, i really need the answer

Mau says she would prefer to go if she was Grand mama, so that she can avoid seeing how her sons and daughter fight over her expense............. Damn Fuck those people, i know you can see this,
i am telling you AH yi,
- trust you to live in a condo and save a few grand of saving for your 15 years old daughter,
- to drive the latest Mercedes with auto driving and auto doors,
- to buy the latest handphone in town for your daughter
- to go for salon hair treatment once a week
and to tell us now you cannot afford to pay a hundred contribution to Grand mama birthday party, tell me where do you think your fats and your big fat ugly thign comes from? its ur mama that works her life to pay for your education, so that you become a teacher and finally married a rich man. You are a total disgrace of mankind

i am telling you Ah ku,
- trust you to divorce the best lady on earth just because she can bear you a child
- married a tiny village girl who gives you a daughter
- flirt my maid to have an affair with you
- steal the house from Grand mama and wans to sell it now
and then refuse to pay for the expense and still complain of a bad calculation system

tell me you assholes, why did Grand mama born you into this world to let you all torture.........
Grand gong will punish........ i know he will

Grand mama, can you hear me? why aren;t you awake? those needle pierced thru your veins, over and over again, i know how you feel, may be i dun.. Ma, please talk to me, isn;t it obvious enough how i miss you?
ever since you come down with your first stroke, u just change, you no longer recognise me..... no longer scold mama when she scold me, no longer force mama to get me stuff i wan....... you no longer buy me beads to make beautiful necklace, teach me to knit and no longer cook delicious curry for me anymore,... u love oyster-omelette, i love it too. Ma, come bring me to the coffee shop again, i promise you i will eat kuey chap with you again... we will go jogging like we use to at 7am sharp in the morning, and you will make me very comfortable blankie, nice clothes just the way i wan it to be done........ Ma, i really miss you.,........

Ma, i just miss you so much........ why dun you speak to me no more, why wont you tell me i am doing the wrong things now........ Ma, come and scold your daughter and son, for they are unfillial......... i WISH their children wil do the very same things to them too.................

i am flooded with all these thoughts now...... when will 6 pm tomorrow ever come....... i wanna see you again.