I am happy,
Happy because today is the day I experience goosebump when Rodman hold
my hand, in the middle of the shaving cream aisle, in the now demolished NTUC that
used to sit in the heart of Serangoon garden – affectionately known as chomp
chomp. Right after we had his favorite Hokkien mee cooked by this Uncle that
had cooked the same prawn mee for the past 20 years. He was wearing a soccer jersey as usual, nothing
fanciful & I worn a black corporate blouse (typical from G2000 nothing
special kind) with a black jean, it was the standard uniform to work in the now
closed-down Canele & I had agreed the night before to meet him for
breakfast because – we were still friend.
We were still friend because I had rejected him just 3 days ago when he
text to proposed if I could be his girlfriend, reason being because it was
08August2008 & it would be perfect to win the girl he fancy on 08.08.08… it
was the lousiest pick-up lines ever so I had to reject him – I was not some 4D
lucky number & I was worth a lot more – hello!!~ So on 10august2008 2 days after he got
rejected, he asked if we could still hang out for breakfast tomorrow – like friends….
And then I was conned out of sympathy (muahahhha)… haha.. in a good way…
And I had rejected him 3 days before today- 7 years ago not because I don’t
feel a thing, but I was uncertain. Uncertain because I was caught in the middle
of a break up that sort of shook the earth, major- at least to 21 year old me-
because I have dated Bobo for too long… & even so we had drag the break up
for months, more than half a year after we call it quit. I allow myself to stayed on the break up
because I wasn’t sure if it was the correct things to do. I am a perfectionist
so leaving a guy I dated for too long only mean I must have taken a wrong step
somewhere. Anyway, Rodman help sieve me through my train of thoughts I guess. At
least on 11august2008 after he drop me off at Bishan MRT station for work I sat
through the whole train journey thinking about the “holding hands”.. and
e.v.e.r.y single time I re-enact that scene in my mind… my hair stand, shiver,
whatever you call it lah, my heart also skip a beat, literally all the lyrics
you’ll hear from some corny love songs.
There & then I wanted to make it right, really removed anything that
can possibly jeopardize this relationship- once & for all. I stopped
contacting Bobo or his friends after that, it took slightly more than a month
to really completely cut all ties (announce to family, friends, his family,
colleagues..etc)… but looking back – it was the proudest moment because I had
done it all by myself – just to keep& cherish that “holding hand” shiver,
skipping heartbeat feeling that I felt on 11august2008.
7 years on we got married & he is this amazing guy that stood by me
despite many of our indifferences, in between he had seen more than the
perfectionist me & choose to stay on.
By now, most of what we share on 11august2008 has more or less reach
their closure, but our feelings remain strong, in a different way.
Today my feeling for Rodman is a strong protective one,
I want to do everything to see him smile, to smile for me.
I want wake up in the middle of the night & know he is calm &
asleep so it is all good.
I want to accompany him to his favorite hangout even though I had spent
all of 7 years to try to enjoy these places but to no avail.
I want him to correct me when I put on the smart-Kristal-persona &
vomit all the information I have on challenging topics that can easily fool
everyone but him.
I want him to feel all proud when he present his home-cook noodle & then
get really nervous while I took the first bite.
I want him to sheepishly blurt out “it is overcooked sorry…” then feel
upset about his bad judgment & then I will tell him “it’s not that bad”.
7 years after he garner all his courage to hold my hand, I garner all my
ability to keep us together, together despite all our indifferences.
Today I am happy, Clar
~Sweet.Silly.Stinky.Sleepyhead~
