excited!! Counting 40days plus plus plus to his return!

Haha... Not true la, let me rephrase - counting down 400 days to BB!!!!!

On a happier note, Dad is finally discharge this afternoon, the entire weekend of daze n hidden depressing moment will soon b over. Its time to appreciate the family n dad's contributions to the hse, probably spending more time in n out with the family n showering my nearly sister in law with some family ties... What a new resolution different frm my style

My life is on a tumbling mess,

really thankful it's pick up whenever i feel i cant take it anymore,

will b back to post new entries as soon as i am up and kicking.

Lets get excited!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!1

Here's the latest gift from bb, omg omg omg omg omg...

now dun ask me why i hadnt choose Iphone over Blackberry. i do know its cheaper to get Iphone over at UK but it excites me to know blackbery has this function where bb and i can do bb-msn, which is BB version of Msn. On top of that, since bb and i address each other by "bb", it makes sense that BB becomes our first choice of gift instead of the latter.

now it down to what i am getting for my bb for his birthday this sat. We have decided to officially shift his birthday for year 2009 to december when he returns. By then i promise a good celebration that leaves both of us missing each other more so when he returns to UK, it wont be long till he wants to see me again..!!

not going to announce what i had in mind, Pau, u better start planning with me..

~i have always hated wearing bra, ever since puberty at age 10, i had to. When i was at her place, i refuse to sleep with a bra. That morning, she wakes me up and ask if i would want to go for a stroll with her, i reluctantly heads for her wardrobe and search for a bra, but then i change my mind.
That morning, we went for a stroll by the long-gang, with me in a sexy red spaghetti stripe i found in her wardrobe... and she was happy.

~i stand inside her red trolley, and smile to myself as she pushes the trolley. Then i will pause her and demand to come out of the trolley. We would flatten the trolley and with the handle in my left hand, and my tiny right hand in her wrinkle hand, we would walk to the market for grocery and to secretly indulge in her favourite "oyster-omelette" that the others wouldn't allow her to eat, including her doctor.

~she holds my hand and secretly tickles my palm, i would struggle and try to shake my tiny hand. She was strong, she smile at me while i scream and laugh and beg her to stop. Den she slowly stop her tickling, and we will continue to stroll hand in hand to her next appointment.

~she makes dumpling, every year, i wanted to help and beg her to allow me to contribute, she will be reluctant at first, den slowly give in to my crazy demand. She opens the drawer and took out a butter knife, that was how i started my culinary interest, chopping garlic and crying while peeling onion.

~i love to impress her, i hate to be at home, back then the letterbox was never locked, i would grab all the brochures from mummy before she throw them away. i would lay the colourful brochures on the table, carefully selecting those i tink will impress her. I will put it all in a blue envelope, the ones i force mummy to buy me. Den on a saturday, i will tk them all out and impress her, she would study them one by one, asking me how i came to my selection. i was proud of myself.

~she made wonderful blanket, and i wanted one just like my brother's. i demanded a pink one with ribbon, she did me one with minnie mouse, and another with satin cloth and pony. i haven use another blanket since.

~she heard me sing one day, and taught me to sing her favourite song in hokkien, i would sing it with her and we would dance together, back then we were never embarress.

~she flash her boob to me once, placing my tiny hand on her mechanical heart, she told me "never forgets my heartbeat" i never did

i want to join u, wherever u are now, it hurts, my heart hurts,

lazy to write

From: judyrawlings1@hotmail.comTo: xxx@hotmail.com
Subject: RE: I HAVE MADE THE PAYMENT
.............Reply to your ad: Sony Ericsson XperiaDate: Sun, 11 Oct 2009 16:18:33 +0100

Hello i told you from the onset that i dont do scam i have sent the payment and the money had been removed from my account and will be transfer to yours i will be reporting to the authority now

From: Xxx@hotmail.comTo: judyrawlings1@hotmail.comSubject: RE: I HAVE MADE THE PAYMENT .............Reply to your ad: Sony Ericsson XperiaDate: Sun, 11 Oct 2009 23:01:15 +0800

Hi Judith,
Sorry... I dun think I will do this deal... It's is risky! I afraid that it might be a scam. Sorry. If you wan I will do make up with cash...
http://www.joewein.de/sw/fraud-western-union-bidpay-ebay.htm#moneygram
Rodman

From: judyrawlings1@hotmail.comTo: xxx@hotmail.com
Subject: RE: I HAVE MADE THE PAYMENT .............Reply to your ad: Sony Ericsson XperiaDate: Sun, 11 Oct 2009 15:51:01 +0100

Please kindly assist me to send the item first thing tomorrow morning so that it can get there by next week pls do your best to get it posted first thing tomorrow.You can write the delivery address on it now and take it along with you tomorrow thanks

From: xxx@hotmail.comTo: judyrawlings1@hotmail.com
Subject: RE: I HAVE MADE THE PAYMENT .............Reply to your ad: Sony Ericsson XperiaDate: Sun, 11 Oct 2009 22:44:01 +0800

Tomorrow I got class... Latest by tuesday...

From: judyrawlings1@hotmail.comTo: xxx@hotmail.com
Subject: RE: I HAVE MADE THE PAYMENT .............Reply to your ad: Sony Ericsson XperiaDate: Sun, 11 Oct 2009 15:42:13 +0100

yes it simple as soon as you post the item out you will be given a receipt of postage from the post office there you see a tracking number/bar code forward it to paypal as soon as they receive and verified it the money will be transfered into your account immediately.do get back to me asap

From: xxx@hotmail.comTo: judyrawlings1@hotmail.com
Subject: RE: I HAVE MADE THE PAYMENT .............Reply to your ad: Sony Ericsson XperiaDate: Sun, 11 Oct 2009 22:34:51 +0800

Sorry... Check with you... So I need to send paypal a mail on the tracking number? or how I send them?

From: judyrawlings1@hotmail.comTo: xxx@hotmail.com
Subject: I HAVE MADE THE PAYMENT .............Reply to your ad: Sony Ericsson XperiaDate: Sun, 11 Oct 2009 15:14:27 +0100

This is the delivery address below,

Name:Tosin Raji

Address:No 8 Sapon Rd, Sapon.Town:Abeokuta.Ogun-

StateCountry:Nigeria

Zip Code:23439.

Do get my item posted first thing tomorrow morning via royal mail first classs international sign for.

Regards,Judith

From: xxx@hotmail.comTo: judyrawlings1@hotmail.com
Subject: RE: THANKS .............Reply to your ad: Sony Ericsson XperiaDate: Sun, 11 Oct 2009 21:13:38 +0800

mail me once u transferred.


From: judyrawlings1@hotmail.comTo: xxx@hotmail.com
Subject: THANKS .............Reply to your ad: Sony Ericsson XperiaDate: Sun, 11 Oct 2009 14:11:14 +0100
I will complete the transaction in the next 1hour my network is slow here i will add 20pounds to the amount making 250pounds i will pay soo thanks

From: xxx@hotmail.comTo: judyrawlings1@hotmail.com
Subject: RE: Reply to your ad: Sony Ericsson XperiaDate: Sun, 11 Oct 2009 21:05:36 +0800

Hi there,
You send the money already? Got a few offers on hand... around ur price and one is higher... Cause you the first to msg me. So I will ask you first. Pls complete by today. If not I will let go to others. As they offer 230 deal no postage.
Thanks.Cheers.Rodman

From: judyrawlings1@hotmail.comTo: xxx@hotmail.com
Subject: RE: Reply to your ad: Sony Ericsson XperiaDate: Sun, 11 Oct 2009 12:24:45 +0100
do not panic it secure you get money from them as soon as i made the payment a confirmation will be sent to you that the money had been paid so get your account opened and get back to me with your paypal email address so that i can pay today

From: xxx@hotmail.comTo: judyrawlings1@hotmail.com
Subject: RE: Reply to your ad: Sony Ericsson XperiaDate: Sun, 11 Oct 2009 19:16:29 +0800
Sorry... But I don't really trust Paypal... Of course I am new to it also...

From: judyrawlings1@hotmail.comTo: xxx@hotmail.comSubject: RE: Reply to your ad: Sony Ericsson XperiaDate: Sun, 11 Oct 2009 12:09:12 +0100
the address will be confirmed by paypal but i think he is in west africa do get back to me asap

From: xxxhotmail.comTo: judyrawlings1@hotmail.comSubject: RE: Reply to your ad: Sony Ericsson XperiaDate: Sun, 11 Oct 2009 19:03:35 +0800
Send to where?

From: judyrawlings1@hotmail.comTo: xxx@hotmail.comSubject: RE: Reply to your ad: Sony Ericsson XperiaDate: Sun, 11 Oct 2009 11:58:06 +0100
Thanks for the reply, i will be buying and i am okay with the description of the item.. I'm Currently out of the town and won't be available for pick up. I actually want to buy the items as a Birthday gift for my cousin in oversea of the confirmed address that will be sent to you by PayPal. My mode of payment will be through PayPal in pounds and i will offer you 230pounds for the item including the shipping and handling expenses to him through through royal mail post office. I want you to send to me your PayPal email id, so that immediate payment can be done.if you are new to PayPal, you can easily log on to www.paypal.com and set up an account with them with either your Bank account Information or your Credit/Debit Card details and its simple and easier, just in few secs; you get your account activated. PayPal is very secure and reliable. Get back to me with your PayPal email address if you are still interested

From: xxx@hotmail.comTo: judyrawlings1@hotmail.comSubject: RE: Reply to your ad: Sony Ericsson XperiaDate: Sun, 11 Oct 2009 18:54:20 +0800
Yes... Still available...

Date: Sun, 11 Oct 2009 11:53:00 +0100From: judyrawlings1@hotmail.comTo: xxx@hotmail.com
Subject: Reply to your ad: Sony Ericsson Xperia
Hi there Rodman, you have received a reply to your Gumtree posting "Sony Ericsson Xperia" (ad# 46997621) from judyrawlings1@hotmail.comHere's your message:is it available?180

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

i am so so so scared... it was a few min of the greatest near-shock experience of mine.. i am very very very glad my bf and i are supportive of each other... thanks bb.. thank God.

i wanna share this experience with you guy, no comment needed, this is the nearest to crime i had since 12 yr old.

There are stranger out there, so beware my friends.

So it was another random day that bb and i were planning what we gonna get for each other on x'mas, and my bb was planning a real surpise for me. Suppose all o>f you already know my character and how i am able to force bb to spill the bean, i finally found out he had been planning to get me a Iphone this year.


In the afternoon, admist our usual conversation, bb ask me if i knew anything about paypal, knowing i wasnt that supportive of paypal since i have heard alot about it, i told bb i wasnt of much help


Later in the night when i reach home from work, Bb excitedly jump at the chance to tell me he is really excited cos he sold his phone off and shall have enough money to buy me a new Iphone.. i was equally excited but my sixth sense tells me something wasnt very right. i then prompt bb into telling me more about the sales and he says payment is done through paypal and he would have to send the phone to Africa.


Now, i have heard alot about Africa and was aware of its malicious scam, so i told bb immediately not to jump at the chance and allow me a chance to study this whole matter. A little irritated at first, he soon quiet down a little to give this whole transaction a second thought.


Meanwhile i did a google search on "sending parcel to Africa, nigeria" and found this link

http://www.joewein.de/sw/fraud-western-union-bidpay-ebay.htm


it freak me out big time.. as well as this


http://answers.yahoo.com/question/index?qid=20070426031506AAaCsz2


and i forward all mails to bb... i ask bb for the person account and his name, and i did a further research on "Judy Rawlings", there were no findings on the person but his name broken up can be found in the same link of scam-fraud .


Bb soon realise something might be wrong and he did another research on the paypal transaction transcript. True to my intuition, it was a 100% scam..


he had received a transcript from
pspaypalconfirmation@googlemail.com


a further research on this email address can be found here --> http://nekkidtruth.blogspot.com/2007/01/ebay-hijacker-email-addresses-p.html?widgetType=BlogArchive&widgetId=BlogArchive1&action=toggle&dir=open&toggle=YEARLY-1136095200000&toggleopen=MONTHLY-1177999200000




we are going all out to reject that person nicely now.... and bb is very thankful he had discuss with me earlier... i am still scared out of my wits... now.. still am.. i will copy paste the discussion btw my bf and him later

Here is a worrying news, i tink i am suffering from very very mild Bipolar Disorder

did a quick serach on Wiki and found similar symptons. For those who dunno what bipolar disorder it, i shall not copy paste it here cos no one bothers to read them. to summarize, a sever Bipolar disorder includes

• emotional, depression
• hallucination
• abnormally elevated mood

and the symptoms include:-

• Depressive episode: persistent feelings of sadness, anxiety, guilt, anger, isolation, or hopelessness i admit i get the feeling usually 2 weeks into a certain activity, be it dating, working, studying, and i manage to pull myself up by crying real hard the particular night till my eye swells too deep i had to sleep, the next morning, i usually experience the next episode
• Manic episode: i will tell colleagues and friend i am in a full force mood swing, i had a strong tendencies to smash things, to slap somebody and bite something, den i will urge my friends to answer ridiculous question of which i will force psycho them to belive my theory, otherwise my mind will psycho myself to belive they had been conquer. Unless i see baby or stuff that melts me like pets and doll, the anxiety build up till i cry uncontrollably.
• Hypomanic episode: pressure of speech and activity, and decreased need for sleep, needless to say i now understand why i had to dial 11 digits to uk to talk to bb, and why i appreciate the fact that we are 7 hrs apart and he will be sure to chat with me till i try my hands on sleeping again
• Others experience hypersexuality i can justify this, not going to explain how
• irritability please check with the bf, raymond, vivien and pau.. Oh MUST check with my sister and she can tell you first hand
• racing thoughts,: yup.. on the dot.... i cant catch up with my tots, and bf thinks i am have a lawyer inside my brains.
• individual often will deny that anything is wrong.:again.. check with the bf
• hyperactivity disorder: this only happens when i am not aware. my sister and dad have all confess to me about my very very strang personality of talking like a professor with fluent english in my sleep, i grind my teeth nonstop till it hurts, den goes on and on about a theory i cant understand, all that while i am asleep!

i dun need help, but i am proud to say the symptom are less explosive now... am i suffering from bipolar disorder

fuck this fucking life...

leave me alone.... all of u

a REALLY lazy afternoon at home, and here's all that i have loaded my tummy with

• fried vermicelli
• fried carrot cake
• prawn kuay teow soup
• egg tart
• siew mai
• salmon fish
• 1 scallop
• 1 prawn
• 2 clams

Dad has been complaining, all time he saw me at home i am helping myself to the food resources at home, as thou i hadnt eaten all year, and i cant help it, i am feeling so empty, it as if food can occupy those emptiness and makes me feel better...

i wonder why i am feeling so low lately, gotta buck up and hang out with all friends sooner, i feel my roots growing, sticking my body to within 10 km, and all that i can get my ass to, are places nearby, are places that keeps my mood in place..

oh honey, wont you come home sooner.. i need you

on a particular night, TGIF, i sat alone on the bed since 6pm, resting and getting emotional and found out a little more about myself.

- i realise i shud nt tk friends too serously, and by saying so its just cause i am taking friendship a level too high it makes me sick, it makes me emo watching things tk place in silent, it makes me put them at priority..

i hate friday... especially this fri....

bf, you need to understand how sometime it will be that great if u are around..

those u read the above post...... dont ask me anything about it.

"sorry.. I m using your pen.... "

My first conversation with a school mate

sigh.... Break time in school.. Trying real hard to resist that temptation to dial those overseas number that will allow me to hear those voice..

Had a bad dream about almost cheating on Bb.. Glad that dream are far from reality cos the actual fact was how bb n I can b super in love, thousand of miles apart. However, one can never complains about having too much attention from the bf....

omg.. omg.. omg... melt!~ Now you know why i need this man so much.........................


rodster_91@hotmail.com said (7:29 AM):
bb...
I know when u go work...
I this lazy pig of YOURS is still sleeping

rodster_91@hotmail.com said (7:30 AM):
so I send u a morning msg
so u can start work with a smile...
I love it when u smile
it melt my heart....
hehe
hope no nightmare last night
hehe
bb...

rodster_91@hotmail.com said (7:31 AM):
LOVE YOU!!!!!
muackx

Damnit,... i was chio before!

Blessed Pauline! she is almost at her porn-legal age!


Dear Rodman Goh, you are my next best thing to strawberry cornflake, sweet+refresh+energise+ and simply loved.



i am tired.




Pau says"
a is thank you so much for spending and taking the effort to organise an outing in name for my birthday (: thanks for the dress, i really like my first maxi even though i realise i gotta alter like 5 inches but i still love it, and more so, i love you to death as my closest friend, super grateful to have you for me to whine, slap, punch, hang out, do nonsense, beunglam.
hope it isnt too mushy for you but you know what i mean la huh,thanks for being my friend, my closest one(:
and you better stick w me for 10,000 yrs thanksssss hahaha"





oh and i will like to officially announce -- "we are not lesbian, bi, crooked, butch nor T(whatever is T, raymond)

i wish i was never that strong, always wish u could look at this beneath the surface.

hate reality, hate things that tells me fairy tale are not true.

Why cant i live in my world? Why cant i still hope for that prince? who says there
isnt a man out there that perfectly fits the missing puzzle.

why does money buys me clothes?

why do food makes me full?

why must human alter themselves so others can be satisfy?

why is a musician born with a special talent for music?

why does chef have a sharper taste bud?

why does strawberry taste so good with chocolate?

why isnt a person born to perfectly fits the other person.

i am exhausted...

its so hard to believe how one words i refuse to use all these years can be freely spoken, be told to anyone i met, to all who cares and some who dont.

"yeah... oh my bf... i love him"

"what what? not at all.. cos i love my bf more.."

and the more extreme scenarios

"soup is tasty, but i love UK more... "

"check out those legs... bet they cant find the love i did.." blah blah..

my bottomline is, this guy is amazing, cos i find myself talking about how it still feels so fresh, one year into the relationship, and with him so far away..
More amazingly, i dreamt of him so often..

i cant say i am totally at ease we will end up marrying each other (even though that tots has been on my mind since day one) but we are talking about our future togther and it sounded really nice.

sick or poor, fat or slim... till one says we part..

nuttin much to rattle on my life about.. besides Pau's new job, which i totally totally envy.. shall do a details bloggin when she settles down..

mid four, high five, low five later....................................

scream, tears, quarrel, cold war later.......................................

present, money, wallets, bags, jacket later..............................................

its just down to one word that we are together, strong, as strong as ever..........................

as long as we are together, nuttin else matters, i love my man. My man loves me, we fight but moments later we are still us.................

bb!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

lao wang bring his gf to thailand..........

hai............... i am alone in singapore.....................

jealous--- yes super very jealous. i miss those days i am pampered

Uncle commited suicide, age 53

27 AUGUST 2009

this is not an entry all filled with emotions, for, to be honest i was never very close to my uncle, and only remember how to greet him when prompted by mum and dad.

summing up the story, uncle was on medication for a illness we din hear of, and was living with a landlord who happen to commit a crime in Amsterdam.

the landlord was jailed in Amsterdam and naturally, thats makes his house locked up by the government. What we din know that the condition Uncle was suffering from does not allow him to act after tinking, it seems as though he loses his mind in a fit of anger, and will resort to anything at that moment.

That very day, the 7th day of the chinese 7th lunar month, after pawning away what was left of his belonging, he had $220 from his pawn of a 2.2k gold ring and had use part of it for 4D and another part for his usual consultation at IMH.

On his way home, upon reaching home to the 7th ighloor of his rented unit in Eunos, Uncle saw some member of the government ransaking through the apartment, apparently after sending out several letter of seizure addressed to the landlord.

Fearing for any involvement into the unlawful acts by his landlord, Uncle was seens making his way down the lift and waiting downstair while the governemnt representative does their work.
Over conversation with his neighbour, Uncle blurt out words that include how he will end his life in front of "those people" if he was locked out of his house. Afraid of his safety, some neighbour were prepare to call the emergency number should he act out of rashness.

My Uncle made his way up to his rented apartment and was about to open the door when he realise the door padlock has been change, he was now locked out of the house. He walk towards his neighbour, a kind old Malay lady and jokingly said "bye bye" before taking out his walllet and putting it along the corridor of the 7th floor, Uncle den flip himself over the railing and jump to his death.

i would like to emphasize that during this process, he had overturn his SIM card to avoid receiving calls from his friends, his body was flung over and had hit the shelter on the 2nd floor before sliding down to the first floor. His lower body was badly crashed and his head had a bad crack too.

Uncle was still alive when he was send to the hospital. Again i will like to emphasize that his friend had dial 999 by then and the SCDF were trying their best to get the air bed pump in time but it was all too late.

My uncle breathe his last at about 3.30pm, all in the name of revenge for something he hasnt done. Which had hurt alot of us cos would we have know it earlier, we might assist him in seeking help for his condition.

the thing that angers me the most was the fact that my Uncle actually seek help frm the MP earlier regarding the matter. He was hopeful that the MP could do something regarding the rented aprtment and allow him to continue living there. The MP had advise my uncle to carry on paying for his rental (in the form of helping the landlord pay for his aprtment to HDB) while he do something about it.

I dun understand how the MP could say one thing and the government does the other...

its too late to say anything now cos one life has been lost.

we did a quick ceremony for him at the very place he fell. We werent even allow to enter the now-locked apartment to retriev my Uncle belonging as well as get him some proper clothing for his dismissal.

At the crematorium, Uncle was pushed in quickly and we bid our last goodbye, his coffin was burnt at our very own eye. Dressed in a new set of clothing we bought at some shop, he look expressionless lying inside the coffin, the crack on his head was fasten with 5 staplets.

My uncle was gone, we weren't even allow to cry much cos he din go peacefully, he had left unwillingly and the more we cry the more he wouldnt be able to leave peacefully. My uncle enc0ounter was published on the chinese paper on the very day. since his spirit was carry from the hospital to the crematoriun in our family newly bought car, he has also done his part by striking our carplate number on yesterday's 4D result, but we din buy them.

dun wanna talk about how things could have changed... i learnt something from this experience, i wanna make sure no one ever suffer this again.. hate money issues .. hate finance issue.. i wanna make sure i am sufficient in terms of finance in terms of all that thing that will possibly risk my life.

And i wanna learn to appreciate everyone around me, before its ever too late.

Laptop crashed on me.. lost all the very precious photo i took with bb.. cant believe it happen on a day where bb will still b away from me for the next 10 months... learnt many lesson the hard way- time to get a harddisk.. a mp4.. or any thing that might keep my memory in place..

i m adjusting well to life without bb for a while now..

times were certainly hard, i was promise a job but it din went well, i was poor for a while and had to stay at home, under the dispense of my parent who make me work for every scrimp of food i was offered, but nevertheless the experience was heartwarming, for i found a new meaning of stay in, the way those bank balance seems to remains stagnant seems fruitful. otherwise its down to dating friends that are willing to go through this -ve balance times with me.

All thanks to those who agree on dinner at hawker and those who can sneak some food for me..

been working back at TKSG for a while now.. the place is as fun as ever, glad those seniors are as hekpful as ever, allowing me to stay later for my OT pay.

A slight change hopefully for the better, bb sent me a sweet parcel all the way for newcastle for our first year anni, its a cute little cup, more like a "trophy" for me

" the winner of the world best Girlfriend award goes to.......................................... me!~"

me:" i will like to thank the bf for the nomineess.. pauline for casting me a vote, clarinda for casting me my next vote, vivien the third vote, sharon the forth vote, denise the fifth vote, raymond the sixth vote. and on top of all that. thank God no one else took part in this competition.. wahhaa"

the mug comes with the tee i bought for him out of randonness, it is also the tee i worn whenever i stayover at his place, first thing i did upon open the parcel was to smell the tee shirt, glad and proud to annouce to all - my bf can wash his laundry, it smell clean, of softener and feels like it has been washed with love. wahaha..

i know who will wear the apron around the house, my bf is a good chef, i can only use my mouth and put food together, he can cook them mind you!

ok.. rare boredomness..

gotta lose weight for BHP and to motivate Pau to lose weight, when clar is free, we will push her to train with us too..

happy.. =)