just when i tot life was going to be alrite....... just when i finally crack my already numb lip to smile..tears start falling down my already dried face........
~ i feel darker when the light is on
~ feel lonely in a crowded street
~ turn on the light when the sun is out
~ stay silence when its my turn to speak

Grand mama had to be admitted to the hospital, fuck i should not have gone to Mail's place, mayb i could see her now........ Grand mama is in the ICU...........

God tell me if this was the path you think is the best for her, i really need the answer

Mau says she would prefer to go if she was Grand mama, so that she can avoid seeing how her sons and daughter fight over her expense............. Damn Fuck those people, i know you can see this,
i am telling you AH yi,
- trust you to live in a condo and save a few grand of saving for your 15 years old daughter,
- to drive the latest Mercedes with auto driving and auto doors,
- to buy the latest handphone in town for your daughter
- to go for salon hair treatment once a week
and to tell us now you cannot afford to pay a hundred contribution to Grand mama birthday party, tell me where do you think your fats and your big fat ugly thign comes from? its ur mama that works her life to pay for your education, so that you become a teacher and finally married a rich man. You are a total disgrace of mankind

i am telling you Ah ku,
- trust you to divorce the best lady on earth just because she can bear you a child
- married a tiny village girl who gives you a daughter
- flirt my maid to have an affair with you
- steal the house from Grand mama and wans to sell it now
and then refuse to pay for the expense and still complain of a bad calculation system

tell me you assholes, why did Grand mama born you into this world to let you all torture.........
Grand gong will punish........ i know he will

Grand mama, can you hear me? why aren;t you awake? those needle pierced thru your veins, over and over again, i know how you feel, may be i dun.. Ma, please talk to me, isn;t it obvious enough how i miss you?
ever since you come down with your first stroke, u just change, you no longer recognise me..... no longer scold mama when she scold me, no longer force mama to get me stuff i wan....... you no longer buy me beads to make beautiful necklace, teach me to knit and no longer cook delicious curry for me anymore,... u love oyster-omelette, i love it too. Ma, come bring me to the coffee shop again, i promise you i will eat kuey chap with you again... we will go jogging like we use to at 7am sharp in the morning, and you will make me very comfortable blankie, nice clothes just the way i wan it to be done........ Ma, i really miss you.,........

Ma, i just miss you so much........ why dun you speak to me no more, why wont you tell me i am doing the wrong things now........ Ma, come and scold your daughter and son, for they are unfillial......... i WISH their children wil do the very same things to them too.................

i am flooded with all these thoughts now...... when will 6 pm tomorrow ever come....... i wanna see you again.

i haven had the time to update. but i guess i am better off than my two other angels- Sharon and Denise.......... hehe.. anyway it;s been a long time to a D.K.S outing. and i miss them very much. ookkk... now for a little update........... went for the class chalet last week....... a lot of things happen.. many things were stolen... and eveyone was upset so we left the chalet early........... it was the saddest day of my life... cos i feel that my boyfriend is not the guy for me....... hai. and everyone kind of suspect it was him who stole.......... ya

ok....... seems like my two other precious went for tanning without me......... so whateva,........ i am packing my bag now......... going to tan........ invited Apel........ suppose to be a gal things..... then came her boyfriend and worst! the damnfucking fellow who actually insulted me- JUN LIn........ know what's the interesting thing? We DID NOT even invite him......... com on i plan it all..... and others screwed it up./..

: the moral of the story................ best friend are still the correct to hang out with for a nice comfortable tan

my resolution for the holiday... to meet Samantha,....... dunno why kinda miss her lots........... then i wanna buck up on tennis more often,.... then get my driving license ASAP...... (not even done with the first theory paper.... sucks) then meet my precious darling Princess and Sharonstars for some chill out....... take lotsa of picture........ (man i think it's high time to get a digi) and work hell out to clear the bad debt i owe the boss...... haha

okok..... i also need to lose weight....... apparently i said that a few thousand times.......... Sam lost weight.... Cuz friend Xiu Xian lost weight..... when is my turn coming...? Gosh.............. Cuz say:" count your blessing" i think i should...........

and every one is mugging for the exam..........................

i guess the world does just revolve in one direction..... cause everyone seems to do the same things every year...... the philosophy of life did not change pretty much too....... it's a damn "human" world, and everyone is damn "human"

i guess i am just the same...... also the with-eye-nose-mouth society....... i do pretty much the same every part of this year...... i set a resolution, find a proper to start...... then the paper just doesn't seems to stop after that.........................................

if i could ony change........... into a society with fat people, where fat is beauty,.,,, no one fights for money or power........ but i guess than in that society no one will stands out among the rest? is that better? okok.. i am contradicting myself........ well... maybe i should accept this earth i am living right now...... hehe........

went to Far East Plaza today... Freddy is giving a treat...... wont miss it... hehe........saw Sharon after so long...... for some reason her face look so small and petite... so i guess she looks good......... Cuzzie says Xiu Xian lost a lot of weight..... and Samantha is looking like a bamboo right now....... so Kristal is so damn fucking useless....... what to do,........

treat my boyfriend badly....... was throwing my temper cause he did not ease my tensin towards the first paper this evening........... and so he faced my music - as usual....................

BAby~ i am so sorry....... so sorry...... and i knew it every time only after making you upset.........

haha.............. but i guess i am better off this days..............

no more toking cock....... really tired out thinking of nonsence