i had the worst birthday ever.. one that makes me
cry for 4 hours till bed

one that makes me run away from home
that makes Dad cry.. for his very first time since i was born
that spoils my brother birthday
that makes the man ran out of his army
that makes Jonathan find me for 3 hours
that makes marc forget his quiz

i am in the deepest shit, and hope the birthday never comes,.
WHY!?? when i anticipate something it never came, i get so upset
but when i anticipate nuttin, and things got worst. it just sux

i hate my 20 years, why was i born? if creating family chaos, relationship problem was the only goal of surviving, then kill me.

its true, i was so poor i cannot afford lunch,
i tot he wont care, when i beg the family for money,
they choose to ignore
when i finally breakdown, so does he,
for the truth is he haven got money to eat lunch either,
so tat was what was happening at home

so my school fees was a loan from my boss
and the exam was a loan from my aunt
my dinner money was a loan from the man

God, if u still dun pity me, i am fine
but pity my family.
if u make me alive but make me suffer twice the pain of normal human
u are selfish
physically i was abuse,
now emotionally,
i tot by being 20 all was fine.
u just signal a start of misery

if u really tink having me was a joke
then kill me
i cant tk ur torturement
my eyes are running dead,
vision finally worsen to my crying
is that what u wan?

when i woke up this morning
the only thing that cheer me on was the sms from the friend
there wasn't anyone at home,
cousin bought me a slice of cake
no body at home choose to face me
for its becoming awkward
i dun even know if i should go home in a while
and create another burden for the house

i takkaire of the internet bills, so did ur hp bills
i even cover the some other bills, somehow its wearing me out
i am only 20
i feel like i have to stop school to support u
u say girl need not study so far

God i really beg of u,
end my suffering
whatever it takes
i cant hold on

i realise i wont have much chance to upload pictures like this in future

damn!1 i AM TURNING FREAKING 20!

isn't it amazing how mum and dad decided to produce a spring, then out pop stupid kristal.
even amazing is the fact that she manage to survive till date

every year on this day i look forward to so much, so this time i look forward to nothing.
At least if someone gets me anything, it became a surprise!

haha. the only thing i totally dislike about is probably cake!
why do they look so cute?

do u ponder upon sometimes do human eat cute stuff?
no! they dun.. if they do then babies can eat barbie dolls
we can da-bao dress for lunch and hair accessories for dessert/

make sense right?!~ haha..
so for my birthday.. i'v decided to go with my anti-cake petition.
but for traditional sake, the man is gonna bring me out for dinner later, i've requested for ice-cream cake, still cake wat! but minus the sponge, minus the cream, minus the calories, minus the cholesterol!

my new resolution at the age of 20 is probably
= to slim down (to a healthy 45 kg i hope)
= find opportunities to learn new stuff (such as the upcoming MOS event, i wanna help out Rena with dressing up the models!)
= get a clearer perspective in life, clear out my thoughts
= contribute more the less fortunate
= enjoy life to the fullest
= visit my grandma more.. she's lonely in her tomb la

haha.. so much to do, so MANY time! i reckon graduation seems like a relieve idea for me. Except for the lost in goal in life,

i wanna further my clarinet like i want
i wanna play more tennis
i wanna gym

i wanna fall in love.. hehe

what a 20 years=)

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4uG85Oaca_o

This is DAMN hilarious, but pretty racist too.. and the tone of that fellow sounds like one of my friend- Uncle dennis gigg

Anyway nuttin has been happening to me to worth any blog.
Only thing is i am beginning to get pretty sick of the man msg me and calling me like non-stop per day. sometimes i wish i could shut the phone off..

i am not being rude here or what. But sometimes when u really need to seriously concentrate on something, such as studying for a major exams that might determine the rest of ur life, sometimes u just wish to be left alone, if not at least sent something of relevance.
I can understand the man know nuts about the subject i am studying, he provide me with the utmost support. With msg every 15 min containing stuff like "i have confidence in you, u can do it" , "dun study till too late k? still need plenty of rest", "dun forget ur meal", "dun study so much, tk it step by step"

Guys it gets pretty nasty sometimes , supposedly the msg already contain ur well-wishes, dun keep sending cos in no time it gets really really boring.. and somehow it slowly turns into something rather irritating.

B, i appreciate him for being the sweetest, we gave up sunday times together to accompanied me to study. He cameup to my house, bought lunch for me, my bro and him. we ate for awhile and i carried on with my study, and he simply sat by a corner, sometimes disturbing me by twirling my hair, sometimes whispering something stupid by my ear.

When i tot about it, he is so so so sweet. haha, and he bought me potato chips and snack to eat thru my studying time, a pity i ate little of it, cant affod to put on weight for new year.

thought this silly lad can be so so so irritating sometimes, he agree to it too. He is one of the sweetest thingy on earth. I've came to agree that he watches out the tiniest details of me. There was saturday where he and his bestie Darren treat me to eat at Xing Wang cafe, then we almost went for a movie but there wasnt any interesting one. So he had to sent me home (as usual). then he will slp with my bro while i slep in my own room.
Then without fail, the man will sit besides me, staring and starin hard, sometimes covering me with blanket, sometimes adjusting my pillow and very very often stroke my hair. and he had to do them so gently cos i am a very very light sleeper. Only till i fall into my deepest dream land can he proceed to my bro room to enjoy his sleep. Then he will wake up every very often again to drop me visits.
Hahaha... not that i dunno, i mention i am a very light sleeper,, haha. but i pretended not to know cos too sleepy to care. Then next morning when i woke up, he and my bro will be sleeping like log. haha. its really cute watching 2 of my dearest close one sleeping like pigs.

and while i am writing this... the man called
the man:"hellow..... "
me: "*giggling at him for being yet so irritating again* what do u wan AGAIN this time?"
the man:"lalala.. no la.. miss you.. no choice wanna hear your voice.. sorry.. hahaha"
me:"crazy u silly boy"
the man:"haha// yeah heard ur voice// okok.. bye bye*hanged up* ....."

okokok... this sillyboi really gets on my nerve.. wanna keep him till no tomorrow.. hahah..

Wanna talk about someone really special tis study period.
Tan Xue Shan

she's been the SWEETEST this study period.. and here's her msg all of a sudden today
"Kris, if you got ani problem on java, feel free ask to ask me. dun everytime so paiseh. Gambatek=)"
i was SOOOO touched... it is SOOOOOOOO sweet
thank you!!! Lah!~
i can imagine her as someone sneaking out of somewhere, dressed in tigh fitting tops and pant, with bikini on the outside, and just running to any rescue when she sees danger

xue Shan, Xue shan.. when i was younger i often ask myself if people are smart will they be friendly too? Those so-call smart people i know of dun and never took notice of anybody.,.
but Xue Shan is different la, she is a combi of intelligience and emotion.. totally IQ and EQ high k? She knows how to feel for others too. She deserve a muackz, on her
- cheek
- forehead and
- on her ass

hahaha
i love you k?



Some really random pic

flower on my head

me

my stupid leg..

study

studying

wrote on my msn
"call me sexy.. haha.. ok la.. say i tink too much"

and i receive an handsome amount of comment, of which all makes sense
many ask me "sexy.. nah.. u tink too much"
others simply post me the question "sexy.. where???"

haha.. it took me some effort to look through my current pathethic collection of photos on the computer to realise!!! its true, i haven been sexy this life!

our definition of sexy? watever is that? characteristic?
i tink sexy is:
- tone is sexily low with a bit of sore throat effect = mine sounds like tweety Bird
- boot are equivalent to body= mine is way not
- cleveage are close place together in a comfortable zone = forget bout mine
- eyes are sleek with thin edge and dark eye liner = i fake my eye
- pose with face tilt 45degree to one direction, let ur cheek bone protude = where is Kristal's bone
- fingers are long and sleeky = Kristal's chopped off by half
- ass is firm and "qiao" = mine's falling off
- lips are like Angelina Jolie = -.-"


so u can say, i might as well delete the 1st part of my nick and remain it as "u tink too much"
let see what other fun i can gain out of these =)

marcie pokie peck me home!!!!

tot about it for some time, decided to reveal a secret of a girl
a girl i dun really like, but dun dislike either
her room is horrible..
but oh well, i manage to tk a good shot and intro them to u
haha.. that girl i've caught is Kristal

infortunately, that girl's me
and here we go



at one corner of my room, totally hidden by the staircase of the Bed, are my "Barang"
as u can see, some of my usual stuff are here
-Hello Kitty pillow are bought by mum, din use it cos its too hard, there are 2 of them thou, if u notice on the left of the pillow is another lighter pink tissue sofa, it a miniature Hello Kitty tissue sofa where i put my tissues
- Tennis stuff include that VERY BIG bag B bought for me, i kept all my tennis stuff inside
- please kindly ignore the 7-11 plastic, they are B's stuff


on my bed,
- i use 2 pillow to sleep,Kristal dun use bolster
- i hug my Hello Kitty to slp, B bought it for me
- thats my favourite bedsheet, very girly
- my sister insist we paste a pic she drew, we'll change the pic every once a year
- we only paste those Glow-in-the-dark stars around my bed, it makes me sleep sweetly
(reason why Kristal dun use bolster = when she was small, she din understand why pillow and bolster are made in different shapes, then it took her a while, during puberty, to assume bolster was to train hugging your husband when u get married, she hates the idea, so since then stop using bolster)

- i have a sliding door cupboard, my sis and i have lots of clothes, so we hide them behind close doors
- we hide our cosmetic product behind close doors too
- the tiny closet on the right is use to keep my books, will burn them all after graduation
- one bear is hanging there, bought it in a flea market, turn the bear around, and i stuff all my hair accessories inside them, thats why bear's tummy looks huge


-pictures hanging on wall
- DKS poster made my Denise darlin
- love the poster
- Hello Kitty photo frame on the right are photos of my entire family and my family
- baby head is a poster with a motivation "if i can do it, u can do it too"


-taken while standing at room door
- an overall of my room
- bed is double-deck
- love the organ, another portable organ stack on top of it, but covered in sunflower cloth


- photos hanging shelf build high up
- contain photos of my dearest
- one glass shelf on top to put my Hello Kitty collectibles



- This is the most unique - Glass shelf
- daddy hang it up all by himself
- daddy put mental sticks and glass pane to make them
- hang my photos and Hello Kitty collectibles
- also display some of my bikes collectibles


- staircase by my double deck bed
- the 2 words "tennis stuff and kitty pillow " are explain in the first pic
- one bear is mummy vintage bear, she has it since she was 18
- i use 2 blankets
* Why did Kristal use 2 blanket? = one blanket was made by my late grandma, the one i love the most, the other one was a gift from Uncle's funeral,
The one that Grandma made is silk, use them on hot weather
Uncle funeral one is filled with wool, use them on cold weather
btw, it makes no difference cos i slp in air-con room

oh well, just shuddup

i guess i am done introducing my room? haha.. sounds a bit boring i know, bear with it k? its always good to know some one better. and in this case, Kristal is a TRANSPARENT person.. so she has nuttin to hide.

show my secret cos i have nuttin to hide
if u tink i am someone with more than what i appear
u are wrong
i am just like that, sometimes i look mysterios
actually i am only tinking
but i dun do too much tinking, and many people know what i am tinking
if i ever look secretive to you,
truth is, you are guilty, cos u assume i know your secret.

Some Happenings

for some strage reason, cupid played a trick on me that day
and if it hadn't be for my clear miind, i would hav almost tot i had became attractive overnight
you shall evaluate

that day
was in the worst state of mind, preparing to go to work, needed that extra push by getting intellectual. So what did i do?

with my bag on the right, a bottle of water on the left, some fingers holding to a wallet, and another hand in to hold on to the newspaper, i juggle my barang barang and rush up the train station to catch the train.
finally caught a gush of wind for breather, i board the train and started reading the paper. i guess i must hav been so engross i din even notice people were staring at this stupid gal.

Anyway got off the train, scan the card (after struggling to get it out of the bag), rush thru the tunnel, stop by to donate some coins, rush somemore to far east;. FInally reach work

walk up to level 4 to get my lunch, saw this really strange guy, familiar. walk on, stop to buy drink for Jean, the strange man stop me

"Where do you work exactly"
"huh"
"no la, i notice u since u board the train"
" i work downstair"

cut short, he left first, i was still shock. Anyway rush back to level back to the shop, he happen to be at level too.

"Let me walk u back to your shop"

we walk on and i show him to my shop, he happen to be a hair stylist at the other end of Far east, asked for my number..
gave him my e-mail instead

chatted for a while, exchange number, we are sms-ing now.

what are the strange thing?
- he was born in the year of snake, thats makes him look like 29
NO!!! HE WAS 2 ROUNDS MY ZoDIAC, he is 42 yr old
strange thing is he really look younger la.. but watever..

told him i had my own eye-candy, told him bout B, my man.. haha
thats all

we are still msg now.. but at least i have made my stand. Told B about it, naturally he was damn angry.

The other incident
ok the day that man talk to me, that night Jonathan actually pass by my shop, i notice but hide myself. Anyway at the end of the day, he boldly walk in to shop, drop a lunchbox for me and a cup of drink and left.

damn strange happening. his msg says :"notice u've been busy the whole day, can tell u din eat, so bought u dinner"

-.-" my gosh, he's been eyeing me since God knows waht time.

told B about it, he was FUMING mad

what happen the end
msg Jonathan and remind him bout our promise not to contact each other again, B was grateful i did that, Jonathan replied that he understood.

i hope this will not affect B and me

anyway my man is away in TEKKONG!!!!!
not missing him, dunno why, been too engross with my school projects,, graduation is in less than 45 days..

keep counting

seriously dun understand what's the big deal about this show call "Prison Break"

iknow i can say much cos i haven actually watch one episode at all..

but when people starts saying this show was all special and all, i begin to really disagree. In fact the nicest show i've collected is this film call "The L word"

And in case u are interested to know, the "L" word here simply refer to "lesbianism"

the whole show is about lesbian, but lesser of the sexual way, it talks about the depth of lesbian, the true meaning of falling in love.

We may disagree to the idea of girl falling in with girl, despite the fact that we are all living in modern, 21 century world. Yet at this point, on the other sideof the world, there are real people who seriously love each other, despite the gender, they can even figure out ways to make the other spouse pregnant so the "family " will not discontinue.

the story in particular talks about a young girl fresh out of grad, ready to visit her boyfriend and stay with him, find a job and live life together, She came to realise a while later that her "neighbour " next door of her bf are lesbian, and one hot butch with loads of gf. The story then venture into her finding her true self, slowly losing her interest for sex with guy.

Eventually she was approach by yet another elegant lady who reads her mind and intellectually, took her breathe away, it didn;t tk too long for her to realise she's really, a true lesbian. Out of sadness and guilt for leaving her bf, she left the country. Thats goes Season 1..

haha.. the show is truly amazing..