What every man needs to know

What every man needs to know.... 

Man saying "I've got this.. and then proceed to take care of whatever needs to be taken care of."

• you need to take care of these stuff you are responsible for. We can share the load at home, you can & you should put your clothes away after we "offered" to fold them. Notice we offered to do so? We are naturally, geometrically & symmetrically better at making sure the clothes stacks neatly, so we took this responsibility, but we are no better at making rounds after rounds putting the stash away in the wardrobe than you are since you started training for it in the army earlier than we did. So if you can open the doors for ladies if you see them, you can put away your clothes if you see them. See point on "better at doing them" below

• The lightbulb is fused, you've got this! Unless you are nearly 2 feet shorter than we are, you are engineered to know the danger of electricity safety than we can. We can change the lightbulb too you know? But you look way charming standing atop the ladder, glowing in your perspire without strands of hair getting caught in your sweat. Edward Cullen is attractive to us because he shimmers, you probably would too, if you perspire

You are not entitled

• Even if the vows has been exchanged. We respect our parents because they've earned it,and you need to do, too. We are cultured to learn by example, if you set yourself as a role model, we will magically accustom most of what you've practice as being correct. 

• If you can fixed that loose screw on that darn fan making that old irritating screeching sound, you are likely to be entitled to a majority of the oscillating wind to your direction.

we are not your mother

• we build that house together remember? We learnt as you learnt, we don't spoil you like we will spoil our babies.

•  you are nearly as old as we are. You don't see us spoiling ourselves because we know we are old enough to think & fend for ourselves

you can do things & are better at them

• During courtship, you are dependable, you make sure to stand on the dangerous side of the road if we jaywalk, you feel you will know danger if you sense one.

• When making major decisions like how much we can spend on our honeymoon, you set aside a decent portion of our money because you've work the math & despite spending clean of this portion, we can feed ourselves later

And the one paragraph i can totally reside with ...  [extract]

It’s not: Sonofabitch, I have to do this bullshit thing for my wife again.

It’s: I’m grateful for another opportunity to demonstrate to my wife that she comes first and that I can be counted on to be there for her, and needn’t look elsewhere for happiness and fulfillment.

HIMMH

This blogspot is a thing of a past & many have since move forward to other platform like Dayre & it was also where i gain insight on the daily lives of alot of stranger.

Stranger danger? Not really it was just a small hood where people of many walks of life (especially Singapore & Malaysia) gather to share support.

#HIMMH

and this hashtag in particular is a good read, worthy even, take some time off to indulge in sweet sweet memories of how some of us met our husband. Since i am infused in this spirit i will play my part to narrate my own version of HIMMH (How i met my husband)

Rodman was an ordinary overweight kid from SGS which was located fairly near DSS where i studied. I was an unpopular girl who also crave much attention (but sadly, didnt receive many) so when my BFF Sharon was out dating after school, my best bet was to stick to her and whoever is lucky enough to date my pretty best friend (but "unlucky" to be tag by her BFF/a.k.a Lamp post/ me teeheehee...)

On one particular afternoon when i was 14, i became acquaintance with Rodman & his circle of bball clique while playing gooseberry to Sharon & her date then. Surprisingly, Sharon & i both click really well with all 6 of them so in no time we were spending evenings together, chatting & doing nothing. It was fun time, especially when you finish school each evening knowing great company awaits. The friendship was strong until we turn 16 (And Rodman & his clique turn 18) & that's when we all went our separate ways.

Carebear from Rodman for my 21st birthday, no sign or hint of affection

The tee shirt as part of the 21st birthday from his brief appearance during my party

Fast forward, when i was 21, i invited all 6 of them to gather for a "reunion" after all this years. Rodman briefly show up with a birthday card, a tee shirt & a small Carebear. He said his well-wishes & drove off, all while his friends (not sure who they were) sat quietly in the car when we spoke. I thought the reunion"was strange but put it off as him being too nice to reject my invitation hence the brief "appearance".

How i look when i was working in Far East Plaza

Most rebellious look, think his cup of tea then haha

Thereafter, per his version of the story, he caught sight of me not too long later when i was working then in Far East plaza. Like all boys undergoing puberty (hahaha, when they assume sparks fly & the sight of a familiar face is a sign of fate), he mumbled to his buddy that the girl was "not bad". His buddy then (& now) didnt respond so he took it as affirmative & began his pursue.

First outing when he was already fully aware of his feelings for me, i was nonchalent

First outing just us 2, when i also started developing my feelings for him

If i recall, there were lotsa of SMS exchanged, usually (coincidentally) he will be "near" my workplace & if i am keen, we should grab supper together. It took a few attempts for me to finally said yes (honestly i thought of us just catching up as old friends) & everything else was history lah.

Of course i have deliberately left out that between this period i was also in a on-off relationship with an ex that was dragging past its validity period. I will never forget how my ex once commented that Rodman & i will eventually end up together while i stubbornly put it off as another case of his "thinking too much".

I guess sometimes you cannot escape from reality huh, and i have to thank him for his wise prediction. 

First outing with his family after we got together officially

We dated since 11August2008 & finally tied the knot on 18jan2015. We first met way back in 2001 so fate work in such a magical way.

Aquarius traits

http://ww.apple01.net/cat108/node861515

loosely translated by myself, due to the accuracy

Aquarius (Kristal, Gary my bro, Kayann my Niece)
Aquarius, will hit an ultimately unthinkable extreme for love & friendship
Doesn't abandon, doesn't separate, even if the other party does not reciprocate their love
Does not pester, Aquarius has a direct personality that brings about a lot of weakness, but it does not stop the regular optimist from feeling positive

If you are in love with Aquarius, you will receive a stable, ordinary but eternal love. And if you don't love an Aquarius, she/he will secretly shape the future & freedom you crave.

An Aquarius smile like a child , but can be cold as ice. Underneath her/his smile hides an emotional heart.

Anything that interest him/her will capture her/his determination, sometimes to a scary level. Towards people or things that does not interest him/her, they can be nonchalent about it, and it's hard to even pretend. They refuse to act like they care for something.

Aquarius are sensitive, possesive, lack of security & are reliant on others. They play with their thoughts, reminise about the negative past & blame themselves for causing them. The blaming game is worrying for others who view Aquarius.

Aquarius are prone to illnesses, especially with excruciating cramps at night, they also liken themselves to Juliet, allowing their emotions to take over.

Aquarius often think of themselves as Super heroes when it comes to coping with problem, they think highly of their tolerance, and assume others to be weaker. When their friends/partner request for something, Aquarius do all it takes to complete them without a single complain. What they do not realize is, Aquarius are the one to risk getting hurt in the end, such as falling in love. This is because an Aquarius will never remember, that in exchange for all their effort is in vain. They understand each task as a losing challenge, but they cannot help giving their all.

What an Aquarius truly need is, not someone worth them losing everything for, but rather, someone who can contain their extreme giving. 

Because him/her who can contain an Aquarius (control an Aquarius), will lead to Aquarius abandoning all the others that he/she care for.

An Aquarius kid always crave the attention, yet their mind will remind them never to act like they do. .This is because they love the people they crave attention from, so they refuse to allow these people to hate them. As such, they act like they dont care.

All in all, an Aquarius loses alot in life - they continue to act like they dont care, keep their emotions to themselves. They torture themselves. So others will not be hurt, Aquarius get to hurt themselves because they assume their tolerance can outdo others,

Cosmetic products.. that i used

There are alot of advice out there, but i had with me some spare packs of Isopropyl Alcohol (from stories of another day), and this was the start of the year, so i guess some spring cleaning needed to be done.

For all other information on how best to 'restart" your cosmetic product for another year, you may refer to the link here

So in the pic above u see some of the best used cosmetic products i use daily. I'll specially recommend the Holika Holika jelly petite BB foundation liquid, which was first recommended by meejmuse (youtuber, famous & pretty, you can check out all her youtube videos here ) . The BB jelly is not available in Singapore (as far as i have checked, in Isetan where the Holika Holika flagship store is located) so i had it shipped from Qoo10. 

And the reason for trusting Qoo10 instead of purchasing it directly from the website is just cos 

1) Qoo10 is a Korea website afterall so that makes less of a difference

2) it save me a lot of trouble registering for a new acccount with Holika Holika

3) i have some credits to used off

Fast forward, i have been so obsessed with this BB jelly foundation liquid that i was never really keen to replace it with another brand. And there wasnt a real need to because 1 glass vial of this liquid lasted me past a year, and i was avid user of foundation liquid. 

TL:DR: fantastic product, i dont use other liquid foundation other than Holika Holika BB Jelly foundation, and the BB effects is working well too. 

The application feels lightweight & there is a sweet & pleasant smell to the liquid. At the start i used my finger tips for application but slowly "upgraded" to make up brushes (Chanel Foundation brush, courtesy of Faye). 

More recently (the evolution is necessary as i've already mention i was using the foundation slightly more than a year, so alot of things changed) i have started using the BB blender sponge which works on the BB jelly fantastic BTW. All in all, the coveage is fantastic, the color matches Asian skin like a sock & MOST IMPORTANTLY, my skin didnt act up or dries up with the excessive usage. 

I had skin test done perhaps thrice in 2015 alone as i was convincing myself to sign up for some facial products, and all 3 test shows i do not have residual dried foundation liquid on my skin, which as i was told, is a common problem among alot of ladies. 

TL:DR:   GO GET IT, then throw the rest of the foundation liquid away.. then find a better way to ship in the same BB jelly & share it with me... then watch some Meejmuse youtube video & see her tweety pet bird.. 

i am a huge fan of convenient products & one of the most appropriate example will be lip & cheek tint. Prior to discovering this i was using bottles of Benefit  (maybe 4, so you can imagine how faithful i stick to one type products till i find a better one) but the price was always a major factor. Another thing is the Benefit tint come in a fragile packaging that cannot withstand altitude so each time i bring it on board a flight, chances are i have 4 experiences (that is 100% accuracy for 4 bottles) of spillage = flying $$$$$>. Can you imagine the pain? The color  coverage is good but the shades of red didnt last as long as the trend would & all too soon, dark red slowly faded in the cosmetic industry & so did my love..  plus point being my pocket was thanking me for that switch, 

So my cousin flew to Korea for a short vacation & in a bid to get some of his loving, i demanded he buy me back a bottle of cosmetic from 3ce, which was the highly raved brand not available in Singapore then. The color orange was chosen simply because i was curious, and the shade of orange looks really good on the model. As soon as i got it i started quite immediately & Lo & Behold! a new king was born. 

Sorry i haven got picture of myself in it, basically, to my best ability to describe, i like the orange blush to a shy & embarress cheek. So you are constantly blushing shyly which is a pretty sight... hahaa... the application on the lips though, was nothing to rave about... BUT BUT BUT... one fine day i had the crazy idea of using it as a eyeshadow & ta-dah// another MAGIC is born.. 

i mean, just try it yourself to find out... orange shy eye lids, its like u have just cried, but u look so helpless its hard not to pamper you.. i dunno what i am talking anymore.. you get the drift.. i am super super in love with this products.. 

Bad points to note thou, the bottle did NOT last me past 6 month, as the density is rather thick, i have to shake it with all my might to barely get a tiny bit on the brush applicator this morning. and knowing i have only sanitize & clean the brush yesterday... there is really not much of the product left anymore... only less than 6months using them.... the pain ($$$, begging someone to bring it in from Korea)....  you need more courage to fall in love with this.. 

TL:DR  i love the apple tint of 3CE, but the bottle cannot last me past 6 month, its lousy as a lip tint, but perfect as a eyeshadow. orange eyeshadow is nice,you look like you have cry so much a guy need to pamper you... if you have too much money to spare & want to look like a woman from 2013... buy Benetint rose Lip & cheek tint.. 

another much to rave product is this Banilo Co light brown mascara, which works really well for me because i have my eyebrow embrioded august 2014 & need something to thicken the brows but not overempowering the existing embroided marks... ...      i took a while to find the lightest shade of brown i could find in the market.. and it was a surprise find at the airport while trying  to finish the last bit of TWD$$ i had.   Bascically if you take great pride to managing your eyebrows like me then this products works fine... at least  better than eyebrow pencil because eyebrow pencil usually containn wax & thus pressing the brow strands & losing the natural feel.. 

Banilo Eyebrow mascara coat on the strands of brows nicely & lasted me till the end of each day, even when i have oily forehead hence oily brows... i guess once i am done with my first bottle (not for 1 year, despite using it 7 days a week)  i might go ahead & grab another of the same.. just for loyalty sake..

TL;DR: unless your brows is as dark as Shinchan  (蜡笔小新）, you need a light brown for brows color but is a newbie that makes mistake.. so get a Banilo brow mascara so mistake can be forgotten & worst come worst you can outline ur brow after coating them.. and stil pretend to look like a korean with perfect brows. 

Other products shown which i've cleaned up for 2016 usage include both my primer, which are hit-or-miss to many... i end up with 2 different brand because one was a birthday gift while the other is highly raved so i got it to try.. 

In my opinion, both products work fine & are non-oily so it really helps my cosmetic stay longer on the face. However, Innisfree is a cheaper alternative to Urban Decay & comes in a bigger tube.  i was warn that primer blocks up the pores though, but i do not use them as much as i could to judge. the primer are used on my eyes before eyeliner & nose bridge before illuminator... 

TL:DR: get the Innisfree, save your pocket, be warn Primer may block pores. 

The last product is the Laura Mercier illuminator. which i've gotten prior to my wedding because the dewy look was a hit with Asian & i wanted nose bridge badly... 

Perhaps also the most expensive cosmetic i've gotten but it lasted me so well, so i would say it is well worth the pennies.   The casing is hardy & i drop it more than i can drop my  iphones but it have neve crack. When i was cleaning the top layer off with the alcohol wipes i could feel the alcohol lightly wet the surface but it dried up quickly & the powder feels almost as good as new.. i use the illuminator mainly for my nose bridge & gotten this shade because it was the least "shining" ones i could find.. If you research on Dewy make up enough, you will learnt some bit of shine was still neccesary to make your face appear "subtle" and hence this shades of rose pink works well.  I sometimes apply the powder on the tip of my cheek to give the face a sharper look.. and no i have not used it like a bronzer yet so  i cannot judge.. 

i also bought a Etude House illuminator (like the attached) becuase it was cheap and i needed an extra in case i head back to my Mum and need to look good from there... i wouldnt bother writing much about it except warn you against it... i also somehow understood why price point is important to illuminator... and that you definitely need to pay more to hve highlights.. and not looked like you have applied baby powder on your face.. 

TL: DR: go for Laura Mercier powder, but if you dont need nose bridge like i do, dont waste the kind of money... you can feed yourself at least 36 packets of $2.50 chicken rice if you skip this products..or just use baby powder if you dont miind plastic face.. hahaha/

Lactose Intolerant

why do i wake up feeling so terrible & why did i down that bowl of cereal with half a cup of milk,

then this vomitish feeling reminded me again on the Teh Tarik i had over lunch yesterday & also the same amount of Granola in low fat milk i had for breakfast a day ago.

Now i can barely swallow my saliva much less finish a bowl of Ban Mian, i had the chopsticks stirring the noodle when it was slim as Ban Mian should be till it became as swell as Mee Hoon Kway.  Finally my boss just mumbled "you wont touch that anymore at this rate"

and she was right, i put down my chopstick & stop eating completely, i think i at least manage the vegetables that comes along & maybe some of the egg that was mixed in. Then i try not to focus on the over empowering smell lingering (we are in a food court afterall)... Omg i wanna puke so bad..

Later i ordered a coke to down & encourage me some burps so the vomittish feeling will go away, and it did for a few hours, but i am back to the whining shit & burping in between typing this post.

i hate to admit that Milk could be the cause but it seems to be the case. Even bbbb agreed after he realize i only started drinking Teh Tarik yesterday (after jumping to Teh-o bing for a while when i first suspected this could be it)

How can i just suddenly become lactose intolerance ah? i drank so much milk growing up what, yes i am secretly praying last night to lost that 1kg my body didnt deserve from last night weighing but this is Black Magic hahahhahaha...  

I am pretty sure MyFitnessPal will be thankful for the entry today, i even had to choose 1/2cup of coke over a normal can (because i couldnt finish even a can wtf), so i guess i am left with about more than half of my allow calories intake for today. Crossing my fingers that the weighing scale shed me me some light & perhaps the Black Magic Lost-1-kg will go away too...

no milk, not from cow, not from Mummies, not from ice cream, really.. no more milk... burp is such a torture.

Very Fresh start for the year

Super thankful for a sweet closing of 2015 & thus begin the fresh new year.

In 2015 i make a great deal of effort to stay close in contact to alot of loved ones but the truth come to light & it still takes more than one hand to clap. This new year i am going to stay humble, & also treasure the existing friends who had made equal effort to date me out & make me feel worthy. Whereas for the ones that are by at large, i am still keeping my faith in the friendship - at facebook length, knowing you are doing well is more than enough for me this year, but i did put effort to our friendship in 2015 so its your turn,

In 2016 i have set my resolution earlier than i did back in 2015. I was hesitant to get alot of things going but this time i was more ready then before. here are the vital ones

1. Make effort to save $15xxx for my own, in my personal savings for  plans in 2017

This is harder than it looks, after breaking down the expenses i am expecting every month. The determination is strong so i am even looking at  bidding goodbye with Timmy the car to combine this part of my expense with bbb & downsizing our monthly expense to less then it was in 2015.

bbb & i are looking to sell either of our cars away & concentrating to paying just 1 vehicle. We can set off for work every morning together

You dont know it but it's so hard to bid goodbye every morning & rush out to beat the traffic knowing we could hold hands & drive slower to reach work on time & spend a little more time together

we are still plannig it but i am feeling positive, afterall, we will be official owners of 1 property under our family name & the thought of it excites me. 

More effort to save the moolahs for personal use include taking extra jobs but this needs alot of careful plannig so i am not jumping into conclusion. At worst i will take up tuitioning as an extra income as long as the brain has not failed me. This year i want to account for my next year, this shall be the main resolution. 

2. exercise 3 times a week, up from 1 time a week in 2015

It is not all about losing weight anymore. its about getting the body prepare for a family expansion. The thoughts of shifting to a new hse soon, doing the household chores weekly, maybe getting pregnant & being clumsy for at least 10 months -  i need to start soon, getting the body ready for more action & less lazing around, 

In order to fulfil it, i am going to sign/pay for some courses so with the $$ out there is no way i will want to skip it. I am also arming bbbb ready to hear my weekly whining of body/shoulder/leg aches. i do believe bbb is easily influence/driven by me & will soon join in on my mission to firm up the body.  

Maybe when the body feels healthy then the baby comes along& i will be more confident about it too. 

Short & easy resolution but enough to get me energize & build enough hopes for a bigger 2017. i had a good brunch date with Paperstop yesterday. She, like me is working really hard, infact she works harder than i could in 2015 to earn a humble sum she is comforatble with. We spoke about our plans moving forward & i am delighted to share that i have a alliance, or rather someone who has the same drive so its going to be even motivating to achieve it ASAP. 

Goodbye to twenty-fifteen

How amazing that we are this close to bidding goodbye, 2015
this year you have been amazing, more so thanks to 2014.

2014 taught me to appreciate life & to take my thoughts to another perspective
then came you, and you didnt fail to cheer me on
Thank you for telling me the earth continue spinning when i was imagining all sorts of illness
thank you for proving to me that life does not revolve around myself alone,
thank you for cherishing my family & urging me to take initiative to keep my parents protected

2015 you gave me a huge responsibility, you allow our wedding to take place, and gave us hiccups
Nevertheless, every hiccups is well appreciated, because now we can randomly talk about it & laugh it off like it was good memories.
2015 you made my Dad nervous to gave away his first daughter, you gave him hypertension due to nervous when walking his daughter down the aisle,
you made all the siblings gather together to execute my wedding & perfecting it
you also made my siblings sit down & chat about responsibilities & giving back to our parents
2015 you gave me the chance to own a car thus begin an upward slope to recovery especially convincing myself i wasnt sick in the head,
you took my privileges away & gave me bills to pay every months, and now you challenge me to save a 5 digit savings by 2016, on top of the bills i am still paying
you gave me independance & allow me to contribute to our family,
i never knew i can be an adult the way i am now, thank 'you 2015

This year, you grant me with a pink of health & the even the doc have no qualms when i suggested skipping my next schedule appointment,
the accumulate years of visiting the gynae, ultrasound scan & waiting in the hospital is not a thing o a past, because you told me 2016 i am going to do better & that road to healthiness is a climbing slope i will have to continue to take.

You took me away from the family i face every night for the past 27 years, and threw me in a foreign place but i wasn't lonely. You see, you have trained me for this day & even thou the environment i am in now is not my usual hangout, it was filled with people i was familiar & comfortable with, even thou they can never be the same as the folks i spent 27 years with.
You told me it takes 2 hands to clap, and the man i went to bed every night was the hand i am to clap with, you told me there were 365 days to make things right, and even the worst day will be over as long as i woke up with new motivations.

2015 you gave me a huge leap in my career shift, and even if i am still in the same industry things have now changed. I am happy at this point with my achievement & am glad i took up the opportunities. you also warn me 2016 was going to be real tough & if i can survive it then perhaps 2017 will be a bed of roses. 2015 you have been nothing but amazing, so i am crossing my finger that 2016 will take you as a role model & excel better.

2015 i watch you from the land of different sea, i had the chance to experience you while it snow, then i also conquer the highest mountain with low altitude, you set me with many challenges but never once alone. I feel i might not overcome them without my friends but you blessed me with them so i kept going & kept going.

i am still counting down the days till we bid goodbye, but 2015 you are always on my mind, just like 2014, 2013 and all the years that have passed, you gave me memories that is etched somewhere in my mind, that will someday open like a drawer being drawn & some memories start flowing & one will take place after another. Then the familiar recognition of your presence will forever live in my heart.

"Thank you 2015, you were amazing"

Wedding, weekend & thoughts

Last wedding for the year 2015 is finally completed, this being one of the wedding i most look forward to, because both the bride & groom are amazingly talented people with a quirky & unique taste when it comes to styling. 

i especially love the standee by the entrance of the wedding hall, marking all the big dates they've encounter something amazing, till the day they say the vow, it was also an eventful & busy day because both bbbb & i were the bridal team for the big day, that means taking a full day off & waking up before the sun comes out & only returning home after midnight. 

Nevertheless, i enjoyed myself, especially looking at bbbb - who had me promised not to step up/in during the execution of the entire day. He however, step up & outdid himself assisting the Groom & Bride to make their big day so amazing & complete. He was -after all- trying to gain my acknowledgement that he was efficient & i didnt get away with a lie this time, i really think i am very impressed just watching him flaring his "leadership" quality, reminding me again why i was so attracted to him in the first place. 

bbb & i emceeing & pulling a false one on the bride & groom. 

So, i have been following up with the good vibes due to year end, i travelled out for business last week & during one schedule meeting was destine to face a black face customer whom hasnt been nice to all my other colleague. Maybe its the good vibes, because i trusted from the start i was going to just smile through the meeting no matter how tough. We ended up going to the wrong plant (not Singapore afterall & we dont speak their language) & by the time we met the customer, we were 30min late (in their words, we were THE WHOLE MORNING late, but his mislooking of email content is by no fault any of ours)

Surprisingly, the meeting went exceptionally well, thou i STILL have not met the said customer in person, he must have ran out of patience with us because he sent an assistance to speak to us instead. Nevertheless, we hit it off pretty well & he was willing to consider our product & that means we are one step closer to closing another business. I am very excited on this matter & hope it becomes an achievement. 

Here's us, looking all dainty & girly in our bridesmaid dresses, the bride is so gorgeous!~




bbbb & i took the weekend (after waking up really late  & missing breakfast due to the intense wedding friday) to pack our room, then head home to pack my hood. Somehow, with the mentality tat we are soon moving into the new house together, we manage to give up a lot more stuff. i threw away lesser clothes this time thou, a lot more treasured jewelleries that meant so much last time. Now, they are just plastic-y fake pearls & sterling silver that is worth less a dime. I didnt feel much heartache parting ways thou, seeing the wardrobe & room neat with minimal stuff excites me. Now, we are just hoping to get our roof ready for moving in. The talk is all about house, babies & career, Gosh, where have all the gossip times shared with my girlfriends went? We use to talk at least about drinking, shopping & travelling, now i view them all as secondary, to spending the bucks on building a livable house for bbbb & me

Life, family, depression

We are down to about 9 days till christmas & i am feeling good.

i dunno how this year, the joyful feeling is amplifying bigger than the other years, OR i could have felt this happy every year but every year feels happier than the previous.

So i had a chance to pop by Sharon's to visit Kordia, who was down with a cold & cough. There we were, 3 adults queueing outside the baby clinic waiting for registration at 7pm.
i notice there were 3 other toddlers/babies in the queue & though they didnt appear to be unwell, it was the gloomy look on their parents' face that indicated they were.
Then there is Kordia, so weak & unlike her usual playful self, i could tell both her Daddy & Mummy were worried sick, trying to hold her right till she found a comfortable spot to get some rest. Even throughout the short chat we had while waiting for the doctor to arrive, it was obvious most time Kive & Sharon were looking at Kordia for any sign that she was suffering.
At one point, Kordia breathe slightly faster than the other time, even i panicked & started wondering afar. Thankfully, amidst all this Sharon manage it with a pinch of salt.
"listen to her closely, is she wheezing?"
"change the position she sleeps"
"put the cardigan under her head as a pillow"

Power Mummy, i begin to despise my incompetency to think of all this possibilities.

Anyway, at the end of it all, the doctor advise it was all well, she was prescribe some usual medication & send home to rest. Then Kordia, having woke up from her short nap, was back to her usual happy self & even offering me some alphabets magnet as we chant through the kiddy "1,2,3....A,B,C" song. It was all good & i left for some time-alone with my bestie to catch up.

Despite the initial excitement & plans for KTV & all, by the time we were done with the checkup we were too hungry & could only look forward to dinner. So it was set at XinWang nearby,

I marked down most of my conversation with Sharon because they are in-depth & usually keep me thinking days after . Just like our conversation yesterday was about family, both in-law & own. We spoke about the difficulties of dis-associating ourselves from our family after earning a new family getting married. I spoke about how i will want to achieve the best of both world (ie, if given a choice to choose which parents to stay with us if we ever have to, i cannot decide which choice will seem like a fairer option)

Apart from all that we also spoke about how reality is finally sinking in & truth is our parents are getting older & health issues are slowly knocking on our doors. We adjusted our conversation to how involve we have been after dedicating our lives to the new family we are building, finally we discuss on how i should finally step up & start prepping myself for expansion.

All this thoughts did come across my mind especially family expansion, i had long assumed i was ready for anything to slowly happen like nature has planned, but recently i learnt maybe i wasnt that ready afterall, One particular night, i was toying with the idea of what might change if Rodman & i decide to try for a baby soon. Then one thoughts lead to another & before i can stop it i have lost a considerable amount of sleep panicking,

You always thought you will be ready for something because everyone else have gone through that phase & you are just waiting for your turn, then something strikes & you begin to feel out-of-place because unlike them all, you are not willing to accept the change that accompanies these phases.

i recall a tear jerking conversation with a close friend not too long ago, i learnt that depression & symptoms of associated illnesses are unpreventable & definitely not within control. I tried debating to the said friend that all too many of us think we are extraordinary & if we can only try to accept that we are VERY NORMAL human that can control our thoughts then maybe we will not be the handful of special case that fell into depression. but boy, was i wrong!  i know i might have touch or open a taboo part of this conversation because said friend almost had an "attack" there & then trying to explain why i was so wrong on my thinking.    Since that incident i learnt that i was being selfish because i assume everyone had the will power to control their thinking.  Now that i think back, after coming out from the darkness period following the yishun terror trauma, i had also encounter myself, how impossible it is to do what your mind tells you to do.

It is very possible that someone who is very involved in their emotions at a current period will not be able to detach themselves because it is not within their ability.The period can last for as long as forever & it is proven so many times that there is not yet a solution for this, some depressed people manage to live each passing with what is left of their willpower & a tiny glimpse of hope that tomorrow things might change. Those who lost that last bit of hope seek the last option of ending the problem, thou we cannot fathom why every bit of willpower is lost, we cannot blame them because like we already know, it is not in their ability to do so.

  You wouldn't ask an old person for youth because you know they can't, likewise why will you ask a depressed person for happiness if they cannot? 

my thoughts are all over the place but that sums up all the stuff i have been thinking lately, i bet by next week the subject will change, so here's marking them down for some Deja Vu in future when i got summon for this topic again.

Starting all over again

I am disliking the old blogskin but have gotten too rusty to editing a new one so this will have to do for now.

i have return from the wedding Honeymoon & alot has took place over the long holiday, mostly stuff that make me appreciate all that i have now, but long story short- i am writing all over again because
1. Blogspot hasn't died, or vanish as with old time blogs like Multiply..etc
2. It has play a large part of my teenage life & i want to bring it over as i grow older
3. I feel less alone when i share, even if no one is watching

There, there, there were new options in the market but mostly were off limits, there is [Dayre] that i follow closely, tumblr that is a collection of all the interesting people that i am not. and bottomline is, i have used blog from as far back as i can remember, surely something inside what i have written will one day mean much more to me.

Anyway, here are some stuff off tumblr that clearly define me from maybe you, credits: 2kindsofpeople

i would rather be a 24hrs chrono watch person because i am the sort that makes stupid mistake like arrange for a meetup indicating for 8am when i really meant 8pm, which brings me to add that i sometimes speak stupid like " let's meet at 2030 this evening" ...

Definitely eat WITH the seeds, whats the big deal about eating melon seeds anyway? i am clearly a daredevil that is fully prepared for seeds-pooping nightmare as you can tell... and no i am not about to plant a melon tree in my stomach, TYVM

i took a second look at this image & consider if i belong specifically to either side The correct choice will be the blue side, because Timmy (name of my car) is a tiny 660cc engine car that is so tiny by the time i am parked, even if i am slanted (clearly i meant slant within my parking frame), i am not very bothered to adjust them, you should see how little space Timmy took in a parking lot, i have hear enough comment about my car 'wasting" parking lot because quite frankly Timmy can jolly well fit into a motorbike slot if i choose to...

i know, i am jealous of the owner too :)

up to this point, despite my "effort", i am not born with a green finger

i am adament someday this will change and i can be like my successful friends who cook using herbs they pluck off their garden, but till that day come.... i better stop harming more plants

oh, and rest in peace, my dragonfruit plant which was dump due to its withered state early november 2015.

i laugh quite loudly at this one, i am the BLUE for sure, i sold a 7year old laptop away, with the label still proudly bearing Intel Core I, not ashame...

shakes head, i am really not ashame man
time to distinguish you from me...  YELLOW for me

i don't get how car owner can stand the sight of an weird bulge while you drive, even if it brings you sweet scent, i paste dashboard fragrance to avoid this sort, often it is Hello Kitty's

Clarinda reading this would be so good, we were just talkin about this weeks back, paperback for me hands down, kindle is good but the feeling is too surreal it makes me uneasy

Last night was fantastic, i haven had that kind of bond with besties not since our school days, we remain as best friends for the past years & she always had that special place in my heart. Yesterday was just this evening that everything literally click, i found my answer to some pre-existing problems i am facing & i helped her solved some of her problems too.. 

i went home fulfilled &  saw the face of a satisfied bbbb who had felt equally good about this meetups with his cousins, then we went to bed feeling a good wednesday. 

We even made an effort to take more pictures together, the past few meetups we rarely capture (thou the pictures mostly still satisfy)some shots that i felt was good enough to be developed, hence the following pictures should be shared :)

Here is my best friend & i, both turning 29 & were best friends since we were 13.. 

~Sweet.Silly.Stinky.Sleepyhead~

Happy 7th year dating anniversary

I am happy,

Happy because today is the day I experience goosebump when Rodman hold my hand, in the middle of the shaving cream aisle, in the now demolished NTUC that used to sit in the heart of Serangoon garden – affectionately known as chomp chomp. Right after we had his favorite Hokkien mee cooked by this Uncle that had cooked the same prawn mee for the past 20 years.   He was wearing a soccer jersey as usual, nothing fanciful & I worn a black corporate blouse (typical from G2000 nothing special kind) with a black jean, it was the standard uniform to work in the now closed-down Canele & I had agreed the night before to meet him for breakfast because – we were still friend.

We were still friend because I had rejected him just 3 days ago when he text to proposed if I could be his girlfriend, reason being because it was 08August2008 & it would be perfect to win the girl he fancy on 08.08.08… it was the lousiest pick-up lines ever so I had to reject him – I was not some 4D lucky number & I was worth a lot more – hello!!~   So on 10august2008 2 days after he got rejected, he asked if we could still hang out for breakfast tomorrow – like friends…. And then I was conned out of sympathy (muahahhha)… haha.. in a good way…

And I had rejected him 3 days before today- 7 years ago not because I don’t feel a thing, but I was uncertain. Uncertain because I was caught in the middle of a break up that sort of shook the earth, major- at least to 21 year old me- because I have dated Bobo for too long… & even so we had drag the break up for months, more than half a year after we call it quit.    I allow myself to stayed on the break up because I wasn’t sure if it was the correct things to do. I am a perfectionist so leaving a guy I dated for too long only mean I must have taken a wrong step somewhere. Anyway, Rodman help sieve me through my train of thoughts I guess. At least on 11august2008 after he drop me off at Bishan MRT station for work I sat through the whole train journey thinking about the “holding hands”.. and e.v.e.r.y single time I re-enact that scene in my mind… my hair stand, shiver, whatever you call it lah, my heart also skip a beat, literally all the lyrics you’ll hear from some corny love songs.  There & then I wanted to make it right, really removed anything that can possibly jeopardize this relationship- once & for all. I stopped contacting Bobo or his friends after that, it took slightly more than a month to really completely cut all ties (announce to family, friends, his family, colleagues..etc)… but looking back – it was the proudest moment because I had done it all by myself – just to keep& cherish that “holding hand” shiver, skipping heartbeat feeling that I felt on 11august2008.

7 years on we got married & he is this amazing guy that stood by me despite many of our indifferences, in between he had seen more than the perfectionist me & choose to stay on.  By now, most of what we share on 11august2008 has more or less reach their closure, but our feelings remain strong, in a different way.

Today my feeling for Rodman is a strong protective one,

I want to do everything to see him smile, to smile for me.

I want wake up in the middle of the night & know he is calm & asleep so it is all good.

I want to accompany him to his favorite hangout even though I had spent all of 7 years to try to enjoy these places but to no avail.

I want him to correct me when I put on the smart-Kristal-persona & vomit all the information I have on challenging topics that can easily fool everyone but him.

I want him to feel all proud when he present his home-cook noodle & then get really nervous while I took the first bite.

I want him to sheepishly blurt out “it is overcooked sorry…” then feel upset about his bad judgment & then I will tell him “it’s not that bad”.

7 years after he garner all his courage to hold my hand, I garner all my ability to keep us together, together despite all our indifferences.

Today I am happy, Clar

~Sweet.Silly.Stinky.Sleepyhead~