As the week draws near & we are expecting the arrival of baby soon, i cannot help but be affected by the many things i have to sacrifice.
I have known for a long time that i tend to be a straight forward & strong-minded woman who feels that i am better off not being bonded by financial woes, and as such never really jump into the bandwagon of taking cash from Rodman for starting a family as well as making sure i always am bounded by a stable job so i can contribute & used my money like i deem worth.
There are definitely times i question my ability to lead a happy life like that of a handful close girlfriends who seemingly embrace being full-time mum & cherishing whatever amount their husbands extend to them, just being glad that they are getting by. Then i know i will not be happy limiting my freedom to whatever is being extended to me, knowing i have the ability to ask for more & enjoy more.
For a long time coming, as long as Rodman & i contribute diligently to the monthly joint bank account we share then i feel that we are saving good & in preparation for bigger things. Then came our home that we now lived in for the past 6 months, where we take matters into our hands & make major financial decision that painfully deplete our savings to a new low. However it is no use holding back on those drawstrings as we need quality stuff to live by. Generally, i do like to think that we were lucky that we secure much good deals, both onlines & through the goodwill of people we were grateful to. Back then, when Rodman commented that he didnt see his personal savings rising like it used to, clearly i had to do something & made him take into account that we were now at the mercy of our own savings & trying to build a comfortable roof over our head & surely, changes such as lowered expectation of personal savings is inevitable. But lo & behold, as i am the free spirit person i always am when it comes to the theory of "if it ain't broken , dont fix it" i didnt comment much, and only empathize by commenting how i felt the same towards my bank account.
Then come this day, now that we are less than 10 weeks away from the arrival of another spendthrift (no i dont mean it that way, but surely raising a kid means more money out your pocket hence the reference). Unfortunately i took on the role of making sure we path our way ahead with more expectation in mind, and having said that, started Rodman on the "discussion/argument/opinionated heated fight" over what is about to come our way. Here, we are about to embrace changes as new parents which also meant we were soon to start paying for an extra mouth, extra expenses such as milk powder, diapers & food. How are we going to cope with this? Is it ok that i deplete my savings since i dont earn as much as my husband? How are we going to split this responsibilities? Is he committed to splitting the cost of baby living between me & him 50-50?
I know i should have started the whole conversation on a light note, but so far attempts to mention this has been futile as we wind up concluding the conversation with thoughts about how we have to start tightening our pocket & be more mindful of the expense we occur. That..... is something neither of us are willing to part ways with.
Can i just say, at this point i feel that the biggest victim is the baby living inside me? On how selfish (instead of selfless) i felt we have both been as adults who decide now was the time to welcome a new member to our family? I wish i had the mentality that my girlfriends have lead me onto believing that i will eventually come to terms with? I wish when they mention "soon, you will realize it is all worth it!" meant giving up on dining with girlfriends at exquisite expensive diners, or giving up on chilling with the girls & instead head for home so i will reduce any chances of spurging on myself while they shop for clothes at the mall. I wish when they say that they are thankful for the handout (allowance, allowance, allowance... ) their husband pass them monthly, meant that they have way enough to feed the baby, the babysitter, the lost sleep, the lost of appetite, the housework, the all-in-a-day work without air-conditioned environment until bedtime. I wish when they carry the baby & meitu-xiuxiu the pictures before posting them on social media, meant that they are done with a day work & their husbands are not working so hard to give good living & that their marriage are never about financial woes & disagreement.
And then there are selfish person like me, who declare that once i set aside possible expense for my baby, i will be left with close to none savings in my bank account. but it will all be alright because it meant that i have the comfort & support of my trusted family to help take care of the baby while i continue to motivate myself to work for the society in return for salary to continue my current expenditure & also to be responsible to the baby i brought to the world. Then i failed to realize this meant Rodman will soon see depleting sum in his personal savings & we are both just uncomfortable with this idea because he was the man who was always full of assurance of a secure & safe living & also the person i can count back on if things failed at my side. Without the steady rise in the his personal savings all of a sudden he faced all the uncertainties which directly affect me because we are both used to him being the pillar of our marriage.
At this point i wish i can stay strong & assure him nothing changes, but the truth is everything changes. Proven up till june now that we are living away from our families and his obvious halt in personal savings. I also contemplate ((not really.. i have already decided i will start)) spending lesser on myself so i can ease the burden for us both. I am not mentally strong on this one yet cos i have known myself to spend lesser than the people i generally know, but it only meant now that i have to be even stricter on myself (a.k.a illtreating) but thats something to worry for another day.
Why wont things fast track further so we will both now be accustom to the new lifestyle we can adopt with the baby? perhaps by then i will laugh this off at how silly this all sound becuase we didnt wind up spending too much afterall? It is also a good time to tell me now how childish i have been in believing that raising a kid wont cost us much, becuase it will & our plans for the next 10 years are soon to change big time, and whats with the silly plan to raise another siblings in the next 2 years? i can barely breathe 2 months prior to my first-born.
Monday, June 19, 2017
Thursday, June 15, 2017
Baby 2nd trimester
Finally back to update on some progressment.
These days there are numerous times i have felt like my stomach is rolling in the deep, ready to throw a bad diarrhea but furtile attempts. I googled if these were symptoms of the baby rolling or kicking in the stomach but apparently they werent quite the same thing. The advice on the internet says to lookout for fluttery feeling in the stomach but God knows how that feel cos i havent ate a butterfly before. It suck that each times i thought i felt what must have been a movement in the tummy only to be called false alarm by Rodman who, despite placing his palm on the tummy numerous times did not feel a slightest "nudge" like he said he should.
Seriously, i think that man thought we are feeding a Monster & movement is supposedly a obvious palm stetch into my tummy, Baby is on the size of a banana hello?!~ Of course, he was naturally upset that he didnt felt the baby moved & most times i brush it off saying i wasnt sure if it was baby movement afterall, so maybe not. I guess we both haven confirmed we have felt the baby moved yet?
I am starting to get all kinds of weird illness but each time i want to start worrying about it, i put off the idea as soon as they fall into the category of "pregnant symptoms". Migraine be the bane of my life, then comes flu (sinus, real sinus like block nose & watery tear duct) & all that going to bed feeling like i have been stuck in a drought yet not allowing myself any water for the fear of water retention. There have been 2 episodes that i teared so far, just plain tired at hearing or accepting all the unneccessary comment that comes my way.
Should the topic of pregnancy be limit to only positive ^& congratulatory comments? Because most of those i received are really unnecessary!!!!
I especially detest comments made by "those who had been there" - there is a lot to take in during this time, i dont care if you ever limit urself to only warm water all through your pregnancy (your baby is whining non-stop for ice at the very moment you "advise" me to abstain from cold drinks. You deprive yourself the luxury to enjoy the pregnancy but that doesnt give you the right to deprive mine. I clearly dont take it well to your advise WITHOUT a reasonable explanation so please keep the comment to yourself already.
Rodma
These days there are numerous times i have felt like my stomach is rolling in the deep, ready to throw a bad diarrhea but furtile attempts. I googled if these were symptoms of the baby rolling or kicking in the stomach but apparently they werent quite the same thing. The advice on the internet says to lookout for fluttery feeling in the stomach but God knows how that feel cos i havent ate a butterfly before. It suck that each times i thought i felt what must have been a movement in the tummy only to be called false alarm by Rodman who, despite placing his palm on the tummy numerous times did not feel a slightest "nudge" like he said he should.
Seriously, i think that man thought we are feeding a Monster & movement is supposedly a obvious palm stetch into my tummy, Baby is on the size of a banana hello?!~ Of course, he was naturally upset that he didnt felt the baby moved & most times i brush it off saying i wasnt sure if it was baby movement afterall, so maybe not. I guess we both haven confirmed we have felt the baby moved yet?
I am starting to get all kinds of weird illness but each time i want to start worrying about it, i put off the idea as soon as they fall into the category of "pregnant symptoms". Migraine be the bane of my life, then comes flu (sinus, real sinus like block nose & watery tear duct) & all that going to bed feeling like i have been stuck in a drought yet not allowing myself any water for the fear of water retention. There have been 2 episodes that i teared so far, just plain tired at hearing or accepting all the unneccessary comment that comes my way.
Should the topic of pregnancy be limit to only positive ^& congratulatory comments? Because most of those i received are really unnecessary!!!!
I especially detest comments made by "those who had been there" - there is a lot to take in during this time, i dont care if you ever limit urself to only warm water all through your pregnancy (your baby is whining non-stop for ice at the very moment you "advise" me to abstain from cold drinks. You deprive yourself the luxury to enjoy the pregnancy but that doesnt give you the right to deprive mine. I clearly dont take it well to your advise WITHOUT a reasonable explanation so please keep the comment to yourself already.
Rodma
Monday, March 13, 2017
Baby 1st trimester
I am 16 weeks pregnant today, which will works out to be 4 months. Baby will start growing hair next week, his/her limbs & fingers are slowly transform from the web mass it was previously.
I have been relatively happy, courtesy of Rodman being extraordinarily thoughtful. Most days i find myself being exaggeratedly happy from the least comical humor, in chinese we call this 笑点很底。 I have one noticeably weird emotional blast episode so far that saw me bursting into tears when all Rodman said was how i should have sounded the horn as i was driving & swiftly avoided a possible head-on collision with a Taxi driver.
You see, the driver had made a turn without checking for incoming car and i was the first in the tow to be maneuvering the straight road. Quite obviously i had the right of way but i jam brake anyhow to save my life as well as to warn the cars behind me of the impending danger. I had driven at a careful speed of 60km/h which was within speed limit so i had taken all the precaution & deserves a medal right? .... no...not according to the Mr-experience-driver husband who felt i should have sounded the horn to warn the car of my arrival as i manipulate a straight road. Like, hello?!?!?!??!, who goes around sounding the horn EACH time they drive past a traffic light unless they are ambulance dashing across a amber-turning-red traffic stop. I felt Rodman's demand was beyond acceptance. and that - coupled with the fact that he had targeted on the things i DIDN't do, instead of complimenting on what i had done - had me whining & crying like my pet-mosquito died. Thinking back, it was comical especially when Rodman profusely apologize just to cheer me up.
Baby says hello!! Yes, we should know the gender by now - no, we still don't know because there are no scan appointment from the last visit when it was too early to tell. It was frustrating really, i woke up excited - having lost sleep from the day before as it was finally time to reveal the gender. Drove to KK hospital only to be told we were only chatting with te Gynae today
like... WHAT?!??!?! "How are you?" "Everything ok?" "Have you finish your medicine?" "Let's hear the baby heartbeat"
and then i was send out the door - no scan to see the baby, only heard his/her heartbeat which is regular. i was so so so upset at the waste of time really.
Next appointment - with a scan in toll of course - after double clarifying with the nurses - gender reveal finaly. 7 April i cannot wait for you to come sooner.
Mum said i had a belly all along, so its no wonder i had visible baby bump so early on - i can't really tell if it is only food tummy actually, so here's a snap to show the first obvious bump at week 12. Man this clothes i wear, how long till i outgrown them, sigh..
Finally breaking into the loan clothes from Karen, and first up was this pretty sarong dress made to measure when Karen was carrying her twins. I tot i had them out at the right time (13 weeks in) but clearly my belly tells no lie.. because
That fateful day might be the last i'll seen of this bali-ish dress Maxi that i so fancy. My belly threaten to burst the dress & i cannot even attempt to suck in the tummy (its impossible, i've tried) as i went about the day carefully not to burst the seam. I need to return this dresses to Karen at the end of it all so better keep them in a good condition otherwise.
Another vest-improvised top that i loan from Karen, which i tot i will maximize its mileage through the pregnancy. I do really like how i look in it, with colleague commenting i dont look at all pregnant. But if you notice, the buttons at the chest are threatening to burst - Karen tease that i am more endown - so i should look at it on the brighter side.
I have been relatively happy, courtesy of Rodman being extraordinarily thoughtful. Most days i find myself being exaggeratedly happy from the least comical humor, in chinese we call this 笑点很底。 I have one noticeably weird emotional blast episode so far that saw me bursting into tears when all Rodman said was how i should have sounded the horn as i was driving & swiftly avoided a possible head-on collision with a Taxi driver.
You see, the driver had made a turn without checking for incoming car and i was the first in the tow to be maneuvering the straight road. Quite obviously i had the right of way but i jam brake anyhow to save my life as well as to warn the cars behind me of the impending danger. I had driven at a careful speed of 60km/h which was within speed limit so i had taken all the precaution & deserves a medal right? .... no...not according to the Mr-experience-driver husband who felt i should have sounded the horn to warn the car of my arrival as i manipulate a straight road. Like, hello?!?!?!??!, who goes around sounding the horn EACH time they drive past a traffic light unless they are ambulance dashing across a amber-turning-red traffic stop. I felt Rodman's demand was beyond acceptance. and that - coupled with the fact that he had targeted on the things i DIDN't do, instead of complimenting on what i had done - had me whining & crying like my pet-mosquito died. Thinking back, it was comical especially when Rodman profusely apologize just to cheer me up.
like... WHAT?!??!?! "How are you?" "Everything ok?" "Have you finish your medicine?" "Let's hear the baby heartbeat"
and then i was send out the door - no scan to see the baby, only heard his/her heartbeat which is regular. i was so so so upset at the waste of time really.
Next appointment - with a scan in toll of course - after double clarifying with the nurses - gender reveal finaly. 7 April i cannot wait for you to come sooner.
Finally breaking into the loan clothes from Karen, and first up was this pretty sarong dress made to measure when Karen was carrying her twins. I tot i had them out at the right time (13 weeks in) but clearly my belly tells no lie.. because
Another vest-improvised top that i loan from Karen, which i tot i will maximize its mileage through the pregnancy. I do really like how i look in it, with colleague commenting i dont look at all pregnant. But if you notice, the buttons at the chest are threatening to burst - Karen tease that i am more endown - so i should look at it on the brighter side.
On better days i finally spent some quality time with Baby Princess who have now grown into a fine young lady. She was outspoken & very clear on her articulation & demand. We had lunch & it was instructed from the start that she fancy only 署条， so fries it was. Since preggy Kristal wanted some fries too, i was allowed a handful before she hinted me to leave her fries alone.
Baby princess & me, i regretted not making more effort to see her through her many milestone, gonna create more memories with her if time permits. Can you spot my baby bump in the above picture?
Paperstop & i finally met! and we have endless of things to talk about - as usual.
Since i havent got a craving that day, we randomly joined a queue to spend more time chatting & wind up the night having one of the most satisfying meal this pregnancy! I didnt even get the name of the restaurant when we left but the exact location is clearly etched in my mind.
Basically, you sit on the rows of wake- commonly used plastic red chair & advance with the queue as it shortens. Rice barley water were served at interval to tie you through the bad wait. We must have clock all of 1 hr till it is our turn. As we walk in, it finally dawn upon us why the queue, it was quaint small restaurant with very limited sitting - about less than 20 pax per ""session""?
Anyway, you can ONLY choose from [SPECIAL] or [VEGETARIAN], so special it is! It is really weird just staring into the chef as they prepare your meal. It was only then that wwe learnt we were eating tempura - served with rice & a fried poached egg. A Chawamushi & a bowl of miso soup. No further question is asked.
Verdict - definitely render a return visit, i must have kept alot of friends in suspense & even Rodman is just waiting for the next trip when i gave in & reveal the locaation to him. I LOVE THIS RESTAURANT SOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO MUCH!!!~
Per set meal came to about S$19 each, you do not choose from varieties, and for some ppl who ate certain vegetables - Lady finger & Yam are DEFINITELY in the menu...
Finally decided to stop being so lazy & wake up at unearthly hour ((actually pretty erthly considering its 9am but its saturday & meant for sleep in)) to conquer Singapore Quarry. I must have to trek that since 1980??!?!? anyhooo Singapore Quarry checked & here's the latest baby bump pic - Baby is growing well at 16 weeks now :)
This is more obvious, also spot my boobs threatening to tear my sports bra apart.
One more closely similar shot because they all look so good i cannot post just 1.
And there you have it! One third completion to Baby's journey, just 24 more weeks to go- jia you!
Monday, February 20, 2017
Dong Dong Dong... Xiao Ji JI
04jan2017
After being reassured 3 times of your existence, out of the 4 test sticks we've taken. I've decided to ask for advise, and at this point i am thankful i did, because just when i thought i should take it slow, i realize i need to see a doctor ASAP. It is at this moment i felt that we were caught off guard. Despite it being the 2nd time we are feeling the same roller coaster of emotions, we were adamant to make this experience the best one.
I spoke to Jeff whose wife recently gave birth & he suggested i wasted no time to seeing a doctor, he also provided some perspective on govt versus private clinic. A lengthy discussion with Rodman later, we've decided that the best was to confirm (yes, once again because it is never too much to reassure us of your comfort inside) via a scan ASAP before we make the next decision.
05jan2017
i took half a day off work while Rodman lay at home suffering the aftermath of yet another bout of stomach flu, at this point he has lost 5kg by visiting the toilet puking & diarrhea. It was a tough time for us both because i was puking for all the weirdest reason & so was he.
Some point we will look back & remember we both suffer morning sickness while we had you :)
We left for our very first schedule appointment with W Clinic, it was after checking on the contact with Faye, who have delivered 3 times at Mount A. For some reason Rodman blurt out Mount A when we discuss where we can deliver you, so Mount A it shall be. Dr Ben was a gynae who was very neat & looks really young. Nevertheless he was really charming and carry an very confident aura as he speaks.
i learnt from the nurses that he has just arrived from the delivery suite not long ago, hence some of the appt were pushed behind. When i went in i mention we were 2 lost lambs who were unsure of what to do as it is our 1st visit. Yet, after discussing my medical condition with Dr Ben, he reassure me i am more experienced than alot of Mothers he has consulted. Seems like all this medical terms i have been encountering are finally paying off.
Dr Ben did a scan & we saw you for the very 1st time... if i can describe u in 1 word?
"SMALL"
like, very small, just hanging tightly onto me, a little blop, Dr Ben turned on the volume & both Rodman & i heard u for the very 1st time. I was about to feel all emotional but Dr Ben didnt allow that, i think he cut the volume off just in time for me to regain my saint (although Rodman didnt agree, he says he was very very touched to hear your heartbeat goes "Dong.. Dong.. dong")
Initial consultation & SGD$250 later, we left the clinic, it was a really short session & we discuss how our DongX3 (based on your heartbeat so punny i know) is making us feel so motivated. I also started regretting the Happy Meal i bought at 10pm last night & gobble down on the pretext of you being hungry. You were tiny & mighty but cannot possibly gobble the 4 pieces of McNugget & fries so i had no excuse for piling on my fats.
Xiaojiji (again, you were born in the year of Chicken, so more Pun intended), you are 9mm today, the size of 1 blueberry.
but have the love of 2 fully grown adults, who are eager to make sure you are well & comfortable inside..
6Jan2017
we moved house today, our first family home. There are alot of saying on how pregnant woman have to avoid the ceremony so you & i stayed comfortably at in-law's while Rodman gets the shifting done.
Today your Uncle Raymond learnt about the good news and he was very mindful especially when we were on the car to the new hse AFTER the ceremony was concluded. He even pick me out to lunch outside the hse when the bed was shift in because i am not suppose to be witnessing or present during any shift.
Uncle Raymond is excited that after yearning for a long time you finally came.
That night, we slept uneasy because the environment was new but Rodman was the most attentive, i gather that he probably fell sick the following day because of waking up constantly to check on me. Your Dad makes an Awesome husband & Daddy.
7Jan2017
I didnt have craving today or nausea, it got a little worrying as we busied ourselves silly the whole day with unpacking. Rodman & Hua also took countless trips back & forth between In-laws & new place delivering boxes after boxes of 2nd hand stuff. Shayne & Edmond render help in the form of unpacking my clothes & they were shock beyond words at my hoarding habits. At the end they commented it was easy to see why i needed 200 hangars & i might have to get more just to accomodating Rodman's pathetic collection.
That day we filled up a grand total of 70% of all the cupboards at home, i took a mental note that most clothings might soon not see the end of dark as i will probably lost this figure with you & the future. Maybe more throwing out by mid-year.
Also Xiao jiji, you dont have an official wardrobe space at home right now, my brain need to crack for more space.
We have great BBQ dinner where Rodman ordred extra hotpot as i was craving soup. I cannot tell if u wanted soup or was it just me? Nvm that thou as long as i got my tummy filled with yummy soup. i felt disgusted at meat after a few rounds, xiao jiji probably prefer eating clean, ok mental note taken.
8jan2017
Sleep got better because your Dad found a smart temporary solution to black out the room, he was also worried the dust at home might make us uncomfortable. Today your Aunt kristi will visit to get some crafting done.
Rodman & i had a small tiff about me holding scissors or painting as this was taboo especially during your time, i felt a little upset but it went away pretty fast. Your Daddy also got me a comfortable tee shirt as he was shoping for a air purifier while i was crafting at home. Its been a long while that he bought me a wearable it feels kinda sweet.
By night Rodman cooked us pasta. Aunt Kristi & Rodman work hand in hand to install the towel rack & set up the air purifier, i love the new Sharp Air purifier for its silence & clean air. Unfortunately Rodman fell sick all of a sudden cross midnight and his forehead was burning hot, Your dad is really working very hard to build us a comfortable place to live & raise you in. Xiaojiji i hope you adore your Daddy just like how i respect & adore mine so much.
i puke a little before bedtime, i reckon it was the cheese you were rejecting. I have since highlight dairy product as 1 of your dislike.
Today you are the size of a blue berry :)
9jan2017
MIL suppose to cook on monday but being the replacement for Confinement nanny for my SIL has taken a toll on her so we didnt make it back to Rodman's. We chose Nakhon Thai at holland Village because Xiao Ji ji wanted spicy sour food. It was a frustrating moment because i had alot of thoughts in my mind... i think when pregnant you tend to get very fickle minded. we must have went back & forth a few times before confirming on the dinner location. Today we also realize we will be spending $$ on dinner in future especially if we have no intention to cook. Rodman also got a little frustated when i insist on walking a little more & more after dinner, his shoes didnt serve him that well but i was feeling under the weather & really wanted the walking to stop the puking feeling.
Baby i hope we'll both have more patience for you soon.
10jan2017
Manage to secure a Polyclinic appt so as to reduce the possible charges incurred carrying you. I told Rodman we need to prepare for possible second kid after you, so it doesnt make sense to deliver you at some pretige hospital then possibly struggle to give your next siblings the same luxurious treatment. Dr Ben was really good but after some research we both agreed that KK hospital will probably take the same amount of great care for you & mummy.
The appt timing was very appropriate so i was the last patient for the evening & can do so after work. The doctor in charge knew exactly what to do after i explain my purpose, the entire process was over in a 2 hours much to my delight.
After the visit, we dabao dinner near the mall & took a long stroll home, then we did housework together & setttle for the night, you were fantastic today Baby, Mummy went to bed in a breeze & woke up feeling great & refresh!
11jan2017
Hello Xiaojiji, today Rodman & i went to run some errand and since i can no longer tell if i was hungry or just you asking for food, i went ahead & order a large of potato wedges for snacks. We had it in CDC cafe at Bendemeer road & the ambience there is worth a return visit. Then we collected the house carpet before heading to play with your Da jiejie Kayann. Kayann bring us so much joy & give us alot of hope on how cute you will be. At one point your Da jiejie step on mummy tummy & i was worried you will be uncomfortable, but it was overall a really good trip back home & enjoying my Mum (your grandma's) cooking. We left after finishing watching the last episode of the korean drama, much to ur Grandma's & Grandpa's dismay since they prefer to watch 118.
12jan2017
Xiaojiji was not nice today. Or rather, it was my fault because i wanted to give black soya sauce another shot so we grab some ccf soak in sweet sauce & yam for breakfast. By lunch, i had vomit most of the half packet out, and decided to leave the balance food uneaten to throw.
I was craving for porridge real bad & since the meeting schedule today ended ahead of schedule, i made sweet potato porridge with stir fried french bean, steam tofu with mince meat & reheat cann spicy pork & the half packet of CCF from morning for dinner. i think Rodman enjoy the dinner i whip, though i was personally feeling under the weather especially when i came into contact with meat.
Xiaojiji i think you prefer healthy diet, vege porridge & soupy stuff... Mummy will take note.
13jan2017
i am in a fabulous appetite today. By now puking & re-eating becomes an routine, i forget how i suffer when feeling nausea then over eat again & again. Staycation happening tomorrow to celebrate 2 years of marrying Rodman, finally something to look forward to.
14jan2017
We woke up bright & early to grab breakfast & also to send Timmy for car polishing. This might be the final time we get to doll up Timmy. Coincidently, you might or might not be in time to meet Timmy before we get a new car. Please remember once upon a car, Mummy drove a mini car but small as he was, he was mighty! We moved into your 1st home with the help of Timmy, Rodman drove Timmy back & forth your grandparent's place umpteen times till we shifted most of the furnitures & boxes in. Your Uncle Raymond also took part in shifting the place since i was carrying you & not suitable to be lugging heavyweights.
Once Timmy was shining bright we checked into Parkroyal hotel where Rodman fell asleep all through the afternoon & before you know it, it was dinner time. I guess the thought of not having to keep the place tidy & clean unlike our home does great to getting him to relax. We grab Taimei's BBQ chicken coupled with Zam Zam famous bee hoon goreng & Murtabak for dinner then settled in for a night of more sleep. Did i mention the bathtub was cozy & warm so i soak myself inside for a good 45min, it was really a worthy staycation.
15jan2017
checked out of the hotel today and we were ahead of the required timing. Perhaps staycay doesnt work that well for us afterall since we just moved into our new place! Wanted badly to head home as i was feeling sleepy & lethargic. So we head home & both fell promptly asleep till 4 where we set off to attend baby sophie 4th month celebration.
I seem to take on a intense craving for Bee hoon, after the hotel breakfast which i ate a bowl of bee hoon soup, i went on to eat bee hoon fish soup for lunch & for dinner it was stir fried bee hoon. Never knew i had such high treshold for bee hoon, think we could be heading for a right diet direction (less the puke before bed, too much of the OTHER food on top of bee hoon that day)
16jan2017
Its going to be back at Rodman's parent place for dinner today. After yesterday episode of puke, i find myself unwell this morning, especially lethargic & extremely sleepy. I must have reached office at 8? Only to fall asleep right on my desk from 8.30-9am. So glad i wasnt caught (or was i? but they were too scared to ask ahahaha).
Decided today will be the day i cut my food intake into different interval. Starting from breakfast i had small bites every 2 hourly until it was time to knock off, it could be small meals as tiny as some slice tomato & the body felt so much better.
For dinner, Rodman lied to his Mum that he was suffering from stomach flu when he ate Dark soya sauce (which was the bane of most of my misery - Dark soya sauce anything!!). So MIL stir fried some mee-tai-mak without the sauce & it tasted really good. Rodman also decided it will be a great day to throw in some herbal soup (because herbal soup was part of my healthy diet according to our previous TCM). We lied again that we wanted to add some dishes for dinner so no one question us further. I went home full, and again reminding myself i needed to eat lesser for dinner since i dont usually feel hungry by evening.
Looks like i might have strike it right with the diet plan today.
17jan2017
today we head to Ma's place for dinner, but didnt stay very long because we were "assigned" to do housework.
Rodman whine quite abit, and threw his tantrum. I should really consider being less rigid about keeping the house clean but i tot the schedule plan was good enough (we had rest day on Monday, wednesday, Friday) with only 1 task per housework day ( he vacuum, i mop) (he scrub toilet floor & mop it dry; i wipe all the bottom cabinets & window)... Yet Rodman wasnt getting used to this, he told me that it was really tiring especially after a day of work. hmm.. i am routine person when it comes to housework, so i told him he could skip his chores & made it up when he feels like it, but he emphasize that i was "pressuring" him with my walking up & down, cleaning around him.
Some more compromising needed for sure, we will work it out.
18jan2017
We got married 2 years ago!!~ And he is still as charming, if not better! i am so so excited about the future we'll be crafting together!!~
Mr romantic also ordered a bouquet of very very very pretty flowers! i didnt expect him to finally get what i liked but he did - no advise for the type of bouquet from his fellow girl friends just him catching all the type of things i love & puttng them into a pretty pretty bouquet
20jan2017
Meals were taken promptly & my appetite seems better today. I even suggested KFC & Macdonald which i have been avoiding for sometime for dinner (oily food leaves a very bad after taste in my body especially during this period)
We did some light housework then Rodman went off for his soccer (good job less the myth of Daddy's belly becoming reality) and then the fatigue came in soon after, i must have laid around on the sofa feeling super off & slightly nausea, then head to bed & continue feeling unsure if i was slipping in real sleep or not. By 11pm when Rodman return home & i was feeling certain there is nothing to be of concern about i fell into a deep sleep.
21jan2017
Rodman drove his family out to marketing first thing in the morning, and i was still in a deep sleep. Sleep is real bonus especially when i dont have to wake up to the sound of the alarm. Not long after i woke, it must have crossed lunch hour because Rodman have returned with lunch & i munch the entire thing down. We sat around a little then headed to MIL to babysit the Edyth -- which btw fail big time because clearly she despise our company, It ended up with my MIL taking time off her schedule to coo her to bed while we watch tv. We left defeated - to IKEA to grab some furnitures & grocery to whip out dinner.
So IKEA this time was a straight forward affair. We only pay extra attention to the aisle we needed our stuff & headed straight to the tilt. Then my hunger pang strike again & we had a bowl of noodle at the hawker in GIANT. the crowd was too much for me to handle so i grab the bare necessity we needed to make a simple dinner & headed home.
Dinner was comforting and we rested early for the night.
22jan2017
Today was a day of running errand, but it was for a good cause. Our nieces celebrated fullmonth/brthday on the same day so there were 2 parties to ran to.
Afternoon came & Rodman send me to a long stroll to grab some tools while he drill the wall at home. It was worrying because this fellow is no expert at carpentry - thou he definitely deserve some credit after all this years of hearing how i adore men who did carpentry & he has came a long way... Our hse is finally completed with the hole in the wall & the curtain installation.
For a mini celebration we headed out for dinner but ended up spending hundreds (whats new)on groceries & whats-not for CNY. Haix, we really need to tied our strings tighter & be less flex with financing man.
Long story short, we accomplished alot for the house today so we were dead beat by bedtime, we wrap some angpow in preparation of CNY then lights off where i had a deep deeep sleep till daybreak.
23jan2017
Worst traffic ever, jam everywhere & all that concentration on the road makes me so tired even before i start work. Also the ERP $.50 per trip is really getting on my nerves, i need to stay calm & chirpy what is this crap.
Headed to Fatty Foo's parent place where Aunty pass me some toilet scent she help purchase from her market place. So many people are being really sweet to me, i need to appreciate & give thanks to every one.
Read up on #dayrehorror tales & came across some article on 陈老师， she is the famous name that often pops up on 来自星星的事 as the solution to alot of bad hauntings. So apparently a dayre blogger visited her during her trip to Taiwan, then it mention that 妈祖娘娘 whom 陈老师 seek the divine help in solving matter often find Singaporean paying them a visit mostly for expanding their family brood.
Which totally reminded me that i was in Taiwan back in November 2016, and with the help of our efficient tour guide, manage to pay our respect to a temple in Taiwan that also pray to 妈祖娘娘。 For a minute, i had this vision that i might just have asked the Holy for blessing for a healthy child, then by december came the news that i was pregnant with xiaojiji. I begin to panick/actually excited
that my prayers was really answered & what could possibly be the next steps? Upon seeking advice from Rodman, we felt that whether our prayers were really answered we should also return our thanks when we get the chance to visit 妈祖娘娘 once more.
Never doubted the greatness of the majestic above, just decided this time that the correct article came into my view at the right that seems to clear the doubts i have that exist somewhere inside my heart. It was a great feeling to fit this puzzle :)
24jan2017
My attempt at poking some insights on the bonus was futile, but from what i gather, it seems this year we will not expect too much in terms of bonus, or the pay review. It has been what - 5 years since i join the company & maybe my career luck didnt sit right with the company, hahah becuase i have yet to experience the "fat bonus" that was much talk about when i first joined the company.
Sad is the owner of a great car that will soon scrap this september 2017, i have officially 8 months to save enough for the next car & with the baby due the same time, it is kinda getting worrying.
After being reassured 3 times of your existence, out of the 4 test sticks we've taken. I've decided to ask for advise, and at this point i am thankful i did, because just when i thought i should take it slow, i realize i need to see a doctor ASAP. It is at this moment i felt that we were caught off guard. Despite it being the 2nd time we are feeling the same roller coaster of emotions, we were adamant to make this experience the best one.
I spoke to Jeff whose wife recently gave birth & he suggested i wasted no time to seeing a doctor, he also provided some perspective on govt versus private clinic. A lengthy discussion with Rodman later, we've decided that the best was to confirm (yes, once again because it is never too much to reassure us of your comfort inside) via a scan ASAP before we make the next decision.
05jan2017
i took half a day off work while Rodman lay at home suffering the aftermath of yet another bout of stomach flu, at this point he has lost 5kg by visiting the toilet puking & diarrhea. It was a tough time for us both because i was puking for all the weirdest reason & so was he.
Some point we will look back & remember we both suffer morning sickness while we had you :)
We left for our very first schedule appointment with W Clinic, it was after checking on the contact with Faye, who have delivered 3 times at Mount A. For some reason Rodman blurt out Mount A when we discuss where we can deliver you, so Mount A it shall be. Dr Ben was a gynae who was very neat & looks really young. Nevertheless he was really charming and carry an very confident aura as he speaks.
i learnt from the nurses that he has just arrived from the delivery suite not long ago, hence some of the appt were pushed behind. When i went in i mention we were 2 lost lambs who were unsure of what to do as it is our 1st visit. Yet, after discussing my medical condition with Dr Ben, he reassure me i am more experienced than alot of Mothers he has consulted. Seems like all this medical terms i have been encountering are finally paying off.
Dr Ben did a scan & we saw you for the very 1st time... if i can describe u in 1 word?
"SMALL"
like, very small, just hanging tightly onto me, a little blop, Dr Ben turned on the volume & both Rodman & i heard u for the very 1st time. I was about to feel all emotional but Dr Ben didnt allow that, i think he cut the volume off just in time for me to regain my saint (although Rodman didnt agree, he says he was very very touched to hear your heartbeat goes "Dong.. Dong.. dong")
Initial consultation & SGD$250 later, we left the clinic, it was a really short session & we discuss how our DongX3 (based on your heartbeat so punny i know) is making us feel so motivated. I also started regretting the Happy Meal i bought at 10pm last night & gobble down on the pretext of you being hungry. You were tiny & mighty but cannot possibly gobble the 4 pieces of McNugget & fries so i had no excuse for piling on my fats.
Xiaojiji (again, you were born in the year of Chicken, so more Pun intended), you are 9mm today, the size of 1 blueberry.
but have the love of 2 fully grown adults, who are eager to make sure you are well & comfortable inside..
6Jan2017
we moved house today, our first family home. There are alot of saying on how pregnant woman have to avoid the ceremony so you & i stayed comfortably at in-law's while Rodman gets the shifting done.
Today your Uncle Raymond learnt about the good news and he was very mindful especially when we were on the car to the new hse AFTER the ceremony was concluded. He even pick me out to lunch outside the hse when the bed was shift in because i am not suppose to be witnessing or present during any shift.
Uncle Raymond is excited that after yearning for a long time you finally came.
That night, we slept uneasy because the environment was new but Rodman was the most attentive, i gather that he probably fell sick the following day because of waking up constantly to check on me. Your Dad makes an Awesome husband & Daddy.
7Jan2017
I didnt have craving today or nausea, it got a little worrying as we busied ourselves silly the whole day with unpacking. Rodman & Hua also took countless trips back & forth between In-laws & new place delivering boxes after boxes of 2nd hand stuff. Shayne & Edmond render help in the form of unpacking my clothes & they were shock beyond words at my hoarding habits. At the end they commented it was easy to see why i needed 200 hangars & i might have to get more just to accomodating Rodman's pathetic collection.
That day we filled up a grand total of 70% of all the cupboards at home, i took a mental note that most clothings might soon not see the end of dark as i will probably lost this figure with you & the future. Maybe more throwing out by mid-year.
Also Xiao jiji, you dont have an official wardrobe space at home right now, my brain need to crack for more space.
We have great BBQ dinner where Rodman ordred extra hotpot as i was craving soup. I cannot tell if u wanted soup or was it just me? Nvm that thou as long as i got my tummy filled with yummy soup. i felt disgusted at meat after a few rounds, xiao jiji probably prefer eating clean, ok mental note taken.
8jan2017
Sleep got better because your Dad found a smart temporary solution to black out the room, he was also worried the dust at home might make us uncomfortable. Today your Aunt kristi will visit to get some crafting done.
Rodman & i had a small tiff about me holding scissors or painting as this was taboo especially during your time, i felt a little upset but it went away pretty fast. Your Daddy also got me a comfortable tee shirt as he was shoping for a air purifier while i was crafting at home. Its been a long while that he bought me a wearable it feels kinda sweet.
By night Rodman cooked us pasta. Aunt Kristi & Rodman work hand in hand to install the towel rack & set up the air purifier, i love the new Sharp Air purifier for its silence & clean air. Unfortunately Rodman fell sick all of a sudden cross midnight and his forehead was burning hot, Your dad is really working very hard to build us a comfortable place to live & raise you in. Xiaojiji i hope you adore your Daddy just like how i respect & adore mine so much.
i puke a little before bedtime, i reckon it was the cheese you were rejecting. I have since highlight dairy product as 1 of your dislike.
Today you are the size of a blue berry :)
9jan2017
MIL suppose to cook on monday but being the replacement for Confinement nanny for my SIL has taken a toll on her so we didnt make it back to Rodman's. We chose Nakhon Thai at holland Village because Xiao Ji ji wanted spicy sour food. It was a frustrating moment because i had alot of thoughts in my mind... i think when pregnant you tend to get very fickle minded. we must have went back & forth a few times before confirming on the dinner location. Today we also realize we will be spending $$ on dinner in future especially if we have no intention to cook. Rodman also got a little frustated when i insist on walking a little more & more after dinner, his shoes didnt serve him that well but i was feeling under the weather & really wanted the walking to stop the puking feeling.
Baby i hope we'll both have more patience for you soon.
10jan2017
Manage to secure a Polyclinic appt so as to reduce the possible charges incurred carrying you. I told Rodman we need to prepare for possible second kid after you, so it doesnt make sense to deliver you at some pretige hospital then possibly struggle to give your next siblings the same luxurious treatment. Dr Ben was really good but after some research we both agreed that KK hospital will probably take the same amount of great care for you & mummy.
The appt timing was very appropriate so i was the last patient for the evening & can do so after work. The doctor in charge knew exactly what to do after i explain my purpose, the entire process was over in a 2 hours much to my delight.
After the visit, we dabao dinner near the mall & took a long stroll home, then we did housework together & setttle for the night, you were fantastic today Baby, Mummy went to bed in a breeze & woke up feeling great & refresh!
11jan2017
Hello Xiaojiji, today Rodman & i went to run some errand and since i can no longer tell if i was hungry or just you asking for food, i went ahead & order a large of potato wedges for snacks. We had it in CDC cafe at Bendemeer road & the ambience there is worth a return visit. Then we collected the house carpet before heading to play with your Da jiejie Kayann. Kayann bring us so much joy & give us alot of hope on how cute you will be. At one point your Da jiejie step on mummy tummy & i was worried you will be uncomfortable, but it was overall a really good trip back home & enjoying my Mum (your grandma's) cooking. We left after finishing watching the last episode of the korean drama, much to ur Grandma's & Grandpa's dismay since they prefer to watch 118.
12jan2017
Xiaojiji was not nice today. Or rather, it was my fault because i wanted to give black soya sauce another shot so we grab some ccf soak in sweet sauce & yam for breakfast. By lunch, i had vomit most of the half packet out, and decided to leave the balance food uneaten to throw.
I was craving for porridge real bad & since the meeting schedule today ended ahead of schedule, i made sweet potato porridge with stir fried french bean, steam tofu with mince meat & reheat cann spicy pork & the half packet of CCF from morning for dinner. i think Rodman enjoy the dinner i whip, though i was personally feeling under the weather especially when i came into contact with meat.
Xiaojiji i think you prefer healthy diet, vege porridge & soupy stuff... Mummy will take note.
13jan2017
i am in a fabulous appetite today. By now puking & re-eating becomes an routine, i forget how i suffer when feeling nausea then over eat again & again. Staycation happening tomorrow to celebrate 2 years of marrying Rodman, finally something to look forward to.
14jan2017
We woke up bright & early to grab breakfast & also to send Timmy for car polishing. This might be the final time we get to doll up Timmy. Coincidently, you might or might not be in time to meet Timmy before we get a new car. Please remember once upon a car, Mummy drove a mini car but small as he was, he was mighty! We moved into your 1st home with the help of Timmy, Rodman drove Timmy back & forth your grandparent's place umpteen times till we shifted most of the furnitures & boxes in. Your Uncle Raymond also took part in shifting the place since i was carrying you & not suitable to be lugging heavyweights.
Once Timmy was shining bright we checked into Parkroyal hotel where Rodman fell asleep all through the afternoon & before you know it, it was dinner time. I guess the thought of not having to keep the place tidy & clean unlike our home does great to getting him to relax. We grab Taimei's BBQ chicken coupled with Zam Zam famous bee hoon goreng & Murtabak for dinner then settled in for a night of more sleep. Did i mention the bathtub was cozy & warm so i soak myself inside for a good 45min, it was really a worthy staycation.
15jan2017
checked out of the hotel today and we were ahead of the required timing. Perhaps staycay doesnt work that well for us afterall since we just moved into our new place! Wanted badly to head home as i was feeling sleepy & lethargic. So we head home & both fell promptly asleep till 4 where we set off to attend baby sophie 4th month celebration.
I seem to take on a intense craving for Bee hoon, after the hotel breakfast which i ate a bowl of bee hoon soup, i went on to eat bee hoon fish soup for lunch & for dinner it was stir fried bee hoon. Never knew i had such high treshold for bee hoon, think we could be heading for a right diet direction (less the puke before bed, too much of the OTHER food on top of bee hoon that day)
16jan2017
Its going to be back at Rodman's parent place for dinner today. After yesterday episode of puke, i find myself unwell this morning, especially lethargic & extremely sleepy. I must have reached office at 8? Only to fall asleep right on my desk from 8.30-9am. So glad i wasnt caught (or was i? but they were too scared to ask ahahaha).
Decided today will be the day i cut my food intake into different interval. Starting from breakfast i had small bites every 2 hourly until it was time to knock off, it could be small meals as tiny as some slice tomato & the body felt so much better.
For dinner, Rodman lied to his Mum that he was suffering from stomach flu when he ate Dark soya sauce (which was the bane of most of my misery - Dark soya sauce anything!!). So MIL stir fried some mee-tai-mak without the sauce & it tasted really good. Rodman also decided it will be a great day to throw in some herbal soup (because herbal soup was part of my healthy diet according to our previous TCM). We lied again that we wanted to add some dishes for dinner so no one question us further. I went home full, and again reminding myself i needed to eat lesser for dinner since i dont usually feel hungry by evening.
Looks like i might have strike it right with the diet plan today.
17jan2017
today we head to Ma's place for dinner, but didnt stay very long because we were "assigned" to do housework.
Rodman whine quite abit, and threw his tantrum. I should really consider being less rigid about keeping the house clean but i tot the schedule plan was good enough (we had rest day on Monday, wednesday, Friday) with only 1 task per housework day ( he vacuum, i mop) (he scrub toilet floor & mop it dry; i wipe all the bottom cabinets & window)... Yet Rodman wasnt getting used to this, he told me that it was really tiring especially after a day of work. hmm.. i am routine person when it comes to housework, so i told him he could skip his chores & made it up when he feels like it, but he emphasize that i was "pressuring" him with my walking up & down, cleaning around him.
Some more compromising needed for sure, we will work it out.
18jan2017
We got married 2 years ago!!~ And he is still as charming, if not better! i am so so excited about the future we'll be crafting together!!~
Mr romantic also ordered a bouquet of very very very pretty flowers! i didnt expect him to finally get what i liked but he did - no advise for the type of bouquet from his fellow girl friends just him catching all the type of things i love & puttng them into a pretty pretty bouquet
Still all white roses (( subtle pink but at least alot of greens to compensate)) this bouquet is so pretty i cannot stop staring, now onwrds to the sulking part of watching it turn into brown dry flowers. I wanna keep each stalk as perfect as i possibly can!!
Everything else that night was secondary, had some time in between to drop Kayann a visit & watch her smile & hug her chubs, it was a great day. We end up dining & listening to live band before calling it a day.
19jan2017
Another carefully crafted trip to JB for work, took out all the accessories & fuel up with bee hoon for breakfast, manage to grab some light bites for lunch at Tang Shi Fu then its back to SG safely!!
I also met up with Paperstop for her dinner treat & thou the food was not fantastic, the company surely was!!~ She gave me a pretty Kate Spade bangle that i keep so dearly, Rodman then went home got the moppping floor done & came to fetch me, It was god-sent because i was too tired from driving to Malaysia that morning so manage to catch a wink on the train enroute to Tanjong Pagar. i feel bad for making Rodman travel despite resting at home after a day of work, but he did it for you Xiaojiji, so it was probably worth it.
I fell asleep promptly once i hit the sack, sleeping has never been easier :)
Meals were taken promptly & my appetite seems better today. I even suggested KFC & Macdonald which i have been avoiding for sometime for dinner (oily food leaves a very bad after taste in my body especially during this period)
We did some light housework then Rodman went off for his soccer (good job less the myth of Daddy's belly becoming reality) and then the fatigue came in soon after, i must have laid around on the sofa feeling super off & slightly nausea, then head to bed & continue feeling unsure if i was slipping in real sleep or not. By 11pm when Rodman return home & i was feeling certain there is nothing to be of concern about i fell into a deep sleep.
21jan2017
Rodman drove his family out to marketing first thing in the morning, and i was still in a deep sleep. Sleep is real bonus especially when i dont have to wake up to the sound of the alarm. Not long after i woke, it must have crossed lunch hour because Rodman have returned with lunch & i munch the entire thing down. We sat around a little then headed to MIL to babysit the Edyth -- which btw fail big time because clearly she despise our company, It ended up with my MIL taking time off her schedule to coo her to bed while we watch tv. We left defeated - to IKEA to grab some furnitures & grocery to whip out dinner.
So IKEA this time was a straight forward affair. We only pay extra attention to the aisle we needed our stuff & headed straight to the tilt. Then my hunger pang strike again & we had a bowl of noodle at the hawker in GIANT. the crowd was too much for me to handle so i grab the bare necessity we needed to make a simple dinner & headed home.
Dinner was comforting and we rested early for the night.
22jan2017
Today was a day of running errand, but it was for a good cause. Our nieces celebrated fullmonth/brthday on the same day so there were 2 parties to ran to.
Afternoon came & Rodman send me to a long stroll to grab some tools while he drill the wall at home. It was worrying because this fellow is no expert at carpentry - thou he definitely deserve some credit after all this years of hearing how i adore men who did carpentry & he has came a long way... Our hse is finally completed with the hole in the wall & the curtain installation.
For a mini celebration we headed out for dinner but ended up spending hundreds (whats new)on groceries & whats-not for CNY. Haix, we really need to tied our strings tighter & be less flex with financing man.
Long story short, we accomplished alot for the house today so we were dead beat by bedtime, we wrap some angpow in preparation of CNY then lights off where i had a deep deeep sleep till daybreak.
23jan2017
Worst traffic ever, jam everywhere & all that concentration on the road makes me so tired even before i start work. Also the ERP $.50 per trip is really getting on my nerves, i need to stay calm & chirpy what is this crap.
Headed to Fatty Foo's parent place where Aunty pass me some toilet scent she help purchase from her market place. So many people are being really sweet to me, i need to appreciate & give thanks to every one.
Read up on #dayrehorror tales & came across some article on 陈老师， she is the famous name that often pops up on 来自星星的事 as the solution to alot of bad hauntings. So apparently a dayre blogger visited her during her trip to Taiwan, then it mention that 妈祖娘娘 whom 陈老师 seek the divine help in solving matter often find Singaporean paying them a visit mostly for expanding their family brood.
Which totally reminded me that i was in Taiwan back in November 2016, and with the help of our efficient tour guide, manage to pay our respect to a temple in Taiwan that also pray to 妈祖娘娘。 For a minute, i had this vision that i might just have asked the Holy for blessing for a healthy child, then by december came the news that i was pregnant with xiaojiji. I begin to panick/actually excited
that my prayers was really answered & what could possibly be the next steps? Upon seeking advice from Rodman, we felt that whether our prayers were really answered we should also return our thanks when we get the chance to visit 妈祖娘娘 once more.
Never doubted the greatness of the majestic above, just decided this time that the correct article came into my view at the right that seems to clear the doubts i have that exist somewhere inside my heart. It was a great feeling to fit this puzzle :)
24jan2017
My attempt at poking some insights on the bonus was futile, but from what i gather, it seems this year we will not expect too much in terms of bonus, or the pay review. It has been what - 5 years since i join the company & maybe my career luck didnt sit right with the company, hahah becuase i have yet to experience the "fat bonus" that was much talk about when i first joined the company.
Sad is the owner of a great car that will soon scrap this september 2017, i have officially 8 months to save enough for the next car & with the baby due the same time, it is kinda getting worrying.
Monday, February 06, 2017
Now where do i begin?
Between this short period i have experience a couple of things/incidents that left so much values in my heart
- i had the house to myself, unable to attend the wake of a person who deserve my respect
- i had the freedom to do anything i want, and then learnt i wasnt all that keen on being alone as i thought i would like
- i have an amazing sister who drops everything on her sleeves to keep me company
- i saw some memories on facebook leading to events that took places over the past years, and then remember all the good deeds & people that have supported me & shaped me into who i am today
it's an amazing & helluva ride to have this injected hormones in me suddenly so i get all emotional and learn to see things in different perspective.
Sometimes u tend to look straight at the one destination you set to reached, and along the way you ignore alot of valuable things that pop up here & there. I am blessed beyond my imagination & i have been so damn ignorant to fail to see them. But lucky me, i have been given so many opportunities to slowly unwrap them bit by bit, feeling luckier & luckier with each realization. Such is an amazing feeling to feel like the world is hugging you & you feel so warm from the cosiness.
i.must.have.done.somethiing.right.to.deserve.all.this!
Between this short period i have experience a couple of things/incidents that left so much values in my heart
- i had the house to myself, unable to attend the wake of a person who deserve my respect
- i had the freedom to do anything i want, and then learnt i wasnt all that keen on being alone as i thought i would like
- i have an amazing sister who drops everything on her sleeves to keep me company
- i saw some memories on facebook leading to events that took places over the past years, and then remember all the good deeds & people that have supported me & shaped me into who i am today
it's an amazing & helluva ride to have this injected hormones in me suddenly so i get all emotional and learn to see things in different perspective.
Sometimes u tend to look straight at the one destination you set to reached, and along the way you ignore alot of valuable things that pop up here & there. I am blessed beyond my imagination & i have been so damn ignorant to fail to see them. But lucky me, i have been given so many opportunities to slowly unwrap them bit by bit, feeling luckier & luckier with each realization. Such is an amazing feeling to feel like the world is hugging you & you feel so warm from the cosiness.
i.must.have.done.somethiing.right.to.deserve.all.this!
Tuesday, January 10, 2017
Home tour
For me i felt like a part of me has lost my identity. If you recall in nov 2013, my family & i shifted out from our Aunt's place where we stayed with since 2009. We finally bought a comfortable flat with all our savings & shifted in. Then in 2014, Rodman proposed & we started planning for the wedding and that was when i realize i was doom to shift out of the house i meant to stay.
In 2015, Rodman & i got married so i left my parents' place & headed over to his Parents' place where we put up through till Dec 2016. If i did my math correctly, the longest i ever had a place/room to call my own was max 2 years?
It could be my hormones doing its dirty tricks but when i recall i haven had a proper place to feel like i truly belong, it feels as thou i havent had a proper identity to call my own. So today i am staying in this aprtment & only our 4th day in, i get this strangely foreign feeling like i better not unpack everything in case i have to pack them up again. so much for being in my home country, with my fellow family members & not feeling like i belong eh.
clar, if you are reading this, i get that feeling i just might be able to get used being away from Singapore since moving really isnt quite a big thing for me anymore.
A large bulk of the materials in the house were source through Taobao. I shuttle between using Prime $2.99 & 4Px services, depending on how important the goods were to us. The sofa bed above was one such Taobao purchase that i manage to secure via Prime $2.99 prime service. A honest review of this bed that cost me an overall $132 including shipping is --> if i had a second chance i probably wont get it. Considering "frequent" guest in our house, the bed cannot sleep 2 pax & it feels kinda hollow in the middle when you sit on it. I told Rodman i might grab a comforter to overlay the sofa so it adds to the tenderness of the bed when u sleep. We also agreed tat this will serve a max 2 years before we invest in a more comfortable bed for our guest.
So far no one actually agree that it looks anywhere outstanding but Rodman & adore the rusty finish on the bench legs, even if it flakes rust like nobody's business when u accidentally brush against it. The salesperson assure us that the Rust were intentionally casted and that the metal legs will rust no further. Somehow i find it added alot of taste especially to our floor tiles.
1 main reason to choose this floor tiles is because i hate to see hair strands on the floor but knew they are unavoidable, it is not that i dont clean that often but i dont want to see ourselves as slave to the daily task of picking away at every strands we see on the floor. I also personally feel the tiles add a raw touch to the floor and that its a welcoming sign that you can sometimes ignore the sofa & chill on the floor, which is very cooling to the touch especially when the wind is in our favor.
We cannot avoid the busk of living in busy Singapore so at least we have this space here to remind us that among the fast pace, there is always time to sit back &
If you cannot tell by now, we live in the very heart of TPE, with the next stretch of apartment at least an expressway width away. you will notice there are trees at the lower bottom of the window, which are the trees along the expressway surrounding 2-way traffic.
We are still short of purchasing 3 tall chairs to be place by the kitchen island so as to host friends, but already many are commenting how they cannot wait to host the next "MasterChef" in our very kitchen.
The corridor to the bedrooms are like any other, we are still awaiting the carpet from Taobao to arrived to be placed here, again for Fengshui reason.
A wooden shelf on top of the toilet bowl from IKEA meant to place some decorative & guest towel.
Toilet sink was from Hoe Kee, minimal cost (about 100++) and shaped like an ingot for auspicious purpose
Basin tap is from Taobao
Vanity quartz i black with crystal flakes as part of the renovation packaging
Lastly, the mirror is from IKEA again, matching the wooden shelf on its right.
Wednesday, January 04, 2017
it has ended
19sept2016
Dear seedling,
Dear seedling,
today you gave us all a scare, i had some brown discharge that looks like nothing i should be too concern about, that was Saturday.
By Monday, it had turn to a dark shades of red, and the volumn increases. I googled and the information gather scares me. Some says it is nothing to be worry about and that :-
-Dark Brown & Deep red = Spotting
-Light Red = bleeding
Since it truly looks like spotting at this point, there is nothing too concerning & the reason to this is perhaps because there are some expired blood from the last period that is being discharged. Or it could only mean early pregnancy, which is this case seems to work really well for us both.
K.chng says to monitor it but i wast sure what "a little"and "a lot" means here. She says a dallop of 50cent coin worthy is nothing to be concern about, while when it stain the entire pantyliner we should seek help.
20sept2016
你如风来，但也如风走
还没来得及，也完全没有勇气渴望你的存在
他说“没期望，哪儿来的希望？”
也唯有抱着这个信念，才可以塔回原点
还没来得及想像你会是怎么样的粘着我？
没来得及碰一下肚子触摸你的感觉
没来得及选择是严格对待，还是开心就好
没来得及告诉你，我们会对你的依赖
他说“是有点可惜，但生命无常”
我轻轻的说声对不起，又无阻的掉眼泪了
是应该比以前更加勇敢，毕竟走过的路更苦过
怎么随着年龄，自信却越来越少了呢
晚上的夜空比白天来得可怜，流着血躺着等待一切快点过去
“等你好了从新再来， promise me you wont give up"
一定，我一定立马加倍努力！
一次失败练心痛，下次不会犯同样错误
有了他的鼓励，突然觉得自己好虚伪
虽然赔不完这辈子的欠债，却没有勇气离开
我是不会让他一个人，或然别人有机会比我对他好
我要比现在更努力，一切从零点开始加油
我可能不可以在想你了，眼前的路还好远
一辈子很长，我含他，我们还有更美的未来
今天我为你流血，医生说该来得躲不掉
我想愧疚，可是我更想从新面对下个挑战
原谅我的自私，可是请了解我的信念
时间会磨掉记忆，我也想把一切只留到现在为止
我们的缘分已到，所以我会将这份情，
留给下个愿意于我们共同进退的缘分
我好气你没有我们的奋斗，为什么没有为我们努力。。。。
20sept2016
你如风来，但也如风走
还没来得及，也完全没有勇气渴望你的存在
他说“没期望，哪儿来的希望？”
也唯有抱着这个信念，才可以塔回原点
还没来得及想像你会是怎么样的粘着我？
没来得及碰一下肚子触摸你的感觉
没来得及选择是严格对待，还是开心就好
没来得及告诉你，我们会对你的依赖
他说“是有点可惜，但生命无常”
我轻轻的说声对不起，又无阻的掉眼泪了
是应该比以前更加勇敢，毕竟走过的路更苦过
怎么随着年龄，自信却越来越少了呢
晚上的夜空比白天来得可怜，流着血躺着等待一切快点过去
“等你好了从新再来， promise me you wont give up"
一定，我一定立马加倍努力！
一次失败练心痛，下次不会犯同样错误
有了他的鼓励，突然觉得自己好虚伪
虽然赔不完这辈子的欠债，却没有勇气离开
我是不会让他一个人，或然别人有机会比我对他好
我要比现在更努力，一切从零点开始加油
我可能不可以在想你了，眼前的路还好远
一辈子很长，我含他，我们还有更美的未来
今天我为你流血，医生说该来得躲不掉
我想愧疚，可是我更想从新面对下个挑战
原谅我的自私，可是请了解我的信念
时间会磨掉记忆，我也想把一切只留到现在为止
我们的缘分已到，所以我会将这份情，
留给下个愿意于我们共同进退的缘分
我好气你没有我们的奋斗，为什么没有为我们努力。。。。
I had a long weekend, a really eventful one so i felt pretty good about it.
First there was the dinner with Paperstop, when i would feel rewind & just took the focus off myself.
Paperstop always neeeded me to hear her out, to tell me about her stuff,
and as much as i dont really understand most of the jingle she mention about her industry, it was good to try to match the scenario i picture in my head against her problem,
our approach to different things are also vastly different, but that is how we roll all this while, with her sometimes seeing new lights to the matter on hands with my perspective & me vice versa..
First there was the dinner with Paperstop, when i would feel rewind & just took the focus off myself.
Paperstop always neeeded me to hear her out, to tell me about her stuff,
and as much as i dont really understand most of the jingle she mention about her industry, it was good to try to match the scenario i picture in my head against her problem,
our approach to different things are also vastly different, but that is how we roll all this while, with her sometimes seeing new lights to the matter on hands with my perspective & me vice versa..
The reveal #HarvestRodKrisSeed
14sept2016
on this day....
Cuzzie Vivien celebrated her birthday
i arrived at NUH for the CT scan as part of the preparation for ops
i have missed my menses for 10 days now,
the Sinseh advise us to drop her a visit on 8sept2016 if my period was late, but considering since then i received a series of unfortunate & shocking news about this Op, i laid it down to stress.
Stress, the same stress that causes me to miss the entire month of period in May 2016, the same stress that at one point pulls my ovulation cycle to 45 days. Besides, i was too involve to get well soon before our Taiwan vacation, so Rodman & i can hurry get on track back to TCM, and back to making effort to expanding our brood.
Anyhow.... in anticipation of #harvestingOurSeed , i came across Watson during a promotion & bought not 1, but 4 of the pee stick, just in case. It was sitting in my drawer for the longest time, and i fail to realize all pee stick had expiry date. On 14sept2016, i tot i will bring along a stick, since missing the period could mean something, even if the chances were slim....
so my CT scan was schedule at 10.15am, i arrived at the Diagnostic Imaging centre at 9.36am, went to the ladies & since i was in it, pull out the pee stick.. and what do you know....
This! 2 freaking line on the indicator..
I must add, prior to this, while we were "actively" trying on the advice from the TCM, i must have used like 2 sticks?!?!?!?! during that time thinking it is going to pay off. So seeing 1 line on the stick becomes usual, sometimes there is a VERY faint 2nd red line forming and for a sec i got excited. All this time i shared the image with friends who commented it probably only means i wasnt expecting, or that my pee must have wet the stick so bad it reveal the hidden line.
But,... this, this was a bright & obvious 2nd line, in deep red no less.
On the once non-existing column of the pee stick that i was no use to seeing, i freaked out. i quickly snap a shot of it but my hands were shakey.
You understand at this point i was due to go for a CT scan in a matter of 15min, and CT is HARMFUL for fetus,
i have already paid for the procedure, what does this means?
So with the shaking hands, i have to snap the picture the 2nd time. Then 2 names pop up on my mind, the 2 ladies who were behind me egging me on my journey to recovery by removing #Timmy2.
The 1st being Rodman's superior k-chng, a lady whom i respect dearly, and whom i coincidentally met on the day i receive the news of #timmy2, she was nothing but sweet & encouraging, and i can really do with her advice, being a Mum to a pair of lovely Twins & a chef-worthy son.
The 2nd being my little sister, also coincidentally k-chng (with me also k-chng, and our niece another k-chng that makes 4 wahahahahha) Who was by all nature, mature & independant despite being 6 years my junior. I was never close to my sis, but in recent years i made some effort to hang out with her more, and it was fruitful. My babySis is also someone who can snap me out of my anxiousness & motivate me to be a bigger person to take on the role of protecting her.
So of course, i didnt jump on the wagon immediately to call Rodman's boss, it was just rude & awakening to text her out of a sudden with something this major.
You must have thought, where was Rodman? Why not Rodman? The truth is because he matters too much for me to be giving him false alarm, what if this was not the case? What if the pee stick expired & the result were not accurate?
i cannot deal with false identity myself & thankfully in my life now exist the best thing ever- Rodman, the man who takes on any challenge i throw to his direction, than still has to be the one to encourage me to stand up again when i fall (which means, he fall too)
In the past week, after receiving the news of #timmy2, Rodman had been the most amazing pillar of support, i know deep-down he was very hurt too, and that i have failed my responsibility as his wife to take care of myself, hence allowing myself to be such a burden to us both. He does not show his emotion in front of me, we also had difficulty talking out loud the possibilities of forever being infertile if i remove #Timmy2, so this time shit is real, and if i was really conceived, i have to be confident i didnt make a mistake coming up with this suspicion, and that is why Rodman was out of the picture this very minute.
I called my Babysis, ask for her help urgently and text her the picture immediately. she said
"Try another stick"
"Drink 1Litre of water now!!! go try quick"
"Calm down jie"
"Ask the nurse for another test kit"
"Obviously yours is over the counter & not 100% accurate"
Like waht!?!??~! My Babysis can be real mature sometimes and while i was panicking like crazy, she was all calm & reminded me this might not be accurate. i manage to contain myself more & went to the nurse who register my visit, and told her my suspicion....
.
.
.
.
At the same time, i politely text k-chng to ask if her was free to spare me some time, she replied in an instance (Someone up there was doing me good thank God) i too, send her the picture i took & ask her if she, too, suspect the same as i did?
"OMG tis is good news, does Rodman know"
""When was your last menses"
" Less than 7 days result will be inaccurate"
"please delay your scan"
"Better be kiasu"
Then this amazing person went on to make phonecall to her friend who is a doctor (i am running out of good karma, everyone is just too nice to me). Who thinks that the 2nd line on the stick is so obvious that i cannot be a lie, i must have something!K-chng suggest i quickly ask the nurse to decide, the thought that my babysis share, so i did
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It was now critical that someone decide if i should go for the CTscan i have already paid for...
FYI, the CT scan cost me $2100, our garment sponsor $300, so the balance was straight out of my pocket.. it was not a cheap procedure, and no i cannot part with $$ that easily, my #Timmy2 procedure can cost me $11,000 in worst scenario.
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Nurse ran to the other room & spoke to a consultant (doctor, i believe) & he went ahead & took out result of the blood test i did a week ago (Tumor marker & abonormalities test). i sat at the reception, shock at the twist of event.
The consultant walked out, told me he studied my blood test, and true enough it seems there are some abnormalities in my blood... in layman terms this means
- For regular healthy adult, this means there is a something inside their body that is almost confirmed to be a fetus.
- For a patient with existing condition, and since it suggest something is inside her body, this something can be the very cyst/Fibriod/Tumor that is being treated
Because of the possibility, it was nearly impossible to judge if i am truly pregnant, but to his experience, chances are that i might very well be.
We held our breath for a min, with me being completely shock as i didnt wake up this morning to expect this.. finally he broke the silent & said he is going to contact my dr-in-charge this min (Dr Joe, the surgeon who monitor my progress over the years, and who will be operating on me to remove #Timmy2). We will hear his suggestion before we decide how to move on. And than i was left to a corner to continue waiting. I also asked the Nurse for an extra pee stick if they have it, she left to hunt for one.
Then k-chng return a text suggesting that i should take a 2nd test, we calculated that if i am truly conceive, it would have been 6.5 weeks into it, unless of course this was "created" after the previous menses lah..
All in all, couple of min later, consultant returned - no pee stick in hand- brought me to the reception & make arrangement for my refund (yay!) told me i will put the CT scan on hold now, Dr Joe arranged for a senior Gynae to look into my case & they will be in touch shortly.
Dr Lee Min Yu, as i was told, is a senior Gynae who specialist is dealing with high-risk pregnancy, in my case we are unsure how bad #Timmy2 will harm me during my journey so with his assistance all will be well. I am now schedule for a ultrasound 2 weeks later (since you know, result are very faint right now cos i must be very very early into this) 29sept2016 is the date.
So that was it! i was done with my "appt" for today, what?!!~ i was not convinced, and perhaps i was used to suspecting myself... i walked all over NUH finding discreet pharmacy & grab the next pee stick i can find,
Was i thinking well at this point? Of course not, i wasnt sure if this was a set-up, my body could have psychological convince myself i was indeed pregnant because of my desperacy. (read this False Pregnancy)
I walked into a filthy toilet, but i wasnt thinking too much, now that i recall, it was really really filthy, but all i care for was to see the pee stick once more.. i got Predictor this time, it was suppose to be perfect for testing VERY early pregnancy (like 5 days BEFORE your menses is due kind),,, and lo * behold...
See!! See!! see!!!! it is all a lie, i wasnt pregnant, and i cancelled on my CT scan because of a dumb expired pee stick, and that my hopes are back at square one again... why is this happening to me?
i went to a quiet corner of NUH & bawl my heart out, i really cried! but this was not nearly as bad as the bawling i did when i first learn i had to return to the operating theatre to remove my ovary.
I guess you come to terms with life if you cry so much over a period of time that it stops affecting you that much.. i bawl, but i didnt hyperventilate, i cried a mere 10mins, then wipe my tears & got myself prepare again for CT Scan - operation... It was a good few minutes of excitement thinking i might stood a chance with a baby.
I texted both kchng once more & told them of my new "discovery". Babysis was away ( i later learnt she was out for an interview & it must be real hard on her to juggle that nervousness while trying to help her Sister stay calm)... kchng told me to give it more time, because there still stood a chance that i might be too early in for the pee stick to tell..
of course in my heart i knew it was a scam, but she really meant well.. At this point i tot i shud go grab abother stick & drink alot of water again, but whats the point? Whats the point of receiving another "confirmation"- was i convinced? i will never be!! i need to be affirmative this was really happening...
So after going through all my thoughts, i decided that i will leave today as it is, for my heart needs to rest for the day until i renew my motivation to think of a proper way out of this. i grab a sushi(my 1st bite since last night dinner...) walked towards the carpark preparing for work and then i bump into an Angel. .
No, i wont reveal her here. We have history of being real close friend at one period of our lives, then i screwed up & she left us for good.
I knew her back in JC, i wrote few entries about her on my blog, i sometimes look up her profile to see if she is handling life well because she was the type of person i never was - she was very direct in her words & she cut the chase, she was always right on her prediction & frankly i was always tad jealous of her.
She had switch job & it was a stroke of luck that i bump into her in NUH, we sat behind at a fast food restaurant & she told me straightaway that
- i was being selfish, said
- i was hiding this from Rodman and that
- i was robbing him of a chance to learnt about me. She said
- i wasnt treating marriage right, and that
- i only paint a beautiful picture of myself to my husband. She said
- he has all rights to know, and
- decide if his wife is really pregnant?
- If his wife should drop this chance &
- focus on removing the ovary instead so there are no chance he will ever have to choose btw Mummy or baby
and i cant say she was not wrong, i had been so selfish the whole time, and that i almost only explain my own judgement, my own self-doubt & my own misery. Where was Rodman right this minute? Probably worrying sick if my CT scan was completed... She gave me a lashing down, and i allow her to speak because she was right. And she has always been right on me & my predicament.
We parted ways amicably, she just turn her back & walked. But that moment onwards, i have a new role to play - that role of a REAL wife. so thank you Angel Nurse, my old friend who still change my life in the strangest way.
i called Rodman, and it was coincidentally lunch so we arrange to meet, i drove over & told him everything that happen this morning. He - as usual - kept his cool & said we will no longer worry about that today. He says we will grab NEW pee sticks, and i will try it first thing tomorrow (FYI 1st pee in the morning contain the most ECG & most accurate). We did lunch - no mention of it anymore- and left to work.
15sept2016
i woke up at 3.22am, i can no longer sleep. the bawling from the night before has caused my eyes to swell so i expected myself to sleep till day break, but then my mind was full of anticipation to try the stick once more. Rodman had gotten 2 diffferent brands this time - Clearblue (he put his bet on this) & Predictor (the same brand that hurt me so much last morning).
At 3.49am, i was staring in the dark forcing myself back to sleep once more, i told myself when the alarm strikes at 6am, i will wake up pee-get the result- and live my life differently. but as i was pondering over this, the mood to pee came (Life works magic).....
At 3.51am, i decided that i wasnt going back to bed because i needed to pee & THIS should be the 1st pee of the day, i quietly tip-toe out of bed, careful not to wake Rodman up.. then went to the kitchen to find something to contain the pee (for some strange reason i wasnt going to take the risk by not peeing long enough hahahha..) took a tub i can throw away & finally get onto the work...
This was the lastest & till date last test i have done..
No, i didnt see the result till i was back in the room, at 4am i switch on the light that woke Rodman up. He was snoring just before this alarming awakening.. he stare at me as i hand him the stick... then he took a long while to process it...
he went for :\ to :| and finally.. :)
i slip back to bed & continue staring in the dark till it was almost dusk, i finally fell asleep just before the alarm woke me up... what an eventful morning!!
Why was i this happy this time?
i mean, i will rather believe this is true now, i will carry it on my sleeve, (though Rodman reminded me again & again to keep it hush & under.. that he is not takig a single risk...)....
we are also mentally preparing ourselves that i am high-risk patient & that we may or may not get to keep the baby despite our will.... and onwards to that belief here i am, typing away all morning on 16sept2016 penning down all that has taken place the last 2 days. I am now 3 days into the news & feeling under the weather, the anxiousness & nervousness is taking a toll on my appetite ( or just the pregnancy.. i no longer can tell) Just last night i retch once while brushing my teeth because the smell of Darlie toothpaste was too strong for my liking. I also felt so cold all day while driving, its like i was never this "vulerable" to the weather but i am now... Again, was it a symptom or just my mind play tricks? i dont know.
Dr Joe & his encouraging email
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